I needed to do a rather in depth email to someone and was in a couldnt be bothered mood, anyway with this on my mind and getting online to do it, i heard the dog crying to go out, as i opened the door to let him out he just sat there , and whilst i intended to say in an annoyed voice to him cos he is a tad stubborn..."Get Out-side!" i actually said ."Get Online!!!" two bewildered looking workmen next door musta thought i was bonkers!!:loopy:
Have any of you ever said something completely opposite to what you intended to say? :D

Yes - many times!!!

I work in a busy call centre and get incoming and outgoing calls on a automated dialler system but occasionally I get it so wrong and say ''Good morning can I take you name and account number'' to someone I am calling....doh!!!

They are like - dunno mate you called me.....!!



:confused:

Once I walked into my newsagents and asked for a bigmac meal. The poor newsagent told me he thought I had the wrong establishment, so I spent the next 15 minutes argueing with him as to why I thought his particular franchise of McDonalds was the worst I ever experienced.

I never did get my Bigmac.

My most 'Dory' moment was when I was back at school (all those years ago) and getting on the bus one morning.

It was bloody early and the bus driver must've seen me swaying slightly on my feet. He was a friendly driver and he greeted me when I got on the bus with 'Hello, lad, feeling ok?'

For some strange reason I thought he was on the end of a phone, so I replied by quoting my phone number at him, as i would when picking up the house phone....

Naturally he asked me where the hell I wanted to go for that amount of money...

:suspect: spooooooky..... I could have sworn I posted here already today...
Have the Mods had an eclectic?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A N Y W A Y .....

I remember when I wuz at school, age about 15, I wuz getting an ear battering from a very pretty lady-teacher but all I could think of at that moment was :love: procreation....

I tried to make myself think she was a bloke, just to stop myself smirking...

Then I called her 'Sir'... :blush: Oh the shame!

Originally posted by nitelife40
I needed to do a rather in depth email to someone and was in a couldnt be bothered mood, anyway with this on my mind and getting online to do it, i heard the dog crying to go out, as i opened the door to let him out he just sat there , and whilst i intended to say in an annoyed voice to him cos he is a tad stubborn..."Get Out-side!" i actually said ."Get Online!!!" two bewildered looking workmen next door musta thought i was bonkers!!:loopy:
Have any of you ever said something completely opposite to what you intended to say? :D

YEP I HAVE ON MANY OCCASIONS

Just ask all of my ex girlfriends :)

It's a bit like RODEO SEX isn't it?

Rodeo sex is where you call your partner by the wrong name to see how long you can stay on! :D

excellent !! any more folks?? :D

I remember calling a teacher "Dad", and Putting my hand up in front of an ice cream kiosk at flamingo land on a school trip when I was about 8 and being hugely embarrased, confusing the school thing with the shop thing.

what a larrrrrrrrf ...my mrs has been reading these posts/replies and asked about don_kiddick sayin had he put stuff about this topic earlier .and when she was saying it i knew she hadnt registered what she was sayin when she was saying his name....ya shoulda seen her face when she realised!!!!!!!!!:o

not really saying....but i wasent paying attention a few years ago walkin up fargate and then turned into hmv.....well i thought i did...i was in a shoe repair and key cutting place...the staff luked at me as if...`yes can we help you' so i just had a quick look around then left haha...what a prat!

i also sometimes get my `cheers' and `thanks' mixed up and say chanks to people!

ohh and i told my boss...`**** off you ****ing b***ard' i was havin a rest on my dinner break and had my eyes shut and thought it was a colleague who tapped my chest to wake me up. whoops! he did look a bit shocked...but at least i can say ive said it to him :)

im sure theres tons more...im always making an ass of myself.

When I worked as a telephonist -receptionist, many years ago, there was one occasion, where I greeted a customer who walked into the reception, and asked for my boss, by saying ..."If you would please hold the line while I connect you..."

Groan!

I was very embarrassed.

PT

One of the most embarrasing things I ever did, was at a company do. I was very very drunk, and dancing with the bosses wife, who is about 30 years older and looking quite rough. After the song had finished I embraced her and kissed her lovingly on the lips. :love:

2 milliseconds later I nearly died of shame. It was one of those things where I confused the boss' wife with getting off with a "bit of stuff" in a nightclub the week before. :blush:

The next day when I awoke I died of shame again, and when I went back to work I died of shame for a 3rd time.

shame!

Originally posted by nitelife40
what a larrrrrrrrf ...my mrs has been reading these posts/replies and asked about don_kiddick sayin had he put stuff about this topic earlier .and when she was saying it i knew she hadnt registered what she was sayin when she was saying his name....ya shoulda seen her face when she realised!!!!!!!!!:o
It would appear that I can get the fairer sex to say cheeky things - even by proxy! :hihi:

I once convinced Mrs Kiddick (in our courting days) that the wooden strip one has around one's wall was called a Di*do rail.

Mrs Kiddick, you must understand, comes from a fairly pious Christian family & had never heard of a Di*do 'till Don came along..... :D
One day, in B&Q, I got her to ask one of the teenage boy staff if
"that was their only selection of Di*do rail, or was there more in the back".....
The boy = :blush:
The Fiance = :confused:
Me = ( gone ) :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: for a long time!




*You'll need these; LLL

hahahahah di*do rail!!! i will use that on someone one day! i promise :)

There used to a be a section in FHM called 'From the mouth of babes' where people would send in examples of their girlfriends saying profound things. In the interests of equal ops, I propose that it should read 'From the mouth of the better half' or something. Either way...

I remember my (now ex) GF asking if the F1 drivers stopped racing during the ad breaks as she'd heard that the commericials in American Football were timed to coincide with the timeouts... The image of Schumacher pulling up for a crafty fag at the chicane has stuck with me....

A relation of mine that shall remain nameless used to think that when taking the Eurostar you'd spend the 40 minutes under the channel in pitch darkness. She wondered what people did for entertainment during that time...

Any further offers from either gender?

Don: You have just reminded me of a similar situation from some years back.

Used to work doing door to door deliveries, would usually just be me and the driver but occasionally they would put on a new starter. We once sent the newbie to the bun shop (run by 2 very old ladies) for 2 cream minges and whatever he wanted..

His face when he came out was a picture. :D





A mate recently went to Burger King for the works dinners. Started realing off the order at the drive thru.
4 Zinger burgers
2 Variety meals etc......

Originally posted by ADC_28
I remember my (now ex) GF asking if the F1 drivers stopped racing during the ad breaks as she'd heard that the commericials in American Football were timed to coincide with the timeouts... The image of Schumacher pulling up for a crafty fag at the chicane has stuck with me....


Was once stood outside my house chatting to an ex neighbour that was visiting family. It was a bit chilly and the conversation was getting a bit boring, so I made my excuse. "Gonna get in now to watch the race". He replied "Its not on for an hour" so I said that "I had to get ready"
By the end I had convinced him that I watched the F1 with the armchair straight in front of the telly, wearing my overalls, boots and helmet with a playstation steering wheel in front of me, "To get a better feel of the race" I also stated that I had to brew a big cuppa tea to put in a bottle to drink through a straw.

Sometime oneday in November 1999, when I was still working in A/E;
it was my turn to be triage nursey...

This included the triage 'phone queries.

There were daily genuine fools phoning up for ridiculous advice, but one sticks with me to this day...

(It was a man I have to say, not a girlie...)
The question was:
"I'm worried about the millenium bug and I wondered if my bottle of Grecian 2000 will be any good in January, cos it's a new bottle but I don't use it very offen"...

I was unable to reply.
My professionalism made me hang up.

My mother-in-law asked me to get a windbreak for her garden so I called into B&Q.
They had only one left which was fastened up in a display so they got it down from me.
I noticed that the central pole was missing so I told them I didn't want it.

When I called at my mother-in-law's I wanted to tell her I didn't buy it because there was a pole missing in the middle.
I did a Spoonerism and said I didn't buy it because there was a mole ******* in the middle of it.

The thing was my mother-in-law was so polite she just ignored my cock-up and I didn't even notice I had said it. It was only when she saw my wife did she mention it.

These are really making me laugh! Although I, of course, have never made such a mistake.

There was that one time at work when I did the age old mistake of not actually pressing the hold button properly when putting someone on hold. I said to my colleague "I think this guy's watching porn in the background! I hope he's not w*****g!". I think he must have been because when I returned to the call the dodgy music sound in the background had gone and the guy sounded really sheepish!

good morning folks!! it seems the word twonk is not a word to use..( some mods apparantly sit with their nose in a dictionary american and english! and decide what words we can use and cant.sorry delboy youve been using the word twonk far too long on primetime tv calling poor little rodney that as well as a plonker..).and remarkably i have been asked to change my title !!! knowing full well that i cant .cos the mods have been changing them all week for no apparant reason.and now they have a reason they want me to change it ?? doh.....oh well this may be the end of this topic.....i have tried to change the title to" i made a right fool of myself earlier" over to you moderators!! :thumbsup: .Tell me forum members ...(ooops can i use that word??? LOL) .is it me or what? lololol:confused:
ps.. i dont have a prob at all .but some it seems do .so i feel no need to contact the mods at this point.....

Mod:

If you have a problem please use 'Report this post'.

Mate of mine was in pub one night and told someone he lived at W*ncobank!! wonder what was on his mind at the time? :heyhey:

Originally posted by shieshuk
I work in a busy call centre and get incoming and outgoing calls on a automated dialler system
Oh, it's you is it. Fancy giving us your home number so we can call you at any random time and get......... anyway back on topic......

I say so many wrong things I can't remember them! Usualy, I just go to talk and just noises come out so I just drift off into into a mumble of nothing at all. Even if I can't remember what I was going to say I still carry on the sentence and insert random words as they come into my head.

Originally posted by MTheo
hahahahah di*do rail!!! i will use that on someone one day! i promise :)

That's what Mrs Kiddick said :)

I was trying to take a drink from a bottle of water whilst my partner was driving. We were pulling up at the traffic lights so I thought that'd be a good place to get a sip without spilling it all over.

The lights changed just as we got there and he took off a warp factor 7 as per usual :rolleyes: I was pretty annoyed :mad: and said "You Always shoot off as soon as I get it to my mouth" :help:

He nearly crashed the car he was laughing so hard :hihi: :hihi:

I only ever seem to say the wrong thing when i am talking to a pretty woman (not Julia Roberts).

I was in a bar purchasing a diet coke from the very attractive young barmaid. After the usual "ice?" "pepsi ok? yeah" stuff she hands me my change but for some reason instead of saying thank you i said hello!

my pheonetic alphabet sometimes goes wrong. I used to have a habit of y for Yankie and W for Wan***

The kids at school usually call me "sir" if their usual teacher is a male. I've been called "mum" once as well.

I was giving my friend a lift somewhere after I'd had my car broken in to. I'd managed to get the windox the little b***ards had smashed fixed the same day and this was a week or after. She asked if it was a new window lol

our son who's 32 now, when he was about 3 everything he said used to begin with W so when anyone gave him anything instead of saying thanks he used to say .*anks. we still pull his leg about it.one day on our way back from blackpool when all he kids were little and they were all argueing and messing about in the back of the car i told them all to **** up sutt down.i didn't realise what i had said, until i asked the wife what they were all laughing at.we then stopped at this pub and i went in for the drinks and crisps ad as i was coming up to the car i thought they are going to make a mess with this lot, so i told them to get out of the wall and sit on the car.well it had been a strenuos day.

I remember once at work noticing that my boss hadn't rota'd me in for work on Friday (you usually never got a Friday off unless you asked months in advance) I was delighted at this and exclaimed in front of a fair view customers "Ooohhh I'm not in on Friday?! Does that mean I'll be having it off!!" :blush:

These replies have given me a good laugh in my lunch hour at work (believe me it's needed!).

I used to work on a reception desk in a solicitors office and was on the phone to a client and asked him to take a seat (as if he had actually come into the office).

Also they had a paging system so you can page for somebody who wasn't in their office and instead of paging "is so and so there" I paged "Good afternoon" and then the name of the firm all round the office.

I have always been nervous on the telephone and once had to ring my dad up knowing that I probably wouldn't get somebody else answering. I had what I was going to say all rehearsed but got it the wrong way round and asked for myself!

I'm sure I could think of some more but am already feeling embarrassed!

I used to work as a waitress (in my youth) and one of the jobs was to pour the coffee, saying "Coffee?" "Would you like Coffee?" for about 2 hours at a time.

Driving home one night, I saw one of my college lecturers who I know lived on my estate.

I slowed down and wound the window down to offer him a lift home and instead asked him "would you like a coffee". He declined abrubptly and quickened his pace !

Shame really, I rather fancied him at the time:D

hi,
one night we were out with a few friends for a drink I`d had a pretty tough day and was ready for a pint , I drank my first pint down almost in one , one of the women in our company whom I had not met before said I wish I could take my drink like that I only have to have two halves of lager and I go straight down.

so I thought the best thing I could do was buy her a pint

I've many a time said thank you when I've got out of the lift thinking I'm stepping off the bus!! lol

There's only the little gremlin that lives in the wall to tell us what floor we're on that understands me!:loopy:

The people on the other floors must think I'm crazy :loopy:

I dont know about what i have said, but i work at a newsagents and an elderly woman came to me at the cash register and asked what the expiry date was on the discounted boxes of Milk Tray.
I said that it was the end of November,
she replied, "Oh great, ill take those for presents" which I thought was strange as it was late september.
Anyway, i asked for the £2.50 that they cost and she handed me £1.20. This immediatly confused me and I asked for the rest of the money.
The woman insisted that she had given me enough even as i stretched out my hand that was still open with the money that I had already been given. anyway, after a good few minuites and a now rather large que full of annoyed customers, i pleed to the other customers who were waiting to back me up, as did the elderly woman.
After every customer said rather sternly that she had underpaid, she realised and gave me 20p more and thought that it was the end of the matter, (And I am not joking when I am saying this).
after starting with this problem again, she eventually handed out her hand and said, "you take the rest then." After taking the 50p in change that she had I asked if she had anymore money, after complaining that I had tanken her bus fare she threw the box of chocolates on the floor and stormed out of the store with the money handed back to her. Leaving me with a que of at least 10 customers nearly in histerics and handing out wise cracks when paying for their items.

Please note that this is a true story, however hard it is to believe and that the management were more than happy with the way that I delt with the situation, before anyone makes any wise cracks about my attitude.

Myself and my business partner went to see a client. We asked at reception as to what floor of the building the company was on. She told us and we turned round and got in the lift and the doors closed.
We chatted for a minute, the doors opened and we walked out... except, after a VERY confused moment, we realised we were on the same floor and hadn't actually pressed the relevent floor button in the lift...
The receptionist found it funny... :)

My dad sounds a bit old fashioned, and one time I was sitting in the lounge with two friends (when I was about 13) and he was talking about what time I was in bed the night before. And he said,
"yes I looked in on you at about midnight last night and you were hard on"

Which apparently is old fashioned for 'being fast asleep'.

Fortunately I didn't get the ribbing I deserved for this embarrasing parent blooper, as they all like him.

Mod Note: Moved to General Chat

As a small child I couldn't pronouce the letter 'F' instead I'd say 'SH' I could never understand why my older brother and sister would say things to me like "say fit in the fire" then laugh hysterically as I cried "WHATS SO SHUNNY ABOUT S???T IN THE SHIRE?" they'd laugh more as went into a purple rage.

.......................................

Last week my friend and I went to Warwick Castle, we were doing the walk up to the battlements, spiral staircase that goes on forever and very dark it was a bit scary with the old steep stone steps, before I ran out of breath altogether I complained loudly that they should have some sort of lighting, we then went into the dungeons, this time the steps went down, not spiral but just as tricky and so dark. I spotted an assistant and complained about the poor lighting, he smiled and asked if I knew I had my sunglasses on. My equally old and obviously almost as senile friend had never noticed, I blame her for not telling me.

Originally posted by sarah_d

Personally i've just made the odd spoonerism but i have blurted out work related stuff in my sleep,when i was working at Mcdonalds while at uni i used to say 'cheese on eight' all the time.You realise it's time to get another job at that point!

i think McDonalds does this to you... as when i was working there i had so many times where i said something stupid, like when i answered the phone the amount of times i would say "can i take your order please" instead of the usual greeting of "good afternoon Mcdonalds"

or times when i have been in shops and being served by the sales assistant and i talk to her as though i was serving her:loopy:

Lol - Guys keep em comming! They're really cheering me up toady! :D

Most of the time i have the problem of talking too quick, or just the complete loss of ability to make sense. ITs great fun when your talking to your boss about something. I remembe the other day talking to my colleague about "VB Scripts"....i went through about 5 different attempts ranging from "PB Cribs" to "VB *ricks". The confused look on his face told me i was making no sense at all!

Years ago, probably early 70's, my then wife and I went to watch the stock car racing at Owlerton Stadium. We went into the Panorama room and had copious amounts to drink whilst shouting for Wee Willie Harris to do his best. Eventually it ended and we decided that we'd enjoyed it so much, we'd get tickets for the next meeting. The ticket office was a very small caravan in the pits area round the back, and by the time we got there, there was a large queue.
One of my favourite bands at the time was a Bristol outfit called Stackridge who had just release their latest album, "Man in a Bowler Hat" and as I was going to see them, I wanted to try and get a bowler for the gig. Imagine my delight as I looked ahead beyond the queue into the caravan and saw an old but servicable bowler upside down on the top of some lockers. I said to my then wife that I was going to have it, come what may. She tried to talk me out of it, but no...I was having it. We argued about this for some 20 minutes, all the time getting closer and closer to the said hat. I started to sulk, and she said oh, ok....have it! Five minutes later, we were at the entrance to the caravan and it was almost within reach. Should I? Should'nt I?? And then it was within reach. I grabbed the hat and went to put it on my head only to find that it was full of ping pong balls! Apparently, it was what they used to pick out the numbers of which dog goes in which trap! The balls were bouncing all over the place, the whole queue behind us were in hysterics, and I just dropped the hat and ran off.

Oh how we laughed!!

We never did get back to see Wee Willie Harris again.

Ive just made a complete "twonk" of myself!

I have my headphones on listening to my music, and i turned to speak to my colleague, and the headphones got caught in the chair, as i turned the headphones come flying out of the socket on the pc and so everyone could hear my music. Not too bad except my PC was playing "Veggie Tales- The Song of the Cebu"....a very silly song from a christian cartoon. Everyone in the office stared at me while the PC played "Cebuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"...oh dear.....:blush:

At my old work (a technical service desk) me and my mate were talking about booze.. the phone rang, and instead of answering with "[Company Name] Service Desk how may I help?" he answered with "[company name] sambuca how can I help?" without realising..

Haha :)