Do you ever feel trapped in life?. I mean is this it?, job wise, relationships e.t.c. Do you ever get nervous or anxious??

I sometimes do...

Yes. Don't panic! I'm totally stuck at the moment for example, I start a new job in a couple weeks and I was looking at my offer the other day thinking 'god am I doing the right thing?'

Same thing relationship wise, but I won't go into that just yet.

I'm anxious to whether I am actually ever going to be 100% or more happy...that's not possible is it? Surely.

God yes - I've been scared to death over things in my life on numerous occasions. And I'm still not totally clear about what I'm doing today.

However.....

Someone once said to me that a rut is a grave with the ends knocked out.

Having been really down in the mid to late 90s - debt, illness, business failure, bereavement, depression - I know that you can turn your life round.

The main thing is to take on board that it's your responsibility to do stuff, and also that you need to understand how you got to where you are now.

Too many folks blame the 'system', the world in general, their friends, relatives, partners, bosses. Whilst these things all maybe instrumental in knocking you down, it's your responsibility to learn from these things and persist.

Work out what you want to do, break it in to attainable steps, and get out there and do it.

Joe

Originally posted by ZEDEX48K
Do you ever feel trapped in life?. I mean is this it?, job wise, relationships e.t.c. Do you ever get nervous or anxious??

I sometimes do...

Everyone is "trapped" in some way and to some extent.

I *could* do a lot of things, but its a trade off. At the moment I have a fairly easy job that pays enough for me to live comfortably and I live in an adaquately nice house. So I could just jack it all in but is it worth the risk?

So the only thing that I'm trapped by is possesions, friends and a comfortable existence and at the moment I think thats worth it.

Whatever situation you find yourself in, you will get to a stage where you find that it is less effort to stay where you are, unless you want to spend your whole life running away, which might be an exciting way of living but it'll catch up with you in the end.

What happenes when you know what you have done wrong, you try to sort it out and it comes back and hits you right in the face as a bigger problem.

I know my life is what I make of it, but sometimes I cant figure it out.

I think trapped is a good word, in my case for 30 years and no end in sight.

Yeah I do different things and thats ok for a while then I get the feelings back again. Stopped going round town on a fri/sat night ages ago, cause I was bored of it and still am, although I like going to places that play live music. I look around and people seem to be concerned with the latest gadget and all that!, I like a good conversation but not the type that is so serious that you dont have a laugh!. I get bored easily(as u may gather!). My school report always said I was daydreaming and looking out the window...still do!

I think other nationalities embrace and enjoy life more than us Brits, yeah ok we have the music industry and clubbing and pubs but thats ok when ur young 18-25ish but as u get out of that age. I dont want to trawling thru town on a fri/sat night for the rest of my life and stuck in a bleeding office.


Life hey.......................

Originally posted by ZEDEX48K
Yeah I do different things and thats ok for a while then I get the feelings back again. Stopped going round town on a fri/sat night ages ago, cause I was bored of it and still am, although I like going to places that play live music. I look around and people seem to be concerned with the latest gadget and all that!, I like a good conversation but not the type that is so serious that you dont have a laugh!. I get bored easily(as u may gather!). My school report always said I was daydreaming and looking out the window...still do!

I think other nationalities embrace and enjoy life more than us Brits, yeah ok we have the music industry and clubbing and pubs but thats ok when ur young 18-25ish but as u get out of that age. I dont want to trawling thru town on a fri/sat night for the rest of my life and stuck in a bleeding office.


Life hey.......................

Yes, at the end of the day everyone is going to get stuck in a rut sometimes. The secret is to make sure that its a pleasant rut!

Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains - Jean Jacques Rousseau

Unfortunately the most pernicious chains are those that you make for yourself - how often do you do something because it is the path of least resistance or because you feel you should do it? Its easy to blame the world or the system for making you do these things, but when it comes down to it untill you can take responsibility for your life and live it on your own terms (and this isn't merely advocating anarchy but choice and responsibility) secure in the knowledge that you will sometimes screw up but that ultimately they are your screw ups not someone else dumping on you you will probably always be trapped.

Its probably an awfull lot easier to make a comfortable rut and if things get too claustrophobic anaesthatise yourself with booze, McDonalds or reality TV!

P.S. This is definately a do as I say not as I do type of posting - I'm very bad at choice and responsibility but attempting to get better!

Being "stick in a rut" and "trapped" are different things.

The first one is just on your own mind, the second one is probably what you'd use to describe something more real, such as having to look after someone or a severe lack of money.

Being stuck in a rut is not so bad if you know that you could get out of it if you really wanted to.

A philosopher (I really can't remember which) made a comparison of an animal pulling a cart - if the animal fights against it it generally leads to discomfort and pain, if the animal trots along in the right general direction it still ends up in the same place but is given the illusion of having had free will, which is psychologically much better.

The Moral - we are all trapped to a greater or lesser extent, its better to accept it and make the best of things.

I did feel trapped a few years ago, call it mid-life crisis but I remember thinking is this it?

The Millenium year did it for me. A huge landmark like that made me take the bull by the horns and change my life.

Life is too short being somewhere you don't want to be.

I suppose I am still trapped in a way but this time - I like my trappings! :)

Well, as I see things...

I think the feeling of being trapped, and the feeling of being trapped in life are slightly different. It doesn't matter what situation you are in, or how happy you appear to be, some people just always feel like they weren't cut out for life. This leads to feelings of anxiety.

You can have a great relationship, a fantastic job, and still feel very lonely and broken. The feeling that you will somehow never be right again can either lead to a breakdown of sorts, or the perminate feeling of being dead inside... I prefer the latter. :)

Just go with the flow.

Originally posted by dawny1
I did feel trapped a few years ago, call it mid-life crisis but I remember thinking is this it?

The Millenium year did it for me. A huge landmark like that made me take the bull by the horns and change my life.

Life is too short being somewhere you don't want to be.

I suppose I am still trapped in a way but this time - I like my trappings! :)

what changes did u make dawny1?

Do I ever feel trapped in 'life'?

Actually I don't. But it's probably my attitude towards my life. I've always believed that we are the controllers of our own destiny. With regards to work - I work to live and not the other way round. My job's quite stressful but I manage that stress and don't allow it to take over my life. I work hard and often late to support my lifestyle- I like the finer things in life; fine wine, good food and travelling and to pay for that you should expect to work hard!

As for my relationship it's good (for the moment) and I'm really happy about that. My girlfriend is my best friend and I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend my time with. Sex is a wierd thing - it can either be the thing your relationship is built on (and this isn't a good idea) or it can be the thing that enriches it. Make sure you're with your partner for the right reasons and ensure that you are happy with yourself before you even consider any serious relationship.

Do I ever feel anxious or nervous? Sometimes... but I'm generally a happy person. I take happiness from the simplest things in life as well as the finer things! As a trained chef, I'm happiest when I'm in the kitchen. I love getting up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning and baking fresh croissant or pain au chocolat for breakfast. Sat up in bed reading the weekend papers, a freshly ground cup of espresso, a freshly baked pastry and someone to share it with, to me - that's perfection.

Life is whatever you make of it - so make it good!

Originally posted by Snook
Just go with the flow.

Hmmm, "life as soup". An interesting concept Snook!

Originally posted by feargal
Hmmm, "life as soup". An interesting concept Snook!

Yep, and there's a flavour for everyone, so tuck in! :)

Originally posted by ZEDEX48K
what changes did u make dawny1?

Nothing really dramatic like shave my head and join a cult or anything.

I just realised that I was not happy with my partner and as hard as it was because I had a good life and 3 kids with him I was getting more and more down and in the long run I knew this would effect my kids.

I just told my partner what we both had been thinking for sometime but didn't what to admit it - it was time for us to move on without eachother.

I felt a great weight had been lifted off me although I now had to work and sort all finances out myself and buy a house I did it and got a new sense of worth. It was nice to be in charge of my own life again.

:clap:

You can`t always just make a decision, I have responsibilities, that for me is just not possible.

Thats the problem, I have had to be responsible since 18 and didn`t deal with the main problem before I took on responsibilities. Now I still have to be responsible and so I have no choice but to be trapped.

Sometimes days are good, sometimes they arn`t and I have to deal with it.
Perhaps I will get to the day I can make a choice perhaps I won`t.

i feel trapped a hell of a lot...and im hoping to `un-trap' myself very soon.

if you get stuck in a daily routine of something you dont like then the years pass and before you know it your stuck doing something you hate and you cant see a way out.

like a few say...posessions are a burden in many ways... i mean i cud sell my house, pocket 30 grand ish.....and bugger off round the world for a couple of years...but i will come back to no money, no job, no house, no prospects and would proberbly never be able to get back on property ladder.

all depends who is willing to take the risks in life.


some people dont live...they survive....well im sick of surviving :) its time for me to start living!

Ooh, this is eerie! I've just come onto SF after a conversation with a friend about a similar topic. Were you guys listening in? Lol :)

At the moment I'm trying to decide whether to stay in Sheff for another year or return home (home is Sydney). Even the old pros and cons list has proved unhelpful as I've got exactly the same amount of points on each side!

As I see it, though, it's going to come down to what I SHOULD do (go home, finish my uni degree, get on with the 'real world') and what I WANT to do (stay in Sheff to be with a guy I'm crazy about and have the opportunity to travel through Europe).

To say I feel trapped is an understatement. I feel so pulled towards going home because it's the 'right' thing to do yet know that life is about more than career prospects and making money, and that happiness should be my real goal.

Argh...can I just toss a coin?

Lisa, get yourself home and go to Bill's for some scrambled eggs! Reason enough to return to Sydney!!!! :)

if you can still have the opportunity to study and get the qualifications you want later on....and you arent tied down by a mortgage id say stick with your bloke and travel!!! you may not get another chance when you get tied down to desk for 30years!

go for it!..

p.s. if he turns out to be a rotter can i marry you to get citizenship in austrialia? :heyhey:

No, I definately do not feel trapped. Like everybody else, I have the occasional self-doubts and 'grass is greener' type feelings. However, on the whole I like my home life and work very much.

Years ago, whilst working in international banking, I did feel trapped. The people, in the main, were banal, petty and uncultured. With the help of my wife, I left, moved around, obtained various qualifications, made sacrifices, delayed gratification, 'networked', studied hard, and entered a profession that I love- Higher Ed. I have never looked back, or felt happier.

I am not being smug here. I do realise that for some, breaking out of the trap is near impossible. This may be due to financial commitments, structural variables such as class, etc. However, most people can break out of it, they have the agency to do so. Sometimes it comes down to whether the person has the courage to make that leap into the dark. One has to really want to escape, in order to pull it off. Often, it is that people are not prepared to make the [sometimes required] sacrifices in order to change their circumstances. One thing is certain, our lives on this plane are not a 'rehearsal'. There are many pleasures to be found in life, and we owe it to ourselves to find them.

To live is to suffer, but to survive? Well, that's to find meaning, in the suffering - Someone you've never heard of (but I have)

This is a really inspirational book :

'What should I do with my life?', Po Bronson, Vintage, 2004. ISBN 0 09 943799 6

It's a collection of essays / interviews with people who the author encountered in various ways. There are people who totally changed their careers, who wanted to but didn't manage it, who have no idea what they want to do but know they want to do soemthing new.

The nice thing about it is that it shows that you're not alone, and that other people have gone through the same set of questions.

Costs about GBP7.00 - 3 beers in a bar somewhere.

Joe

Originally posted by GazB
To live is to suffer, but to survive? Well, that's to find meaning, in the suffering - Someone you've never heard of (but I have)

Rap philosophy, can't beat it.

Originally posted by MTheo


p.s. if he turns out to be a rotter can i marry you to get citizenship in austrialia? :heyhey:



I hope they legalise polygamy in Australia soon...as things stand at the moment I'm taking home about 5 'husbands-to-be' :)

And my boyf's an Aussie as well, so he's not even one of them!

Originally posted by LisaO
Ooh, this is eerie! I've just come onto SF after a conversation with a friend about a similar topic. Were you guys listening in? Lol :)

At the moment I'm trying to decide whether to stay in Sheff for another year or return home (home is Sydney). Even the old pros and cons list has proved unhelpful as I've got exactly the same amount of points on each side!

As I see it, though, it's going to come down to what I SHOULD do (go home, finish my uni degree, get on with the 'real world') and what I WANT to do (stay in Sheff to be with a guy I'm crazy about and have the opportunity to travel through Europe).

To say I feel trapped is an understatement. I feel so pulled towards going home because it's the 'right' thing to do yet know that life is about more than career prospects and making money, and that happiness should be my real goal.

Argh...can I just toss a coin?

If you are with a guy you are crazy about, why are you even thinking about going back to Australia (unless he comes with you?) Love is what life is all about, surely?

A life based around making money and career prospects sounds like an ultimately sad life to me. If that's what you truly want to do, that's great, but why do that just because you feel it's the 'right' thing to do? Right for whom?

Life shouldn't be about 'shoulds'!!

Just my thoughts.

StarSparkle

Originally posted by Yodameister
Yes, at the end of the day everyone is going to get stuck in a rut sometimes. The secret is to make sure that its a pleasant rut!

I'm a pleasant rutt...

Everyone one of us gets scared and feels trapped sometimes it's all part of being human.

If you feel trapped in a relationship then try and talk to your other half. It's not a good idea to carry on if you are unhappy.

Sometimes my job gets me down but I don't feel trapped. If I were to feel like that and I have done in the past, I leave.

We are the masters of our own fate really. It's up to us to make that BIG decision, even if later we feel it was the wrong one.

I felt a bit trapped in a past relationship. Solution? Get out of it! Its about being honest with yourself and other people. I know its not that easy tho as I struggle with this sometimes now.

I think you have to make judgements about the kind of life you want. If I wanted a bit less stress and more free time I'd resign and get an easier job. BUT then I think I like having some disposable income which lets me have a good time, treat my family, etc. AND then I sometimes get a bit anxious, thinking is this what life will be. BUT the next day I feel ok about everything!

I don't think there's anything wrong with sometimes feeling trapped - it depends on how you respond to that and how often you feel that way. Some people may view someone else's definition of 'trapped' as being comfortable/content and liking knowing what your life may be like from month-month, year-year.

ZEDEX48K - there's nothing wrong with daydreaming just make sure if you want to work to try and make them come true...don't wait too long!

Sorry, waffled on a bit there...

I have recently given up smoking...:clap: But the hardest craving was last thing at night once boys (all 3) gone to bed around 9pm...call it the 'empty house syndrome' discussed on another thread but once it came down to me alone floating about watching TV it was hard.

Therapy group I attend said 'do this, do that, all not suitable... cinema, walk (what & leave 3 kids in bed home alone...)

Other people in the group without 'the trappings of children' seemed to be doing these things!!

I felt lost....but now I have found the forum - I can tap away on here til ready for bed and not think of fags!!!

Time just flies...

:)

The thing is, if you think this is it, then it probably is. You need to make it as interesting as you can and look for things to make sure that this isn't IT. Sorry to late in the week to be philosophical but there you have it.

Originally posted by Yodameister
A philosopher (I really can't remember which) made a comparison of an animal pulling a cart - if the animal fights against it it generally leads to discomfort and pain, if the animal trots along in the right general direction it still ends up in the same place but is given the illusion of having had free will, which is psychologically much better.

The Moral - we are all trapped to a greater or lesser extent, its better to accept it and make the best of things.

That was the defining message of the Stoic school of philosophy - you cannot escape your fate.

The Epicureans, around at the same time, held the Stoics in contempt for being total self hating stick in the muds, and decided that fate and religion were anachronisms, you could only live by your senses, and that happiness and pleasure were the only ends in life that made any sense. Theirs was very much a philosophy of "grab life with both hands and enjoy the ride".

Everyone is "trapped" in some way and to some extent.Sadly i agree mate :(

Trapped? Stuck in a rut?
Definatly.

Mostly because of my finances (or lack of) meaning I can't actually do anything atm and no realistic way of improving the situation... all feels a bit hopeless :(

I have a reasonable salary, but can't enjoy it :(

I feel a bit trapped being stuck on this rock 50 weeks of the year. I miss going for a long drive back in the UK, 30 mins in any direction here and you're in the sea. All the tourist stuff wears a bit thin after a month or so.

What an interesting thread to have been revived! Fascinating stuff.

But all those great posters who're not really around any more :(

JonJParr - where are you? Are you still out there? You were one of the great Forummers - I've missed your posts. If you're reading this, it would be lovely to have you back on the Forum.

And get Timo to come back as well!

StarSparkle :)

Sadly i agree mate :(

Do you feel trapped in 2005? I keep getting confused, all these threads you're dredging up! :hihi:

Do you feel trapped in 2005? I keep getting confused, all these threads you're dredging up! :hihi:


It is confusing... I read through the whole thing, and I kept thinking, "Hey, JonJParr is posting again!"

It is confusing... I read through the whole thing, and I kept thinking, "Hey, JonJParr is posting again!"

Yes, me too about JonJParr! I got quite excited for a few moments! :)

StarSparkle

I try not to think about it too much! I go and have a drink or go shopping if I feel like that!

Do you feel trapped in 2005? I keep getting confused, all these threads you're dredging up! :hihi:

Yeah I'm starting to feel like I am reading an online dear diary since I started the last one and posted second in this one!

Yeah I'm starting to feel like I am reading an online dear diary since I started the last one and posted second in this one!

That one you started was the most confusing of all. I didn't realise you were an old (not in that way) member!

That one you started was the most confusing of all. I didn't realise you were an old (not in that way) member!

I know time flies by. I just hope there are no more to come!

There are a lot of great posts here, but I particularly like this one from Joe ...

The main thing is to take on board that it's your responsibility to do stuff, and also that you need to understand how you got to where you are now.

Too many folks blame the 'system', the world in general, their friends, relatives, partners, bosses. Whilst these things all maybe instrumental in knocking you down, it's your responsibility to learn from these things and persist.

Work out what you want to do, break it in to attainable steps, and get out there and do it.

Excellent post!

I've certainly felt trapped in the past. When you feel nothing is right, it's really difficult to be objective and make the tough decisions.

It's tough weighing up the pros and cons - there's always a compromise to be made.

If it were possible to "have it all" then decisions would be easy!

You got it absolutely right Joe, when you said you've got to "work out what you want to do, break it into attainable steps and get out there and do it"

I've escaped situations in the past where I've felt trapped (job, relationships) and on those occasions I've waited until I couldn't take any more. Sometimes it takes a crisis before we can make the important decisions to move on.

Now I try not to wait for the crisis, but to focus on the positive things I do want and strive for those. Having taken responsibility for my own actions and happiness i hope i won't ever feel trapped again!

I've put together collection of quotes on this (and other subjects I feel strongly about). Here are a few:

The indispensable first step
to getting the things you want out of life is this:
decide what you want.
Ben Stein

Again and again, the impossible problem is solved
when we see that the problem is only a tough decision
waiting to be made.
Robert H. Schuller

Have a bias toward action -
let's see something happen now.
You can break that big plan into small steps
and take the first step right away.
Indira Gandhi

I think there is something
more important than believing:
Action!
The world is full of dreamers,
there aren't enough who will move ahead
and begin to take concrete steps
to actualize their vision.
W. Clement Stone

Feeling trapped?

Work out what you want to do,
break it in to attainable steps,
and get out there and do it.
JoeP

I'll check out that book you recommended too - should be very interesting!