Okay this is like imaginary gossip.

I start by telling you where I am and who I can see. It's usually a party. You then do the same.

So, I'm in All Bar One in town. Oh my god Elton and David Furness are having a right Barney in the corner because David wanted green olives and Elton got Black because Green makes his eyes look fat.

Okay this is like imaginary gossip.

I start by telling you where I am and who I can see. It's usually a party. You then do the same.

So, I'm in All Bar One in town. Oh my god Elton and David Furness are having a right Barney in the corner because David wanted green olives and Elton got Black because Green makes his eyes look fat.

I'm in there too Slick, I can see Posh looking for David, but he is still in the Loos

He followed me into the toilet...he said he wanted me..but I told him I already had a boyfriend...

wow look Jodie has come in one door she hasn't noticed Jordan and Peter Andre talking to Hugh and Jemima aaarrgh

...and Daniel Craig is here dont tell cressida but he's coming her way :roll:

and both Adam Levine and Justin Timberlake are at the bar arguing on which ones gonna buy me a drink:love::love:

Oh my god, Justin's started dancing but hasn't noticed he has a little dribble of wee at the front of his trousers where he didn't shake enough. He just can't hold it together without Cameron can he?

Here comes Britney, with tissues, she's free now so perhaps a reunion?

Now I don't want to start gossip, it's not attractive but I just saw Daniel Craig slip the waiter a fifty in exchange for a small bag of something and he's just handed it to a rather jumpy looking Jeremy Irons.

does anyone know if Piers is coming? if not im off home

does anyone know if Piers is coming? if not im off home

Oh love! He's been and gone. Asked us if we'd seen you, downed a Malibu and pineapple and shot off with Desmond Lynam. They mentioned something about Omega Sauna Suite.

Just wait till he gets home tonight :rant:

I just saw Deidre of Coronation Street sneak into the toilets with Demoniac....:o

..which is really strange because im SURE i spotted him in the booth in the corner with Dale Winton earlier!

Oh no...Dale didn't come this week...not after Basil tried to grope him on the dancefloor last time...

This is sounding more and more like how i imagine a forum meet to be :P

This is sounding more and more like how i imagine a forum meet to be :P

hahahaha :hihi:

Anyway so i was wrong about Dale, but its a shame Jabbers left early, aparently theres a Whelk sale on at Peaks market. Oh Wow, dont look now, Des Lynam just walked in!

God, he'll be drug dealing again...

well he would be only two totally hot security guards have come over, oh wait, they're the strippers

Strippers? So thats why elton and David suddenly were silenced! Look at trinny and suzannah, i cant believe they are only eating a leaf of lettace tonight!

oh I can TV adds ten pounds to a person's weight, and they don't want to lose their jobs in case more qualified people take them

I can't believe Dot Cotton is Pole Dancing again, I didn't think she had it in her!

Ya what?:oShe's only started chatting up Adam Levine.:o

between you and me she's a bit of a tart, I mean look at what she is wearing...hot pants...at her age!

and now she's starting on Justin, poor JT.:(

He'll not be interested...he told me he fancies you :heyhey:

Unlucky for JT, I have my sights on Adam Levine. Dot Cotton's being escorted out of the building. And T Pain is now' IN DA HOUSE ' Let's all parteeee!:love:

Excuse me ...EXCUSE ME...CAN I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION PLEASE....thank you.

Is there a Mrs Prescott here? That's you love is it? OK, well your husband has had a bit too much to drink. He ran through to the kitchen and ate the buffet that was arranged for later so I'm going to have to phone for a pizza delivery. He then ran into the beer garden and vomited over one of our luxury picnic tables. Then he groped one of our regular punters Slickwitch while shouting "Tracey ...Trace...I really love you...show us your..." well you get the idea.

I'm not going to phone the police this time but you will have to pay for the buffet which was £10 a head for 100 people including vat.

Now I really think you should take your husband home because the six bouncers who are restraining Slickwitch won't be able to hold her down much longer and a death on the premises is bad for business.

Do you need a taxi? Oh a jaguar? Which one? Both? Well goodnight Mrs P.

Well I hope he has been barred...we have enough perverts in here!

I notice Vinny Jones is bouncer for the night and he's thrown out some of those, but some MPs are gatecrashing and one of them is making a beeline for Bjork, that's going to be fun!!!

I just saw Prince Charles being sick in the toilets...too many shandy's :hihi:

Don't worry i hear a low hum. S'alright Wills has landed the harrier jump jet on the roof. He looks a bit cross and keeps shouting "Look it's my bloody air force anyway. Me nanan said!"

and it looks like Girls Aloud are on the way up to the roof!

and it looks like Girls Aloud are on the way up to the roof!

Are girls allowed up there?












Sorry :blush:

the Princes, I remember were very impressed with the Spicies


oh lost the momentum now havn't we?

I'm telling you if that Lesley Ash asks to borrow my lippy one more time I'm going to punch her lights out.

Can't say I blame you Slick, have you seen the size of her lips, you'll have none left!

Oooh. They're giving away free champagne in the VIP section. Elton is making a right pig of himself again.

Quick....everybody bob down...turn off the lights ...ssssshhhhhh.....Elt.....Elt....David shut him up... easy .....easy..... OK we're in the clear... Heather Mills-MacCartney has just driven off in a taxi ......phew that was close :o

Ah. I thought it was that time of night. Jordan is challenging Jodie Marsh to a splits competition.

Look at all the perverts watching them....even Dale Winton...thought he was gay?

Look at all the perverts watching them....even Dale Winton...thought he was gay?

That's not Dale Winton...it's Christa Ackroyd!!!!

That's not Dale Winton...it's Christa Ackroyd!!!!

oops, I always get those 2 mixed up....that means she must be gay then?

oops, I always get those 2 mixed up....that means she must be gay then?

No no hang on a minute.....it could be David Dickinson....it's difficult to tell in this light :huh:

Wait a minute I'll get me lighter out and we'll have a look.............................................. ......

Ooops! Lighter, hair extensions, Christa's breath. It was an accident waiting for me to start. I'll be hiding behind the potted palm.

Oh god slick...she's fuming...she said she wants to take you outside for a fight :o

Shhhhhhh. Tell her I've gone home. To Leeds. She knows where that is. Hasn't a clue where she is in Sheffield. Take her outside, spin her round and tell her she's in Valdivostock. She'll not know.

I did, she was sick on my shoes...thanks for that...these cost me £2.99 from Jonathan James :rant:

I did, she was sick on my shoes...thanks for that...these cost me £2.99 from Jonathan James :rant:

Thats not a problem, tell Christa they are exclusive designer shoes and flog them to her for a tenner - they'll match some of her outfits perfectly :gag:

Right I'm off for a kebab and a taxi.

Ooooh. No I'm not Shirley Bassey just walked in and she looks p'd off with Elton.

god I hope she doesn't start singing....

OMG Elton bitch slapped Shirley :o
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

THats cos she is wearing the same dress as him :o

It's alright though, Gok has just entered the building, he'll sort them out.

It's alright though, Gok has just entered the building, he'll sort them out.

Noooooo he's got Christa parading naked round the room!!!!! My eyes my eyes ..,..make it stop!!!

Never mind. Oh wait, look who's coming, it's, it's, it's Santa Claus:D

Whats he doing out and about at this time of year....ooh he's lost a bit of weight...

Not sure. But what's worrying me is how disturbingly close JT is to that mankini. I think he's tempted to put it on ya know.:o

Too late Santa has already put it on...my goodness now thats a sight for sore eyes...

Ey up everyone ORLANDO BLOOM has just entered the building:love:

That boy! Right I'm whipping me bra off. After Keira Knightley's fried eggs for three films he deserves a treat.

I'm in Ponds Forge and Robert Mugabe is in the lane next to me. I keep splashing him so that he shouts at me in his funny accent.

Ooooo, I say slick, your quick off the mark, I was just gonna make a beeline for orlando myself.

Ponds Forge! That hotbed of political vote-rigging. Do a sneaky fart near him and let it rise slowly up out of the water as you look straight in his eyes.

I think he's trying to interfere with the votes myself. I think he had something to do with the BNP getting in Cattcliffe.

Angelina Jolie's just gone in steam room. So has every male in the building. Including the Lord Mayor.

Don't encourage him Slick, the last time he did that he followed through...

I have never gambled and lost.

Celestial has left the party with Adam Levine:love:. But i'll be back, and next time, i'm taking Justin with me too.:love:

except JT was busy cuddling up with me this time, so sadly i missed it when Bon Jovi walked in and bought everyone a round of drinks!

He got me Sambucca...i wanted Tequila!!!!

He says it's cos he wants to get you really p**ssed so he can 'lay you down on a bed of roses'

He really does give love a bad name...

Oopsie wrong thread :P

Yeah its a shame he left though, hes quite nice to look at!

He's just asked me if I come here often....I said can't you do any better than that!

Richard and Judy are here again...

Bloody hell who invited them? They always end up drinking too much and arguing! As long as Judy keeps her shoes on this time it should be okay, dont want her swinging them in Richards direction again!

I know they stank last time, and she's got a verucca..

Verruca. Is that what she likes to call genital herpes these days. Honestly that woman could fill her own book club with the tales she tells.

Ey Up. Gordon Ramsay's flounced in with his big bloody knives....

Right Celestial's back for JT and Orlando, and i've got two security blokes in tow, so if you just let me get my guy's, i'll be on my way. I'm taking a Gordon Ramsey doggy bag too, lol.

Ah alas you're too late. JT fell down and hurt his ankle. I told him slingbacks were a bad idea but he likes to lead the fashionistas at any cost doesn't he?

Orlando............well............he's currently otherwise engaged................ a little lower please Orlando.

He can't get any lower, his stubble's snagged on your pop socks.

David Furnish is enjoying the view it affords though.....Oh no, Elton's moved round to block him off...... Now David Furnish is moving round to get a better view.... But Elton's moved round too.

It's like a strange dance, like Dancing On Ice, but with less ice and more sequins.

Well now Judy's doing the can-can. All the barstaff are throwing dry roasted peanuts at her but she's not going to stop.

For the love of God! The woman should really have washed those knickers.

The guy who was sacked from the apprentice last week has come to see if he can get in the party, but the bouncers turned him away, coz I told them to, lol.

god look at him, he just doesnt give up! I don't believe hes trying to bribe the bouncers!

OMG is that Trinny i can see under the table stuffing her face with cheese and pinapple sticks?!

Yep, it is. Whilst Susanna's giving style tips to Jodie Marsh.

Yep, it is. Whilst Susanna's giving style tips to Jodie Marsh.

So that's one tit trying to tell the other to hide hers then?

Oh god, Dale Winton is trying to get everyone to play spin the bottle again...after what happened last time...

I know, it was disgusting, that dirty Kanga? (or whatever her name is) I'm glad she got thrown out by the bouncers

Luckily she isn't here this week...but I don't trust Cilla Black..you know what she's like when she's had a few...

Cilla's got a bag, the bag has a fancy hat in it, I wonder why? Um?:confused::huh: Meanwhile Adam Levine:love:is defending yours truly from a snake.:hihi:

Beep Beep Beep

Text Message from ShinyPurple:

Met G Clooney. Took home had lots fun. G tied to bed. Coming back to party - any champers left?

Beep Beep Beep

Text Messege from Celestial :

Yeah, loadsa champers, bring ya new fancy fella back with you if you want

'I will survive' has just come on. Yep, just as I thought Hilary Clinton is sprinting to the floor.

and I think Justin's singing along to it. I can't watch. Luckliy, I've got Adam and Orlando to keep me occupied.:D