Some people say they wouldnt get engaged unless they could be married within a year, others dont mind waiting a good 3-4 years until the time is right...

Whats you stance and why? (Or even, what *was* your stance) :thumbsup:

I got engaged when he proposed to be last october on our one year anniversary. I was soo thrilled when he asked me and started with the water works. I met him on here too!

I suppose it's as long as it takes to be able to afford the kind of wedding you want for most people. I'd say anything over six years would be a bit too long though....

IF....D2J was to propose, i'd like to get married within the year or 2 at a push but it all depends on cash i suppose. The sooner, the better though :D

*binty* :)

Must sign him out in future...:roll:

I met him on here too!

Really....? Do tell! :love:

IF....D2J was to propose, i'd like to get married within the year or 2 at a push but it all depends on cash i suppose. The sooner, the better though :D

*binty* :)

Must sign him out in future...:roll:

Lol what are you like eh?!
Why the sooner the better? Have you two started living together yet? (Am a bit behind on the whole forum shenanigans of late)

Id say about 2-3 years, get plenty of pennies saved up :D

If you're waiting 3-4 years until the time is right, why get engaged??

Lol what are you like eh?!
Why the sooner the better? Have you two started living together yet? (Am a bit behind on the whole forum shenanigans of late)

I kinda like the idea of walking down the aisle in a gorgeous dress :love: :hihi: We ain't living together yet, but will be soon :)

*binty* :)

I think of engagement as a commitment to getting married; you get engaged and you start the process of setting a marriage date/organising the wedding. Engagement implies that you've already come to the decision that the time is right for a wedding - or at least it is in the near future. It's the beginning of the wedding ritual for me.

Practical considerations might delay the wedding for some time, but I think in that case I'd put off getting formally engaged until those issues were resolved. After all, engagement isn't necessarily the marker for a committed relationship. Many couples live extremely happily without ever obtaining the piece of paper that confirms the match.

Really....? Do tell! :love:

We got talking in the chat room, after a while i added him to my msn, as i thought he was cute!. In a few months he asked me out, now im engaged to him hehe!

Depends on your era, For 2008 l would say never get married, for those of us that are older, it was the quicker the better.

I suppose it's as long as it takes to be able to afford the kind of wedding you want for most people. I'd say anything over six years would be a bit too long though....I've been with OH for about 6yrs and we knew as soon as we started dating that we would get married, but not until we were older ;)

We didn't want to be engaged that whole time because we agreed that you should get engaged when you actually want to start planning the wedding; ie not just have a ring on your finger as a way of 'going steady' without an actual wedding day in sight.

One of the reasons for this is that both myself and quite a few of my school friends got 'engaged' to their boyfriends just for the sake of it - and ended up splitting up!

He officially proposed last July and the wedding date is booked for 23rd May 2009 - so there will still have been nearly 2yrs of engagement, but that is mostly due to realising how long it would take to save up for the cost of the wedding!

I think of engagement as a commitment to getting married; you get engaged and you start the process of setting a marriage date/organising the wedding. Engagement implies that you've already come to the decision that the time is right for a wedding - or at least it is in the near future. It's the beginning of the wedding ritual for me.

Practical considerations might delay the wedding for some time, but I think in that case I'd put off getting formally engaged until those issues were resolved. After all, engagement isn't necessarily the marker for a committed relationship. Many couples live extremely happily without ever obtaining the piece of paper that confirms the match.Very well put - thats exactly what I meant but you put it into words better!

I've been with OH for about 6yrs and we knew as soon as we started dating that we would get married, but not until we were older ;)

We didn't want to be engaged that whole time because we agreed that you should get engaged when you actually want to start planning the wedding; ie not just have a ring on your finger as a way of 'going steady' without an actual wedding day in sight.

One of the reasons for this is that both myself and quite a few of my school friends got 'engaged' to their boyfriends just for the sake of it - and ended up splitting up!

He officially proposed last July and the wedding date is booked for 23rd May 2009 - so there will still have been nearly 2yrs of engagement, but that is mostly due to realising how long it would take to save up for the cost of the wedding!

I didn't mean after six years of going out together you shuld be thinking of geeting engaged and married. I meant that after six years of being engaged you should have made a start on planning your wedding....

I agree that it's silly to say you are engaged unless you are 100% committed to getting married.

I can't see me ever getting married, so I can't see me having this problem. However, I think a year is about long enough, any more than that and i'd be bored stiff, lol.:hihi:

I'd say 18 months - 2 years is long enough :)

We got talking in the chat room, after a while i added him to my msn, as i thought he was cute!. In a few months he asked me out, now im engaged to him hehe!

....that's so lubberly :cry::cry::cry:

do you have a sister?? :hihi:

I met my other half through the forum too. We're engaged (she asked me on the 29th of Feb just gone) and planning to marry next May all being well. :)

Been engaged two years...no plans for marriage though....well who knows! :D

Been engaged two years...no plans for marriage though...

You're not engaged, by definition.

You're not engaged, by definition.

Only by definition, apart from that I am :)

Only by definition, apart from that I am :)

:huh::huh::huh::huh:

I didn't mean after six years of going out together you shuld be thinking of geeting engaged and married. I meant that after six years of being engaged you should have made a start on planning your wedding....

I agree that it's silly to say you are engaged unless you are 100% committed to getting married.Yeah I know I read it how you meant it :) I agree, six years of being engaged is pointless!

From relationships I've witnessed, people who get engaged just for engaged-ment's sake (rather than with a view to actually get married soonish) are doing so to prove some kind of reassurance to each other that they are not going to split up.

Now depending on the circumstances, thats not necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes those circumstances are that there is insecurity in the first place which leads to a flashy show of affection to prove to themselves and others that they are 'solid'.

So I think that if you are really secure in your relationship, you don't need a ring on your finger for reassurance :)

I suppose that's some people's reason for not getting married at all, but thats a whole different topic so let's not go there... :hihi:

:huh::huh::huh::huh:

I have been known to confuse the best of people. :D

Been engaged two years...no plans for marriage though....well who knows! :DSo why did you get engaged if you have no plans to marry?
Did one of you say "lets get engaged!" or was it the whole "will you marry me?"... "yes"... thing?!

we just thought stuff it
didnt bother with the engagement thing and got married within about 6 months of meeting each other
that was 17 years ago
surely i should be due for parole by now

are doing so to prove some kind of reassurance to each other that they are not going to split up.

Now depending on the circumstances, thats not necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes those circumstances are that there is insecurity in the first place which leads to a flashy show of affection to prove to themselves and others that they are 'solid'.

So I think that if you are really secure in your relationship, you don't need a ring on your finger for reassurance :)

I suppose that's some people's reason for not getting married at all, but thats a whole different topic so let's not go there... :hihi:

My bold: That's what we did.

I must stress that in no way are we, or even feel the slightest bit insecure with our relationship.
No you do not need a ring, but it is the only ring I have got and means so much to me. :)

So why did you get engaged if you have no plans to marry?
Did one of you say "lets get engaged!" or was it the whole "will you marry me?"... "yes"... thing?!

It was what I wanted to do and tbh I know that if I asked my partner to marry me the answer would YES!!

It was what I wanted to do and tbh I know that if I asked my partner to marry me the answer would YES!!OK I wasn't attacking you - just asking which was it, first or second, no judgement as to either answer... didn't mean to offend :)

like I said;
"From relationships I've witnessed, people who get engaged just for engaged-ment's sake (rather than with a view to actually get married soonish) are doing so to prove some kind of reassurance to each other that they are not going to split up.

Now depending on the circumstances, thats not necessarily a bad thing..."

Reassurance is nice. It isn't always because of insecurity; far from it.

OK I wasn't attacking you - just asking which was it, first or second, no judgement as to either answer... didn't mean to offend :)

like I said;
"From relationships I've witnessed, people who get engaged just for engaged-ment's sake (rather than with a view to actually get married soonish) are doing so to prove some kind of reassurance to each other that they are not going to split up.

Now depending on the circumstances, thats not necessarily a bad thing..."

Reassurance is nice. It isn't always because of insecurity; far from it.

No you haven't offended me, not in the slightest. It wasn't just for the sake it because we were bored or anything and the only insecurity I have is that my partner is female, I just don't see it as the right thing in two girls getting married.
Who knows I may change my view in the future. :)

No you haven't offended me, not in the slightest. It wasn't just for the sake it because we were bored or anything and the only insecurity I have is that my partner is female, I just don't see it as the right thing in two girls getting married.
Who knows I may change my view in the future. :)Aaahh ;) gottit! :D

I don't really see the point of getting engaged if you aren't getting the wedding going.. but each to their own really.. I don't disagree with long engagements.. I set my wedding date for 2 years down the line when I got enaged... plenty of time to sort out the bits in between :)

23 years is too long. That much I know.

I have been known to confuse the best of people. :DOh thanks petal; that's a really nice thing to say! :)

23 years is too long. That much I know.

Did someone keep you waiting that long?

I have been engaged since Xmas 2004, we would get married, but we just can't afford it. We got together in March 2004. It wasn't a security thing, and I don't need a ring because I never wear it, except when I am working at the pub or when I go out (not that anyone notices anyway).
We were actually starting to plan getting married earlier this year, until I passed my driving test and I wanted to have my own car...

Long engagements ..........the fantasy of saving up for an expensive grand gesture wedding ................that you can't afford really but what the hell..............everybody will love it...........the cake will be fab and the chocolate fountain will just drip with happiness.............that once in a life-time frock is really worth every penny of the two grand you spent............even though you look like a meringue ............ then your day arrives..................the one you have been waiting for for so long..............and then it's over............and then what?

You have spent many hours and thousands of pounds planning your wedding.

This has enabled you to spend no time and no money on planning your marriage.

You may spend your next few years being screwed ...........by solicitors.

Nice photos though.

I think my parents were engaged about 4/5 years before they got married, and a step cousin of mine has been engaged since the millenium!

Getting married and having the fancy wedding has never bothered me in the slightest, so I doubt I'll ever be getting engaged anyway :)

My sister and her OH will have been engaged for 25 years this August.
I think they were planning on getting married once upon a time, but as time went on it just seemed less important.
They are more than happy and if it aint broke don't fix it.

I've been with the Paolos since Oct '99 got engaged in Dec '06.
We've got everything booked for July '09.....would have been sooner but my Mm and Nan died within a year of each other just after so planning a wedding was the last thing on my mind! (Hence it taking a little bit longer.)
He's counting down his days of freedom as i type!
It's touching to watch.

Long engagements ..........the fantasy of saving up for an expensive grand gesture wedding ...
Excellent jaundiced view :thumbsup: .

I'm all in favour of marriage. If I'd found a bloke I knew I'd want to spend the rest of my life with, I'd want to seal it symbolically, even ritualistically. I wouldn't want the lavish ceremony, I wouldn't want the big event, I wouldn't want the religious context, and I certainly wouldn't want all the members of the respective families together under one roof - *shudder* . For me at least, that's not what a wedding is all about.

The amount of money that can be spent on a wedding makes me do this: :shocked: .

Excellent jaundiced view :thumbsup: .

If I'd found a bloke I knew I'd want to spend the rest of my life with, I'd want to seal it symbolically, even ritualistically.

So would I. With a stake through the heart.............to prevent his suffering.............and mine.

someones a bit bitter:D

Some people say they wouldnt get engaged unless they could be married within a year, others dont mind waiting a good 3-4 years until the time is right...

Whats you stance and why? (Or even, what *was* your stance) :thumbsup:

5 Years or so.

Did someone keep you waiting that long?

Well, sort of. We planned to get married several months after he gave me the ring and popped the question. But then he quit his job, went to university, left university before he earned his degree, got a job, quit his job, got a job, quit his job, started his own business, started another business, declared bankruptcy, borrowed a huge amount of money and started another business, became an ********, started yet another (dodgy) business in the Cayman Islands, cheated on me at least twice, moved to Quebec with his new girlfriend and got married to her a few years later.

In 23 years, we never found the right time to actually tie the knot. I feel lucky.:)

I've been with my OH for nigh on 7 years, got engaged at the end of last year, but have other commitments to think about (ie: house buying) before we organise a wedding.

I'm engaged to be married, but not sure that any timescales should be placed it? Surely its a personal choice, for people to plan at their own pace?

And whilst I agree that some people get engaged for the sake of "being engaged", I also think that (for me, certainly) it was very much a tangiable commitment being made, and not necessarily about getting wed straight away.

In 23 years, we never found the right time to actually tie the knot. I feel lucky.:)


You sound like you had a lucky escape...! :)

When my OH proposed last August Bank Holiday, given my financial situation I expected a long engagement while I got to save up some pennies. I didn't realise we'd be arranging it for the following year (this October) and he was less-than-chuffed it has to be said with my non-committal attitude to it all. Even with it all being 6 months away (today, in fact), I'm not turning cartwheels; I'm sure I'll be beside myself with worry and nerves nearer the time but it. I go on a wedding forum and eveyrone's have crises about it all and getting giddy about it and I'm just not. I'm just too laid back.

When I was with the ex, we talked about marriage. I was firmly decided that I didn't want the whole enchilada, and the debt that came with it...

I wanted a quiet, intimate, simple ceremony, with just a few close friends, and family.

Even now I'm single again, I am still of that same opinion. If and when I marry again, I want no fripperies, just a simple small ceremony.

Of course, I feel it's sensible to try and save up toward the costs of the ceremony etc, I have grave reservations about getting oneself neck-deep in debt just for one day.

Ex hubby and I were engaged after 6 months of going out with each other, and married after another six months.

My mother and father had been courting 18 months when my father proposed. That was the November of 61, they married in March 62 so that was about five or six months.

we just thought stuff it
didnt bother with the engagement thing and got married within about 6 months of meeting each other
that was 17 years ago
surely i should be due for parole by now

:) Same here, but been together 30 years now. Engagement and white weddings are a bit of a waste of money in my opinion, surely it would be better spending all the money you would spend on the "white" wedding, on your futrure life together.

Me and my OH got engaged last August, were getting married next september, I dont speak with my Parents so were paying for the wedding ourselves, his parents are giving us some money towards it to help out, but its not going to be anything lavish or over the top, were just having a nice simple do.

I think the two years is long enough it gives us chance to save up some pennies and just have a nice wedding that we will enjoy, not a big wedding that everyone expects us to have.

Me and my OH got engaged last August, were getting married next september, I dont speak with my Parents so were paying for the wedding ourselves, his parents are giving us some money towards it to help out, but its not going to be anything lavish or over the top, were just having a nice simple do.

I think the two years is long enough it gives us chance to save up some pennies and just have a nice wedding that we will enjoy, not a big wedding that everyone expects us to have.

Sounds sensible. :thumbsup:

We got engaged at Easter last year and are getting married in 3 weeks!!!!!

We left it a year in order to plan what we were going to do, not rush it and keep a level of excitement there. Can't wait!

I got engaged when he proposed to be last october on our one year anniversary. I was soo thrilled when he asked me and started with the water works. I met him on here too!

Thats really sweet you know it made me smile :D (like that)I can remember when you two met in the chat room... I now need an invite to the wedding and the births of subsequent children too :hihi:

Some people say they wouldnt get engaged unless they could be married within a year, others dont mind waiting a good 3-4 years until the time is right...

Whats you stance and why? (Or even, what *was* your stance) :thumbsup:

I've been with the BF for 11 years and I've no intention and neither has he to get hitched

I wouldn't want the lavish ceremony, I wouldn't want the big event, I wouldn't want the religious context, and I certainly wouldn't want all the members of the respective families together under one roof - *shudder* . For me at least, that's not what a wedding is all about.

The amount of money that can be spent on a wedding makes me do this: :shocked: .


Personally, I wouldn't want a 'big' ceremony. I can count my close family on one hand, and OH has a much, much bigger family... andas for friends, I would only want a few truly special friends there. Not the world and his dog and his colleague from 5 years ago who you struggle to remember the name of:) Which is what some people do. It is indeed staggering, the amount of cash that can be spent...I'm not judging, if they want to, whyever not...just don't moan in my vicinity about how weddings HAVE to be so expensive:rolleyes:

For me, it should be a special day which is ultimately about you and him/her. And if you decide to share it with 100 people - that's fine. Or 4 people. Or just the 2 of you. Each to their own.

When it happens for me and OH, hopefully (when I finally bully him into submission:D), all that would matter to me is the fact that we've decided to get married. Where, how, and other particulars will work themselves out!

Need to get engaged first anyway:) And further to OP, I think it depends on the situation, why you may wait longer/not wait. Either a long or short engagement could be right or wrong for various reasons. There's no clear cut answer!

Sounds sensible. :thumbsup:

Not that sensible, the outcome is she will be my sister in law!!:twisted::hihi:

don't do what I did -

met a guy,
got engaged to guy
married guy
(all within 12 weeks)
realised what a mistake I had made on the honeymoon.
I stuck it out for 10 months though.:loopy:

don't do what I did -

met a guy,
got engaged to guy
married guy
(all within 12 weeks)
realised what a mistake I had made on the honeymoon.
I stuck it out for 10 months though.:loopy:

That really is ridiculous I don't know how anybody could be that stupid.

Never did the whole official engagement thing. We talked about getting married for a while then just went and had a small ceremony, don't see the point in the whole long engagement thingy, unless you're either a soppy romantic who want's to be proposed to and get a nice ring or you need the time to plan a massive fancy wedding.

I just wanted to be married to the man I love, couldn't have cared less about the peripherals.