What do you want to see in Sheffield? What bars, clubs and pubs do you like? and what sort of theme night/promotions/offers would you like to see?

An 'all you can eat' buffet eating house, serving 50 varieties of lard and staffed entirely by characters from Thomas Hardy's "Return Of The Native".

A giant sherbert fountain.

Buy one get one free.

Invisible cleansing zebras, stored in a secret bunker under the Peace Gardens who come out at night and clear all the filth from the streets.

Arabic shoes, every four yards on the side of the dancefloor.

Buy one get one free.

A ten times life size model of Matthew Corbett, made entirely from benefit claimant books.

A steroid-crazed shirehorse bringing the drinks to the table.

Buy one get off free.

A replica of Sydney's Golden Gate bridge, but made entirely of marshmallow and staffed by characters off the popular 1980s cartoon "Dangermouse".

A re-enactment of the Dunkirk rescues outside Embrace nightclub at midnight every Thursday. This should be followed by a ticker tape parade.

A 60ft pool filled with man eating sharks, where you throw all the eejits into...:D

A 60ft pool filled with man eating sharks, where you throw all the eejits into...:D

with lasers on their heads?

somewhere were you can get a pint of decent lager for under £2.99

somewhere were you can get a pint of decent lager for under £2.99

Please, let's keep it sensible. Outlandish suggestions like that just spoil this sort of thread.

Please, let's keep it sensible. Outlandish suggestions like that just spoil this sort of thread.


sorry- i really shouldn't have pushed it should i :(

What do you want to see in Sheffield? What bars, clubs and pubs do you like? and what sort of theme night/promotions/offers would you like to see?

I want to to see a club where I am highly likely to enjoy a PA by someone who used to be in a soap opera.

Women spinnin on there head

Women spinnin on there head

The health and safety brigade would never allow it!

A decent RnB and hip hop night...without any idiots or attitude please :D

The health and safety brigade would never allow it!

not true I saw one driving a car today :hihi:

not true I saw one driving a car today :hihi:

Brilliant. It's about time they chilled out a bit.

What the hell's going off on this thread??

I like it. :)

An 'all you can eat' buffet eating house, serving 50 varieties of lard and staffed entirely by characters from Thomas Hardy's "Return Of The Native".

I've been to one. The lard was passable but Damon Wildeve looked more like Old Cotter from The Dubliners. No effort was made when it came to authenticity. I'm sticking to Wetherspoons from now on...:rolleyes:

A "Nik Kershaw" lookalike competition to be held on alternate tuesdays on that part of the Moor outside Home Bargains that always smells of sick, and featuring a dramatic fly past by the Red Arrows at its climax.
Hosted by Thora Hird.

something to stop it raining and ruining my hair.

Thank you, please.

A "Nik Kershaw" lookalike competition to be held on alternate tuesdays on that part of the Moor outside Home Bargains that always smells of sick, and featuring a dramatic fly past by the Red Arrows at its climax.
Hosted by Thora Hird.

Dame Thora Hird passed away some time ago. I'd suggest Michaela Strachan as the replacement.

Pro-celebrity skateboarding with Judith Chalmers and 'chase me' comic Duncan Norvelle or a big tele in the Peace Gardens to watch the World Paint Drying Championship presented by Jeremy Paxman.

Dame Thora Hird passed away some time ago. I'd suggest Michaela Strachan as the replacement.

Why should that be an impediment - they can do amazing things with animatronics these days you know.
For example, did you know that Anne Robinson died in 2003 in a freak water polo accident but continues to present The Weakest Link to this day?

Why should that be an impediment - they can do amazing things with animatronics these days you know.
For example, did you know that Anne Robinson died in 2003 in a freak water polo accident but continues to present The Weakest Link to this day?

That is a complete lie. It was 2002 and she died whilst scuba diving off the coast of Luxembourg. Get your facts straight before making ridiculous posts.

I want a 'minor celebrity' bar. The bar will be made to look like the set from You've Been Framed and the big screen will be showing...football? No sir, only re-runs of Strike It Lucky and Crosswits.

Imagine entering and being greeted by the door staff, Ross Kemp, possibly the hardest man alive. Imagine handing your coat to none other than Roy 'Catchphrase' Walker, then listening to him say things like "ooh it's good but it's not the one" every 30 seconds when he brings the wrong coat out. Imagine being served cheap lager by Les Dennis and Keith Chegwin, laughing as they stagger around like oafs, all drunk and gorky bez. Imagine Wolf from Gladiators pacing around the bar all stern and large, angrily collecting glass and throwing it at Cheggers. Bliss.

I would also very much like Esther Rantzen to be a toilet attendant.

I want a 'minor celebrity' bar. The bar will be made to look like the set from You've Been Framed and the big screen will be showing...football? No sir, only re-runs of Strike It Lucky and Crosswits.

Imagine entering and being greeted by the door staff, Ross Kemp, possibly the hardest man alive. Imagine handing your coat to none other than Roy 'Catchphrase' Walker, then listening to him say things like "ooh it's good but it's not the one" every 30 seconds when he brings the wrong coat out. Imagine being served cheap lager by Les Dennis and Keith Chegwin, laughing as they stagger around like oafs, all drunk and gorky bez. Imagine Wolf from Gladiators pacing around the bar all stern and large, angrily collecting glass and throwing it at Cheggers. Bliss.

I would also very much like Esther Rantzen to be a toilet attendant.


Christa Ackroyd could be the bar supervisor from hell and keep Cheggars and Dennis in line. Stuart Hall from It's a knockout, could provide the laughs and Bob Carolgees does a turn featuring Spit every Wednesday afternoon.

PS - Agent Gypo, I forgot to mention that I collect and have a fine selction of signed minor celebrity autographed publicity photos. I'd be happy to frame them, so we could adorn the walls of this new Sheffield establishment with top quality memorabillia.

Perhaps this bar could also feature a weekly "Root Vegetable Cabaret" in which minor celebrities perform entertaining feats with the vegetables of their choice. You'd be amazed what Shakin' Stevens can do with a savoy cabbage!

PS - Agent Gypo, I forgot to mention that I collect and have a fine selction of signed minor celebrity autographed publicity photos. I'd be happy to frame them, so we could adorn the walls of this new Sheffield establishment with top quality memorabillia.

I need this.

Basil I am (for once) loving your intervention. This thread has reached a level of oddity that I greatly approve of!

Perhaps this bar could also feature a weekly "Root Vegetable Cabaret" in which minor celebrities perform entertaining feats with the vegetables of their choice. You'd be amazed what Shakin' Stevens can do with a savoy cabbage!

Would the minor celebrities need to use fresh veg or would tinned be acceptable? If so, which brands? It may seem like pedantry but its the attention to detail which could make or break this establishment.

Would the minor celebrities need to use fresh veg or would tinned be acceptable? If so, which brands? It may seem like pedantry but its the attention to detail which could make or break this establishment.

Only the finest Tesco Value tinned carrots will do.

I need this.

Agent G...I could ask a Sheffield bar if they'd let me do a gallery of my signed photos and minor celeb memorabilia. I know Pete Mckee is doing a gallery of his work in the Forum...so maybe I should ask them. My collection includes:

Jim Bowen signed photo
Bob Rust (local weather man from the 90's)
Ashely Peacock from Coronation St signed photo
Tiswas (signed copy of Bucket of Water song on 7" vinyl, signed by Chris Tarrant)
The bloke who rides round on an ostrich who's on Radio Sheff...his name escapes me
A Keith Chegwin badge
Reg Holdsworth, the supermarket manager from Coronation St

plus much more

Sorry, there are two threads on the same topic for some reason, I think the thread starter accidentally posted the thread start twice. The second thread on the same topic is at: http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?t=330251

Any chance of merging them?

Women spinnin on there head

Spearmint Rhino. Not exactly spinning on their heads though.

Agent G...I could ask a Sheffield bar if they'd let me do a gallery of my signed photos and minor celeb memorabilia. I know Pete Mckee is doing a gallery of his work in the Forum...so maybe I should ask them. My collection includes:

Jim Bowen signed photo
Bob Rust (local weather man from the 90's)
Ashely Peacock from Coronation St signed photo
Tiswas (signed copy of Bucket of Water song on 7" vinyl, signed by Chris Tarrant)
The bloke who rides round on an ostrich who's on Radio Sheff...his name escapes me
A Keith Chegwin badge
Reg Holdsworth, the supermarket manager from Coronation St

plus much more

It's knowledge like this that makes my life worth living. :banana:

8ball pool hall,Mega casino with caged lions like at the MGM in Las Vegas