Yet another quality thread by the Jabberwock.


Instead of spreading our bodily functions all over this good forum lets scrape them together into one place.

THIS place!

Obviously, we cant be TOO vile, cant use any sweary wordies, but we should hopefully, mods willing, (and me doing a LOT of crawling) be able to get a nice thread about ...

For instance:

Trumps.

Why are some silent while some are noisy? What part of the botty actually makes the noise? Would it be possible to eat something that makes them more fragrant? Will the mods slaughter this thread and me the very SECOND they see us?

TELL ME!!!

Hello Jabberwocky. How's life?

Hello Jabberwocky. How's life?

Its... I overdosed on coffee .... you can tell.. cant you...?


:D

My what big teeth you have.

You did warn us you were gonna start this thread didnt you !!:D

My what big teeth you have.

They arent teeth!

Im chain smoking!

You did warn us you were gonna start this thread didnt you !!:D

Well I tried to be fair and.... I hate being fair....


heh heh

You did warn us you were gonna start this thread didnt you !!:D

Did he ? Warn us ? :huh:

Did he ? Warn us ? :huh:

Yes I did!



Back in 1987

lol.......

Another question:

Chest infections:

Why do we wheeze? What makes the wheezing sound?


Whats phlegm made out of?

Would someone elses phlegm taste different to your own?

Did he ? Warn us ? :huh:

Unless you count the fact that he exists warning enough :hihi::hihi::hihi:

Let's face it, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

On the subject of trumps, i found that fennel oil taken internally makes them a smell of farty aniseed.

Unless you count the fact that he exists warning enough :hihi::hihi::hihi:

Let's face it, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

On the subject of trumps, i found that fennel oil taken internally makes them a smell of farty aniseed.

You.. experiment with your own farts....

Thats ... I thought I was sick but thats.....

Marry me!

On the subject of trumps, i found that fennel oil taken internally makes them a smell of farty aniseed. ..........:gag:

Why do people cry?

You.. experiment with your own farts....

Thats ... I thought I was sick but thats.....

Marry me!

:D...............................

You.. experiment with your own farts....

Thats ... I thought I was sick but thats.....

Marry me!

I'm watching you. :suspect::suspect::suspect:

I'm watching you. :suspect::suspect::suspect:

It wasnt me!

THEY made me do it!


Ban `em! Ban the lot of `em!



heh heh heh

Why do people cry?

why would people get angry at what you 'nearly' put ?i'm intrigued now ;)

why would people get angry at what you 'nearly' put ?i'm intrigued now ;)

Yay! Someone does read my funny little after thoughts! I love you! :love: :hihi: :) ;) :D

I need a wee-wee I will be back soon! :D

i always notice these little things ;)

If you eat sugarpuffs it makes your wee smell of them, it really does! :hihi:

that last post was to 04 not savannah:blush:

If you eat sugarpuffs it makes your wee smell of them, it really does! :hihi:

it does sugarpuff it does !! i'm so glad its not just me :D

I also have to report that broccoli, even in trace amounts, gives me gas so severe that the term 'blast radius' is appropriate. :o

I also have to report that broccoli, even in trace amounts, gives me gas so severe that the term 'blast radius' is appropriate. :o

Come for a meal with me!

I know a good vegetarian restaurant!

that last post was to 04 not savannah:blush:

lol Not something I eat - Am I safe? ;D

Fish does it for me.

I have a fish from the chippy and Im lethal, I can actually burn chairs.

Come for a meal with me!

I know a good vegetarian restaurant!

Ha, you say that now, but I bet you'd be running for cover and begging for a gas mask a couple of hours later :hihi::hihi::hihi:.
The after effects of broccoli are really quite extreme. [Remember the "earthquake" a couple of weeks back? :D:D]

Ha, you say that now, but I bet you'd be running for cover and begging for a gas mask a couple of hours later :hihi::hihi::hihi:.
The after effects of broccoli are really quite extreme. [Remember the "earthquake" a couple of weeks back? :D:D]

I LIKE a woman who isnt afraid to let her botty do the talking for her! Theres something refreshing about sitting next to her and comparing stenches.

I had a girlfriend once who used to let rip and she used to celebrate it by yelling "GOOD ARSE!", she used to belch and as she belched, she`d say "MANNERS!" in a belch voice.


She taught me many things, and taught me how to appreciate the pains of diarreah and that dysentary could be fun.

I DO miss her, but she was blown to bits when she let a ripper go while she was in a public telephone box.
The explosion killed three people and made me deaf for a week.

Passers by filmed it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGS-Ko4YcoE


Actually this is worth a thread on its own.... Bloody chavs.

......................
I DO miss her, but she was blown to bits when she let a ripper go while she was in a public telephone box.
The explosion killed three people and made me deaf for a week.

That's me and the brassica family, lucky I'm not agoraphobic really :shocked:

A friend of mine once lit a fart while going commando, the resulting fireball took off most of the hair from his nethers, scorched his tackle and left a fearful stench of singed nadgers. :D:D:gag:

A friend of mine once lit a fart while going commando, the resulting fireball took off most of the hair from his nethers, scorched his tackle and left a fearful stench of singed nadgers. :D:D:gag:

Theres a clip on youtube where a young man is trying to light one of his...emissions....

Hes on his back, curled into a ball and the camera goes for an extreme close up as the cig lighter draws closer to the... his botty...

He thrusts, strains,.,, then follows through...


Nasty yet.... funny. :D

Always wear a sturdy trouser when lighting farts; a friend of mine blew a hole in his pj's and suffered a rather sore botty. My sturdy trouser of choice is the denim jean.

A friend of mine once lit a fart while going commando, the resulting fireball took off most of the hair from his nethers, scorched his tackle and left a fearful stench of singed nadgers. :D:D:gag:

:hihi::hihi::hihi: thats really funny, thanks for the laugh.

Always wear a sturdy trouser when lighting farts; a friend of mine blew a hole in his pj's and suffered a rather sore botty. My sturdy trouser of choice is the denim jean.

Unless they are frayed . I've seen the consequences ;).......it wasn't me honest;)

Theres a clip on youtube where a young man is trying to light one of his...emissions....

Hes on his back, curled into a ball and the camera goes for an extreme close up as the cig lighter draws closer to the... his botty...

He thrusts, strains,.,, then follows through...


Nasty yet.... funny. :D

:hihi::hihi: Wheres the linky then

:hihi::hihi: Wheres the linky then

I darent!

Id be banned into the middle of next week! :D

Actually I cant find it now, I wonder if it was reported...

Theres a clip on youtube where a young man is trying to light one of his...emissions....

Hes on his back, curled into a ball and the camera goes for an extreme close up as the cig lighter draws closer to the... his botty...

He thrusts, strains,.,, then follows through...


Nasty yet.... funny. :D

I remember seeing that one. :D

I darent!

Id be banned into the middle of next week! :D

Actually I cant find it now, I wonder if it was reported...

Someone put a link on another farting thread on here of a girl following thru in a hot tub , my 9 year old son thought it was hysterical .Had to feel sorry for the girl though ....and the other 3 people in the hot tub with her , never seen anyone run so fast :hihi:

Someone put a link on another farting thread on here of a girl following thru in a hot tub , my 9 year old son thought it was hysterical .Had to feel sorry for the girl though ....and the other 3 people in the hot tub with her , never seen anyone run so fast :hihi:

I have that on my mobile phone.

I know its a bit... odd, but it amuses me.

and its how oxtail soup is made.

I have that on my mobile phone.

I know its a bit... odd, but it amuses me.

and its how oxtail soup is made.

:hihi: It amuses my son as well .I think you two would get on well together , he might only be 9 but he's got a wicked , almost warped sense of humour , he finds a funny side in everything :D

:hihi: It amuses my son as well .I think you two would get on well together , he might only be 9 but he's got a wicked , almost warped sense of humour , he finds a funny side in everything :D

Nine year olds are my mental equal, theyre so easily twisted at that age :D

Nine year olds are my mental equal, theyre so easily twisted at that age :D

Ah, can they play together. Him and Jabbers ? :)

Ah, can they play together. Him and Jabbers ? :)

I have a couple of machine guns and a flame thrower or two we can use! Itll be like my childhood all over again!

I have a couple of machine guns and a flame thrower or two we can use! Itll be like my childhood all over again!

I bet jabbers is a lovely dad, and will get on smashing with kids.

I bet jabbers is a lovely dad, and will get on smashing with kids.

Kids hate me, I like to scare them.

Its what kids are for....


heh heh heh

Kids hate me, I like to scare them.

Its what kids are for....


heh heh heh

When you say heh,heh,heh, you just sound like your avatar.:D

I have a couple of machine guns and a flame thrower or two we can use! Itll be like my childhood all over again!

Ive just being showing Cameron some pics of you on facebook and he's well impressed cos youve got tattoos :D
He also says yes hed love to play with the machine guns and especially the flame throwers
Oh and he told me to tell you 'your mad ' but in the nicest possible way :hihi:

Kids hate me, I like to scare them.

Its what kids are for....


heh heh heh

Oh believe me , he'd scare you back !!!

Ive just being showing Cameron some pics of you on facebook and he's well impressed cos youve got tattoos :D
He also says yes hed love to play with the machine guns and especially the flame throwers
Oh and he told me to tell you 'your mad ' but in the nicest possible way :hihi:

Ah, Cameron does sound nice. Can just imagine him & Jabbers playing together.:)

Ive just being showing Cameron some pics of you on facebook and he's well impressed cos youve got tattoos :D
He also says yes hed love to play with the machine guns and especially the flame throwers
Oh and he told me to tell you 'your mad ' but in the nicest possible way :hihi:

Tell him that I squealed like a little girl when I had the tattoes done.

Then I skinned the tattooist alive and ate his flesh.



True story is that. :D

Why is that boys find trumps hysterical .
I was sat in the conservatory earlier on my own watching benidorm when Cameron opened the door a bit , stuck his bum in and did the biggest trump ive ever heard him do !! He then closed the door and run away laughing like a mad man .
Then the smell hit me :gag::gag:
Gross :hihi:

Why is that boys find trumps hysterical .
I was sat in the conservatory earlier on my own watching benidorm when Cameron opened the door a bit , stuck his bum in and did the biggest trump ive ever heard him do !! He then closed the door and run away laughing like a mad man .
Then the smell hit me :gag::gag:
Gross :hihi:

Laughing my head off arent I ? :D:D:D

Do you still think he sounds nice Pattricia :hihi:
He is tho , he's a little darling :love:

Do you still think he sounds nice Pattricia :hihi:
He is tho , he's a little darling :love:

Yes, and what a lovely name.:)

Yes, and what a lovely name.:)

Thankyou :)
He's gone to bed now to dream of playing guns with jabbers :D

Im hoping we have a boy next, girls are lovely but they wont go that extra nine yards and disembowel a rat.

They don't need to though Jabbers, not with you guffing and trumping all over the place ....

They don't need to though Jabbers, not with you guffing and trumping all over the place ....

Yeah and thats another thing!

Little girls cry when the stink hits them. Lads just appreciate it and encourage more stenchyness!

I've never cried because of a fart, ok the occasional tear will leak down my perfect cheek because some farts are remarkably like tear gas, but usually I tend to riposte by putting up my own smokescreen, or if that fails getting a mallet and a large cork.........##

##
the mallet and cork to be used on somebody else.

My kids cry and my OH has been known to FORCE me to sit on the bog. She makes me sit on the bog and if I refuse she makes me sleep on the couch all night, just because of half a dozen kackies!

I wish we were married, then I could divorce the sod.

Good for her, I never allow men to trump in my bed either, tell her to drop me a PM and I'll direct her to a good cork supplier and she can borrow my 2nd best mallet.....

Good for her, I never allow men to trump in my bed either, tell her to drop me a PM and I'll direct her to a good cork supplier and she can borrow my 2nd best mallet.....

Oh it doesnt stop me, I still let RIP 10 minutes after shes got into bed and thinks its all safe.

I see it as a mark of respect to her.

Lads just appreciate it and encourage more stenchyness!

Didnt know you knew my lad personally :hihi::hihi:

Didnt know you knew my lad personally :hihi::hihi:

Theyre all the same! theyre just smaller faster versions of me :D

Oh it doesnt stop me, I still let RIP 10 minutes after shes got into bed and thinks its all safe.

I see it as a mark of respect to her.

I've always admired your caring and thoughtful nature ... :hihi::hihi:

I've always admired your caring and thoughtful nature ... :hihi::hihi:

Well I try to be nice.



Fortunately I dont try hard enough, my other half told me that Id poo myself one day... as if thats a bad thing!

I don't know which are the worst of my gf's farts; the earth-shattering ones that blow the duvet to the ceiling or the SBD's that creep up on me as she lies there innocently stifling her giggles! :gag::hihi: