why is it that the majority of gay people HAVE to keep reminding you that they are gay? i live with a gay bloke and a gay woman and they constantly remind me that they are gay, when i already know. i asked them why they do it and they said they were gay and proud. thats great. wouldn't understand it if they were ashamed, but i am straight, english and male and proud of all these things, but i don't keep pestering them about it and wandering around the house bragging this.
could someone also help me understand why gay men like to act like women and gay women like to act like men? surley this makes no sense? i'm not saying ALL but the ones ive met and as both my house mates get bored easily with thier partners, thats alot.

Maybe it's because they think they are the only gays in the village...

Why don't you ask these questions in the existing gay thread :)

There are people like that, they are the main reason I don't go to gay pubs anymore, it tends to wear off once they get past 25.

Sadly, for some people being gay is the only interesting thing about them though, they think that they have to live the "lifestyle".

Originally posted by Mo
Why don't you ask these questions in the existing gay thread :)

because i need to be different....

Originally posted by Mo
Why don't you ask these questions in the existing gay thread :)

You might get accused of being homophobic. I'm not - I don't even like alternative medicine:hihi:

There are two types of gay people though, those that have to constantly remind you they are gay, and those that don't. Dafydd Thomas is a good example of the former.

Also, on the last series of big brother, there was one of each, Marco and Dan, and they couldn't stand each other. I think it's probably something you grow out of.

A freind of a friend came out a few years back, and since then he's become so boring.
The only thing in his life now is his sexuality, and it's all he talks about. He hangs around with other gays, goes to gay clubs, hangs around in gay areas, listens to the music all the other gays listen to. And he has this theory that 50% off the population are gay, and the other 50% are either curious or too ashamed to come out.

Get over yourself. Let it go. We don't care.

Hope he grows out of it like some suggest he will.

this lass used to come in our boozer with another bird like creature we used to call it "the man child" anywayn this is how the conversation went



her:are me and my partner welcome in here"

me: of course

her:have you met my partner

me: no

her: thats HER playing pool

me: ok

her: you know, HER with the glasses on

me: ok

her: me and HER have been together six months

me: nice :rolleyes:

her: did you know i was gay

me: never really gave it a thought

her:well i am

me: so how come you go out with a bird that looks like a bloke then?

end of conversation

Originally posted by marcuss
why is it that the majority of gay people HAVE to keep reminding you that they are gay? i live with a gay bloke and a gay woman and they constantly remind me that they are gay, when i already know. i asked them why they do it and they said they were gay and proud. thats great. wouldn't understand it if they were ashamed, but i am straight, english and male and proud of all these things, but i don't keep pestering them about it and wandering around the house bragging this.
could someone also help me understand why gay men like to act like women and gay women like to act like men? surley this makes no sense? i'm not saying ALL but the ones ive met and as both my house mates get bored easily with thier partners, thats alot.

ummm, maybe you meet lots of gay people who are not so obvious about it?

and I know a few gay men and I wouldn't say that any of them "act like women"

maybe its not them that has a problem?

Originally posted by Yodameister


maybe its not them that has a problem?

what would you call it then?

Originally posted by marcuss
i live with a gay bloke and a gay woman...

...i am straight, english and male

Sounds a bit "Bi" to me. ;)

Originally posted by foo_fighter
Sounds a bit "Bi" to me. ;)

very suspect..i'm sure he typed in a big deep voice and chest sticking out

Yodameister makes a good point.

How do you know the 'majority' of gay people behave in this manner if the ones that don't, by definition, will not have told you they are gay?

Originally posted by Yodameister
ummm, maybe you meet lots of gay people who are not so obvious about it?

and I know a few gay men and I wouldn't say that any of them "act like women"

maybe its not them that has a problem?

I didn't say they had 'a problem' i was just wondering why they act like this. dont be so quick to snap! geeeeessss.

Originally posted by foo_fighter
Sounds a bit "Bi" to me. ;)

Why is that then? because i live with a man who likes men and a woman who likes women? grow up for god sake this isnt infant school.

Originally posted by marcuss
I didn't say they had 'a problem' i was just wondering why they act like this. dont be so quick to snap! geeeeessss.

If you don't want folk snapping at you, then think things through before you post; you're talking about a stereotype.

Your argument is as rational as someone asking why Irish people are a bit dim, why football fans get into fights or why Asian people drive Nissan Bluebirds! Clearly some people from any background will fit a stereotype, but it's normally a minority!

Originally posted by kathythebean
Yodameister makes a good point.

How do you know the 'majority' of gay people behave in this manner if the ones that don't, by definition, will not have told you they are gay?

I also stated that i wasn't refering to ALL gay people just the hundreds that my housemates bring home.

Heres another question, why can some people read a post the whole way through, but others will pick at certain points just to try to pull someone to pieces?

Originally posted by Kristian
If you don't want folk snapping at you, then think things through before you post; you're talking about a stereotype.



I am not stereotyping anyone. All the gay people i have met ARE like this. So if it is only a minority then why the hell do this minority all live in sheffield and end up coming home with my house mates?

Yes, it's a stereotype but it is one with quite a bit of truth to it, and I don't think marcuss is wrong to ask. My wife has worked in various parts of the care sector, and has had a lot of lesbian and gay co-workers, and I would say about 75% have matched this stereotype of being very up-front about their gayness, constantly reminding you of it in ways that you wouldn't expect from straight people.

That said, there's other explanations which I'm sure play a part in this: firstly, the way the human brain works means that we pay more attention to unusual behaviour, and hence believe that it happens more than it actually does; for example, because we are constantly reading about murders in the newspapers then we think we live in a violent country when actually these events are very rare. So, because gay relationships are that little bit more uncommon than straight ones, we tend to notice it more when somebody talks about them, and then overestimate the amount of times that somebody talks about them.

Related to that, as kathythebean said the gay people who don't go on about the fact they are gay are the ones you won't necessarily think of as being gay, so again your perception of what gay people are like is skewed by the fact that you're only noticing loud gays even though there may be other gays in the village.

Finally, it is a trait of many minorities to emphasise their difference: it gives them a stronger sense of identity and a feeling that it's OK to do what they do. There is a term for this which I learnt in first-year psychology, but I'm afraid I've forgotten it.

Originally posted by marcuss
I am not stereotyping anyone. All the gay people i have met ARE like this. So if it is only a minority then why the hell do this minority all live in sheffield and end up coming home with my house mates?

The fact that this type of person has been your experience of gay folk doesn't mean others don't exist; do you not think it could be that this type of person is just attracted to your housemates and vice versa?

K x

Originally posted by DanSumption
Yes, it's a stereotype but it is one with quite a bit of truth to it, and I don't think marcuss is wrong to ask. My wife has worked in various parts of the care sector, and has had a lot of lesbian and gay co-workers, and I would say about 75% have matched this stereotype of being very up-front about their gayness, constantly reminding you of it in ways that you wouldn't expect from straight people.

That said, there's other explanations which I'm sure play a part in this: firstly, the way the human brain works means that we pay more attention to unusual behaviour, and hence believe that it happens more than it actually does; for example, because we are constantly reading about murders in the newspapers then we think we live in a violent country when actually these events are very rare. So, because gay relationships are that little bit more uncommon than straight ones, we tend to notice it more when somebody talks about them, and then overestimate the amount of times that somebody talks about them.

Related to that, as kathythebean said the gay people who don't go on about the fact they are gay are the ones you won't necessarily think of as being gay, so again your perception of what gay people are like is skewed by the fact that you're only noticing loud gays even though there may be other gays in the village.

Finally, it is a trait of many minorities to emphasise their difference: it gives them a stronger sense of identity and a feeling that it's OK to do what they do. There is a term for this which I learnt in first-year psychology, but I'm afraid I've forgotten it.

Maybe your wife works with other LGB people she doesn't even realsise are gay? Other than that, I feel you make a good point Dan! :)

K x

I think nick2 had it spot on on the last page, erm, sec...

Originally posted by nick2
There are people like that, they are the main reason I don't go to gay pubs anymore, it tends to wear off once they get past 25.

Sadly, for some people being gay is the only interesting thing about them though, they think that they have to live the "lifestyle".

I've noticed it myself, I used to work on the vague borders of the scene, & it is the happy enthusiastic under 25's that show it the most.

Originally posted by Kristian
Maybe your wife works with other LGB people she doesn't even realsise are gay? Other than that, I feel you make a good point Dan! :)

Thanks Kristian, I like it when you appreciate my "rational arguments" :)

What you say is theoretically possible, but knowing my wife it is practically impossible - she is such as good judge of people, it's like she reads minds or something. I can't believe she would be able to work with somebody for more than a day without having a pretty good idea of their sexual orientation and preferences, whether they mention them or not.

Originally posted by DanSumption
Thanks Kristian, I like it when you appreciate my "rational arguments" :)

What you say is theoretically possible, but knowing my wife it is practically impossible - she is such as good judge of people, it's like she reads minds or something. I can't believe she would be able to work with somebody for more than a day without having a pretty good idea of their sexual orientation and preferences, whether they mention them or not.

Remember we can be convincing though Dan! I convinced my fiancee (and myself!) for three years that I batted for her team :hihi:

K x

I was only trying to add to the debate, you know, I wasn't picking at anyone, and I had read the whole thread. If you read my post again, you'll see I wasn't trying to imply that you think ALL gay people are like that, and it was actually written in quite a lighthearted tone. Forget it.

At the risk of being off-topic, can I ask if anyone else is aware of the word "gay" being used by schoolchildren as an offhand term of something being "no-good" or not "in", possibly abusive (I'm not 100% certain) but having appeared to have lost the homosexual connotation?
I think it probably started in the childish homophobic way but seems to be used by children unaware of that usage.

Just for example: a new video game can be "gay" but just meaning "pretty useless", "too easy", "not cool to have" etc.

Originally posted by cgksheff
At the risk of being off-topic, can I ask if anyone else is aware of the word "gay" being used by schoolchildren as an offhand term of something being "no-good" or not "in", possibly abusive (I'm not 100% certain) but having appeared to have lost the homosexual connotation?
I think it probably started in the childish homophobic way but seems to be used by children unaware of that usage.

Just for example: a new video game can be "gay" but just meaning "pretty useless", "too easy", "not cool to have" etc.

Yes, I hear the word all day. It seems to be the word that the pupils use to say that something is mildly rubbish, otherwise they just say it's S***! It appears to have no linkage with the other meaning of gay.

Originally posted by msbehavin
Maybe it's because they think they are the only gays in the village... Lol! I've never really watched little Britain but a friend does a really good impression and that reminded me :thumbsup:

Originally posted by cgksheff
At the risk of being off-topic, can I ask if anyone else is aware of the word "gay" being used by schoolchildren as an offhand term of something being "no-good" or not "in", possibly abusive (I'm not 100% certain) but having appeared to have lost the homosexual connotation?
I think it probably started in the childish homophobic way but seems to be used by children unaware of that usage.

Just for example: a new video game can be "gay" but just meaning "pretty useless", "too easy", "not cool to have" etc.

I used to play games online and you'd often hear teenagers using the word in the derogative sense. I always put it down to their lack of maturity. You're probably right though, I doubt they even think of where it came from. To them it most likely just means crap, no good or whatever and has no linkage to homophobia anymore. Bless 'em. :rolleyes:

I dunno, it's not a term of abuse I've ever used (I think) but I do have friends who use it that way and I'm sure it does come from "gay" as in "homosexual" and it still carries elements of the same meaning. It is, I guess, derogatory, but in a too-pathetic-to-be-really-offensive way, to me it's a bit like calling a woman a "bint" (incidentally, anyone know where the word bint comes from? It's Arabic for "sister", the female equivalent of "bin" as in "Osama bin Laden". Don't say I never teach you anything).

I was involved in a conversation on another forum (http://www.iotacism.com/discus/messages/2/74.html) which degenerated from a discussion of musicals (how gay is that?) into a row over who are the gayest heavy metal band (via another row about who rules: Chas or Dave. Top quote "Does anyone know if you can actually buy rabbit in Sainsbury's?"). I'm sure you could be offended by it if you tried hard enough, but really it was all done in the best possible taste.

Originally posted by marcuss

could someone also help me understand why gay men like to act like women and gay women like to act like men? surley this makes no sense? i'm not saying ALL but the ones ive met and as both my house mates get bored easily with thier partners, thats alot.


:lol: I've wondered that myself. Why can't a gay man and a lesbian woman get together and the man play the woman and the woman play the man?! That way, everyone's a winner and to the outside world they look straight.

Originally posted by t020
:lol: I've wondered that myself. Why can't a gay man and a lesbian woman get together and the man play the woman and the woman play the man?! That way, everyone's a winner and to the outside world they look straight.

Dur! Because they wouldn't fancy each other! I really expected more from you than this T020! :nono:

I don't care whether I look gay or not to the outside world; I'm just myself, and lots of folk don't know I'm gay until I tell them. It wouldn't bother me though if I was more 'obvious' in real life, I'm just proud to be who I am!

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
Dur! Because they wouldn't fancy each other! I really expected more from you than this T020! :nono:


It was only a joke!

Originally posted by t020
It was only a joke!

Then try more smileys next time Mr! :D

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
Dur! Because they wouldn't fancy each other! I really expected more from you than this T020! :nono:

I don't care whether I look gay or not to the outside world; I'm just myself, and lots of folk don't know I'm gay until I tell them. It wouldn't bother me though if I was more 'obvious' in real life, I'm just proud to be who I am!

K x

Excuse me for saying this, but for one who is supposedly so comfortable with his sexuality, you seem awfully quick to become defensive at the very mention of the word "gay"

Originally posted by marcuss
why is it that the majority of gay people HAVE to keep reminding you that they are gay?...

...i am straight, english and male and proud of all these things
So why do you HAVE to keep reminding us you're straight then?

:suspect:

Originally posted by Pauly
I used to play games online and you'd often hear teenagers using the word in the derogative sense. I always put it down to their lack of maturity. You're probably right though, I doubt they even think of where it came from. To them it most likely just means crap, no good or whatever and has no linkage to homophobia anymore. Bless 'em. :rolleyes: I found that when I used to play Diablo II online.

Someone described a movie as "gay" and I tried to make a joke out of it ("does it go out with boys", "is it the only gay in the cinema", etc).

The comment I got back was something along the lines of: "Are you the defender of gays or summat?"

I had to laugh, but it just sounded so odd to hear "gay" used as a general derogatory term.

Originally posted by foo_fighter
So why do you HAVE to keep reminding us you're straight then?

:suspect: I must admit that that one has always puzzled me too. People make a comment about homosexuality and then tag an affirmation of their own heterosexuality onto the end thus making it seem as though they are not sure of their sexuality even when they could be the straightest person on the planet!

I had a laughing fit last night in the pub when my mate called me a "bummer".

Beer came down my nose.

Originally posted by nick2
I had a laughing fit last night in the pub when my mate called me a "bummer".

Beer came down my nose. A friend's younger boyfriend always used to call him a "silly old queen" in the most affectionate way possible...that made me chuckle.

Originally posted by nick2
I had a laughing fit last night in the pub when my mate called me a "bummer".

Beer came down my nose.

class:hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: not heard that word since about 1975 pmsl

You all make very good arguments. From my point of view it could get a bit anoying. But also i get anoyed by my straight friends perving over women! To me this is a constant reminder that they are straight!

assuming you're male, don't you perv over other men? :P

Also, can i point out that the word GAY never used to mean "a homosexual person", according to a dictionary i looked in once :D it means happy and bright; joyful, etc.

Really i can't see why anyone should take offence at useless things being called "gay", just someone stole the meaning of the word once again.

So ner ner :P ;)

Originally posted by Avalon
You all make very good arguments. From my point of view it could get a bit anoying. But also i get anoyed by my straight friends perving over women! To me this is a constant reminder that they are straight! I was discussing this with my partner on the way to the TACOMA gig last night.

We were on the tram at Shalesmoor and it struck me that if we were sat across from a group of gay men being very camp, talking about their sexual escapades and commenting on the attractiveness of men out of the window, some people would take offence.

If the same group had been burly heterosexuals glorying in their masculinity, boasting about their sexual escapades and commenting on the attractiveness of women out of the window, I don't think that the same level of offence would be admitted to.

I tend to get tired of any bragging chuff that bangs on about who and what he has/would/is going to bang!

Originally posted by Carmine

I tend to get tired of any bragging chuff that bangs on about who and what he has/would/is going to bang! [/B]

Hear Hear :) (queer queer? tee hee, sorry about that)

Originally posted by Carmine
I was discussing this with my partner on the way to the TACOMA gig last night.

We were on the tram at Shalesmoor and it struck me that if we were sat across from a group of gay men being very camp, talking about their sexual escapades and commenting on the attractiveness of men out of the window, some people would take offence.

If the same group had been burly heterosexuals glorying in their masculinity, boasting about their sexual escapades and commenting on the attractiveness of women out of the window, I don't think that the same level of offence would be admitted to.

I tend to get tired of any bragging chuff that bangs on about who and what he has/would/is going to bang!

I feel i should go all American evangelical and say "AaaaaaaMEYN!".....???:suspect:

Originally posted by DanSumption
Yes, it's a stereotype but it is one with quite a bit of truth to it, and I don't think marcuss is wrong to ask. My wife has worked in various parts of the care sector, and has had a lot of lesbian and gay co-workers, and I would say about 75% have matched this stereotype of being very up-front about their gayness, constantly reminding you of it in ways that you wouldn't expect from straight people.

That said, there's other explanations which I'm sure play a part in this: firstly, the way the human brain works means that we pay more attention to unusual behaviour, and hence believe that it happens more than it actually does; for example, because we are constantly reading about murders in the newspapers then we think we live in a violent country when actually these events are very rare. So, because gay relationships are that little bit more uncommon than straight ones, we tend to notice it more when somebody talks about them, and then overestimate the amount of times that somebody talks about them.

Related to that, as kathythebean said the gay people who don't go on about the fact they are gay are the ones you won't necessarily think of as being gay, so again your perception of what gay people are like is skewed by the fact that you're only noticing loud gays even though there may be other gays in the village.

Finally, it is a trait of many minorities to emphasise their difference: it gives them a stronger sense of identity and a feeling that it's OK to do what they do. There is a term for this which I learnt in first-year psychology, but I'm afraid I've forgotten it.

DanSumption - you make a lot of sense. Thank you.

I'm gay. Got nothing to hide, but it's not an everyday topic of conversation for me. I'm quite at ease introducing my male partner as..... my partner. Hopefully, people accept me for who I am, not what my sexuality is. If they have a problem with my sexuality - it's their problem, not mine.

And marcuss - get real. Gay men don't all act like women, and gay women all act like men. Despite your contact with so many gay men and women, you are streotyping us all. Gays are a very diverse bunch - why, would you believe it, I even know some gays who vote Tory! Amazing diversity indeed!

Gays go on about being gay to be clear and open to the straight population.

If a gay person goes to a gay club to met a partner the assumtion is all attendees are gay from the start. So they have no need to hold up 'I'm gay' up front attitude.

However in the real world , I would assume every bloke I met was straight unless he proved otherwise. So to be on the safe side and being in the minority most gays make their sexual preference known, as to not bark up the wrong tree. (So says my baby brother plus partner)

Originally posted by PIF_Tails
(So says my baby brother plus partner)
I almost choked when i read this - Your partner is your baby brother!?!?!?! :suspect: But then i read it again and it made sense! :clap:

Originally posted by redrobbo
I even know some gays who vote Tory!

That's not so unusual. Throughout history probably half of the Tory MPs in parliament have batted for the other side (mostly in secret). It must be something about that public school education - you know, after lights out in the dorm... ;)

Originally posted by mojoworking
That's not so unusual. Throughout history probably half of the Tory MPs in parliament have batted for the other side (mostly in secret). It must be something about that public school education - you know, after lights out in the dorm... ;)

I think that's the point; they do it in secret. How can someone be affilliated with a political party that passes an act like section 28? :loopy:

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
I think that's the point; they do it in secret. How can someone be affilliated with a political party that passes an act like section 28? :loopy:

K x How, you ask?

Why with that great political asset known as staggering hypocrisy.