I'm getting married in a few months time and spent Saturday morning being fitted for a suit along with my best man and my soon to be Father-in-Law.

All this went well until my dear mother stuck her oar in to ask if we were hiring suits for my father and brother (the latter is to be an Usher at the ceremony), as she is worried they will not match the other men on the photos.

This browned me off a little as the wedding has been budgeted so tightly it's unreal and there is no more cash in the pot to pay for more hire suits.

I have been trying to fend her off with the argument that the Ushers and the father of the Groom don't really have to be in the same suits as the people who are going to be standing before the Registrar, but this doesn't seem to wash.

Can anyone tell me if I'm right or wrong on these points:

1) The Ushers don't have to be dressed in the same suits as the Groom, Best Man and Father of the Bride.

2) The Groom's father is not dressed in the same suit either as he won't play any part in the actual ceremony.

Not entirely sure of the etiquette but someone on www.hitched.co.uk might be able to help.

Good luck!

It's your wedding - do as you please.

However, you could try searching/posting here for a definitive answer :

http://www.topweddingquestions.com/

Nomme

Originally posted by nomme
It's your wedding - do as you please. I wish it were that simple, but my parents have that wonderful way of making any decision I make seem like an ungrateful stab at the couple who raised me for all those years!

Resist it Carmine! It's your wedding and your choice. It's not the usher or the father that people will be looking at, so it really doesn't matter.

Explain to your mother that you aren't prepared to go into debt just so some photos look "nicer" . Unless, of course, she wants to pay for the extra suit hire herself.

Originally posted by feargal
Unless, of course, she wants to pay for the extra suit hire herself. This is where the problems start!

My parents have the option of paying to hire suits for my brother as one of the Ushers and my father, but the problem then is that if the Usher from my partner's side doesn't hire the same suit he'll end up looking like a spare part!

Money is an issue that we have tried to defuse right from the start as we set out to have both parents contribute the same amount and put in ourselves all that we could afford without running up debts.

I feel that if my side of the family start throwing money at the problems they see (which really aren't there in the first place), then resentment could be sewn on the other side.

Originally posted by nomme
However, you could try searching/posting here for a definitive answer :

http://www.topweddingquestions.com/

Nomme Thanks for that tip Nomme.

I searched on the issue and found that the only bit of advice in that vein was a guy asking if his father should have the same tuxedo as the rest of the men involved.

The answer was yes, but it was posted by a guy who made a living hiring out tuxedos!

Then do a zammo - Just say No.

So what if they go on about it... just throw a big mardy and tell them "the answer is no, I don't want to hear any more about it, and I'm not prepared to discuss it any further."

Then every time it gets mentioned, you are perfectly within your rights to walk off with them in mid-sentence! (flouncing about and going "nur nur ne nur nur" is optional) ;)

It's probably going to come to that!

the two fathers do not have to have the same suits.

the bride's father,best man etc should all have similar attire.

it is quite normal for ushers to be in "normal" suits,likewise with pageboys who often have frilly shirts & kilts 'n stuff.

the otions for suit hire etiquette does not exist it has been driven by pretentious wannabe's and pushy mother's.lol

Originally posted by Carmine
Thanks for that tip Nomme.

The answer was yes, but it was posted by a guy who made a living hiring out tuxedos!

LOL. Yeah I see what you mean. Seems to be on about every thread in that subsection of the forum.

How about posting your question in the 'wedding etiquette' forum.
That looks like it's moderated and most of the respondents look to be the moderators themselves.

Nomme

It's up to you it's your wedding. From the weddings I've been to though it does seem that it's generally the way it's done - groom, best man, father of the bride and ushers all in the same clothes (father of the groom as well at some). At the end of the day though it's your choice and you'll still be married after it all whatever they wear.

Arguably it was hire companies such as Greenwoods that started this trend. Their 'groom goes free' package requires the hire of 4 other suits, so:

Groom
Best man
2 ushers

Leaves a spare suit which the bride's father may as well wear.

We're getting married in 2 weeks. I decided that my father would look 'cheap' in the same outfit as the ushers, so he'll be getting his own suit. (saves on politics too, and less confusing for guests)

If you allow them to wear the same, do so only if they are the same - and they're paying.

I find it difficult to believe how many other people have an opinion on these things if it's not their money they are spending :mad:

heyup mate,

i was a best man a few weeks back and myself, bride's dad and groom had the same suits. The ushers and groom's father definitely don't have to conform to your attire at all.

Another small thing is that the groom could be subtly different to the best man/father of bride: in our case the groom wore a different coloured cravat, this just emphasises the fact that it's the groom's day!

but seriously mate, the day's about you and your missus so it should be how you want it.

It's your wedding so have what you want.

When I got married last year, Groom wore a normal suit he bought for the occasion with a white shirt and a patterned tie. Father of Bride wore a normal suit with a wine coloured shirt and a plain shirt. The Best woman - wore a beige jacket and skirt. So none of ours matched and it never detracted from the wedding at all and nobody has mentioned that it was weird or anything.

I say don't hire extra suits.

I have been an usher at a few weddings and just gone in my own suit.

Crikey the best man and the Bride's father are the main team, it's only them who need to match up. If you start dressing all the ushers, where's it going to end, the organist? The photographer?

Up to you mate, but stand up for yourself don't be bullied by a pushy mother...

Originally posted by muddycoffee
Up to you mate, but stand up for yourself don't be bullied by a pushy mother...
Unless she's stumping up the readies :thumbsup: then only for the sake of peace ;)

I've thought of another reason for you not to all match. You might end up looking a bit like the Temptations or - heaven forbid - Westlife.

Explain it and that should be the end of it!

I've broached the compromise that we hire one extra suit for my dad and stick to normal black suits with ties and handkerchiefs in the themed colour for the ushers...I hope that this will satisfy and shut people up!

Originally posted by Carmine
I've broached the compromise that we hire one extra suit for my dad I hope he's paying ;)

Originally posted by Strix
I hope he's paying ;) In a fiscal sense he will be...otherwise we all will in the emotional!

So - is everybody happy now? Or is the debate still raging?

Originally posted by Strix
So - is everybody happy now? Or is the debate still raging? As soon as I offered the compromise my mother was hanging on my arm, nearly in tears with thanks as she had been working herself up over the whole thing all last night!

I'm getting married on easter sunday

- my mum doesn't have her outfit yet, so I'm taking her shopping tomorrow. (she lives in Cambridge, and we're going to Milton Keynes)

- She hasn't informed my dad that he isn't wearing his blue suit, he's buying a new grey one - yet


Families 'ey? :shakes:

Originally posted by Strix
Families 'ey? :shakes: Can't live with 'em...get blood all down you if you kill 'em.