I have just returned from trying to Join myself and my two sons in a karate class.. and have returned home furious and very upset!!!!! need to vent my frustration....

before the class started I had a chat to the instructor, as you would, to discuss price, times etc. As per usual my six year old,( who has a diagnosis of ADHD) was running around doing Karate moves..he was very excited at the prospect of becoming Bruce Lee!! the instructor looked me up and down, looked at my son and said "is that him?" Energetic isn't he! I said, kinda of got used to comments on his energy and maybe trying to make light of it....without asking me any questions about him he said I don't think he will be any good at it!!! He went on to explain that Karate is very difficult and you need to concentrate to be able to do, this I accept , however what I find hard to accept is his next statement.."look at him now, he is already playing up, there is no way he will listen to me in class!!!! you can try him if you want though!! At this point I wanted to cry. my emotions are maybe fueled by my complete lack of energy because trying to keep up during the school holidays is bloody hard work.

Why is it that even the ignorant can make me feel like an inadequate parent and looks at my son like he has crawled from under a stone!!!!

sending you a pm, but wanted to say know the feeling, where ever we go even now we get the "gosh isnt she lively, bet she'll sleep tonight" erm no she wont.
getting better at ignoring the looks and tuts, but i used to get really upset, esp before dx.
from what i've read/learned karate is a really good sport for any kid with asd/adhd, it teaches self discipline is good for coordanation, and helps there self confidence. there are lots of kids with asd/adhd that do karate and they do well. quite shocked at his comment, and its obviously his problem not yours.:D

There's a lot of ignorance around about these sorts of things, and you shouldn't beat yourself up.

Maybe he's never encountered a child with ADHD before? Perhaps you could actually mention to him that it's a good sport for such children?

thanks snooze...it's nice to know I am not alone..I am just getting just to the looks and comments from others...including family. when they are 4 or 5 it's more acceptable but at 6 approaching 7 and the behavior does not evolve with age it gets harder. I must comment, hopefully this will not offend, with a boy in some ways they are expected to be more active. Many times i have had comments like "he is a boy, thats what they are like" I know different though!!!!, I have an older boy and he was not like that at 6. It must be harder with girl because they are "expected" to act differently. hope that does not offend. it is a mere observation..

no it doesnt offend,lol. ppl were and some still are shocked to find i have a girl with it, most still think its a boy thing, it does affect boys differently to girls most of time, but i was "lucky" (strange use of words) that she was/is so hyper and impulsive, and i think if she wasnt she would have poss been missed, and struggled not understanding why.
hope your copeing with the school hols ok.
i oftern argue that if it was my parenting than why just 1 of mine with it not all of them:huh: but you carnt really bring it up to general public every time you leave the house.
just remember, its not you and they dont know you or what you have to cope with, and most wont.
what doesnt kill you can only make you stronger (or something like that) chin up.

I have the same problems. My son also has AS and Tourette's as well as ADHD so you can imagine the fun we have at times!! Trying to explain to some nasty chav that he isn't pulling faces at them or spitting at them that they are tics and not directed at them is pointless. As someone once said to me, those who understand need no explaination, those who do will never understand! How very true!

Have you tried printing off some cards or small 'flyers' to give to people explaining that your son has ADHD and what it means? I say this because they are commonly used by people with Tourette Syndrome as a way of getting away from situations. You give the card to the person who has the problem with your/your child's behaviour, state that you are sorry if their behaviour offends them but they have Tourettes (or AHDD etc). You then walk away. As simple as that. It does tend to work pretty well as there is an embarrasment factor for the person receiveing the card so they tend to shut up!

Hang in there! At keast your child isn't walking round shouting mast**bate!!

Hang in there! At keast your child isn't walking round shouting mast**bate!![/QUOTE]

That is true..however when my son saw a man on the tram sticking his middle finger up at someone (i told him, when he asked) he was really saying "hello" He went to school the next morning, With my mother,giving the bird to everyone shouting "HELLO" at the top of his voice....Nice!!!!! at a good catholic school it didn't go down well...

They send to try us!!!

They are sent to try us!!!! that is what I meant...sorry for the confusion...

Hey I am permanently dazed and confused so don't worry lol!

tell me about it... lol...

Just to play devils advocate ............

the instructor might not have a clue what ADHD is, its only very recently that its openly acknowledged (and a lot more common) ... and to be fair, I dont know an awful lot about it until recently (last few years), up until; then Ive had minimum contact with any kiddie thats suffering with any forms of learning disability.

Its not ignorance either, its just like anything else, you dont become an expert in any kind of illness/infliction/disability or syndrome until it effects your life do you?

I hope you find somewhere for your little'un soon

I was there when the instructor refused to take on the OP's son, and with all due respect to them I agreed with him to be honest, the lad was clearly very hyperactive, which would've disrupted the rest of the class IMO, and with all due respect to the instructor he is VERY strict and does shout at kids when they don't do the moves EXACTLY as he teaches it, and some of the little kids don't like him because of this. I'm also not sure from a safety point of view that Karate's quite right for someone with ADHD, although to be fair he did take me on and I have asperger's, but I had the advantage that I'd already been training several years ago under another Sensei (instructor) so I knew the risks.

I do think he could have been a little more tactful though, quite frankly I thought he was rude... Can I ask why you think it is "unsafe" for children with ADHD to partake in martial arts. there is evidence to suggest it is quite good for them in terms of helping with co-ordination and concentration. Yes my son is hyperactive but he is also very caring, sensitive and very enjoyable to be around, if only people like your sensei give him the chance he may find that he has many strengths .

He is neither thick, illiterate or dangerous.. yes I may be a little sensitive but I am sick and tired of being stared at, tut tut at judged by ignorant people who are quick to make comments without making the effort to give kids like my son a chance.

I do think he could have been a little more tactful though, quite frankly I thought he was rude... Can I ask why you think it is "unsafe" for children with ADHD to partake in martial arts. there is evidence to suggest it is quite good for them in terms of helping with co-ordination and concentration. Yes my son is hyperactive but he is also very caring, sensitive and very enjoyable to be around, if only people like your sensei give him the chance he may find that he has many strengths .

He is neither thick, illiterate or dangerous.. yes I may be a little sensitive but I am sick and tired of being stared at, tut tut at judged by ignorant people who are quick to make comments without making the effort to give kids like my son a chance.

Our instructor doesn't do tact I'm afraid, he tells it like it is, as he sees it.

Sometimes I think he does take this personal policy of his a bit too far, but to be fair he did say that your son was welcome to try the class despite his reservations.

And there's also the age thing, some instructors won't take kids under a certain age due to insurance issues, and the fact that Karate is very physical hard work.

Don't think though that I'm just sticking up for my Sensei here, I see both points in the discussion, I see where you're coming from that you want your lad to do something worthwhile, but I can also see his point and his reservations regarding your son's would-be training.

Our instructor doesn't do tact I'm afraid, he tells it like it is, as he sees it

Sometimes I think he does take this personal policy of his a bit too far, but to be fair he did say that your son was welcome to try the class despite his reservations.

And there's also the age thing, some instructors won't take kids under a certain age due to insurance issues, and the fact that Karate is very physical hard work.

Don't think though that I'm just sticking up for my Sensei here, I see both points in the discussion, I see where you're coming from that you want your lad to do something worthwhile, but I can also see his point and his reservations regarding your son's would-be training.


Sees it???? he could have at least try to talk to him or try to engage him if for no other reason than to confirm his concerns.

Yes he did say we could try it however it was not said in the nice "you are welcome to" manner in which you describe. he was dismissive and uninterested.

Age and Insurance!! I agree with that comment completely however in terms of Karate being physically demanding..No problem after all he is as you described " very clearly hyperactive"
so physical endurance is a walk in the park.

I can also see your instructors point of view however my argument and frustrations lie in how he looked at me, spoke to me and referred to my son as "him" and the assumption that he would be "no good" at it just by looking at him for 2 minutes.

Can I go back to the question Why do you think it is dangerous for children with ADHD to do Karate????? Dangerous to whom??? The child or the others in the group that could be injured by a axe wielding hyperactive six year old.

Hi LadyB, Have you seen this website.

http://www.adhdsupportsheffield.org.uk/

Im just wondering if maybe they could recommend a Karate club ?? You would think that in a city of this size there would be facilities for all our children. The fact that your son has shown an interest in this is great, dont give up, there will be people out there who will give him a chance.

He sounds like a great kid to me, from what you have writen about him.

Feel free to PM me if you need to vent.

Can I go back to the question Why do you think it is dangerous for children with ADHD to do Karate????? Dangerous to whom??? The child or the others in the group that could be injured by a axe wielding hyperactive six year old.

Both.

I wish you luck in your quest to find a good instructor who'll take your son but don't be surprised if some are a bit reluctant, as I said before some Senseis won't take kids in the younger age groups purely for safety reasons, and that's without even going into the hyperactivity issue.

Lady B, that just wasnt the class for him, but there will be one with a better teacher who is more attuned to the needs of a child with ADHD. He clearly didnt think he could teach his class with an ADHD child in. That isnt your fault. Its not the child's fault. Its simply a skill that this teacher doesnt have.

I have resisted taking my 5 year old grandson to classes similar to the above because I know he wouldnt cope with them. He doesnt have a diagnosis yet, but is seeing special needs people at school and we are keeping any eye on him. I know he would love to go to after school football, but I know for a fact that the football coaches involved will not have any experience of working with a child like ours because he is just a football coach. I know for a fact that he would just be running around like a whirling dervish and it would take him a while to take in the instructions of the coach.

Im sure that through support groups for parents of children with either ADHD/autism/other learning difficulties, we could find a class that would suit our boys, its just a matter of searching until you get the correct one. I hope you find a class that is more INCLUSIVE!

Thank you Yellowrose I will continue my search...Maybe boxing is the answer???? If I have any success I will post a right big bold thread to let the forum community know...watch this space...lol

I have a 13yr old Daughter with ADHD(combine type) ODD and cd i also feel very low if only more people were aware of it and whats involved !

I think there is now more awreness of ADHD but there are still a lot of professionals who are untrained when it comes to supporting kids with ADHD, Aspergers, Dyspraxia ect. These are co morbid conditions and really any staff who come in to contact with children with these conditions really do need to be more aware of how they can help them.

Re feeling like a bad parent, I do this everyday and my son is 20 years old. He has just had a screeming fit at me as he misunderstood what I said when I said I could drop him off at Broomhill and he thought that I said would give him a lift to work. When he realised this he became very angry/aggressive as he was then aware he would be late for work. The only solution to him not feeling bad about that was to blame me and think of all the bad things that he could to say about me.

Feeling like a bad parent is something that I do occasionally,but then I pick myself up,brush myself down and wait for the onslaught at tea time. What else can we do but carry on??

okay, there is a guy called Andy who runs a japanese fighting class basically called tengu, we'd just started it my eldest asds and middlest who was 5 at the time and as and adhd loved it, he was brilliant, a special needs teacher, he'd clocked my kids straight away, and they loved it, tbfair middlest did spend a few sessions having lots of little time outs - i decided to stay and watch a few times, but my son respected him so much more for it, and he learnt to calm and focus, it was bril, plus they got to learn to use a samurai sword - wooden version of course - which was it for them, couldnt get enough, it was £10 a week and they could go up to 5x a week for that, ie they could 1 day or 5, it was still £10 a week, siblings were £5 more a week. Its based in meersbrook on valey road. We only left as they were ill for ages, then we moved, and I don't drive.

you do eventually grow thick skin i have 2 boys with adhd my skin is like a rhino,s now

I agree with 8itch and eejay174. You grow used to the snide comments of can't you control that child or he'/ she is just trouble. He/ she will be locked up by the time they are 15.
You do learn to live with it.
My son without warning used to hit people especially at bus stops and I used to apologise all the time but he did not see it as wrong what he was doing. He just saw that someone was staring at him for running round uncontrollably or to him as he normally was so he hit them for staring at him. He was diagnosed with A.D.H.D. and, Oppositional conduct disorder at 2 year old then at 7 with dyslexia. He is now doing well at college even though the school would not teach him from the end of yr 7 or as their words were "we have got him to the end of the year now its up to you". They would not permanently exclude him as they received all the money for his special needs.
I got him involved in rugby which he now still continues to do but it helped to get rid of some of the pent up aggression in him. He still walks off the pitch if he thinks he is not doing thing right even though the rest of the team may also be having a bad game. He blames himself for the mistakes. He could not managed boxing as there was too much concentration involved. He just wanted to get into the ring and fight anyone no matter how big they were. He's a teenager now and the hormones are going daft as well as the A.D.H.D and associated conditions. Please do not give in or give up your Son or Daughter will pull through the difficult times but they are the most loving children you could ever wish for.

Hi there,just to offer my sympathy and support.My son was diagnosed ADHD at the age of 7 years old and we have been through the route of medication,counselling,therapy etc.It is tough and it is not your fault.Bringing up such a child is completely differently to the so called "normal way"of doing it.We have three children(only one with ADHD).We eventually kicked him out of the house at 17 years(police helped).Massive guilt etc.We now get on absolutely brilliant,but to get there has torn our hearts out.The advice we received was ,amongst many,was-look at unusual ways of dealing with things-the confrontation,tempers,your control etc.You are pushed to your limit on a daily basis and often dont know which way to turn.I could carry on all day about what weve been through but hang in there,you will get there.Approach things differently,stuff anyone elses comments such as ("he just needs a bloody good hiding").Sorry to carry on,it brings back a lot of memories.Neville

Hi Lady B.

Our 6 yr old son has ASD and possible ADHD. His behaviour is challanging and he can sometimes be aggressive, school find him difficult to manage at times.
We have recently got him a 1:1 swimming instructor for a 35 min lesson at upperthorpe baths (zest)who is amazing with him. You would never know the problems he has when you see them and he gets the best out of my son.
Also just got him skiing at the ski village with a 1:1 instructor. It's expensive but worth every penny. It's so nice to channel the energy into something positive. I hope you find somewhere for your son soon.
If you contact SNIPS they can help fund a playworker to support your son at such groups.
There are lots of people out there like that karate guy, his loss.
(We are always getting tutted at!)

Chin up x

Hi Lady B.

Our 6 yr old son has ASD and possible ADHD. His behaviour is challanging and he can sometimes be aggressive, school find him difficult to manage at times.
We have recently got him a 1:1 swimming instructor for a 35 min lesson at upperthorpe baths (zest)who is amazing with him. You would never know the problems he has when you see them and he gets the best out of my son.
Also just got him skiing at the ski village with a 1:1 instructor. It's expensive but worth every penny. It's so nice to channel the energy into something positive. I hope you find somewhere for your son soon.
If you contact SNIPS they can help fund a playworker to support your son at such groups.
There are lots of people out there like that karate guy, his loss.
(We are always getting tutted at!)

Chin up x



hiya Jenny,

How much does the 1 to 1 at upperthorpe cost? (hope you dont mind my asking :))

As soon as i saw ADHD and fed up of feeling like a bad parent i thought one of two things:
1)School
2)Doctors

Which are the usual ones to make us feel like that :)
Have you tried calling him up to speak with him away from the class enviroment to explain whats what?