It always amuses me to think that most(?) men find the idea of befriending a gay man scary.

Just the idea that because a man is gay he will fancy anything in trousers is so absurd to me. Yet straight men constantly perpetuate this myth, with their ' keep your back to the wall' attitude. They obviously think that they are totally irrisistible to both men and women.

Are younger men more enlightened and is it just confined to my age group (40 somethings) ?

I had a gay firend once......he was really cool! No problem wotsoever. And getting attention form gay guys is flattering if anything.

Not Scary at all... A couple of my mates are gay so I wouldn't say its age defined..

At the end of the day, they sup pints, have a laugh and live their lives... Just their totty is different to the ones I lovingly admire :D

Think its quite sad that Men (so macho :roll: ) see Gay men as a threat..

I was working in a department store (envisage stereotypes here) when an 18yr old lad on our dept was 'asked out' on behalf of a male colleague. This was more than this poor lad was capable of coping with, and he shot into the stockroom and shot his mouth off to the guy already in there about 'it shouldn't be allowed... rant.... rant.

Well most people didn't guess that the guy in the stockroom was also 'batting for the other side', and having not known about the 'asking out', took the rant personally, and he shot out in tears and into the office, where he encountered the department manager.

People were hauled over the coals, and apologies were forced.

The poor lad was badly shaken by this experience, and asked what I thought. My response was 'this is retail'. Blank looks exchanged. 'There's one on every department, but they don't bite. Unless you ask them nicely.'

He looked panicky again, so I (being 8 years older) fixed him with a 'come to bed look', and pointed out - 'you've more to worry about from me!'

That seemed to cure him :hihi:


He was waiting to be old enough to join the police force - like his dad :suspect:

I have Gay friends of both sexes and always have, thier just people like every one else.:thumbsup: :)

I have a couple of gay friends, doesnt bother me in the slightest that they're gay.

Infact its not even an issue raised between us

This is all encouraging so far :clap:

I tend to find that the men who assume homosexual men want to sleep with them, also believe that all women want to sleep with them as well :loopy:

I think it's a case of having no idea what so ever about how other people behave, and assume therefore that everyone is the same as them (it's easier, they're also lazy and it's energy consuming having to consider that other people may be different, they could be putting that energy to good use, reading Nuts or Zoo for example).

I've (oh im a girl) had many friends of all shapes and sizes and colours and sexual orientations, at the end of the day, all I can say is that they all were very different from one another.

Taking time out to find out what someone is really like can also make you understand that little bit more about yourself, I find.

But many are scared of thinking outside of the box....shame, it must get so cramped in there :)

From my point of view, when I first came out, I was quite wary of straight men! It took me a while to get on with straight boys, and it wasn't until I turned 26 that I had any close straight male friends.

These days I have friends from such a diverse background; I occasionally encounter homophobia from men I am introduced to, but I find that kindly positioned 'don't worry, I don't fancy you' works quite well. On quite a few occasions the response has been 'why what's wrong with me'!:D

K x

When I first left school and at collage my best friend took nearly over a year before telling me, because he thought I wouldn't be his friend any more over 15 years later were still best of friends.:thumbsup:

Originally posted by Kristian
From my point of view, when I first came out, I was quite wary of straight men! It took me a while to get on with straight boys, and it wasn't until I turned 26 that I had any close straight male friends.

These days I have friends from such a diverse background; I occasionally encounter homophobia from men I am introduced to, but I find that kindly positioned 'don't worry, I don't fancy you' works quite well. On quite a few occasions the response has been 'why what's wrong with me'!:D

K x
I cant stand them poofs me :P

Hi Kristian,

After reading your last post, I assume that you are a gay male -or perhaps a gay female. (or have I read it wrongly?) I always assumed that you were a female (not that it matters either way).

Originally posted by LordChaverly
Hi Kristian,

After reading your last post, I assume that you are a gay male -or perhaps a gay female. (or have I read it wrongly?) I always assumed that you were a female (not that it matters either way).
His choice of avatar is misleading, isn't it?

When are you getting a new one K? I keep muddling you up with internetowl ;)

As much as I am infatuated with Bree Van De Kamp, I think it may be time that I got a new avatar. :( I have been mistaken for a girl far too frequesntly of late (note to self: wear less makeup :hihi: ), so I'll sort one out tomorrow! Would do it now, but I'm not at home, and the thousands of gorgeous photos of me are locked away in my laptop!

K x

Gay, straight, bilingual: I don't give a moth's eyeball as long as the person is OK.

Originally posted by Mo


Are younger men more enlightened and is it just confined to my age group (40 somethings) ?

I have just thought to mention; one of my good friends is a straight male who turns 61 this year! I guess he might not fit the norm though! :)

K x

I'd hate to fit Norm,


he sounds a right bore!

Kristian said 'The Norm', though.

Which reminds me:

What is the connection between Henry The Eighth and Kermit The Frog?

Well, they both happen to share the same middle name.

If I had a gay friend I'd want him to fancy me - then at least I'd know that someone did!:D

A few years ago I used to go out socially with a lesbian and so was often to be found in the Cossack on Howard street. This didn't worry me in the least as I'm an ugly so and so and girls don't chat me up so I didn't think gays would be interested either. One or two of my male friends though were amazed to hear I'd been in 'that place' as they thought it was inhabited by variations of the village people. I suggested they come down one night and see for themselves and one of them was actually too scared/worried, what an idiot.

a friend is a friend regardless of their sexuality.

My bestsest ever friend in the junior & infants school is gay.
I think he was then too (controversial) as he was - even as a tiny version of himself - very camp.
His behaviour & way he spoke (very Julian Clary for 1973) kind of gave it away.
It didn't bother me then, it doesn't bother me now.
I remember we used to hold hands all the time & come in for some right stick!
At the time I didn't understand the accusations.
Ironically we have both followed similar careers & made quite good for ourselves in them. The jokers who mocked still live in the village, drift between jobs & pubs & spend much of their time tinkering with cars.

I've not seen him for years though, he lives on the coast.
Spoke to him on phone 7 yrs ago to tell him there was a school reunion; he didn't make the effort on the night.
With retrospect - I wish I hadn't.

Thanks for the thread - it brought back a lot of memories. :thumbsup:

Originally posted by DaBouncer
I cant stand them poofs me :P I'm in the same age bracket as you Mo and have been brought up in a age where you are a bit nervous, but times have changed and even hardened 45 year olds see Gays in a different light to what we did 25 years ago.
I don't mind them, they don't bother me but at the same time don't know that many personally.

I'm not gay, but when I was at university I used to love going to gay discos: always a much more chilled out party atmosphere than at straight ones. And I would usually attract more attention as well :)

Originally posted by DanSumption
I'm not gay, but when I was at university I used to love going to gay discos: always a much more chilled out party atmosphere than at straight ones. And I would usually attract more attention as well :)
Then get yourself down to Takapuna every Thursday for VIP (http://www.club-vip.co.uk) then :P

Got loads of gay mates of both sexes - couldn't give a toss what someones sexual preferences are. Although to be fair gay people know how to party :D

Originally posted by fnkysknky
Although to be fair gay people know how to party :D

Agreed! Climax was fab last night! :clap:

K x

I'm not too fussed about what sexuality someone is, but I can be a little on the wary side if its someone I dont know and they're blatently gay... I once had a guy come on to me when I was drunk and he tried to kiss me...

I think that put me off of gay guys for a while, but then I thought... well wait... there are women that are just as weird and pushy as that... I'm not too fussed now anyways, gay, straight, bi... doesn't bother me as long as they're a nice person... but for freak sake, whether your male OR female, a little notice before trying to stick your tongue down my neck when i dont even know your name?? :P

btw, yes, I am straight, but if your male and give me notice, I at least have a chance to tell you I'm not interested, instead of making me look like some homophobic person and pushing you off and going into a rant... I must have looked such a dick that night :blush: then again, same goes if your female and I'm not interested too :P I'm not the sort of guy that wants any sort of action with someone unless I know them and and am interested in them...

and there's one extremly major plus point to gay guys, at least they aint any competition when your going after that hot lass ;) suppose thats the down side to lesbian friends... lol

Got a few gay mates and there is in now way a backs/bums to the wall attitude with them from me and my other friends. However we have had some unpleasantries whilst we have been out, but this is to be expected I suppose.

No problem with gay people at all as those of you who've seen me at Climax/VIP will know. I find them to be a great laugh and good company to have. Both Miss Angel and I are very comfortable in the gay community. :)

When I first came out, I was really worried that my straight female friends would get scared in case I fancied them.

Nearly all worries were unfounded. Most female friends weren't that arrogant that because I fancied women I automatically fancied them. Most friends were of the opinion that even if I did fancy them (I generally didn't...) it didn't matter.

I was scared of giving friends hugs, in case they misinterpreted it, but again, all those fears were only real in my head. Female friends carried on giving me hugs as they always had done.

I have unfortunately lost some childhood friends as a result of this. That makes me very sad, and however much I say 'Well if they're going to be homophobic I don't want them as a friend anyway', it really hurts.

A lot of straight men reacted to my coming out with much joy as I became someone else they could talk about who they fancied with, who could offer good opinions and judgements :D

Some straight men reacted by trying to 'turn' me. Arrogant and annoying.

I've been out for years now, and things are a lot calmer but it's not a straight forward life yet. If it ever will be.

When i came out at school my parents found out and my dad went wild saying "your not gay until you can see yourself sleeping with a 50-something overweight hairy truck driver whith a banana shaped penis".....then he convinced himself i was going through a "dark tunnel"...and then he strted getting ready for bed in the bathroom with the door locked....he is weird....but i find that a lot of middle aged men are scared that you fancy them..but most of the younger generation are of the attitude "...and"...i remember comming out at work..thats was fun...this one chap who is 40-oddjust cant handle it at all and has to sit in the back seat if he gets in my car! Most of the other guys dont care!

My friend from Scotland came out about a year ago. He was drunk and told me by text, but I knew he wasn't joking.

When he came down to England, I met up with him and, as per usual, we started setting the world to rights.

Halfway through the convo, he said, "you're avoiding a key issue involving me though".

"I'm not avoiding it", I said. "its simply not an issue. You were my friend then and you are now" We discussed it for a couple of minutes and then continued to rant about the state of the world and the like....

I was taken aback initially, but its his choice and if he's happy, then good on him.

my best soul mate is gay and love him to bits,

it like havein a girlfriend boy friend in one,

we can bit*h about thing one min then be seroius the next, every one know we so close and wont change him for the world,and we so alike it unreal and affter 9ys of knowing him like my other mates gone down hill but with him it like wen we 1st met nothing changes..


i knew b4 he told me he was gay that he was, and he was soo scared to tel me as dint want to end our friendship yet he dint want to live a lie to me that he was soo over moon wen i said i dont mind who u are as u always be same with me,

but we can tell each other every thing we know more about each other secretts then any other mates know,

I was in the sauna the other day after a workout at the gym. Some guys were moaning about the queers at the gym who eye them up. (bleedin' poofters, shouldn't be allowed etc *yawn*) Then in the next breath they shared their fantasies about the blonde with the huge tits on the cross stepper. To which I could only say "If it's good for the goose..."

I find that most of the straight guys who are wary of gay men's company and are convinced that all gay men will want to rape them on the spot are the men who think all women fancy them. They are, invariably, the least fanciable people around.

Most of my friends are straight, they don't have any problems with me being gay, they go to the gym with me and stuff like that.

I very rarely go out to gay places any more so I've lost touch with most of my gay friends except the ones who can be coaxed into a straight pub.

Even though I'm gay I genuinely don't like gay pubs/clubs, I don't tknow why this is, I think it's the feeling of being "where you belong".

There seems to be a hell of a lot of gay people on this forum. Or maybe they're all attracted to this 1 topic... not a problem, just an observation.

I don't have any gay male friends, not through choice, just that I don't know many gay people. I do have a friend who's a lesbian though. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Some of my straight mates have this absurd "backs to the wall" mentality. Personally i've always had my suspicions that several of my anti-gay friends are a little frightened that they might be a bit that way themselves !

A couple of my straight mates have said they thought about "trying it", not with me BTW.

I think most people are a bit curious at one time or another, except perhaps T020 :)

I long for the day when straight people will no longer say "it doesn't bother me in the slightest" and also long for the day when gays will stop being grateful for straight people's not being bothered.

But I'll be a long time waiting...

I have a gay male friend.I think he is lovely.He takes pride in his looks and clothes and spends a fortune on aftershaves and all the other stuff.He could teach a few men i know on the basis of hygiene.He buys nice clothes and his fashion style is great.He is polite and treats women with respect.He is a fab dancer and has great music taste . :)

Originally posted by dee40
I have a gay male friend.I think he is lovely.He takes pride in his looks and clothes and spends a fortune on aftershaves and all the other stuff.He could teach a few men i know on the basis of hygiene.He buys nice clothes and his fashion style is great.He is polite and treats women with respect.He is a fab dancer and has great music taste . :)

Shouldn't that have ended with "seeks similar, reply box no 323"? :)

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
Shouldn't that have ended with "seeks similar, reply box no 323"? :)

K x

or "seeks similar stereotype"

Originally posted by Avalon
When i came out at school my parents found out and my dad went wild saying "your not gay until you can see yourself sleeping with a 50-something overweight hairy truck driver whith a banana shaped penis"

Did he? :wow: What an odd thing to say!

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
Shouldn't that have ended with "seeks similar, reply box no 323"? :)

K x OOPS Went a bit over board but he really is that nice:)

My view on this is simple. I think a gay man should have the right to fancy any other gay man that he likes. However, he does not have the right to fancy a stright man and certainly not to show it.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
My view on this is simple. I think a gay man should have the right to fancy any other gay man that he likes. However, he does not have the right to fancy a stright man and certainly not to show it.

LOL

Perhaps if we all wore badges to identify our preferences that might be possible to implement.

Originally posted by nick2
LOL

Perhaps if we all wore badges to identify our preferences that might be possible to implement.

Didn't Hitler try to implement something like that?!? :wow:

K x

Oh ffs - I'm a straight male and I've been approached on a couple of occassions by gay men who are on the pull, all it takes is a polite"No, thanks mate - not my cup of tea" or words to that effect.

Take it as intended - A compliment. The day people stop trying it on is when I'll worry as I'll be old and unattractive : (

Originally posted by Kristian
Didn't Hitler try to implement something like that?!? :wow:

K x

Not to the best of my knowledge. Hitler imprisioned Homosexuals in concentration camps. I certainly don't advocate that. Not that that stoped certian Hitler Nazi leaders taking an interst in the young boys in the Hitler Youth. How much do you know about Ernst Rohm and the pretext for the Night of the Long Knives in 1934 for example?

I suspect that my views are shared by the vast majority of hetrosexual men. Most men are not 'homophobic' (a rather silly word which literally means fear of the same) but are quite at ease with the idea that some men fancy other men. However, they would not be at ease with the idea of a man fancying them. Does that mean that most men are Nazis? Of course not, it just means we don't like the idea of another man fancying us.

Should a pretty, blonde 19 year old female in a mini skirt fancy us though we would be quite happy about that.

If other hetrosexual men on this site feel I am misrepresenting general male sentiment then let me know. I believe I am not.:heyhey: :razz: :clap:

Hitler made gay people wear pink triangles in the way he also made jewish people wear a yellow Star of David; this was the point I was referring to.

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
Hitler made gay people wear pink triangles in the way he also made jewish people wear a yellow Star of David; this was the point I was referring to.

K x

Very true. I assumed that your reference to Hitler was in response to my own post about stright men not welcoming the attention of gay men. After looking again I see it was in response to a post that was in itself a response to mine (I think it was ment to be ironic).

I appologise for any confusion/offence caused.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
However, they would not be at ease with the idea of a man fancying them. Does that mean that most men are Nazis? Of course not, it just means we don't like the idea of another man fancying us.


I think the problem is that you automatically assume we will fancy you, regardless of what you look like, which is not the case, you have to be male AND attractive.

I have found that the guys who think all gay men are after them are also the men who think every pretty young woman is "begging for it" too, when in fact the opposite is true.

Originally posted by nick2
I think the problem is that you automatically assume we will fancy you, regardless of what you look like, which is not the case, you have to be male AND attractive.

I have found that the guys who think all gay men are after them are also the men who think every pretty young woman is "begging for it" too, when in fact the opposite is true.

Hear hear! :thumbsup:

Originally posted by Kristian
Did he? :wow: What an odd thing to say!

K x

I told you he was a bit strange! I dont think my mum is too bothered but she darent say anything coz of dad. I recently had to make up a cock-and-bull story (Excuse the pun) about bedding a girl when my sis found an empty condom wrapper in my jacket pocket! If i come out properly at home ill be looking for a new place to live.

But i do find that most straight men automatically assume i fancy THEM just because i am gay. When i came out at School and Work the first question every male asks is "Do you fancy ME?" and every female wants me to "compare types"

Originally posted by fhain29
I long for the day when straight people will no longer say "it doesn't bother me in the slightest" and also long for the day when gays will stop being grateful for straight people's not being bothered.

But I'll be a long time waiting...

Absolutely. In fact I long for the day when it won't be necessary to come out, as noone makes any presumptions about which sex(es) you fancy, and there is no hierarchy of acceptable sexualities.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
My view on this is simple. I think a gay man should have the right to fancy any other gay man that he likes. However, he does not have the right to fancy a stright man and certainly not to show it.

Pttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Spat out my coffee with giggles when I read that!

Under this rule:

Can straight men fancy lesbian women?

Can bisexual people only fancy bisexual people? What if a bisexual man fancies a gay man? Or straight woman? Or...?

What if a man who has always been known as heterosexual then comes out as gay... how do the gay men know they are allowed to fancy him now?

How do you know who is gay or not? What if a gay man fancies a very camp straight man? Or noone fancies a very butch, closeted gay man and he gets lonely?

:loopy:

Originally posted by purplepippa
What if a man who has always been known as heterosexual then comes out as gay... how do the gay men know they are allowed to fancy him now?


Duh, he will appear on our gaydar.

are we banned from wathcing lesbian porn under that rule then? :(

Originally posted by robbie
are we banned from wathcing lesbian porn under that rule then? :(

abso-bloomin-lutely...:rolleyes:

Well... been there, done that... found it strangely comforting to be "appreciated" but it's no biggie...

Now, if anything, I get miffed with my dear sister who came out not so long ago and who seems to like my taste in women... ie: more competition... This is not a welcome development :D

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I appologise for any confusion/offence caused.

No offence taken! :thumbsup:

K x

I saw this thread and was going to move it the entertainment section as I thought it was a film title. You can just imagine the scene in any period of history where a complete battalion of gay men is recruited.

Oh, what japes and high jinxs there would be, all done in typical hollywood stereotyping.

In fact it would be the mirror image of this film from 1969:

The Gay Deceivers (http://amazon.imdb.com/title/tt0064363/)

Originally posted by purplepippa
Absolutely. In fact I long for the day when it won't be necessary to come out, as noone makes any presumptions about which sex(es) you fancy, and there is no hierarchy of acceptable sexualities.

But pp most people aren't gay and perhaps thats a good job really otherwise the human race would die out but I take your point. It would be wonderful if it weren't such a big issue.

I think that if we are honest about this then most of us probably could go both ways.

Originally posted by Mo
I think that if we are honest about this then most of us probably could go both ways.

Kristian notices the blue touchpaper has been lit, and retires to a safe distance..... :suspect: :D

K x

I think most of us could go both ways if things were different in the wider world. I loved that story about people in the gym, its definitely true. My experience as a woman: those guys are generally the ones with the least to 'share' ;)

I have a lesbian friend who I adore, but her ex gf was really really annoying, she used to go on and on and on and on about how people hated her becuase she was a lesbian, when really everyone just hated her cos she was annoying, loud and judgemental. I always felt like saying, "no, people hate you cos you're you. in fact Im sure some people hate lesbians because of you!".

Originally posted by max
I saw this thread and was going to move it the entertainment section as I thought it was a film title. You can just imagine the scene in any period of history where a complete battalion of gay men is recruited.


The Company of Gay Men is a great film title - though I think the screenplay is based on a novel by Jane Austen...

Originally posted by kathythebean
II always felt like saying, "no, people hate you cos you're you. in fact Im sure some people hate lesbians because of you!".

Now she's not with your friend, you should call her to tell her! :clap: :thumbsup:

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
Kristian notices the blue touchpaper has been lit, and retires to a safe distance..... :suspect: :D

K x

Looks like they all agree Kristian ........ tongue firmly stuffed in cheek ;)

Originally posted by Mo
Looks like they all agree Kristian ........ tongue firmly stuffed in cheek ;)

I really can't believe there wasn't a deluge of 'nay sayers' to your post Mo! :suspect: Where are they all? Has five got one of it's saucy films on? :thumbsup:

K x

Kristian thats an excellent idea! I hope I run into her next time I'm home to visit. I'll poke her gently in the eye, its my favourite insult.

Maybe the naysayers have taken our advice and are off experimenting!! ;)

Originally posted by Mo
Looks like they all agree Kristian ........ tongue firmly stuffed in cheek ;)

Ah! but whose cheek is it stuffed into Mo :razz: :razz: :razz:

I appear to be in a minority of one on this but I still stand by my views.

I have never been some sort of prude who has a problem with the idea that some men are gay. That is how they are born, so be it. In the past there has been unnecessary prejedice against gay people. I take the view that what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom, and whom they do it with is their business and not mine.

The problem is though that a legitimate demand for tolerance has spilled over into the idea that it is OK for a gay man not just to fancy a stright man but to 'make a move on him'.

I take the view that respect for others' choices and lifestyles cuts both ways. Statistically there are 9 stright men for every gay man. In other words there is a good chance that most men gay men meet are not gay. Surley it is incumbant upon a gay man to make sure that any man he 'makes a move on' is also gay. This isn't prejedice but simple good maners and respect for others. It is a simple thing to do and saves a lot of uncomfortable situations all round.

Slimsid, how does this differ if you are gay or straight? Why is it good manners to "make a move" on anyone of the opposite sex, but not same sex? They aren't guaranteed to be receptive to any advances you make in any event, its the chance you take!

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I appear to be in a minority of one on this but I still stand by my views.

I have never been some sort of prude who has a problem with the idea that some men are gay. That is how they are born, so be it. In the past there has been unnecessary prejedice against gay people. I take the view that what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom, and whom they do it with is their business and not mine.

The problem is though that a legitimate demand for tolerance has spilled over into the idea that it is OK for a gay man not just to fancy a stright man but to 'make a move on him'.

I take the view that respect for others' choices and lifestyles cuts both ways. Statistically there are 9 stright men for every gay man. In other words there is a good chance that most men gay men meet are not gay. Surley it is incumbant upon a gay man to make sure that any man he 'makes a move on' is also gay. This isn't prejedice but simple good maners and respect for others. It is a simple thing to do and saves a lot of uncomfortable situations all round.

So, by the same reasoning, should every straight bloke, before making a move on a woman, check that shes not a lesbian? And you wonder why you cant get a girlfriend....theres just no hope for some people....:loopy:

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Surley it is incumbant upon a gay man to make sure that any man he 'makes a move on' is also gay. This isn't prejedice but simple good maners and respect for others.

Buy how can we tell ?

Unless I actually ask you if you are gay and don't mind me trying to pick you up how am I to know ?

Contrary to popular belief we can't "spot our own type".

Perhaps I shoulds stalk you for several days and if I don't see you with a woman after a week assume you're gay ?

Perhaps you could wear a T-shirt with "I'm straight" on it ?

Originally posted by nick2
Buy how can we tell ?

Unless I actually ask you if you are gay and don't mind me trying to pick you up how am I to know ?

Contrary to popular belief we can't "spot our own type".

Perhaps I shoulds stalk you for several days and if I don't see you with a woman after a week assume you're gay ?

Perhaps you could wear a T-shirt with "I'm straight" on it ?


OMG !!! :o Don't ask him if he is gay!!!!

now the blue touch paper is well lit and smokin :help:

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Statistically there are 9 straight men for every gay man.

Where did these statistics come from? I wonder if they accounted for all men who've had thoughts or tendencies towards people of the same sex but who don't class themselves as 'gay'. 1 in 9? I seriously doubt that myself, expecially as it seems to more acceptable to be gay these days. I think you'll find that statistic will change noticably within the next few years.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Surely it is incumbant upon a gay man to make sure that any man he 'makes a move on' is also gay.

And how do you suggest he/she does this? You're the expert in relationships, give us your answer. I'm betting it won't involve a tap on the shoulder and the straight question 'are you gay cos I like you'. Has this happened to you by any chance? Have you had a rampant gay bloke wanting to jump your bones Sid? Makes ya wonder doesn't it. ;)

Do people really think it fair that stright men should have to endure the unwanted advances of gay men?

Surley unless someone indicates that they are gay it is reasonable to assume they are not.

As a stright man I really wouldn't welcome advances of this sort myself and quite frankly would find it rather sinister. It maybe that I am the only stright man who feels this; or it could be that others think it too but won't say so for fear of being wrongly accused of prejudice. It isn't prejudice but just expecting others to respect my wishes as I respect theirs.:rant:

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Surley unless someone indicates that they are gay it is reasonable to assume they are not.


How ?

How do people indicate they are gay ?

Wear a big pink bow ?

Originally posted by nick2
How ?

How do people indicate they are gay ?

Wear a big pink bow ?

Come on Nick have you forgotten everything they taught you in our AGC? (Advanced Gayness Class). Remember the rhyming mantra:

Hand outstretched, limp wrist,
tiny steps, walk with a twist!

Honestly, you'll get kicked out of the gang at this rate! ;)

K x

Sid, have you never chatted a girl up in the pub and she's not interested? How do you know she's not offended by someone she doesn't know trying to proposition her?

If I were you I'd try and treat it exactly the same... If you're not interested (for any reason - wrong gender/wrong hairstyle/ill-advised cardigan) just politely turn them down. Try and be flattered!

Originally posted by Kristian
Come on Nick have you forgotten everything they taught you in our AGC? (Advanced Gayness Class). Remember the rhyming mantra:

Hand outstretched, limp wrist,
tiny steps, walk with a twist!

Honestly, you'll get kicked out of the gang at this rate! ;)

K x

I need a refresher course.

I was watching the rugby at the weekend, and not for the men !

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Do people really think it fair that stright men should have to endure the unwanted advances of gay men?

Surley unless someone indicates that they are gay it is reasonable to assume they are not.

As a stright man I really wouldn't welcome advances of this sort myself and quite frankly would find it rather sinister. It maybe that I am the only stright man who feels this; or it could be that others think it too but won't say so for fear of being wrongly accused of prejudice. It isn't prejudice but just expecting others to respect my wishes as I respect theirs.:rant:

Having thought about this practically, what kind of advances could someone find offensive if they weren't gay? I can't think of many gay men who would go up to someone they fancied and try to kiss them, or make physical contact with them in any other way.

Whenever I liked the look of someone in my single days, I would never start with anything other than a smile, and then see what kind of a reaction I got. Could you find that offensive? :huh:

K x

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Do people really think it fair that stright men should have to endure the unwanted advances of gay men?

Surley unless someone indicates that they are gay it is reasonable to assume they are not.

As a stright man I really wouldn't welcome advances of this sort myself and quite frankly would find it rather sinister. It maybe that I am the only stright man who feels this; or it could be that others think it too but won't say so for fear of being wrongly accused of prejudice. It isn't prejudice but just expecting others to respect my wishes as I respect theirs.:rant:

I wish the gay people here wouldn't rise to the bait. Too long now have gays and lesbians had to justify themselves, it's about time we stopped pandering to bigotry. We should refuse to be tolerant to intolerance. :rant:

But it's so bloody difficult! :suspect:

What bothers me more is that annoying habit of some, normally more corpulant straight women to fall in love with me. They know I'm gay, and they won't let me go, stalking me all the time and getting on my nerves with all their talk of breeding. :gag:

Originally posted by fhain29

What bothers me more is that annoying habit of some, normally more corpulant straight women to fall in love with me. They know I'm gay, and they won't let me go, stalking me all the time and getting on my nerves with all their talk of breeding. :gag:

I think you have a valid point here fhain; although with me it's not just the fatties! (Kristian ducks!)

I have had far more interest from girls as an openly gay man than I ever did when I was in the closet, and I can count at least 7 close friends who have told me they were in love with me at some point or another.

Is it the forbidden fruit syndrome (pardon the pun!)?

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
I think you have a valid point here fhain; although with me it's not just the fatties! (Kristian ducks!)

Yes, with me it is the fatties, but that's fine by me: the blokes I get off with are always fit :D

Originally posted by fhain29
Yes, with me it is the fatties, but that's fine by me: the blokes I get off with are always fit :D

And you an almost married man fhain! :D I'm shocked! :wow:

K x

Originally posted by nick2
How ?

How do people indicate they are gay ?

Wear a big pink bow ?

Oh come on it's hardly rocket science is it? What is wrong with applying a bit of common sense. If you are in a gay bar for example it is a pretty safe bet that other men there are also gay. In other situations you would be likely to discover if someone is gay after you have known them a while.

Unless you are actually saying that you want to walk down the street propositioning total strangers then you are hardly likely to have many problems.

There is an old Yorkshire saying; 'If in doubt - do nowt!' Perhaps this is the best advice I can give.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Do people really think it fair that stright men should have to endure the unwanted advances of gay men?

Surley unless someone indicates that they are gay it is reasonable to assume they are not.


This is frankly ridiculous. I have to endure unwanted looks, comments, advances, fondlings and jokes from men (managers, coursemates, colleagues). Surely unless someone indicates they want a shag you should assume they dont!

Besides I think a few men (not saying you do!!) don't 'endure' these unwanted attentions, they wait until the 'offender' is on their own outside then bash their heads in.

Ill advised cardigan :) That is really funny

Originally posted by kathythebean
This is frankly ridiculous. I have to endure unwanted looks, comments, advances, fondlings and jokes from men (managers, coursemates, colleagues). Surely unless someone indicates they want a shag you should assume they dont!

Besides I think a few men (not saying you do!!) don't 'endure' these unwanted attentions, they wait until the 'offender' is on their own outside then bash their heads in.

I'm glad you stressed that I don't "bash people's heads in". I can assure you I am as strong an opponent of bullying and male violence as anyone. I wouldn't defend for a moment any bashing of heads in and deplore the type of yobs who engage in such activity.

On the other hand all men are different. While some may bash and others may be able to laugh it off some men are vulnerable and it is these who are in need of protection. How often do we hear the phrase "vulnerable member of society"? Well, sometimes hetrosexual men are vulnerable members of society. It is these men who are in need of protection.

my best friend is a real straight 40 somethiing bloke

being friends transends gender and sexuality I feel....

Okay, i'm not a man, but I think this situation applies since I have many gay and lesbian friends! I see it like this, it was their decision to become gay or a lesbian; it doesn't bother me at all!! Whenever one of my lesbian friends try hitting on me, I take it as a compliment!! Why treat them differently, they are human beings too!! I treat them like everyone else, with the respect they deserve!!

Originally posted by kathythebean
This is frankly ridiculous. I have to endure unwanted looks, comments, advances, fondlings and jokes from men (managers, coursemates, colleagues). Surely unless someone indicates they want a shag you should assume they dont!

Besides I think a few men (not saying you do!!) don't 'endure' these unwanted attentions, they wait until the 'offender' is on their own outside then bash their heads in.

Been there - nearly had my head bashed in! ITs just silly! If the guy had have said "No thanks mate" then i would have backed off - but noooo he HAD to take his top of and show me the top of his Calvins, and he HAD to flirt like crazy - and then threaten to bash my head in! :loopy:

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I'm glad you stressed that I don't "bash people's heads in". I can assure you I am as strong an opponent of bullying and male violence as anyone. I wouldn't defend for a moment any bashing of heads in and deplore the type of yobs who engage in such activity.

On the other hand all men are different. While some may bash and others may be able to laugh it off some men are vulnerable and it is these who are in need of protection. How often do we hear the phrase "vulnerable member of society"? Well, sometimes hetrosexual men are vulnerable members of society. It is these men who are in need of protection.

Are you one of these 'vulnerable men' Sid? What are you so afraid of I wonder? ;)

Thanks to everybody for an interesting read.

Just one thing - how come some of my hetero friends are demanding to go with me to Manchester Mardis Gras this year?

G, married, mum of two, sent me an e-mail the other day asking me to recommend a hotel where she could stay for the duration of Mardis Gras. I was also out for a meal with J & A (male/female couple, live together) last week, and they wanted me to finalise my travel plans. Crikey - it isn't until the end of August!.

Are my straight friends wanting to come along because they know that we gays can party, party, party?!

Redrobbo

PS Sorry, car full - no room for anyone else.

PPS Promise not to hit on any straight men when I'm there - but maybe they should wear a badge so I can tell them apart? Oh, but silly me, of course I will know who they are - they will be standing with their backs to the wall won't they? (nb. see previous posts - please don't rise to the bait anyone!).

Originally posted by redrobbo
Thanks to everybody for an interesting read.

Just one thing - how come some of my hetero friends are demanding to go with me to Manchester Mardis Gras this year?

G, married, mum of two, sent me an e-mail the other day asking me to recommend a hotel where she could stay for the duration of Mardis Gras. I was also out for a meal with J & A (male/female couple, live together) last week, and they wanted me to finalise my travel plans. Crikey - it isn't until the end of August!.

Are my straight friends wanting to come along because they know that we gays can party, party, party?!

Redrobbo

PS Sorry, car full - no room for anyone else.

PPS Promise not to hit on any straight men when I'm there - but maybe they should wear a badge so I can tell them apart? Oh, but silly me, of course I will know who they are - they will be standing with their backs to the wall won't they? (nb. see previous posts - please don't rise to the bait anyone!).

Hahahahahahaha!!! :hihi: You are funny!!! :thumbsup: