View Full Version : I Think I May Be Pregnant!
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 10:05 This is rather worrying!
My gut is bloated, my nippy-wippies are tender and I keep getting the urge to eat lots of foods, Im craving food, especially after not eating for five or six hours.
What can I expect? Stretch marks? sagging breasts? They already sag so if they sag any more Ill be tripping over the buggers by the time Im 6 months gone!
For the love of god advise me!
Or Ill sit on yer belly and let my waters break.
slickwitch 05-03-2008, 10:06 I told you to do it standing up but would you listen?
Would you?
waxonwaxoff 05-03-2008, 10:06 Well its the labour you need to worry about.
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 10:11 I tried some pelvic floor exercises this morning and soiled myself. I must remember not to take laxatives for fun and pleasure in future.
Agent Orange 05-03-2008, 10:12 Not surprised... you are a right promiscuous little monkey on facebook with all that poking. Question is, you know when, where and how the little jabber was conceived?
pennypie 05-03-2008, 10:15 Aw I'm so happy for you, a new little Jabber running round!!!! Your wife must be so proud of you?!?
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 10:17 Not surprised... you are a right promiscuous little monkey on facebook with all that poking. Question is, you know when, where and how the little jabber was conceived?
Im going to start a thread entitled "Who da baby daddy?"
Therell be a queue a mile long, because at the end of the day, Im a bit of a slapper!
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 10:18 Aw I'm so happy for you, a new little Jabber running round!!!! Your wife must be so proud of you?!?
SHHHH!
She doesnt know about it yet... Im still trying to hide the bump... Trouble is, its a pretty big bump and the tent no longer does the job.
cressida 05-03-2008, 10:22 well it must be due about Xmas, do you think it's posibly the second coming, or has that happened?
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 10:25 well it must be due about Xmas, do you think it's posibly the second coming, or has that happened?
To be honest I cant remember how many time I cam----
Family forum...
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 10:30 You got any piles yet?
Not yet but I live in hope! Ive never had a pile so Im dying to know what they feel like.
Not yet but I live in hope! Ive never had a pile so Im dying to know what they feel like.
I understand the phrase 'bum grapes' describes them perfectly.
You might be getting some discharge soon too.
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 10:33 Actually I wonder if....
I wonder if anyone would like to try my breast milk...? I bet I could sell it.
It's probably just wind....!! I'd recommend opening a few windows for when the 'baba' arrives.... :gag:
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 10:41 It's probably just wind....!! I'd recommend opening a few windows for when the 'baba' arrives.... :gag:
Ohhh I DO hope so! Ill close all the windows and hug the OH as it arrives and then not let her go until shes unconcious.
I love doing that.
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 14:10 God I thought my waters had broken but I just broke wind.
Damn those mushy peas.
pennypie 05-03-2008, 14:16 God I thought my waters had broken but I just broke wind.
Damn those mushy peas.
Has the bloating gone down now? Is the gestation period over? Are you now a proud parent of a massive f*rt?
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 14:17 No I still appear to have the gut of a hippo so theres definately something in there still.
Jabbers, it's physically impossible for males to be pregnant.
OK there was that time Arnold Schwarzenneger did it but that was just a movie! :D
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 15:12 Jabbers, it's physically impossible for males to be pregnant.
OK there was that time Arnold Schwarzenneger did it but that was just a movie! :D
I have more muscle than Arnie and I do a much better Austrian accent therefore Im definately mummy material.
My skin is all soft too.
DiamondGirl 05-03-2008, 15:13 This is rather worrying!
My gut is bloated, my nippy-wippies are tender and I keep getting the urge to eat lots of foods, Im craving food, especially after not eating for five or six hours.
What can I expect? Stretch marks? sagging breasts? They already sag so if they sag any more Ill be tripping over the buggers by the time Im 6 months gone!
For the love of god advise me!
Or Ill sit on yer belly and let my waters break.
I bet now you believe me when I said you can get pregnant from swallowing dont ya! :hihi:
Not yet but I live in hope! Ive never had a pile so Im dying to know what they feel like.
You can come and feel mine any time, big boy :love:
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 15:14 You can come and feel mine any time, big boy :love:
Ill get my tongue greased and ready!
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 15:15 I bet now you believe me when I said you can get pregnant from swallowing dont ya! :hihi:
YOU DA DADDY! YOU DA BABY DADDY!
Marry me!
DiamondGirl 05-03-2008, 15:17 YOU DA DADDY! YOU DA BABY DADDY!
Marry me!
Ok, u twisted my arm :hihi:
muckynees 05-03-2008, 15:24 Ok, u twisted my arm :hihi:
Everything about this thread is ..well...erm...twisted, not just your arm Diamond Girl!!!! :rolleyes:
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 16:38 Its a perfecly sane and normal thread about a perfectly natural function Ill have you know!
Its gonna get twisted later though....
heh heh
Its a perfecly sane and normal thread about a perfectly natural function Ill have you know!
Its gonna get twisted later though....
heh heh
Oh god! You're not going to give birth and show us live through your web cam are you?
Please at least give me a chance for my dinner to go down if you do:gag:
pattricia 05-03-2008, 17:48 No I still appear to have the gut of a hippo so theres definately something in there still.
When do you have your first scan ? :)Do you want me to come with you to hold your hand ? :D
pattricia 05-03-2008, 17:49 Oh god! You're not going to give birth and show us live through your web cam are you?
Please at least give me a chance for my dinner to go down if you do:gag:
That will be a laugh mojo.:hihi::hihi::hihi:
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 17:53 Oh god! You're not going to give birth and show us live through your web cam are you?
Please at least give me a chance for my dinner to go down if you do:gag:
Nice idea.
I didnt think of that, thanks for giving me that.
Ill get the cam warmed up.
heheh
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 17:54 When do you have your first scan ? :)Do you want me to come with you to hold your hand ? :D
I dont need a scan! I felt it move!
AND it spoke! It made a little grunting sound.... its bloody breath smelled though...
pattricia 05-03-2008, 17:57 I dont need a scan! I felt it move!
AND it spoke! It made a little grunting sound.... its bloody breath smelled though...
God, its a sheep then ? :gag:I told you to keep away from those hills.
Nice idea.
I didnt think of that, thanks for giving me that.
Ill get the cam warmed up.
heheh
*note to self, in future keep quiet*
pattricia 05-03-2008, 18:31 *note to self, in future keep quiet*
Youve done it now mojo. !!!:D
jillpill 05-03-2008, 22:31 Youve done it now mojo. !!!:D
Sounds like something from 'Alien' ~ the next 9 months will be interesting Jabber or should that be 'dadda'?
Do you think you will mellow or will your hormones take over! ? :loopy::rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Sounds like something from 'Alien' ~ the next 9 months will be interesting Jabber or should that be 'dadda'?
Do you think you will mellow or will your hormones take over! ? :loopy::rolleyes: :rolleyes:
I bet he makes bubbles in the birthing pool:hihi::hihi:
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 22:37 Sounds like something from 'Alien' ~ the next 9 months will be interesting Jabber or should that be 'dadda'?
Do you think you will mellow or will your hormones take over! ? :loopy::rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Well I tried PMS once and got sick of eating chocolate and picking on people for nothing, I tried inserting a tampon but the only place I could think of to shove it was... family forum...
I heared that pregnant ladies get randy as hell so I tried it on with the OH but she ran away.
Jabberwocky 05-03-2008, 22:38 I bet he makes bubbles in the birthing pool:hihi::hihi:
Im going to use my own navel as a birthing pool.
Zen, or what?
Sounds like something from 'Alien' ~ the next 9 months will be interesting Jabber or should that be 'dadda'?
Do you think you will mellow or will your hormones take over! ? :loopy::rolleyes: :rolleyes:
It'll probably come out half man half whelk :D:o
Jabberwocky 06-03-2008, 07:28 It'll probably come out half man half whelk :D:o
God I hope not. That shells gonna make a right mess of me cervix.
Jabberwocky 06-03-2008, 09:42 Any road up....
Pregnancy, day 2.
I just got home from the chemists where I asked for a pregnancy testing kit. The lady behind the counter asked if it was for my wife or girlfriend and I said No, its for me.
Assuming I was being sarcastic, she smiled wryly and sold me the most expensive one in the shop, and ten minutes ago, I did a little wee-wee on the plastic tester- I, being a perfectionist, also went one better, I did a little poo on it too.
The strip didnt change so I assume it thinks that Im not with child, which is a swiz when you consider I paid out 15 quid for it.
Typical of the country today, 15 nicker and its obviously not working.
My period hasnt arrived... its been 47 years now and not a single period so im DEFINATELY preggers!
Ill keep the thread updated with my progress.
pennypie 06-03-2008, 10:12 My period hasnt arrived... its been 47 years now and not a single period so im DEFINATELY preggers!
Ill keep the thread updated with my progress.
Its gonna be a beast Jabber - elephants are pregnant for five years - 47 years?!! My eyes are watering from the idea of the pain!
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