Wasn't certain where to put this, so opted for Ask an Expert.

The story goes as follows. There is a girl at work which I have liked for ages. I would say we are friends, but I would like to get to know her better. I work in the hotel industry and as it is difficult to have staff Christmas parties at Christmas time because it is so busy, we had ours last night.

I went along late and had a few drinks. I hung around the bar for a bit and the girl in question came and chatted to me for a bit, then went back to her mates. Anyway, a few beers later with my inhibitions safely out of the window, I headed for the dance floor where I danced with fellow colleagues including this girl. By this time it was near the end of the night and after a few party tunes the DJ started to slow things down. A slow song came on, and I stood by the side of the floor on my tod while everyone paired off. The girl I like noticed me on my own and came and dance with me, and I held her close and it felt like heaven. Anyway, the song ended and I though that was the end of it. But then, just as she was about to leave with her mates she gave me a kiss goodbye. Not a passionate kiss, but it was on the lips.

Anyway, I was drunk so I staggered home and went straight to bed, not really thinking much of it. When I woke up this morning I couldn't believe that the girl I fancy was actually dancing close with me and gave me a kiss!

My problem is I don't know what to do next. Do I just put it down to us both having too much alcohol and forget about it? Or do I go ahead and say how I feel? Or should I wait to see if she makes a move?

I dunno what to do! I don't want to lose her friendship by doing anything stupid!

Well you probably have more of an idea what to do than ANYONE.

You know the circumstances here, do what you feel.

I personally would say go for it, how long have you known her?

Also this may sound a bit teenager-ish ( :P ) but why not talk to some of her friends and find out a bit of information.

Advice from a 17 year old lad, you probably won't take it :(

She has shown you that she likes you. Drunk or not she INITIATED a kiss with you...I very much doubt she would do this if she didn't like you.

So take the plunge! She will probably be waiting for you to make a move now because she has already made one (female logic!). Ask her about the kiss, tell her you like her and see how it goes. Maybe you could suggest dinner, a few drinks or something to see how you get on? It's not like you are asking her for any commitment so it can't do any harm can it?

You have nothing to lose. If she does say it was because she was drunk you can just say that's ok, you just wanted to know where you stood. If you don't make a move you might regret it! Because I can almost guarantee she will be waiting for you to show some interest now. In her mind she has shown you that she likes you and will now be looking for some confirmation that you like her back.

Good luck...and let us know how it goes x

The problem is though, I'm not sure I have the courage or the confidence to do anything! I've never been in a serious relationship before.

If you never try you will never know. Women LOVE confidence, a man that isn't scared to make a move is generally very attractive. Tell yourself if you are rejected it doesn't matter...you haven't lost anything. You will still be the same person you were a month ago and I take it you are quite happy with yourself?

Just think about how you will feel if you let this opportunity pass. And I can almost guarantee even if she really likes you she won't make a move like that again, she is looking for confirmation from you now!

Go for it..please please please ;-)

Women LOVE confidence, a man that isn't scared to make a move is generally very attractive.

true :)

I can almost guarantee even if she really likes you she won't make a move like that again, she is looking for confirmation from you now!

right again I'd say :)

I'm not sure I have the courage or the confidence to do anything! I've never been in a serious relationship before

You can go for drinks or a meal several times before you start worrying about it turning into a serious relationship ;)

Seriously Sid - Lucy's right you need to ask.

Good advice so far IMO.

If you don't go for it, you'll never know; let us know what transpires! :thumbsup:

K x

From a female point of view, I would say she'll think she's made it very clear that she likes you, and will be waiting for you to make the next move.

She's given you two very strong signals that she's really interested in you - getting you to slow-dance and kissing you. It's your turn now - go for it! :thumbsup:

Good Luck :)

StarSparkle

Go for it Sid, she'll only slap you in the chops if all fails.

Next time you are working with the girl say how much you enjoyed the dance you had together,and would she like to go out for a drink or to the cinema with you.
There, you,ve made the first move.Take it from there.If it turns out good then your up & running,if not you havn't lost anything because you can always stay friends.


Go on,go for it,Good Luck :wink:

Call me old fashioned..but find out what sort of food she likes...offer to take her for a meal..and insist on paying..treat her like a lady..and be yourself..if you are feeling shy..tell her so..she might be feeling the same too..not all women are scary !!! believe me I know

WOW .. that all sounds very positive sid !!!!

See how your bravery has paid off !? ... congrats dude !!

Go for it sid ....

:clap:

Originally posted by happychick
Next time you are working with the girl say how much you enjoyed the dance you had together,and would she like to go out for a drink or to the cinema with you.

That sounds like a good plan but and this is a very big but.....
If you do have a relationship with this girl and then it ends will you still be able to work with her?
I speak from experience and learnt a very important lesson!!!

Well I should not get too involved too quickly.

Shame she is a colleague, but I imagine that is how you know her?

Bend it in there big man !:thumbsup:

I'm about the last person to take advice from on this but for what its worth:

Sometimes its hard to see for yourself when its you but women don't generally kiss you on the lips if they can't stand the sight of you.
Even if they don't want any kind of serious relationship or anything if you say in as honest and open a way as you can that you are interested then the worst that will happen is that she will be very flattered (presuming that you haven't annoyed her by trailing around her like a lovesick puppy).

If you are totally open then even if she is not interested in a "relationship" then you should at leat be able to remain friends.

As a woman I would say the signal is pretty clear and I reckon you should go for it.
Maybe she was made bold by alcohol - who knows.
If you are worried you could be a little bit chicken and take the softly, softly approach.
Get talking about cinema or a restaurant and say you really want to go but your mates aren't bothered about ............... (fill in with chick flick)/..............(type of food). Then she might say that she'll go. If she really is interested she should jump at the chance.
If she says no, try again in a couple of weeks and if the answer is still no leave it well alone.
Either way, you haven't made it totally obvious and your friendship should remain safe.

If your worried about being laughed at... which i usually am :hihi: lol

Use this piece of advice... when asking someone out for a drink or meal... make it light hearted... kinda like a joke almost... so if you do get the brush off... you have that little bit of back up that you werent serious... but only you know you were an havent made a fool of yourself... (not saying you would)

Hopefully tho things will go right for you... the above is just a safety net :) good luck...

So what did you say to her? Have you arranged to go for a couple of drinks somewhere? Keep us informed :D

She likes you. If she didn't she wouldn't have danced with you or kissed you. I would never kiss a guy I worked with if I didn't fancy him. I'd be unlikely to have a slow dance with him either.

You need to ask her out for a drink. This is not something to be embarassed about - in fact I actually find asking people out quite empowering. It's much better than endless flirting and speculation, and you won't bugger things up by giving her the wrong impression. Just go for it. If she says yes then that's great, and you can come back on here for dating advice (!!!), if she says no then you just shrug it off, keep your chin up and get on with things. There's no shame in facying someone and you should feel proud that you had the guts to do something about it.

Don't ask her mates for advice though. A wiff or romance will spread round your workplace like a dose of the clap in a brothel, and before you know where you are you'll be the butt of teasing and far to embarrassed to ever make a move. And she'll think you're an idiot for spreading gossip.

So go for it. Ask er out. What's the worst thing that can happen?

All sounds very promising Sid. I suppose you could think about it from another point. Imagine if you don't do anything, how would you feel in a few weeks or months time. You may become really good friends, but go past the point of being anything more. I have done this on several occasions. Although I now have some very good friends that I wouldn't change for the world, the question, 'what if?' never goes away.

Any more developments yet Sidla?

K x

Thanks for the interest and the PMs guys, it's appreciated! :)

Anyway, you're all probably gonna kill me for this, but it's what I probably always knew I would do anyway.

When I first saw her walking in yesterday, I had butterflies. The first time she spoke to me she smiled and said hi, and I did the same back. And after that, I never caught her on her own. I didn't want to go out of my way to catch her on her own because I thought it might appear desperate.

So basically, we both just acted normal all day, as if nothing had happened. What do I do now? Do I persist or just be thankful that we're still friends?

Ask her if she has any plans and if not would she like to come out for a drink sometime this week. Otherwise never ever post on the Sheffield Forum again as it would be far too annoying for the rest of us!

How about stick your fingers down your throat, just let it all out, and maybe the love will go away with the sickness?

sometimes works for hangovers!

I was just busy composing an answer and reading all the others but Zeba has already said what I was going to. :P

Take it easy and don't lay your cards on the table too soon. Start a general conversation about a film you're thinking of going to see. If she pipes up with 'I'd like to see it', then suggest seeing it together (without actually asking her out), if she doesn't bite - mention something about finding somebody to go with, and if she still doesn't bite - muse over which male friends you could go with (just to prove you weren't making a move) :thumbsup:

This is starting to get good!

Take your time Sidla, be smart and just talk to the girl :)

This has so got to work :clap: we are all behind you.

If you know what I mean :thumbsup:

Why not just say to her "do you fancy going out sometime?". That should sort it once and for all.

Originally posted by feargal
Why not just say to her "do you fancy going out sometime?". That should sort it once and for all.

You know, that might just do it.

Originally posted by Lucy_Smith
She has shown you that she likes you. Drunk or not she INITIATED a kiss with you...I very much doubt she would do this if she didn't like you.

You'd think wouldn't you... but some women will initiate a lot more than a kiss, even if they have absolutely no intension of having any kind of relationship with you... in my experience anyway.

Originally posted by Snook
You'd think wouldn't you... but some women will initiate a lot more than a kiss, even if they have absolutely no intension of having any kind of relationship with you... in my experience anyway.

All together now - a big AAAHH for Snookums! :( Bless!

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
All together now - a big AAAHH for Snookums! :( Bless!

K x

Hehe, you misunderstand... I didn't say it was a bad thing. :)

(Well, sometimes)

Originally posted by Snook
Hehe, you misunderstand... I didn't say it was a bad thing. :)

(Well, sometimes)

Ooh - look at you Rudeboy! :)

K x

an update peeeerrlease!

Originally posted by Bedhead
an update peeeerrlease!

Yeah, come on Siddles, what is happening now you ole tiger ?

He's gone very quiet... I hope that's a good sign!!

Originally posted by feargal
He's gone very quiet... I hope that's a good sign!!

I suspect he's too busy !! :clap:

Just read this today, Sidla how is it going then? Sounds interesting and as everyone has posted she has given the signals for you to go for it, now I should probably be the last guy talking about confidence (for those who know) but if you just go for it with a no loose attitude then you'll be fine:thumbsup:

Do it man!

It's all gone a bit Pete Tong now, I've been suspended from my job! I don't expect I'll get the sack, but it has hindered progress somewhat.

What have you been up to ya salty dog ?

Geez, tough break man! Hope things work out well for you.

Sidla !!! You can't leave it like this... what's happened mate? Though obviously understand if you don't want to discuss with us all... But are you ok? Chin up mate. Hope it all gets sorted out on the work front then you'll be able to attack your love life..

Bummer of a thing to happen on a Friday though.

Originally posted by Sidla
It's all gone a bit Pete Tong now, I've been suspended from my job! I don't expect I'll get the sack, but it has hindered progress somewhat.

Ooooh that sounds serious. Hope it works out fairly.

I know you probably can't/don't want to say what's happened at work, but please tell us you didn't jump on her in the stationery cupboard...

Originally posted by samc
Sidla !!! You can't leave it like this... what's happened mate? Though obviously understand if you don't want to discuss with us all... But are you ok? Chin up mate. Hope it all gets sorted out on the work front then you'll be able to attack your love life..

Bummer of a thing to happen on a Friday though.
It happened yesterday actually. I'm OK. Don't really wanna go into the details on here, but I expect to be back there next week.

Originally posted by pussycat
Ooooh that sounds serious. Hope it works out fairly.

I know you probably can't/don't want to say what's happened at work, but please tell us you didn't jump on her in the stationery cupboard...
Ha ha, no...! Would have been a good way to go though!

She is kinda connected with the incident though. Don't wanna say more than that.

Originally posted by Sidla
Ha ha, no...! Would have been a good way to go though!

She is kinda connected with the incident though. Don't wanna say more than that.

Your just teasing us Sidla :(

Hope all works out though :)

In suspense, but look on the bright side she wont eb a work colleague any more so no reason for inhibitions, although if the reason for the suspension is due to your courting technique it could rtaher hamper things.

Just go with all the good advice given so far , be straight and ask her out. Good luck.

There's this book called "feel the fear, but do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers. Now everytime I feel nervous about doing something or put off something I just say to myself feel the fear but do it anyway and just get on with it.

If you really like this girl, be prepared to risk losing your friendship and go for it.

Just to let you know, I got reinstated today.

... and? Have you sorted anything out with her?

Come on! Don't just leave us waiting!

Just spotted this topic, and thought I'd let you know I went through a similar thing when I was at college 20 years ago... the drunken dance, the small kiss. We got to be quite close friends after that, but it never went any further. Looking back now with the benefit of age, wisdom and all that nonsense, I am absolutely convinced that she wanted me to take it further, but I was always to shy/scared of the consequences.

Act now, or regret it for the rest of your life.

Waiting for more progress :)

:clap: :clap: :clap:
GO FOR IT SIDLA!!!
You only have one life dont waste half of it wondering. Youve shown your sensitive side now so she knows your not a 'tart' now you have to take charge ..... wait till shes about to leave then catch up with her on the way out and Bobs your uncle how can she say NO!!!! :banana:

Originally posted by Sidla
Just to let you know, I got reinstated today.

Good stuff Sidla, hope everything works out now.

Originally posted by feargal
... and? Have you sorted anything out with her?

Come on! Don't just leave us waiting!
I dunno, not been in yet. Tonight is my first shift back.

It looks like I'm going to be leaving for a new job soon though.

Well that would make it even easier for you.
Just tell her you like her, woant to get to know her better and ask her out for the evening after you leave.

There was a lot of good advice on here before.
Its all encouraging for you.