We start off with the whores derv of a couple of 20/20 matches, some one day matches and then the test series.
Time for England to get back on track I think and New Zealand are there for the taking

I think the Kiwis might be well up for this, and with Vettori in his own back yard, and an unconvincing and demoralised England set up, they could be dangerous to underestimate.

Who's keeping? I think that's England's weakest position, but then again after 30-odd years of brilliance from Knott through to Stewart/Russell, those gloves were always going to be big to fill, and they've not been filled yet.

We need Hoggy and Freddie to be at their best, knowing how a lot of the NZ wickets can be. A good blend of Fast/Fast Medium with some swing, and then Monty with some turn might restrict them.

I can see the wickets being prepared to be slow, to be honest.

Happy hippy, i am guessing your comments are a wind up :)

If England can't beat the Kiwi's in thier current predicament, then they will never beat them! The only decent player they have is Oram. Apart from that they are just plain awful! :hihi:

Not entirely ;), but it does scare me that we're odds-on to win an away series. I know NZ aren't exactly Sri Lanka, but after the right royal humping we took over there, I wouldn't take anything for granted.

On a lighter note, England take the 1st 20/20 match by 32 runs.

I think NZ are in danger of going into meltdown. It seems there players get more attractive financial packages elsewhere, and they could get into a vicious spiral of diminishing results, returns, and more players leaving the fold. Almost like Zimbabwe without the politics.

HappyHippy, i'm sure u r a wind up merchant, England Beat Sri Lanka in the one dayers, but they did get comprehensively beaten in the test matches :hihi:

I think after the first two 20/20 games, it is aparant that this NZ team are one in transition and currently with no world stars, prob doesn't help that Vettori and Oram are injured, but even with them two they are very poor.

As for Shane Bond, he took the money while he could still get it, with his dodgy back i'm not surprised, he will prob play one game and then be injured for the whole competition!! :rant:

I was, as ever, concentrating on the five-day game ;)

82 for 5 after 27 overs.
This reminds me of last winter/spring

A shambolic display on a slow wicket (as I predicted .......). I hope this isn't a sign of things to come.

Well it hasn't been the cake walk that some may have thought, but this is a big score that England have got in Napier. 340/6, and that's the 3rd highest England one-day score ever.

Even Boycs gave 10/10, but he has just been taking the right royal out of CMJ on TMS! He's obviously in a good mood!

Vettori is the only real danger the kiwis have at the moment. They have been struggling against us lately (but then again so has England and India). Not counting one dayers here.

But then again, the new Indian setup is robbing everyone of all their good players, and all our experienced players are quiting to go to India. So who knows what is going to happen over the next 2 years.

Granted, it was the one day series, and granted D/L was used in the last match, but I did say don't underestimate them.

New Zealand win the series 3-1.

Vettori is the only real danger the kiwis have at the moment. They have been struggling against us lately (but then again so has England and India). Not counting one dayers here.

But then again, the new Indian setup is robbing everyone of all their good players, and all our experienced players are quiting to go to India. So who knows what is going to happen over the next 2 years.

Indeed. It smacks of the Kerry Packer business in the mid-seventies.

New Zealand batting and are 21-0 after 9 overs.

231/5 and the slower bowlers tying up the batsmen with just 4 overs remaining.

Not bad all in all on a slow pitch. I think England will have a problem batting last with NZ playing two spinners as Monty has been able to get it to move on the first day.

Well they're 8 down, but this has draw written all over it. I did say that wickets would be prepared like this.

470/8

Oops! Sidey gets Patel, so 470/9.

It's a desperately slow pitch. This has draw written all over it.

It's as boring as beige fog.

Hat-trick!!!!!!!!! 115-6!!!!!!!!!!! Sidey Is From Yorkshire! Sidey Is From Yorkshire! Na Na Naaaa Na! Na Na Naaaa Na!

And a late one for Monty. This could be a lot closer now, especially if Vettori goes before the close of play. Hoggy on now.

Bloody hell, unlikely as it England can win this. I fell asleep when NZ were about 90 for 1 and in total control so waking up to a collapse of English proportions is a bit of a shock

Bloody hell, unlikely as it England can win this. I fell asleep when NZ were about 90 for 1 and in total control so waking up to a collapse of English proportions is a bit of a shock

& get nearly 300 on the last day?

lose by 150 you mean...:)

& get nearly 300 on the last day?

lose by 150 you mean...:)


Sorry, I had a brief moment of optimism. Normal service has resumed.

The interview with Harmison was interesting.

Basically he's saying that family comes first and I have to admit that watching his almost school kid performance with the ball it appears he's at least right on this one.

A pity because when he took 7 for 12 against the West Indies some years back I thought he would go on to become our own McGrath, a legend taking wickets for fun.

On a brighter note, is there any news on Simon Jones?

He joined Worcestershire at the end of last season on a two year deal. He has had a terrible time with a variety of injuries but he seems to be on the mend.

He joined Worcestershire at the end of last season on a two year deal. He has had a terrible time with a variety of injuries but he seems to be on the mend.

We need him to have a quiet summer and get fit for 2009. He seems to be the only one we've got to trouble the aussies

The interview with Harmison was interesting.

Basically he's saying that family comes first and I have to admit that watching his almost school kid performance with the ball it appears he's at least right on this one.

A pity because when he took 7 for 12 against the West Indies some years back I thought he would go on to become our own McGrath, a legend taking wickets for fun.

He's done very little since that match and like columnist, Michael Henderson, I've written Harmison off three years ago as a waste of time. Send him back to Ashington and select someone who wants to play. I smelt this surfacing when he packed-in ODIs.
Gan 'ame and watch The Toon!
As Botham remarked - think about the professionals in Afghanistan and Iraq - ye divvent knaw just how well off you are.

Beer-chilled.
Fags- rolled
Other half- out with mates
Phone- turned off.
The next few hours are going to be either glory, hope or despair

300 to win

England set 300 runs to win.

England set 300 runs to win.

They won't even try, will they? Knowing the England of the last twenty-five years .. they haven't been set 300 to win; they've been set X number of overs to bat out, to draw. I've known England teams set 280 in a whole day to win, and not even attempt it. It seems to be endemic to our game that you only try to win once a draw is guaranteed; by which time it's usually far too late.

I think I'm edging towards despair.

32/4. Thanks God(TM).

32/4. Thanks God(TM).

Well it's helped me to choose between the fight later on or the cricket

60 for 7. Bloody rubbish

Truly embarrassing.

Even more reason to ditch Harmison!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/cricket/article3511780.ece

What a waste of money given his homesick attitude?

I would send him home, cancel his contract and tell him to come back when he remembers how to bowl at 90 MPH on a line and length. I'm struggling to remember his last good performance and I'm sick of hearing about his sodding homesickness. If it is such a problem for him why the hell did he become a cricketer

& get nearly 300 on the last day?

lose by 150 you mean...:)

hhh-hmmm

I was only out by the 30 that NZ scored before declaring..:)

I would send him home, cancel his contract and tell him to come back when he remembers how to bowl at 90 MPH on a line and length. I'm struggling to remember his last good performance and I'm sick of hearing about his sodding homesickness. If it is such a problem for him why the hell did he become a cricketer

More and more are agreeing with us - an absolute waste of time. I've grown tired of hearing "You have to put an arm round Harmi and molly-coddle him".

I would send him home, cancel his contract and tell him to come back when he remembers how to bowl at 90 MPH on a line and length. I'm struggling to remember his last good performance and I'm sick of hearing about his sodding homesickness. If it is such a problem for him why the hell did he become a cricketer

I'm actually wondering about the general harmony in the camp. I'm thinking back to Tresco's problems when travelling, etc. We've looked horribly demoralised since the mauling in Australia, but I think it's more than that.

<fx: just manages to clutch on to that straw>

Is Swann hankering after a team place?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/7287828.stm

No surprise - Harmison and Hoggard dropped.

No surprise - Harmison and Hoggard dropped.

It's good news. Pity about bringing Anderson in though.

I heard Caddick was/has undergone some back surgery. I think he could justifiably had a place for the past three years?

Interesting how TV reports things - Ambrose rescues England after dismal top order collapse was how breakfast TV reported it.

But the scorecard shows NZ strike bowlers with 1-77 & 1-78 or something. If that was us, we would be fuming..

No surprise - Harmison and Hoggard dropped.

That may well spell the end for them both.

Its no secret that Vaughan is building for the ashes next year and Broad certainly looks the part.

Anderson though I always feel is one that could vanish in a flurry of no-balls..

I surprised they didn't call Shrek up. He is in NZ with the A team

It's good news. Pity about bringing Anderson in though.

I'm sure somebody hacked my account as I've always been a big Anderson fan and at the moment he has 5 for 42.
119 for 6.

Anderson though I always feel is one that could vanish in a flurry of no-balls..

and my account hacked too....:hihi:

And the 7th goes quickly, and it's Frankie who's out for a duck. This must be cleared up by lunch time, surely?

I have to say that I like this comment from the "ball by ball" BBC text.

Pardon the pun.

2226 - NZ 279-8 Oof! McCullum kerplunks a fuller Sidebottom delivery for what looks a certain four until it smashes into Gillespie's, erm, mummy-daddy button at the non-striker's end and he is denied a run. That had to hurt. Gillespie turns down the opportunity to have it treated by the Kiwi physio - perhaps he's not his type. McCullum ends the over with a tonk on the pull for a marvellous four.

Nine down now, so short of a humiliating miracle for NZ, the series is squared.

ALL OUT! So both sides have a heavy defeat to consider, and at least the series goes to a decider.

NZ tried to excuse themselves by saying they all played badly - More like England played as they should.

Am I the only one that thinks Mark Ramprakash deserves another chance?

It could have been said that bringing back Sidebottom wouldn't work - But look how well he has done. Ramprakash is getting better and better in County cricket - Give him another shot at an International level. Strauss out, Rampers in.

Ramprakash is getting better and better in County cricket ...

But he isn't. He was averaging upwards of 70 a season, in country cricket, the first team he went in the Test team. He's always been one of the most outstanding batsmen in county cricket, and always been completely out of his depth at Test level. Nothing in the last few years has suggested any change to that.

Let him play in a 3 test series and if he doesn't obtain a top 3 average I will eat my shoes.

Lets be honest, if Andrew Strauss can reclaim his spot at number 3, Mark Ramprakash has to be in with a shout, the fact Strauss hasn't scored a test century for 25 innings is a joke. Why they have picked a player with no confidence and who hasn't played well since 2005 is beyond me!!!

Ramps has averaged over 100 the last two years in county cricket, what more does he have to do? I generally think England have missed a trick, by not considering him.

How many of Englands batsmen are currently doing the business?
Cook - 7/10, Vaughan - 4/10, Strauss - 3/10, KP - 4/10, Bell - 4/10, Collingwood - 7/10.

If England can't beat this very poor New Zealand team, then we haven't a hope against other sides, apart from maybe Bangaladesh & WI!!!! :huh:

I'll explain what I think about Ramps in horse racing terms. An exceptionally consistent and talented handicapper, who occasionally can rise to Listed class, or even place in a Group 3, but consistently falls short at the top level.

He has always scored heavily in County cricket, yet only has 2 Test centuries. While I agree that he's hardly going to be worse than some of the batting line up as it is, I don't see recalling a 38 year old who consistently failed at Test level as a move forward.

Happy Hippy i agree with some of it, but when u say he conistently under performs at international level, when was his last test match????? He has improved a lot in the last few seasons, as his stats show, u can't judge him on past form, when he was a nervous wreck and no where near as good as he is now!

The age thing is probably the reason he hasn't been selected, but i'm sure he could give England 2 years service and then a youngster with a bit more experience, the likes of Bopara, come to mind :)

Happy Hippy i agree with some of it, but when u say he conistently under performs at international level, when was his last test match????? He has improved a lot in the last few seasons, as his stats show, u can't judge him on past form, when he was a nervous wreck and no where near as good as he is now!

The age thing is probably the reason he hasn't been selected, but i'm sure he could give England 2 years service and then a youngster with a bit more experience, the likes of Bopara, come to mind :)

Slightly playing Devil's Advocate here, but I don't think the County set up is as strong now as when the likes of he and Hick came through the ranks.

As for him underperforming, he always has at the highest level, and I just don't see any improvement. Given his talent, his average of 27/28 in Tests is criminally low. Granted, it's six years since his last Test, but even then at 32 he'd have been in the twilight of an international career. Should he fail, again, if selected, then it's potentially a waste of seeing improvement from elsewhere.

Given his innate talent, however, I think now could be a good time to start to take up a coaching role, combined with being Surrey's batt(er)ing ram. If he could pass on some of his exquisite batting technique to younger players, we could have an exceptionally strong batting line up in the near future.

Oh, and given what happened in the second Test, passing on some fielding skills might be useful too ;).

Now, if Trescothick were to fire again, especially as we'll be at home soon, that could be a different matter for a summer or so. Sadly, I fear his days are long gone .......

I think Happy Hippy is right - some sort of coaching role would be useful but to put him back in the team when we are building for the ashes in 14 months :loopy: Besides, Ramps is probably more interested in progressing his dancing career.

Saw something at the weekend saying that Tresco "had a recurrence of his illness" - so as you say, he is likely finished

One of the best batting wickets around, win the toss and elect to bat and we are 4 for 2 after 6 overs.

4 for 3. An absolute shambles.

I suppose 78/4 is to be regarded as a success now. KP to really step up and get us to 200 ao. I've even put Neil Diamond on to calm myself down.

Either that or to cause paroxysms of laughter.

I've got my northern soul stuff streaming to the world as there is nothing that can get me down whilst listening to soul music.
Can you still get the sopcast stuff.
103 for 4

Sopcast is still running, but I've decided to listen to the Rick Wakeman "Planet Rock" show from last Saturday in the hope for some terrible jokes to make the score more bearable, and watch the text on ball by ball.

I'm finding that gin helps to dull the pain more to be honest, though some of the crude jokes help too. One of them was "Alastair Cook is a batsman.".

Or maybe I just made that one up.

There was a joke about a man, monkey and a pub which made me giggle. If we're all out shortly, I'll inflict it on you.

Pray for a long stand or five.

How much worse can it get?
This is a pristine batting wicket and we are 147 for 6. Lagercetamol isn't going to dull the pain

I'll tell you how it's got worse. Six down and I've now got ZZ Top coming out of the speakers. The blizzard outside is looking like a tempting friend, and that's when I can't even be bothered to roll a cigarette.

I might tell that terrible joke yet.

Pray for a long stand or four.

Tell me the joke, get it out in the open. You will feel better for sharing and look back and realise you made the right decision. It can be daunting at first, but with the help and support of Sheffield Forum cricket lovers we can help you through your current situation.
Alternatively we can hunt you down and torture you with the selected highlights of the last Ashes series scripted by Blowers and read by Joe Pasquale.

Your choice

One of my guilty pleasures is ZZ top. Great songs and guitar sound

Joe Pasquale.

You asked for it.

A bloke walks into a pub with a monkey. The bloke asks for a pint of hand pulled, and as soon as the landlord starts to pull it, the monkey's off. He's eating everything in sight; punters' dinners, crisps, nuts, a tray of lemons and limes, anything he can find. Eventually he nabs the cue ball off the pool table and wolfs it down in one.

The landlord isn't happy, but the monkey's owner says the creature eats everything in sight, and can't help it, and so long as they're not barred, he'll buy everyone a beer, and will pay for any damage and everyone else's food, and promises to leave straight away.

Reluctantly, the landlord agrees and it's a few weeks before the man turns up again with the monkey in tow.

"Is he better behaved?" snarls the landlord.

"Oh yes, can I have a pint of hand pulled, please?"

The landlord pulls the beer, at which point the monkey jumps straight over the bar, heads for the cherries on cocktail sticks (it's not the Big Gun you know; not every monkey can get in.), grabs one, and rams it up his jacksy before eating the cherry.

The landlord is incensed, and says "Did you see that?"

"What?", says the fella, half way down his pint.

"That monkey just just shoved a cherry on a cocktail stick, after jumping over my bar, up his jacksy and ate it! That's disgusting!"

"Doesn't surprise me. He still eats everything in sight, but after that pool ball, he measures things now."

Think I'll watch the highlights of the last Ashes series from an Aussie perspective now.

Just to cheer me up.

5 of of 10. I will PM you my joke of the moment

And bizarrely, within seconds of posting that, the Barmy Army start, and KP whacks one for 6. He's 124, and it's 202/6. Maybe it's the way forward.

I'd post another shocker, but the drinks break has broken the flow. That one seems to be out of the ground.

Ball back off the roof then. Why they couldn't just give an over before the new ball, I don't know. It was only one over .....

KP gone. Time to burn Southey as revenge

That was an oldie, but goodie! A very good lump of Anglo-Saxon too!

It helped dampen the despair of losing KP. I don't see the point of burning Southey, as it seems to regenerate quickly in any case. Not to mention the fact that the pitch at Niagara could be scorched, if we're not too careful.

Moorfoot would do instead.

I'll simply retaliate with the worst 'joke' I've heard in a while.

An invisible man married an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

I'd get my coat, but I don't want to go outside as it's still snowing here.

Superman was bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and moaning and groaning and squirming around looking really hot.

Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, slip her one and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes. Love comes in spurts and he proved the point

Wonder Woman knew something happened and says, "What was that?" The invisible man says, "I don't know but my is arse sore.

Anyway, full amount of overs bowled in a day. When was the last time that happened.

I thought you were going to say "Sod it, we're 7 down already on a pitch that even Geoffrey would have got a grand on", when Wonderwoman said "Steady on, even Superman didn't get that far."

Or summat like that.

What a depressing day's play. Clearly it was the gin that did it so, so spirits shall be changed for tomorrow.

Well, I went for the sherry cask Grants, and that didn't work so rather than waste that, I'm back to the gin again, with a cider chaser. Or so.

Anderson seems to be able to bowl as well as I can menstruate at the moment, having gone for 44 off 3 consecutive overs he bowled. That was a really horrific morning session for England.

What a turn around!

What a turn around!

What turn round? Anderson started bowling backwards, or what?


Give us some details :hihi:

Boycott has just had a right go at Harmison and this is the reason why.
http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/articles/columnists/columnists.html?in_article_id=542337&in_page_id=1951

What turn round? Anderson started bowling backwards, or what?


Give us some details :hihi:

He'd have been more accurate if he had :hihi:

Boycott has just had a right go at Harmison and this is the reason why.
http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/articles/columnists/columnists.html?in_article_id=542337&in_page_id=1951

Geoffrey is someone who could start a fight with nobody else around, but Harmy has been terrible for a while as well. I still think that one of the reasons for his poor form is the disastrous preparation for the crucifixion in Australia leading to a severe lack of confidence, but when push comes to shove, excuses aren't recorded on the scoresheet.

Argghhh beer crisis at not wanted towers.

New ball just taken and NZ really have to get some wickets in the next few overs or they are out of it.

I reluctantly got the bus to the nearest shop which sells anything I want to drink at the start of play. Bless the snooker hall nearby though (buses are only once an hour, so accidentally called in for a wet), they put TMS on for half an hour, seeing as they don't have Murdoch TV.

I'm glad to see that Strauss has come back with a ton, but I can't help but look back to the first two Tests and groan about the mediocrity. Surely even we can't lose a Test from this sort of position?

Bell has just got a 100.

This is England. We can lose from any position and if the pitch stays like this a draw is a real possibility.

Very true, but at least time is on our side.

Oh God(TM).

Beer crisis over, Rizla crisis looming. Boycott and Aggers are on good form

Bell gone for 110.

They certainly were going well! Poor shot by Bell, but this must be taken away from the Kiwi's now.

Beer crisis over, Rizla crisis looming. Boycott and Aggers are on good form

I have a surplus of Rizla, but few strands of tobacco. How the fortune cookie crumbles through one's fingers.

Can you fax me the rizlas please.

Do you think they will declare tonight?

Colly gone, Ambrose in. We cannot lose from this position can we. The pitch is holding up as one of the best batting surfaces around and we are not at the end of day 3 yet. The lead is about 450 but the way this pitch is playing it is possible.

Can you fax me the rizlas please.

Do you think they will declare tonight?

I would fax them if I could, my friend.

500 has to be the minimum to have a go at. I'd bat until the end of the day, and decide depending on the weather. Pointless losing a couple of overs, AND letting them bat even more.

Given our calamitous start, who (up to now) are the only Test side to win a Test having been 0/3 in the 1st Innings of the Test match?

(I had to cheat to find the answer).

The 2 new balls tomorrow are going to be very important as i don't think the conditions are going to change. Still a good days cricket.

Chasing 502 to win would surely demoralise a batting side before they even take the field .. but if the track really is that flat and easy to bat on, and they've got two days, they ought to set out thinking they can do it.

On the other hand, if we bat for too long to make it utterly impossible, it'll be all the easier for them to close out a draw. I'd say declare overnight - if our bowlers are capable of conceding 502 in the fourth innings, we don't deserve to be playing test cricket anyway.

I'd take it to 550 at least as soon as possible. Just go back to 2002 for a certain match in New Zealand when we'd set them 550 to win, and they reached 451, giving us a few nervy moments along the way, especially with a last wicket stand of 118.

Either you read Vaughan's mind, or he read yours.

35 minutes of batting takes us 552 clear, and the declaration. NZ now 6 without loss, having just started on their mammoth task.

552 sounds a lot but this pitch is playing like a first day pitch. There is no bounce, no real spin and Bell and Strauss getting 100's when so badly out of form shows the real state of play. NZ have got a chance of winning this or at least getting a draw unless the climate conditions change and that doesn't look like happening.
I think England made a mistake by not declaring as soon as Strauss was out. That delay may have cost us the chance of getting 3 new balls in the NZ innings.

Good point about the three new balls, but I think the declaration was about right. They're scoring readily too, but they did that before that collapse in the first innings too.

Monty gets a wicket. 48 for 1

Very important that we're on the board, even given there are the best part of five sessions left.

I'd be happy for Fleming to get the score he needs to get his 40 average and I think it's a stupid idea for him to retire. He is only 34

Bell ended. 2 down 8 to go

Fleming gone 3 down 7 to go

4 down 6 to go

Normally I'd say it's all over, but I do remember that 451 all out, and the waiting was terrible.

Well I doubt there'll be too much cricket tomorrow.

Oh well, coming towards the end of another winter series.

Keep the thread open for the home series or start a new one?

Monty,Monty:cool:

We win by 121 runs, my sleeping pattern can return to normal and good to meet you Mr Happyhippy. The first unofficial Sheffield Forum cricket meet happened after a good couple of years talking about it.

Indeed, and we both had enough Rizlas too. You still need International Cricket Manager. No sane cricket fan's life is complete without it.

Going to play "Red Rose Speedway" as a celebratory moment (i.e., album I'm not convinced I like, but we've won the series, so I'll give it another go), and maybe we can have a beer after a United match too.

Read something interesting the other day about the NZ team.

Because the cricket community is so small in NZ, if players haven't made the national team by the age of 21/22 (or at least got a contract with an english county or an australian state side), they pack up and go do something else. If they do keep playing, they drop down to be a weekend warrior in the equivalent of village cricket

Only really good players like stephen fleming can afford carry on past their mid 20's

Thus they will always be "permanently in rebuilding"

Well after finishing on a high with the win, let's remember how bad the first test was with the help of Blu Tac.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbpxXvoYupk

Well after finishing on a high with the win, let's remember how bad the first test was with the help of Blu Tac.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbpxXvoYupk

Very good! Well worth seven minutes of my life!