To most of us they are so obvious, you can spot them a mile off with no effort. Normal folk can happily wear a tracksuit, baseball cap, a hoodie or even sport a 'Frecheville facelift' (apologies to the majority of perfectly normal people in Frechville)
We still wouldn't look anything like them.

So, given that they are so glaringly obvious and that newspapers, TV, the internet, in fact everywhere is full of them, why don't they see it themselves?

Do they know how to operate a mirror? Are they a subhuman form of vampire, feeding off MSG and sodium laced 'food'? Do they realise that they are chavs, the collective laughing stock of the nation and the source of such a rich vein of humour and ridicule?

I don't get it. :huh:

Don't worry about it mate, they don't.

Totally agree with you, they have a certain vacant expression on their faces and are ugly as sin, you know they are destined to end up on Jeremy Kyle.:hihi:

To most of us they are so obvious, you can spot them a mile off with no effort. Most of us can happily wear a tracksuit, wear a baseball cap or even a hoodie or even sport a 'Frecheville facelift' (apologies to the majority of perfectly normal people in Frechville)
We still wouldn't look anything like them.

So, given that they are so glaringly obvious and that the papers, TV, the internet, in fact everywhere is full of them, why don't they see it themselves?

Do they know how to operate a mirror? Are they a subhuman form of vampire, feeding off MSG and sodium laced 'food'? Do they realise that they are chavs, the collective laughing stock of the nation and the source of such a rich vein of humour and ridicule?

I don't get it. :huh:

A most interesting conundrum.

I would also like to add the unusual occurance of the fully grown man riding around the streets on those infernal mini moto bikes.

With knees around the ears and an expanse of 'fat back and arse' showing they really do look first class twots but they seem to think they look the dogs danglies.

:confused:

But everyone looks idiotic riding a mini moto bike. Let's not confuse 'it's good fun' with 'and you'll look cool doing it'.

But everyone looks idiotic riding a mini moto bike. Let's not confuse 'it's good fun' with 'and you'll look cool doing it'.

:hihi::hihi: Very true.

Theres nowt better in life than burberry and strong cider.

I once had a lad turn up for a interview in a track suit and baseball cap. Call me picky but he didn't get the job!

First I checked I wasn't being ageist, sexist, racialist, a bigot or homophobic... just CHAVIST.

:hihi:

Is it true that these ferrel creatures have to keep away from water incase they melt?

Theres nowt better in life than burberry and strong cider.

I once had a lad turn up for a interview in a track suit and baseball cap. Call me picky but he didn't get the job!

First I checked I wasn't being ageist, sexist, racialist, a bigot or homophobic... just CHAVIST.

:hihi:
I was that 56 year old ladyboy asian lesbian chav, and I think you turned me down because of my zits you zittist spotophobe. :mad:

Also why does one leg of the tracksuit bottoms have to be tucked in the sock, especially as there seems to be no evidence of a bicycle being riden. :huh:

Also why does one leg of the tracksuit bottoms have to be tucked in the sock, especially as there seems to be no evidence of a bicycle being riden. :huh:

It tides them over till they learn left from right.

Another little-known chav fact:

The zits are so they can recognise each other in the dark. They are braille for GAZ, SHAZ, BAZ, SKUFF, ANGI and MARMADUKE (I made that last one up) Next time you see a chav, stroke his face .. go on, you know you want to.

Judge for yourself.

http://s32.photobucket.com/albums/d44/Slimsid2000/?action=view&current=dial.jpg

The zits are so they can recognise each other in the dark. They are braille for GAZ, SHAZ, BAZ, SKUFF, ANGI and MARMADUKE (I made that last one up) Next time you see a chav, stroke his face .. go on, you know you want to.

This really did make me Laugh Out Loud. Thank God I wasn't holding my tea. :hihi:

Thank you for the best laugh of the day, after Wednesday beating United of course!

Bring back the Horse and Hounds I feel a Chav hunt coming my way.
TALLY HO.
The clatter of hooves, the baying of the hounds, the smell of the beasts, the rush of the wind, as the world below flies past.
Red and Black velvet sat high on the leather saddles, the sound of the horn,and then.

We see them, at least half a dozen good specimens. Ripe spots on the verge of exploding, thankfully obscured faces half covered with the uniform of burberry cap. The white line of the addidas track suit bottoms, splash with mud and last nights chips and curry sauce.

Then it hits you... the smell, a cross between rotting cabbage and week old dirty nappies with a BO twist. Ever so masked by a spray of tusk (Nettos answer to Lynx).

Tears instantly well up in the eyes with bombardment of sensor overload the sights and smells of the CHAV. The sun reflects of the golden chain around the alpha-males neck, it was a strap, nicked from his mums best bling handbag.

They saw us and started the chase. They hurled abuse, we stood fast the hedge rows of Eastbank Road were no match for the stead. Onward and onward through lane and ginnal.

They ran until they could run no more, they Lent against a wall. Showing their defiance and lit up a fag, while drinking red bull and cider.

Then a sound, a strange sound, a sound not heard for many years, familiar, yet new, in the same thought. One of the chavs reached in his Sunday best Nike hoody top. and pulled out a...

Nokia 3310, lidols £7.99 bargain bucket, He mumbled a few words and put the phone back in his pocket, he whispered to one or two of the other chavs and they mumbled. Then the alpha male spoke almost coherently "Got to go now our mams come back from chippy".

So that was it a roaring hunt and exhilarating chase to be ended by the threat of cold chips.

But beware young Chavs, the hunt is on.
:hihi::twisted:

And why the hell do they walk around with both hands stuffed down the front of the tracksuit :huh:

Is it just to make sure they still have their dangly bits ?

And why the hell do they walk around with both hands stuffed down the front of the tracksuit :huh:

Is it just to make sure they still have their dangly bits ?

More likely to see if they've grown any yet.

Little-known chav fact #2:

A chav walks around with his fingernail gnawed mitts down his trackie bottoms because someone on here once remarked that anyone who dresses like that 'must feel a p***k'..... so they do.... as often as possible.

Just one thing though. Never accept an unwrapped sweet off one.

And why the hell do they walk around with both hands stuffed down the front of the tracksuit :huh:

It's a prison thing which comes of having no pockets in the issued track suits, many have speculated if it's a comfort thing, that they're little perverts who can't stop fiddling with their genitals, that they're checking to see if the system has emasculated them yet or they just want something to do with their hands :D

What troubles me is that they always seem to be shaking hands with their crew or bumping knuckles ..... Where are the hand washing facilities outside the local Spar or on a street corner? This must mean that they are transmitting their 'penile residue' onto the hands of their compatriots ....... :gag:

Oh dear - when I stand on the back door step having a crafty smoke my left hand always seems to venture south. Must be looking for somewhere warm! Does that make me a chav even though I'm usually in a shirt n trousers? And no, its not cause I'm usually in the dock!!!

So if... If Chavs dont know theyre Chavs then... we might all be chavs without realising it!

It's a prison thing which comes of having no pockets in the issued track suits, many have speculated if it's a comfort thing, that they're little perverts who can't stop fiddling with their genitals, that they're checking to see if the system has emasculated them yet or they just want something to do with their hands :D

What troubles me is that they always seem to be shaking hands with their crew or bumping knuckles ..... Where are the hand washing facilities outside the local Spar or on a street corner? This must mean that they are transmitting their 'penile residue' onto the hands of their compatriots ....... :gag:

:gag::gag: Ta SV for that last graphic bit of info. :gag::gag:

You and Saxon are obviously a lot more familiar with the habits of the species than me, but you've both made me laugh out loud.

Sorry MrsMacbeth. I consider myself to be the Bill Odie of the Chav world :D

Bring back the Horse and Hounds I feel a Chav hunt coming my way.
TALLY HO.
The clatter of hooves, the baying of the hounds, the smell of the beasts, the rush of the wind, as the world below flies past.
Red and Black velvet sat high on the leather saddles, the sound of the horn,and then.

We see them, at least half a dozen good specimens. Ripe spots on the verge of exploding, thankfully obscured faces half covered with the uniform of burberry cap. The white line of the addidas track suit bottoms, splash with mud and last nights chips and curry sauce.

Then it hits you... the smell, a cross between rotting cabbage and week old dirty nappies with a BO twist. Ever so masked by a spray of tusk (Nettos answer to Lynx).

Tears instantly well up in the eyes with bombardment of sensor overload the sights and smells of the CHAV. The sun reflects of the golden chain around the alpha-males neck, it was a strap, nicked from his mums best bling handbag.

They saw us and started the chase. They hurled abuse, we stood fast the hedge rows of Eastbank Road were no match for the stead. Onward and onward through lane and ginnal.

They ran until they could run no more, they Lent against a wall. Showing their defiance and lit up a fag, while drinking red bull and cider.

Then a sound, a strange sound, a sound not heard for many years, familiar, yet new, in the same thought. One of the chavs reached in his Sunday best Nike hoody top. and pulled out a...

Nokia 3310, lidols £7.99 bargain bucket, He mumbled a few words and put the phone back in his pocket, he whispered to one or two of the other chavs and they mumbled. Then the alpha male spoke almost coherently "Got to go now our mams come back from chippy".

So that was it a roaring hunt and exhilarating chase to be ended by the threat of cold chips.

But beware young Chavs, the hunt is on.
:hihi::twisted:


:hihi::hihi:I often wonder if this sort of thing goes on, running the daft beggars ragged, what other excuse would there be for the Chav limp? What is that!? One leg seems to operate perfectly well, while every time they step on the other, it seems to give way a little, gives a little swaggery bounce, often accompanied by a flick of the wrist or a grob on the pavement. :gag: It seems to become extra pronounced when they approach their pack, usually outside johnathan james or argos.

:hihi::hihi:I often wonder if this sort of thing goes on, running the daft beggars ragged, what other excuse would there be for the Chav limp? What is that!? One leg seems to operate perfectly well, while every time they step on the other, it seems to give way a little, gives a little swaggery bounce, often accompanied by a flick of the wrist or a grob on the pavement. :gag: It seems to become extra pronounced when they approach their pack, usually outside johnathan james or argos.
Chav fact #3: #4 & #5

The limp is a direct result of nicking 2 left trainers.

The flick of the wrist is an attempt to get rid of the bogey from the middle finger.

The frequent gob is territory marking

:hihi::hihi:excellent saxon! And, I think I can guess the answer to this one, but why do they always seem to be in such a hurry? There are always a couple of them tearing down fargate, deep in chav grunt-ese with each other, gesticulating wildly with in code and holding their cigarettes in that special way that enables them to do the 'bogie flick' at the same time. :hihi:

The Chav gait could be down many different reasons: The lack of calcium in their Maccy D's and KFC diet causes rickets, Piles from plugging lumps of cannabis when being pulled over the police or as Saxon rightly points out, being a double left footer :D

I think they will love my new game:

Hours of Fun (http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h107/garyeyre/Chavopoly.jpg)

:hihi::hihi:excellent saxon! And, I think I can guess the answer to this one, but why do they always seem to be in such a hurry? There are always a couple of them tearing down fargate, deep in chav grunt-ese with each other, gesticulating wildly with in code and holding their cigarettes in that special way that enables them to do the 'bogie flick' at the same time. :hihi:
The 'chav gruntese' accompanying the 'cheap-shop-shuffle' to which you refer roughly translates as, "Argos, Poundland, Greggs, which to chose, which to choose .... Argos, Poundland, Greggs ... ad infinitum" It is also what's known as 'taxiing' whereby the chav maintains a steady forward momentum prior to 'legging it' should the police/bailiff/truant officer/shop security/fatherless child recognise him.