cosywolf
13-01-2008, 22:21
Hi all,
Maybe it's the time of year, leading us to look back and think about things that have happened in the past. I don't know, but this has been in my mind often recently for no reason I can think of, and I finally thought maybe I should share it. Maybe it just deserves to be told.
If you are feeling low, are pregnant and emotional, you might want to pass on this, it doesn't have a happy ending.
So why am i writing it at all? I guess I am just starting to let myself think about it, and this couple's incredible bravery should be known.
When I was pregnant, I spent a lot of time on Bounty, which some of you will know is a website where you can join a community of people who are due in the same month as you. It was supportive, and helpful, and fun. It was also a snapshot of pregnancy across the country, and as you unfortunately have to expect, there were some sad events, and a very few of the women lost their babies. It was particularly hard to read these posts - not, if you were honest with yourself, just because you knew them and felt for them, though of course you did, but because that could as easily have been you. And when you are pregnant, your greatest fear is losing the baby. I found it almost impossible to watch, read or hear about anything bad happening to babies, pathologically so, probably, but I doubt I'm alone in that.
One rather different story, the one that has stayed with me, haunted me, really, when I have forgotten the details of the rest, is this: one couple on the site were, as you would expect, very excited about being pregnant. But quite early on - first or second scan, I believe, they found out this terrible news...there was something wrong with their baby. She wasn't going to miscarry, she wasn't going to be stillborn, she may have had some problems that would lead to disability after birth, but that ceased to matter. What they discovered was that they could carry that baby to term, but she would not be able to live outside the womb for more than a few minutes, maybe hours. Simply would not.
They were offered a termination, but the couple said no. They said they wanted to give her as much of a life as they could. They carried that baby through the entire pregnancy, named her, came on and spoke about the pregnancy ocassionally and how the baby was, and loved her, so clearly loved her with all their heart and soul. Always knowing that they would only ever be able to hold her for such a short time. I just wish I could tell you that some miracle happened, but it didn't.
At the time I found it so hard to read her posts. I was so absolutely gutted for her, and so terrified for myself and my baby. But recently I've been thinking about her, and how she and her husband were so strong and compassionate, and how they made the decision to carry that child all the way to the end, always knowing she wouldn't survive outside the womb. I wonder if I would have that kind of strength and love. And sometimes in my darker hours I wonder if it was strength and love or an odd kind of selfishness.
Anyway, now i have shared what's been going round my mind; and I hope it hasn't traumatised anyone (I did warn you), and that someone can take something positive from it.
Maybe it's the time of year, leading us to look back and think about things that have happened in the past. I don't know, but this has been in my mind often recently for no reason I can think of, and I finally thought maybe I should share it. Maybe it just deserves to be told.
If you are feeling low, are pregnant and emotional, you might want to pass on this, it doesn't have a happy ending.
So why am i writing it at all? I guess I am just starting to let myself think about it, and this couple's incredible bravery should be known.
When I was pregnant, I spent a lot of time on Bounty, which some of you will know is a website where you can join a community of people who are due in the same month as you. It was supportive, and helpful, and fun. It was also a snapshot of pregnancy across the country, and as you unfortunately have to expect, there were some sad events, and a very few of the women lost their babies. It was particularly hard to read these posts - not, if you were honest with yourself, just because you knew them and felt for them, though of course you did, but because that could as easily have been you. And when you are pregnant, your greatest fear is losing the baby. I found it almost impossible to watch, read or hear about anything bad happening to babies, pathologically so, probably, but I doubt I'm alone in that.
One rather different story, the one that has stayed with me, haunted me, really, when I have forgotten the details of the rest, is this: one couple on the site were, as you would expect, very excited about being pregnant. But quite early on - first or second scan, I believe, they found out this terrible news...there was something wrong with their baby. She wasn't going to miscarry, she wasn't going to be stillborn, she may have had some problems that would lead to disability after birth, but that ceased to matter. What they discovered was that they could carry that baby to term, but she would not be able to live outside the womb for more than a few minutes, maybe hours. Simply would not.
They were offered a termination, but the couple said no. They said they wanted to give her as much of a life as they could. They carried that baby through the entire pregnancy, named her, came on and spoke about the pregnancy ocassionally and how the baby was, and loved her, so clearly loved her with all their heart and soul. Always knowing that they would only ever be able to hold her for such a short time. I just wish I could tell you that some miracle happened, but it didn't.
At the time I found it so hard to read her posts. I was so absolutely gutted for her, and so terrified for myself and my baby. But recently I've been thinking about her, and how she and her husband were so strong and compassionate, and how they made the decision to carry that child all the way to the end, always knowing she wouldn't survive outside the womb. I wonder if I would have that kind of strength and love. And sometimes in my darker hours I wonder if it was strength and love or an odd kind of selfishness.
Anyway, now i have shared what's been going round my mind; and I hope it hasn't traumatised anyone (I did warn you), and that someone can take something positive from it.