Bottom line: I have never had a girlfriend and I am 26. For some reason I lack the killer instinct to make the moves on a girl. I always get insanely paranoid she will slap me and never speak to me again. And then we always end up just friends. I dont seem to find it hard to meet women, I just seem to find it impossible to make the final moves to seal the deal. I cant remain miserable and lonely forever - any ideas what I can do?

And to make it worse now I think even if I did manage to pull I would get dumped straight away because I dont know what I am doing in the bedroom due to lack of experience.

I feel so miserable. All my friends and family think its odd I have never had a girlfriend and then this stresses me even more. What am I going to do?

I suppose you could try speed dating or joining a singles club as at least in those places everyone has the same motives.
When I was a lot younger my mother noticed that I didn't seem to ever have a g/f, i did, I'd had two or three but for some rreason never wanted to introduce them to my family. I can still remember the day when mother took me to one side and asked me if i was gay, so face you think you've got problems!!.

What's wrong with being single? Have a think about all the plus points. You never have to do what she wants to do, you don't have to spend money on her, you can go out with your mates whenever you want and you don't have to phone in to ask if it's ok to stay out all night etc. Or, you can say in bed till 3pm at weekends eating pot noodle and watching episodes of Battlestar Galactica (something that no self respecting woman would ever let you do!), or whatever floats your boat. In short, think about all the good things you've got going!

You might have picked the better option in staying single!

Originally posted by Funky Dave
What's wrong with being single? Have a think about all the plus points. You never have to do what she wants to do, you don't have to spend money on her, you can go out with your mates whenever you want and you don't have to phone in to ask if it's ok to stay out all night etc. Or, you can say in bed till 3pm at weekends eating pot noodle and watching episodes of Battlestar Galactica (something that no self respecting woman would ever let you do!), or whatever floats your boat. In short, think about all the good things you've got going!

You might have picked the better option in staying single!

God Dave you are so right - heres to staying in bed and doing jack **** all weekend and not worrying about women - just one little point - what about sex - how does that fit into your plan? or does pot noodle kill your sex drive

Lol! If only! Just trying to point out to the lad that a relationship isn't going to be the end of his problems. In fact it'll probably be the start of a whole load of new ones. Come on, there must be some other benefits of being single?

yeah, if you never have a g/f you never get your heart torn in two :(

Personally I have a lot of trouble asking women out too, my first two g/f's the r/ship just sort of "happened" I cant even remember how :? my last g/f we was talking and she was kinda upset that she couldn't get a b/f and saying that no guys like her, and I just blurted out the fact I fancied her to cheer her up, I wasn't lying I did fancy her, but I mostly did it because I didn't like seeing her upset, so it made it easier...

anyways, turned out she fancied me too, so maybe it was all a ploy to make me fess up :suspect:

If you have so many female friends your sorted mate, I'd like to bet at least 2 or 3 of them would go out with you, even if its just a semi-serious r/ship and see how things go... I aint one to lecture about asking girls out though, as I said, I really suck at it... but sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and hope for the best...

I really do doubt if you ask a woman out properly that you'll get a slap... why would they slap you for saying that you find them attractive, or a nice person or both? women LOVE compliments :P just don't be a dick and saying something like "I fink yer really fit n mi mates rekon I shud ask yi out, wudya say?"

I would have thought that in this day and age, a lot of women would actually find it a turn on and be keen to teach if you told them you had little experience. Be honest about yourself. It really is fun learning!

Originally posted by Sam Miguel
It really is fun learning!

Amen to that :D :clap: :thumbsup: :banana:

I know this is far easier said than done, but you need to not worry about it and relax, and then it will just happen. Failing that, there has been talk on the forum of a singles night. Come along to that! Just think of it as meeting a group of new people, rather than specifically meeting a girl, and it will be fun. You could always bring a friend too.

As for what happens after you get a girl, do not worry about it! I once went out with a bloke who was 25 and had never had a girlfriend before, and we, urm, didn't have any problems!!!:blush: :blush: :wink:

Originally posted by face
Bottom line: I have never had a girlfriend and I am 26.

Look on the bright side face..........you must have saved a fortune!:clap:

As a single female I found the phrases 'killer instinct' and 'final moves to seal the deal' rather offputting.

You make it sound like a hunting expedition or business transaction. And what is wrong with being friends with a girl anyway? Many relationships develop that way.

*please delete this post*

Have to say that you might have better luck if you regard women less as an objective to be taken or conquered and more as other people to get to know.

Just relax, talk to women as friends and with no other motve in mind and see how it goes.

Joe

Originally posted by limpetboy
Amen to that :D :clap: :thumbsup: :banana:

With yourself doesn't count mate :hihi:

The question I always ask is do women go for Looks or a fiery personality ? Or both :confused: Once you master that it should all be plain sailing.. right ? :huh:

Originally posted by Deejay
With yourself doesn't count mate :hihi:

The question I always ask is do women go for Looks or a fiery personality ? Or both :confused: Once you master that it should all be plain sailing.. right ? :huh:

Poor limpetboy! :( You big meanie, Deejay :nono: :P

I can only give my own point of view here - personality over looks, anytime. In particular, I've always found men with a wicked sense of humour to be devastingly sexy.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :wink: :P Confidence is good too :thumbsup:

FS,(B),F+6*,(B),1,F+6,(B),1,F+6,(B),1,F+6,
(F),1,(B)+5,1,F+2,wait QT+1(46-48 HIT)

(If *ANYONE* gets that i'll be impressed)

Having made all the mistakes here's my advice:

1. Don't obsess.

2. Women are people not aliens or a separate species - treat them as such!

3. Don't obsess.

4. Go out to have a good time no 'to pull'.

5. Don't obsess.

6. Think of the personality of the people you like to spend time with - like personalities attract so try and at least make some vague movements in that direction.

7. Don't obsess.

8. Relax!

And finally, though most importantly - DON'T OBSESS!!!!!

Originally posted by evildrneil

1. Don't obsess.
3. Don't obsess.
5. Don't obsess.
7. Don't obsess.

And finally, though most importantly - DON'T OBSESS!!!!!

I think I understand :suspect:

Can you run it by me one more time :razz:

Your right tho, don't fuss.. Drives em batty! (Nora Style)

Originally posted by face
Bottom line: I have never had a girlfriend and I am 26. For some reason I lack the killer instinct to make the moves on a girl. I always get insanely paranoid she will slap me and never speak to me again. And then we always end up just friends. I dont seem to find it hard to meet women, I just seem to find it impossible to make the final moves to seal the deal. I cant remain miserable and lonely forever - any ideas what I can do?

And to make it worse now I think even if I did manage to pull I would get dumped straight away because I dont know what I am doing in the bedroom due to lack of experience.

I feel so miserable. All my friends and family think its odd I have never had a girlfriend and then this stresses me even more. What am I going to do?

The never having a girlfriend thing must be a bit daunting face and could be why you have so much trouble with the ladies now, I my self have had several and enjoy being with a woman who I have completely fallen for, the problem is after the split, I find it such a pain to chat up women as the only thing I have in my mind is sex,(dont write in) which can be off putting as girls seem to pick up on it, (he just wants to sh*g me) or may be thats my paranoia.

Another thing that can be a problem is getting comfortable with sorting your self out, as you may feel that as you are getting your nuts off any way you dont need any one to help you( so leave off the tickle tackle for a bit ) and your urge to procreate may come back.

If you are scared of being a failure you could always go to a massage parlour and see what your like, you never know you might be a stud but never new it.

Or you could just go out get slaughtered and go on the pull.

Originally posted by evildrneil
2. Women are people not aliens or a separate species - treat them as such!

Can you prove this !?

:P

Originally posted by Jamie
Can you prove this !?

Talk to them? :P

Originally posted by BrainThrust
Talk to them? :P

He daren't :hihi: :P

Originally posted by BrainThrust
Talk to them? :P

I do ... and it only serves to confirm my suspicions ...

:confused: ;)

Originally posted by Deejay
I think I understand :suspect:

Can you run it by me one more time :razz:

Your right tho, don't fuss.. Drives em batty! (Nora Style)

Not only that - but if you obsess on not having a girlfriend and assume that this somehow makes you odd and incomplete it will only serve to make sure you come across as a clingy stalker!!!

Originally posted by Deejay
I think I understand :suspect:

Can you run it by me one more time :razz:

Your right tho, don't fuss.. Drives em batty! (Nora Style)

Just dont get caught sniffing the girl of your dreams underwear as this is classed as being obsessive.

Especially if you have never talked to her before.:hihi:

Originally posted by jonsastar
Especially if you have never talked to her before.:hihi:

She was right then.. It was my fault :hihi:

Originally posted by evildrneil
Not only that - but if you obsess on not having a girlfriend and assume that this somehow makes you odd and incomplete it will only serve to make sure you come across as a clingy stalker!!!

Damn right! me and fussy/obsessive people don't get along!

Im getting bored of the restraining orders now :(

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jamie
[B]I can imagine how you must feel mate ....... I too am a complete disaster zone when it comes to women (and I'm even older than 26) .....


I didn't see you like that when I met you Jamie. I thought you handsome, charming and fun to talk to. Was most surprised to find you had managed to remain single and I think any woman would be very lucky to have you as her boyfriend.

(Always known for my blunt speaking!):clap:

Looks like you've pulled Jamie :)

Face, you need to build up your self confidence and then you'll be fighting them off - you need to accept yourself for who you are and be happy with that then women will pick up on this and it goes from there...... Maybe easier said than done but it's the truth, honest :)

quote below is from a salsa web site

now if thats what Jamie gets into then it's good enough for me!!!

'When performing the fifth position and cross overs, you want to be close to your partner, and never turn away from each other (your aim is to always be facing each other), your bodies should form a slight V shape. Even though the man leads the whole dance, the idea in all moves, is that the man is trying to seduce the lady'
:heyhey:

Originally posted by fnkysknky
Looks like you've pulled Jamie :)

Face, you need to build up your self confidence and then you'll be fighting them off - you need to accept yourself for who you are and be happy with that then women will pick up on this and it goes from there...... Maybe easier said than done but it's the truth, honest :)

I agree that confidence is the key, but you cant just pull it out of a bag, face thinking that people think hes odd because he hasnt had a girlfriend must put the pressure on like mad, I have had this feeling before and it is hard to get through, and can make a man mumble his words make an ass of himself and even shake at the knees.

Once you have a girlfriend face youll wonder what the fuss was all about.

Face, there are more people in your position that you think. A friend of mine is about the same age, and talks just like you! Just dont make the mistake I made, and marry the first girl who shows an interest...

Years on I now have the confidence to chat to women, and have plenty of femail friends. Still cant get laid tho..LOL

Originally posted by face
Bottom line: I have never had a girlfriend and I am 26. For some reason I lack the killer instinct to make the moves on a girl. I always get insanely paranoid she will slap me and never speak to me again. And then we always end up just friends. I dont seem to find it hard to meet women, I just seem to find it impossible to make the final moves to seal the deal. I cant remain miserable and lonely forever - any ideas what I can do?

And to make it worse now I think even if I did manage to pull I would get dumped straight away because I dont know what I am doing in the bedroom due to lack of experience.

I feel so miserable. All my friends and family think its odd I have never had a girlfriend and then this stresses me even more. What am I going to do?

hi

I am in a similar situation to yourself except that I am 34 years old. You mention that you can't make the 'final move'. What exactly do you mean by this. What is the final move(s). You appear to be in a better position to myself as you seem at least to know what they are. I don't ,but would be very greatful if you (or anyone else) could enlighten me.

I'm not sure that I am at that stage actually and seem to have problems having girls just as friends. Still, I would like to know as much as possible.

Cheers

Originally posted by slimsid2000
hi

I am in a similar situation to yourself except that I am 34 years old. You mention that you can't make the 'final move'. What exactly do you mean by this. What is the final move(s). You appear to be in a better position to myself as you seem at least to know what they are. I don't ,but would be very greatful if you (or anyone else) could enlighten me.

I'm not sure that I am at that stage actually and seem to have problems having girls just as friends. Still, I would like to know as much as possible.

Cheers

I mean I never seem to get into the right situation to go for a kiss and they think I am not interested.....I think I must do something to put them off else surely they would try and create a situation where it was obvious they wanted me to kiss them? or maybe women are too subtle and I dont see the signs...

thanks for all the advice everyone btw

I think I must do something to put them off else surely they would try and create a situation where it was obvious they wanted me to kiss them?


If you were a woman how do you think you'd go about creating a situation like that?

Straight up question as in my experience men never notice when you do do that. Unless of course the situation you create goes along the lines of yelling "Oh for crying out loud are you ever going to kiss me or shall I just jump on you? "

You have tried all the hand holding & maintained eye contact stuff I take it & it's just the acual kiss part that has eluded you ?

Originally posted by Siân
If you were a woman how do you think you'd go about creating a situation like that?

Straight up question as in my experience men never notice when you do do that. Unless of course the situation you create goes along the lines of yelling "Oh for crying out loud are you ever going to kiss me or shall I just jump on you? "

wish they would do that to me lol


You have tried all the hand holding & maintained eye contact stuff I take it & it's just the acual kiss part that has eluded you ?
tried eye contact yes. But the kiss part eludes me.

basically if you've done all the eye contact etc most girls expect a kiss at some point in the proceedings....usually on a first date just give her a kiss on the cheek, but not just a quick peck, make it deliberately a bit longer...

Depending on the girl then either a) you've at least broken the ice and next time she'll expect at least a proper kiss,

or b) if you've got more balls look her in the eye and u'll probably get a snog straight after,

if that's what you're after


You'll soon be getting nagged for being too untidy, not doing the dishes, ironing etc....at which point it's time to do it all again with someone else...... :heyhey:

wish they would do that to me lol

Be careful what you wish for ;)



tried eye contact yes. But the kiss part eludes me.

Try lots more eye contact - you need to hold it longer each time without it feeling too uncomfy. Then getting closer into her personal space - if she moves away quickly you'll sense it. If all is well after that then be brave & decisive!


I've just seen Bertie's advice - tis good :)

Originally posted by Siân
Be careful what you wish for ;)





Try lots more eye contact - you need to hold it longer each time without it feeling too uncomfy. Then getting closer into her personal space - if she moves away quickly you'll sense it. If all is well after that then be brave & decisive!


I've just seen Bertie's advice - tis good :)

now I just need to find someone to try this out on!

Why do we have girlfriends and boyfriends?
What's the final aim? Even these terms are self destructive....

After following my cock for a few years, as well as drink, drugs, vanity etc. at 19 I made the intetion to get a permanent partner. That very night I met a girl that stayed with me for five years, in love.

We were both young, stupid and eventually unfaithful, and for various other reasons, split up, I was devastated, as expected.

I met another woman shortly after, by this time I had learned things, sacrifice being one of them. The rest is history, we have a large family and my love grows more than I ever imagined it could.

Incidentally, when I met my wife, she was 'fed up with men and boys' and ready to give them up altogether. She recounted how her male friends would go on about how much they loved her but when it came to crunch they would disappear into their shells.

I got her.

Does this story tell you anything?

moodi

Originally posted by RPG
FS,(B),F+6*,(B),1,F+6,(B),1,F+6,(B),1,F+6,
(F),1,(B)+5,1,F+2,wait QT+1(46-48 HIT)

(If *ANYONE* gets that i'll be impressed)

Did anyone get this or is it just me?!! Give us a clue!

Originally posted by creep
Did anyone get this or is it just me?!! Give us a clue!

I hope he was making the point that if you act like a geeky twonk, then you will never pull women... that's got to be it... surely... :suspect:

One word- CONFIDENCE.

Whats the damage gonna be right, if you like someone and you wanna get to know them better- go and bloody talk to them.

If you want something in life, you have gotta go for it.
What you gotta loose?

Sure you might get knocked back a couple of times.. just keep trying- Im sure there is someone for you.

I met my soulmate through ICQ on the internet and I've never been happier.. we now have a wonderful new home and are planning to marry this year or the next.. all because I made the first move and asked her out.

Simple as that.

It just takes one moments bit of courage and thats all you need.

Good luck in the future though.

Originally posted by Snook
I hope he was making the point that if you act like a geeky twonk, then you will never pull women... that's got to be it... surely... :suspect:

Im quite geeky... or was I suppose and it never affected me attracting lasses.

I dont know what it is though-- maybe the confidence side again I reckon.

Originally posted by ANGELUS
One word- CONFIDENCE.

Whats the damage gonna be right, if you like someone and you wanna get to know them better- go and bloody talk to them.

If you want something in life, you have gotta go for it.
What you gotta loose?

Sure you might get knocked back a couple of times.. just keep trying- Im sure there is someone for you.

I met my soulmate through ICQ on the internet and I've never been happier.. we now have a wonderful new home and are planning to marry this year or the next.. all because I made the first move and asked her out.

Simple as that.

It just takes one moments bit of courage and thats all you need.

Good luck in the future though.

Angelus is absolutely spot-on here, IMO.

Isn't a fantastic relationship worth a bit of embarrassment and risk?

Why do so many people waste so much time? :suspect:

StarSparkle :thumbsup:

And in case you're wondering, yes I have been known to make the first move

yeah, I agree, confidence is very sexy in a man.

Just strike up a conversation. Does not have to be heavy or profound No chat up lines are needed. You will both know if something is going to happen. Keep an easy going, non threatening, friendly feel about it all. Thats how I got my ''other half''.

Good luck

1. Know what type of girl you're looking for. Make a list of traits that appeal to you, such as intelligence, looks, ambition, sense of humor, or respect for other people's feelings.
2. Resolve old hurts and disappointments. Make sure you're ready for a new relationship by setting aside any grievances about old girlfriends.
3. Attract the type of girl you're looking for by emphasizing your best features and downplaying undesirable traits. Make the most of what you have, both physically and mentally.
4. Learn how to make a girl feel good about herself by taking an interest in her life and her aspirations.
5. Consider any unattached girls at your school or work. Do any of them match the qualities that you want in a girlfriend?
6. Get involved in activities that you enjoy to give yourself the chance to meet new girls. Expand your horizons and your circle of friends.
7. If you have your eye on a certain girl, let mutual friends know about your interest in her. Ask someone you trust to discreetly tell her about your interest.
8. If you don't have the nerve to directly approach a girl who has caught your eye, consider being her secret admirer for a while. Send her sweet, anonymous messages or notes (with a few subtle clues about your identity) to let her know about your interest in her.

I hope this helps ya! Good Luck!