I need help, I broke up with my g/f about 2 months ago and I just can't seem to get over her... I was madly in love with her and I just can't shake it :(

I don't see why I cant get over her though, the last few months of our r/ship were really up and down compared with the previous year and half... and right now it just totally upsets me whenever I talk to her because I know I can't get her back and she has a new b/f now... but even with all that I still keeping pineing for her and still love her to bits :(

the only thing I can think of is to get into a new r/ship, but for one I dont exactly have many offers at the moment and for two, it really wouldn't be fair on the other person if I was still pineing after my ex? :(

man I hate life! it blows!

HI,
give yourself some time and fill your days up with new activies to try and distract yourself, for instance go to the gym more, or join a gym. Also, spend more time with friends and talk to friends about the situation. Seriously, in time you'll have other priorities on your mind and this time will only make you stronger as a person. I know, however, it's easier said than done!!!

I've been really busy, I'm going to the gym 3 times a week... my whole body kills this morning after adding a little weight to everything I do y/day... man my pecs and arms ache! lol

I work 2 or 3 nights a week, I'm at Uni during the day, I hang around with my mates, I play the guitar... I have lots to be getting on with... but she just pops in my head randomly and I start thinking about her :(

I can't really talk about it to my mates at Uni cus none of them have been in any sort of serious r/ship, I think the longest any of them has been in a r/ship is about 3 months... so they just wouldn't understand... and most of my female friends are ex's :? so that buggers up that plan! lol

Originally posted by bulldog D
HI,
give yourself some time and fill your days up with new activies to try and distract yourself, for instance go to the gym more, or join a gym. Also, spend more time with friends and talk to friends about the situation. Seriously, in time you'll have other priorities on your mind and this time will only make you stronger as a person. I know, however, it's easier said than done!!!

Just shows the limitations of the internet - offering theories and concepts without even knowing the person.

Man, you're knackered, you'll never get over it, that's the truth.

Originally posted by Aaarrrggghhh
Man, you're knackered

I know, I've not slept properly for about a month :( and that bloody sleep thing on TV last night didn't give me no useful advice either! lol

Quite often what you miss is the relationship you used to have before everything went to sh*t. unfortunately that's been gone a long time. Focus on the fact that the last months with her weren't like they used to be and the fact that you are probably both different people than when you started out together.

It does take time and there's no way of making yourself feel instantly better. Just make sure you always have friends around you to drag you though this. As long as you have people around you that can still make you smile from time to time, then you'll survive.

Originally posted by Aaarrrggghhh
Just shows the limitations of the internet - offering theories and concepts without even knowing the person.

Man, you're knackered, you'll never get over it, that's the truth.


Haven't you just offered a theory without knowing the person too?

Originally posted by Andy78
Haven't you just offered a theory without knowing the person too?

No mate it's truth like it says, I charge for theories...

Is that the truth for everyone?

There is no quick fix for getting over a relationship so don't keep looking for one. It is like a bereavement in many ways but worse in that she is with somebody else now. Do you have to keep seeing her as I'm sure that can't be helping?

Sometimes you never do get over a relationship breakdown. I am blissfully happily married but never a day goes by when I don't think of my ex fiancee from over 20 years ago. Wondering what might have been, what he's doing now etc.

Two months isn't really a long time to get over a long term relationship so stay in there. Keep busy and don't go rushing headlong into another relationship as that won't be fair on you or the new girl..... you will just compare her to your ex. She will feel used and resent you for it.

Best thing you can do is get a playstation... takes your mind of it and lasts for weeks! ;)

Originally posted by Briano
Best thing you can do is get a playstation... takes your mind of it and lasts for weeks! ;)

LMAO, I have one... somewhere... I aint had it set-up for ages cus I dont have the time for it much, I got games on my PC though :D

Originally posted by Mo
Do you have to keep seeing her as I'm sure that can't be helping?

I aint seen her for a while, but I talk to her on MSN... but I've decided to delete her off my list... and I've told her that I need a clean break cus it's really messing me up... I dont think she really cared to be honest :? too busy with her new b/f obviously

Originally posted by Andy78
Is that the truth for everyone?

Ooh, a live wire. Well depends on your income.
Oh, right...I see. Well no cos you ain't everyone.

Hey...you TALK to her on MSN, whats her username, let me have a word with her dude! Hehe!

Originally posted by Aaarrrggghhh
Ooh, a live wire. Well depends on your income.
Oh, right...I see. Well no cos you ain't everyone.


No one is everyone. True some people don't get over these things, but most do. Otherwise we'd be a planet of miserable sods. Though, granted there are a lot of miserable sods on the planet.

Xafier, it probably is best to completely cut all connections with her for a while at least. Just be selfish and think about yourself for some time.

Originally posted by Andy78
Xafier, it probably is best to completely cut all connections with her for a while at least. Just be selfish and think about yourself for some time.

be selfish? hmm... I can do that! :D *gets all the chocolate* It's all mine I tell you!! MINE!!

I think your right with the cutting all contact... I decided to do that last night... I feel kinda bad about it though, I dont like not being friends with ex's... but I guess a few months without her at all might help me a lot

Sorry your having it a bit rough xafier, and there have been a lot of good advice (as well as the usual tripe).

Try to turn it all on it's head and tell us how you would like things to progress, what you think would help you over this rough patch in your life that is causing you so much heartache.

Originally posted by owdlad
......tell us how you would like things to progress, what you think would help you over this rough patch in your life that is causing you so much heartache.

(reaches for tissues and waits with bated breath...)

Xafia like many have said there are no hard and fast rules to getting over a breakup in a relationship.
A lot of people do a lot of different things.

Some years ago when I broke up with my ex (who I was with for 3 n a bit years) I watched a lot of Friends episodes which really helped take my mind of it.
While we were going out I always wanted to go and work at Summer Camp in the states, but never did due to being with her. We split up in March and within 2 weeks I had contacted CCUSA.com to register to go to America.

I had my interview, passed and just focussed on making sure I was in good physical condition by going to the gym 6 days a week until I was due to fly to America in the June of that year.
Oh boy did that trip blow the whole relationship out of my life for good.

I never had such a good time as I did in America, I was too busy to even think about my ex and there were too many good looking female counsellors about.
I suppose what I'm trying to say (which isn't that you hould go off to the States for 3 months), is that time heals all wounds. You'll find that as the weeks go on, you'll not be bothered about it so much.

What you need to do is have real time away from her, so that is no speaking on the phone, no seeing her in the street/uni etc and no contact. That way you'll get her out of your system a lot faster believe me.

Good luck with it mate, you'll be fine!

Originally posted by xafier
be selfish? hmm... I can do that! :D *gets all the chocolate* It's all mine I tell you!! MINE!!

I think your right with the cutting all contact... I decided to do that last night... I feel kinda bad about it though, I dont like not being friends with ex's... but I guess a few months without her at all might help me a lot

It's not that you're not being friends; you're just taking some time out. Some time that you really need to take. Again, just think about you're feelings for the time being. You need to take the time out to heal yourself. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, just look after yourself.

Originally posted by owdlad
Try to turn it all on it's head and tell us how you would like things to progress, what you think would help you over this rough patch in your life that is causing you so much heartache.

I dunno owdlad, I've taken up bodybuilding at the gym to improve myself, because I'm fed up of being a 9 stone weakling... been planning on doing it for a while but never bothered, once we'd broke up I thought screw it I'll do it!

I supposed it helps a bit, pushing heavy weights is a good stress reliever... could do with a punch bag though... might have to invest in one... lol...

I have quite a lot of stuff in my life that should be distracting me, it just isnt especially at night when I'm in bed :?

DaBouncer: I might be in America next year anyways... I'm doing my year in industry starting this July... if I ever get a placement... so far I've not got anything :( but I've got a few applications in the works for Hewlitt Packard in somewhere in the USA... and for Motorola in Texas :D

to be honest I wouldn't mind a job outside the UK for a year... but I definitly need to get out of Yorkshire for the year!

Well buddy I can thoroughly recommend working on a Summer Camp for... well the summer!

It's a great laugh, it's outdoors and there is plenty to do.
You dont get paid much but it's not all bad, cos you dont need much money either.
All your food is paid for and accomodation too.

www.ccusa.co.uk - have a look. I promise you it's sooooooo much fun!

Originally posted by DaBouncer
Well buddy I can thoroughly recommend working on a Summer Camp for... well the summer!

It's a great laugh, it's outdoors and there is plenty to do.
You dont get paid much but it's not all bad, cos you dont need much money either.
All your food is paid for and accomodation too.

www.ccusa.co.uk - have a look. I promise you it's sooooooo much fun!

I can second that DaB, we know someone who did just that, he came back so full of it that after a while he thought of going and living out there, oh and apparently the social side of it went quite well too ;)

I had to remove quite a few things from my house or put them in the depths of dark cupboards as every time i looked at them they reminded me of the girl who is no longer in my life. Pictures, a quilt cover, a couple of ornaments, a cuddly tigger. People say time is a great healer and ceertainly over time the aching loss does seem to diminish but every now and then something happens that reminds you and the old pain returns momentarily. My personal bug bear that I try to avoid paying attention to are
1. Adverts for special k, [bizarre]
2. White Ford Fiesta's
Take life one day at a time and if you find yourself thinking about her give yourself a proverbial kick up the bottom and don't allow yourself to dwell on her.

That's true wallbuilder. You find ghosts in the strangest of places. When something has been a massive part of your life, that's only to be expected. Not necessarily just with relationships; anything that has had a major impact on you. The smallest thing can trigger a whole range of memories and emotions. Whether good or bad, these are the memories that make us who we are and we would be empty without them.

Originally posted by WallBuilder
I had to remove quite a few things from my house or put them in the depths of dark cupboards as every time i looked at them they reminded me of the girl who is no longer in my life. Pictures, a quilt cover, a couple of ornaments, a cuddly tigger. People say time is a great healer and ceertainly over time the aching loss does seem to diminish but every now and then something happens that reminds you and the old pain returns momentarily. My personal bug bear that I try to avoid paying attention to are
1. Adverts for special k, [bizarre]
2. White Ford Fiesta's
Take life one day at a time and if you find yourself thinking about her give yourself a proverbial kick up the bottom and don't allow yourself to dwell on her. just taken 7 black bags of my ex,s to the dump,packed her photos,bought new duvet last week, taken her number off my phone and put not this address on her mail, getting used to it now since she left in november, even enjoying cooking for me and the kids

Originally posted by DaBouncer


What you need to do is have real time away from her, so that is no speaking on the phone, no seeing her in the street/uni etc and no contact. That way you'll get her out of your system a lot faster believe me.

I agree - I'd knock the talking on MSN on the head if I were you Xafier .. I finally made the break from my ex in the New Year and we've had no contact since and im just starting to be ok - it's the only way to get your head straight, if you keep texting or meeting up "as mates" you can never shake it off (from my experience anyway!). Good luck x

My girlfriend left me for an old family friend last March after 8 years. I took plenty of advice, did loads of things, let my hair down, had as much fun as I could, had tons of exercise and fresh air, saw lots of my family and friends, etc etc.

It all helped, but to be honest I still felt awful for ages. It's only in the last few months that I've got my head the right way up again.

I know it's easy to say from where I'm sitting, but you have to be patient. Give it time, don't expect to feel good and get over it quickly - it just doesn't happen. Sounds to me like you're already doing the right things, looking after yourself, having fun, keeping busy. Not keeping in touch with my ex helped me a lot too.

So the only advice I've got is to not get worried about feeling down. It's going to happen for a while, there are no quick fixes.

Oh, and I must confess to taking advantage of my bad state. I'd do stuff that I really shouldn't do, behave in a pretty selfish immature way. I was a bit of a git to be honest, but blamed it all on my emotional state. It wasn't very honourable but I did have a bit of extra fun and some interesting experiences whilst I went a bit off the rails...

Hi Xafier,

Some good advice on this thread so far, not sure I can add much of use but ...

1) Quit hankering after her (in any way shape of form) - like spending time on MSN with her fooling yourself that your just being mates all the while you're secretly in your heart of hearts hoping to get her back - be very selfish about this - you need to think about you and put you first - get her out of your system - telling her that it's cutting you up will only serve to give her EGO a boost and give your power away to her - don't do it man.

2) Develop yourself - focus on yourself more - the going to the gym thing is great - you may also wanna consider other forms of more aerobic exercise - circuit training / martial arts maybe ? (pushing yourself physically is a very good thing if you're feeling low / crap) ... you could even try salsa (learn a skill / develop coordination and keep flexible etc / great way to make new firends) ... PM me if you're interested in this!.

3) Realise that nature abhors a vacuum - you will in time find an even more lovelier lady ...

All the best,
Good luck matey :thumbsup:

Originally posted by DaBouncer
Some years ago when I broke up with my ex (who I was with for 3 n a bit years) I watched a lot of Friends episodes which really helped take my mind of it.


Daft as it sounds, but I understand what you're saying about this - I got over one break up by watching Only Fools and Horses videos back to back - something funny definately can cheer you up and change your mood.

Is this your first serious relationship and break up? Because personally, I always think this is your worst. It's part of life (and surely this should make you feel better?). It's hard because you've fallen in love so hard and never had heartache like the subsequent break up.

When it happened to me, I can honestly say I moped about for too long, going on for 18 months, and, in honesty, I feel like I over-indulged myself in misery. Everything I did or saw reminded me of this person, and I'd let myself get depressed by it all.

So my advice is this. Hard as it sounds. Try to make a concious effort to STOP thinking of her at every opportunity. Change the subject in your head. Have a plan (whatever it may be, just something to take your mind off things) - getting fit, going to America, getting a new job, whatever, and put all your efforts into that thing.

I really believe that positive thinking is effective, but don't be fooled, it takes a lot of effort.

Let us know how you get on. Hope you're ok.

Originally posted by owdlad
Sorry your having it a bit rough xafier, and there have been a lot of good advice (as well as the usual tripe).

Try to turn it all on it's head and tell us how you would like things to progress, what you think would help you over this rough patch in your life that is causing you so much heartache.


mem: *must phone guinness and let them know Owdlad has posted a serious post.

Originally posted by BoroughGal
Is this your first serious relationship and break up?

this was my first serious r/ship yeah :( first time I've been properly in love with someone, I lost my virginity to her :blush: in fact she's the only person I've ever slept with, I'm not all for sleeping with random people :? the longest I'd had a r/ship before her was about 6 months... this one was getting close to 2 years, maybe not that long but it seemed a long time to me from 17 to 19!

it'd help if so many things didn't remind me of her, there are so many songs that remind me of a time with her, so many things in my room I've had to put in my cupboard or throw away... it really sucks how something that made you so happy for a long time can be the cause of so much unhappiness!

Originally posted by xafier
this was my first serious r/ship yeah :( first time I've been properly in love with someone, I lost my virginity to her :blush: in fact she's the only person I've ever slept with, I'm not all for sleeping with random people :? the longest I'd had a r/ship before her was about 6 months... this one was getting close to 2 years, maybe not that long but it seemed a long time to me from 17 to 19!

it'd help if so many things didn't remind me of her, there are so many songs that remind me of a time with her, so many things in my room I've had to put in my cupboard or throw away... it really sucks how something that made you so happy for a long time can be the cause of so much unhappiness!

I totally know what you mean, but I think that they BECOME that hurtful because you're letting it, if you know what I mean? Try not to see her in everything, because the only one it ends up hurting is you. Even if you come across something that reminds you of her, try to be a bit indifferent.

I don't really know why I'm saying all this though, it's ok in theory, but it's really difficult in reality, isn't it?

damn right it is... and shouting at yourself in your head is getting close to being schizo is it not? lol... when I think of her I'm like "stop thinking of her you dick, you dont want her really! you can do better!" ... it works for a bit, till I have to shout at myself in my head again...

sometimes I wonder about my sanity, talking to yourself in your head can't be normal lol

Originally posted by xafier
damn right it is... and shouting at yourself in your head is getting close to being schizo is it not? lol... when I think of her I'm like "stop thinking of her you dick, you dont want her really! you can do better!" ... it works for a bit, till I have to shout at myself in my head again...

sometimes I wonder about my sanity, talking to yourself in your head can't be normal lol

It's when you actually start saying the words, like, out loud, that others'll worry....


:thumbsup:

Originally posted by xafier
sometimes I wonder about my sanity, talking to yourself in your head can't be normal lol

I hope it's normal. I quite often have 3 way conversations with myself. I always figured everyone else does that too. Right?

I've never had a 3 way convo I dont think... maybe a 2 way convo with myself... glad I'm not the only one... I've also planned convosations that I plan to have with people in my head :? usually when I plan to talk to a girl I like... course it sounds really good in my head... but if it ever comes out it doesnt, which it really even comes out my mouth as I'm a very shy guy

Make a CD of songs that remind you of her, and also ones that are about break ups and listen to them all the time. You'll get bored of the CD and then think 'man, why am I listening to this soppy stuff!'
I did that when I broke up with my boyfriend and it worked great.
And meet new girls, even if you're just friends with them, and flirt and just have lots of fun.

Good luck, hope your ok!

H xxx

Originally posted by xafier
damn right it is... and shouting at yourself in your head is getting close to being schizo is it not? lol... when I think of her I'm like "stop thinking of her you dick, you dont want her really! you can do better!" ... it works for a bit, till I have to shout at myself in my head again...

sometimes I wonder about my sanity, talking to yourself in your head can't be normal lol weve probably all done the very same thing, if your 19 its going to happen over and over again until you finally meet a girl who loves you, when you do you will wonder what all the depression was about, ive had two divorces and have learnt from them that tomorrow is another day,it takes a long long time to get over it but the human mind is wonderfull and eventually you will stop waking up feeling for her, honest ,take the advice people offer you,
if she has a new bloke you are only whipping yourself thinking about it, lifes to short,enjoy what the future will bring

Originally posted by xafier
be selfish? hmm... I can do that! :D *gets all the chocolate* It's all mine I tell you!! MINE!!

I think your right with the cutting all contact... I decided to do that last night... I feel kinda bad about it though, I dont like not being friends with ex's... but I guess a few months without her at all might help me a lot

LOL. Hey gimme sum of that choc! *snatches a bar* .. mmm ..

ANYWAY ... i also find it hard to stop talking to my ex .. ive got mad with her and myself because we'r takin over eachothers lifes even tho we arnt together anymore cos of constant talking on msn .. i really want to stop but we just still care about eachother a lot. I cant really help out here cos im in a similar situation. But cutting contact is good if u have the heart, and maybe if u just tell yourself theres no point in liking her anymore cos shes with sum1 else, it might make u realise ure wasting ure time and u'l move on.

I've deleted her off my MSN, now I wont see her online so wont talk to her... if she talks to me first then meh, bugger should have blocked her first really shouldnt i? :? oh well... contemplating deleting her number off my phone too... I know her home number off by heart if I REALLY need to talk to her, but I dont know her mobile so maybe I should delete that too to stop me considering txt'ing her? :?

i would. maybe she wont appreciate u txting her cos it might make her bf suspicious. So id only contact her if absolutely necassary.

she's not on my MSN list anymore, or on my phone... now all temptation of contacting her is gone :) now to get out and P A R T Y! :D

Originally posted by xafier
she's not on my MSN list anymore, or on my phone... now all temptation of contacting her is gone :) now to get out and P A R T Y! :D

good start Xaf...now go and party :clap: :banana: :banana: :clap:

Definately party... When I first split up with my bloke, I spent all my time at Champs. Although alcohol is not the answer, getting out with your mates is...

It is important, tho, that for a while you do indulge your feelings of grief, because it is something that you must get straight in your own head. If it's never dealt with properly, it'll never go away...

As everyone has said, it is important to cut all contact with your ex. By talking, either on the phone, through MSN or text, it keeps the feelings raw... She has obviously moved on, and having contact with her may just be confusing you.

My best friend is going through a similar situation, and is in the position your ex girlfriend is in. Her ex still calls her up, and although she doesn't love him anymore, she is still very fond of him. She will chat to him, or he'll come round for a brew, but in the long term her niceness is bad for him because he, like you, is not getting the break he needs.

It's a hard time, it really is. I hope you'll be ok.

There is only one solution and I have just split with my Ladyfriend after seven years of holidays, outings and seeing each other every day.

Get another girlfriend A.S.A.P.

No one ever forgets thier first true love, but as my dear old granny used to say time is a great healer. I think about six months is around the amount of time it takes to start to feel like yourself again. but prehaps you will allways love your ex girlfriend love is an emotion that cannot simply just be forgotten.
although after time it will start to hurt less
breakups really suck you poor thing hope it gets better for you