Following various 'forwards' for women to follow in order to stop being raped, I have to say that it is a pretty irresponsible thing to be sending around. Making women feel responsible for being raped because she had been wearing a pony tail, and telling women without question to fight back, which could get her killed if done so in the wrong situation. It is also very blaming towards women in this situation who froze in fear or horror, and couldn't fight back. To read on a thoughtlessly forwarded message that had she done it, she would have not been attacked, will make her feel dreadful and like it was all her fault.

Not to mention that the vast, vast, vast majority of attacks on women by men are carried out in the home, by parents, friends or relatives. Not at 5.30am in a car park.

So much of this kind of information is insensitive, thoughtless, victim-blaming and even downright dangerous.

So what is the answer? Give no advice at all so we don't upset previous victims?
My sister is currently taking self defense lessons (some off me) and intends to seriously injure anyone who tries to attack her. I back her all the way as she would find it much more difficult to live with herself if she did nothing. I'm not saying that is the same for every woman but I know my sister. And telling her to do nothing is not an option.

Originally posted by kilauea
So what is the answer? Give no advice at all so we don't upset previous victims?


I'm not sure what useful advice is in these situations. There is no one way for a woman to stop herself being assaulted. Any kind of generalised advice would only apply to certain situations, and other situations call for different responses. What is appropriate in one situation could cause worse harm in another.

It is not for the women to stop men raping them. It is wrong to put the impetus on women to stop men raping them.

It is only the rapists who have control over whether they rape or not. Let's put the emphasis in the right place here.

purplepippa - do you lock your door at night?
Do you lock your door at all?

I can assure you there is a serious reason for these questions

Originally posted by DaBouncer
purplepippa - do you lock your door at night?
Do you lock your door at all?

Umm yep.

hard to give advice as you never know the situation when it might happen.
a lot of common sense helps, dont drink so much your staggering around.
never get in a taxi you havent ordered personally
dont travel alone
dont walk through dark or what you might think are dodgy places,even if it saves you ten minutes
always be aware of your surroundings
if you cant go home in a group and you know taxi,s will be hard to get, have a friend pick you up
trust no one
your legs are longer than your arms,dont leave it while the last minute to run
never run far,head for a house with lights on
if you do get grabbed..scream.it builds adrenilin
dont attack,wait for the attacker to come to you.
aim for eyes throat,temples,testicles with feet,hands,brollies,bags,keep on screaming
kick off high heel shoes,if you can,
use them as a weapon

dont put yourself in the position where it might happen

i havethree daughters i worry like hell for them,they say im over cautious but i insist on meeting them if they are out after dark.

i also know that young girls need independance and should be free to dress how they like and to go where they like

unfortunatly there are sick members of society out there who also think the same.

as for us men,if your walking down the same street as a woman and its dark,dont scare her to death,cross over to the other side of the road.

dont try to chat her up,she wants to get home

if some one is coming the other way,towards her,hang back,fasten your shoelace or something,make sure they do walk past her, it could be your sister or relative,or a mates family your keeping a watchfull eye on,or just some poor lass who,s had a good night out and is oblivious as to what COULD happen to her

It is not for the women to stop men raping them. It is wrong to put the impetus on women to stop men raping them.


Well she can do that if she likes. After she has ripped his eyes out and got away.

Originally posted by depoix

as for us men,if your walking down the same street as a woman and its dark,dont scare her to death,cross over to the other side of the road.

dont try to chat her up,she wants to get home

if some one is coming the other way,towards her,hang back,fasten your shoelace or something,make sure they do walk past her, it could be your sister or relative,or a mates family your keeping a watchfull eye on,or just some poor lass who,s had a good night out and is oblivious as to what COULD happen to her [/B]

I'm sorry I agree with most of what you say, but we've just flipped the other way now and assumed that all men out after dark are probably rapists.

Why not just have a curfew and let women have the place to themselves at night?

Originally posted by kilauea
I'm sorry I agree with most of what you say, but we've just flipped the other way now and assumed that all men out after dark are probably rapists.

Why not just have a curfew and let women have the place to themselves at night? come on mate youre better than that, most blokes ar,nt rapists ,just the odd sick bastaxd

Originally posted by purplepippa
It is not for the women to stop men raping them. It is wrong to put the impetus on women to stop men raping them.

I don't agree with this PP, and I think it sounds very much like a victim mentality.

It's just plain wishful to think that other people (men, in this case) will conform to your own standards of reasonable and fair behaviour. Most people will be reasonable and fair in their dealings with you but a lot will just be plain scum.

It is a waste of your time and energy to hope / wish they would behave in a nice way. I cannot stress this point strongly enough. Much better to just accept that is how some individuals are and deal with them as they deserve.

Originally posted by purplepippa
It is only the rapists who have control over whether they rape or not. Let's put the emphasis in the right place here.

A rapist has control over who he ATTEMPTS to rape.

The woman HAS CONTROL over what she does about a guy trying to rape her.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but life IS harsh, and IMO you will get nowhere pretending otherwise or wishing everyone would just be nice to you.

Originally posted by depoix
come on mate youre better than that, most blokes ar,nt rapists ,just the odd sick bastaxd

That's what I mean depoix - sorry should have added some emphasis there!
The idea that we must behave in a certain way, otherwise any women walking in the vicinity will assume we are about to attack them is going over the top IMO.

I agree re. looking out for other people where possible, but crossing the road, not talking (doesn't always mean chatting up) etc is over the top.

Originally posted by kilauea
That's what I mean depoix - sorry should have added some emphasis there!
The idea that we must behave in a certain way, otherwise any women walking in the vicinity will assume we are about to attack them is going over the top IMO.

I agree re. looking out for other people where possible, but crossing the road, not talking (doesn't always mean chatting up) etc is over the top. i donbt think its over the top really,by crossing to the other side of the road you dispel the fear of bieng followed,suppose she got it in her head that you WERE following her,calls the cops,your completly innocent but you are the one who has to prove it. self preservation, keep well away from them but as a bloke,keep an eye on them,it costs nowt

the email is a hoax chain mail . The only people to blame for this are those stupid enough to forward it.

Originally posted by purplepippa
Following various 'forwards' for women to follow in order to stop being raped, I have to say that it is a pretty irresponsible thing to be sending around. Making women feel responsible for being raped because she had been wearing a pony tail, and telling women without question to fight back, which could get her killed if done so in the wrong situation. It is also very blaming towards women in this situation who froze in fear or horror, and couldn't fight back. To read on a thoughtlessly forwarded message that had she done it, she would have not been attacked, will make her feel dreadful and like it was all her fault.

Not to mention that the vast, vast, vast majority of attacks on women by men are carried out in the home, by parents, friends or relatives. Not at 5.30am in a car park.

So much of this kind of information is insensitive, thoughtless, victim-blaming and even downright dangerous.

Originally posted by depoix
i donbt think its over the top really,by crossing to the other side of the road you dispel the fear of bieng followed,suppose she got it in her head that you WERE following her,calls the cops,your completly innocent but you are the one who has to prove it. self preservation, keep well away from them but as a bloke,keep an eye on them,it costs nowt

Fair enough. I can't agree though and if someone did phone the police to report me for walking up a road minding my own business I would want a damn good reason why.

I am sympathetic to women travelling alone at night - I do have two sisters, but I will not live in a state of paranoia like has been suggested.

Your supporting the view that all men are potential rapists and I just don't agree that is a good idea and is not healthy for men or women.

Originally posted by kilauea
Fair enough. I can't agree though and if someone did phone the police to report me for walking up a road minding my own business I would want a damn good reason why.

I am sympathetic to women travelling alone at night - I do have two sisters, but I will not live in a state of paranoia like has been suggested.

Your supporting the view that all men are potential rapists and I just don't agree that is a good idea and is not healthy for men or women. perhaps we differ in opinions and are both entitled to our own,but i know i will never get accused of following a woman at night by any one as i will always cross the road,its stood me in good stead over the last half century so im a little too old now to change my ways

Well if it's worked for you so far then fair do's.
I would be interested to hear a female view on what would be correct behaviour in that situation though? Anyone?


Originally posted by depoix
perhaps we differ in opinions and are both entitled to our own,but i know i will never get accused of following a woman at night by any one as i will always cross the road,its stood me in good stead over the last half century so im a little too old now to change my ways

Originally posted by purplepippa
Umm yep.
Do you do this because you dont want to get burgled?

Why should you lock your door just because someone may burgle you?
It's because you try and not put your home at unneccesary risk - it's the same with the subject at hand.

It's not the best solution but until we can reasonably deal with those who should be the targets (i.e. rapists) then if there are ways women can avoid becoming a victim to this crime, isn't it worth doing?

Just trying to show the flip side of the coin to you chuck :D

PS sorry for the delay in responding - was watching The OC :blush: