Following on from the Mornington Crescent thread, I wondered if anybody fancies a game of Uxbridge .........


I'll start with

Pirates - The increasing cost of pies......

Didgeridoo - The waste products of the lesser spotted Didgeri

Motoring - to drive a car round and round in circles.

sandwich--a female wizard of the desert

Witchcraft - a debate over the choice of water-crossing transport...

hunchback--to support someone's instinctive guess about a problem

Management - a section of bureaucracy dedicated to making male employees feel very old.

prostitute--a woman that it's a business to do pleasure with

Tango--a drink to be consumed by a couple while doing Latin American dancing

Addiction--the kind of language used in commercials on the TV

Ironsmith..............Mr.Smith likes to iron his clothes :huh:

Godzilla--a divine web browser

Godzilla--a divine web browser

Fantastic...............Fan dance with elastic

Fantastic...............Fan dance with elastic





oops have I not followed on with a letter ?:huh:

It's not alphabetical

Nice definition!!

It's not alphabetical

Nice definition!!

I know, I edited it out.




Im stuck here, cant do anymore can I ? :(

fortify--examine everything with the number 40 in it

Aftermath.............Yes teacher I will see you after my maths lesson

Tyrant - getting irate about neckwear.

Carpet - small furry toy animal, seen in automobiles.

Awkward - Room in hospital for Awks

Revelation - extreme happiness felt by Clerical gentlemen.

Crumpet--a domestic companion made out of bread fragments

Grim Reaper..............Sad harvester with a scythe.

Decibel--ten ringtones on your mobile

Toolbar............workmens thirst reviver

Caroline--a girl who has a vested interest in the Stuart dynasty

Typeface............letters all over my body

Typeface............letters all over my body

Nice one!! Can I wield the rubber stamp?

Cannibal--a person who tries to sink his teeth into an empty tin

Flydrive............a wasp in a Mercedes

falsehood--an imaginary head covering considered to be attached to a coat

falsehood--an imaginary head covering considered to be attached to a coat

Thats very good Walt.



Internet.............Landing a nice fish.

Thats very good Walt.



Internet.............Landing a nice fish.

Love it!! Excellent

code--what you say you have when a certain virus prevents you from speaking properly

Thats extremely clever.



Troubleshooter.........his gun wouldnt fire.

flypaper--a small aeroplane made out of folded sheets consisting of processed wood pulp

Abduction..............theft of a feathered friend.

assassin--two donkeys in the stable

assassin--two donkeys in the stable

Brilliant.



Adams apple..........First mans Granny Smith

Eve--the first woman just after dusk

Anonymous..............Nameless rodent.

Anonymous..............Nameless rodent.

fantastic!!

synonym--another name for transgression

Bitmap.....torn part of a map

follicle--a little stupidity

Broadband...........An american woman trumpet player

Broadband...........An american woman trumpet player

Inspired!!

Bandwidth--the maximum size of an orchestra

Cursor.........swearing Lord.

Pullet--instruction on how to open the door of a chicken house

Pullet--instruction on how to open the door of a chicken house

So simple but very good.



Download........leaving your washing on the floor.

punnet--to improvise wordplay on an item of vocabulary

Format.........first of all wipe your feet please.

jugular--a vessel for containing blood after someone's throat has been cut (apologies to Sweeney Todd)

Offline...........finding ones washing on the floor.

porcine--a badly lit instruction for pigs to follow

Spreadsheet..............a smooth bed for the night.

Microsoft--only tender to the touch in small places

Mother -in-Law...........A relation in the legal profession

Mother -in-Law...........A relation in the legal profession

lawsuit--the special garb of members of the legal profession :)

Ive used my list up Walt !! :hihi::hihi::hihi:

Ive used my list up Walt !! :hihi::hihi::hihi:

Think up some more--meanwhile I must go.

Think up some more--meanwhile I must go.

Will try my best. :) Goodnight.

climate--instructions on a weather observation tower as to how to get to the top

unisex--what students get up to in tertiary education

I would like to do one here but cannot think of one.:help:

I would like to do one here but cannot think of one.:help:

Awwww--keep trying Pat, you'll get there

Awwww--keep trying Pat, you'll get there

O.K.thanks for Pm. I wont send one back.

trollop--a leap by an ugly Norwegian monster

Trifle - a Yorkshire rummage.

Trifle--a three-layer cake?

Pageant............an ant being a pageboy for his sister.

Paella.............Now you better pay Ella or she will be mad.

catflap--a state of confusion and distress exhibited in a feline

domino--a refusal to obey the order of an overbearing person

Stonechat................speaking to rocks.

privateer--a confidential listener

Rectory..........abolish the Conservatives.

waiver--someone who hesitates when saluting another with a hand gesture

Rectory..........abolish the Conservatives.

belabour--vote confidently for the other party!

Lychee.............You double crossing cheat.

Mango--a laxative fruit for males

Satrap.............A week end rapper.

Statue--a question to ascertain the presence of another person

Saturate..............Passing water but only at week ends.

confirm--to embezzle money out of a business

Petal.............stop touching everything

stamen--males who linger

Walt what is that A-Z thread ? How is it done ?




Saturn........A weekend cremation.

Walt what is that A-Z thread ? How is it done ?




Saturn........A weekend cremation.

Well you seemed to be doing all right in the posts that I saw you put up

global--a shining sphere

Radish..............a silly radiator(Ive come to the end of my list) :help:

Trex--a form of lard that fancies itself as a rock group

Trex--a form of lard that fancies itself as a rock group

Brilliant.(Gets dictionary out)

Whimple - a very small whimper

Cowboy.............. a young lad who can be milked.

Cowboy.............. a young lad who can be milked.

Ouch!!

lemonade--an appeal to help poor citrus growers

clinical..............Our nurses see to anyone here(these are all out of my head you know ) :roll:

clinical..............Our nurses see to anyone here(these are all out of my head you know ) :roll:

Good,glad to know it--that's the best way!!

Aorta--a phrase that incites people to take action--as in "Aorta do summat about this"

Liberate............A hungry liberal party member (any good) :huh:

Liberate............A hungry liberal party member (any good) :huh:

Not bad--one can see what you're getting at

phlebotomy--the art of examining the anus of a biting insect

Follow that ! :roll:



Pornography..........Dirty photos around the world.(better ?):huh:

Follow that ! :roll:



Pornography..........Dirty photos around the world.(better ?):huh:

pretty good!

gastronomy--the art of cooking amongst the stars

Wayward....................A lost hospital ward (terrible that one isnt it ?)

Wayward....................A lost hospital ward (terrible that one isnt it ?)

backward--one in the rear of the hospital

Flare-up...........A burnt bottom ( any better ? :huh:)

menage--sizing up the chronology of a man to decide if he'd make a good companion for a female (too obscure?)

Too obscure ? What mine or yours ? :huh:



Hindsight..............Dont look at my thighs ( Marks out of ten ?)

Feline: Telephone service for paying bills.

Efflux.............Now dont swear at my soap

Gaol!!! .... Exclamation of delight made by dyslexic footballer on scoring a point.

Belate.....................Just you dare miss that appointment.

buzzword--the secret pass into a beehive

Didymium..........Ken Dodds mother

Didymium..........Ken Dodds mother

nice!

titanium--an element that sank into oblivion as soon as it was found

Tittilate...............Latecomer to wearing a bra.

brassiere--a posh restaurant opened up by a dyslexic cook

Peacock..................Better not say had I ?

Sternutation--snoring over the back end of the ship

Peacock..................Better not say had I ?

A bird with exaggerated genitals?

Very good.




Stepson.............Go on lad give us a Michael Jackson Moonwalk.

Rowan--the kind of tree used for making oars

Why is the word "Ship" added to words like Championship,fellowship, and brinkmanship ?

Why is the word "Ship" added to words like Championship,fellowship, and brinkmanship ?

because it's one of the suffixes that converts a noun into an abstract concept, like -hood and -dom (and in Latin, -tion)

probably related to the Old English word for "to shape"

Waltheof--a purloiner of mural structures

Isnt there a Waltheof school in Sheffield ?

Isnt there a Waltheof school in Sheffield ?

Of course--named after me, naturally! :D

Of course--named after me, naturally! :D

What is the true meaning of Waltheof ?

What is the true meaning of Waltheof ?

Actually I've never delved into that--many Old English names do have a meaning, sometimes obscure--for instance, Beowulf = the Bee Wolf, which is an obscure way of saying Bear. Anything starting with Athel means noble, so you could have Athelwulf, for example.

I'll have to do some research

Actually I've never delved into that--many Old English names do have a meaning, sometimes obscure--for instance, Beowulf = the Bee Wolf, which is an obscure way of saying Bear. Anything starting with Athel means noble, so you could have Athelwulf, for example.

I'll have to do some research

So what made you pick Waltheof as a username ?

So what made you pick Waltheof as a username ?

I'm sure I told you--anyway, I wanted something specifically Sheffield-related. Waltheof was the last Anglo-Saxon noble who was lord of the manor of Hallam at the time of the conquest. Initially he made an agreement with William, and even married William's niece Judith, but later he rebelled against William, and was executed--the only Anglo-Saxon noble to be so treated at the time.

Suits my medieval style, doesn't it? I was surprised it hadn't already been taken, it seemed an obvious name to me

I'm sure I told you--anyway, I wanted something specifically Sheffield-related. Waltheof was the last Anglo-Saxon noble who was lord of the manor of Hallam at the time of the conquest. Initially he made an agreement with William, and even married William's niece Judith, but later he rebelled against William, and was executed--the only Anglo-Saxon noble to be so treated at the time.

Suits my medieval style, doesn't it? I was surprised it hadn't already been taken, it seemed an obvious name to me

And you live at Hallam as well do you ?

And you live at Hallam as well do you ?

Might be in the constituency, not sure! Hallam doesn't really exist as a definable place any more although the name goes back beyond Domesday Book

Discussions: The art of removing cushions.

Discussions: The art of removing cushions.

Now look what my Don has posted here Walt ! :)

Now look what my Don has posted here Walt ! :)

Yes, he's very good at this

postmaster--a director of making fences

Postmistress..............ditto

flame--a Chinese device for mounting pictures

Postmaster General --a director of making fences for the army

Withering...........a dried up engagement ring

flame--a Chinese device for mounting pictures

What is an election then:?:

What is an election then:?:

A Chinese device for putting up buildings, of course! :D

Bailey Bridge: What Bill used to get home.

Bailey Bridge: What Bill used to get home.

Ah, bless, isnt Don lovely ? :)

Triangle: first attempt at fishing.

Sax and violins--agression and passion put to music

Traffic light: deserted M1

Traffic light: deserted M1

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

flabbergast--consternation at how fat one is becoming

spectator--a pair of glasses made out of potatoes

flunkey--the act of throwing away the entrance to your door

Friendship...............Sailing away with a mate(Im scraping bottom of barrel now ) ;)

enemy--a laxative given to you by your opponent

Snoberry............A stuck up blackberry

doctrinaire--the exhalation of a physician

Houndstooth.............That dog is showing its teeth again.

mosquito--an insect that lives in Islamic temples

Housemaster...............boarding school mister.

housebound--a domicile firmly secured to its base

pawnbroker--a man who deals in smutty films

Fallout.............A womans puppies falling out of her dress;)

knickers--people who steal women's underwear

Underpants.............a second pair underneath

Watch Repairs: An order to observe menders at work.

redress--to clothe again

Fly-half....................a disembodied person on a plane.




(Im ironing Waltheof :( )

Fly-half....................a disembodied person on a plane.




(Im ironing Waltheof :( )

you're ironing Waltheof? No wonder I felt something hot down my back

Matchmaker--a manufacturer small wooden inflammable articles

Watchmaker....................a maker of timepieces(goes back to ironing) :(

watchdog--a canine able to tell the time

flyblown.......windy insect

shellshock--a conchologist's surprise at find a new species

Suspenders.............checking out overspenders (going now) ;)

perspex--a frame of spectacles with no lenses in, so you can see clearly through them.

Impersonal: This is me, making rather offensive remarks.....

flamethrower--getting rid of a former lover

ramification--establishing the implications of keeping a lot of male sheep

History.............Jeering at a conservative.

grunt--the sound uttered by the smallest pig in the litter

Disperse............Dat is my purse innit .

Dispense--and dis is my money it contains

Disrespect..................Dis is a respectable joint innit ?

distress--what my girlfriend wears

Disbelief............Dis cant be true

discuss--dis piece of swearing

Disjoint...............man this grass is good innit ?

Trike -- Three lesbians?

Rumble - a very strange male ruminent

cutlery - a bit like a cutler

footloose--the condition of the ankle as a stump after amputation

Benefactor:......... Important consideration when assessing the success of "Crossroads"

welfare--the charge you pay to draw water from a pit

Spittoon...........You spit and Ill hum it.

apparatchik--a girl who uses scientific equipment

Spirometer............Stop looking at my gas meter.

expire--a spire that has been demolished

Straphanger.....................Get off my belt.

horsemanship--definition of a centaur

Strait-laced.........Ive ironed out that pretty material.

hirsute--the lady's garment made out of hair

Straitjacket...................Confining my coat.

tumbler--a glass acrobat

Fornication...........Now dont pinch anything.

adultery--trying to act grown-up with another partner

caterpillar--a column to support an effigy of a feline

Capital...................Putting a hat on everyone

Bombay--the opening on an Indian plane to allow the dropping of explosive devices

Tonga........stop sticking it out.!

tango--what happens when you stay away from the sun for a long time

Panama...............Poor old grandma. (am I getting better ?)

Panama...............Poor old grandma. (am I getting better ?)

Yes, many of your are amusing and spot on--keep up the good work!

Yes, many of your are amusing and spot on--keep up the good work!

Your or yours ? You will get the cane wont you ?




Hungary.................Im starving for a chip butty.

Your or yours ? You will get the cane wont you ?




Hungary.................Im starving for a chip butty.

Yours, of course!

Czech Republic--a place where no one uses cash

Yours, of course!

Singapore................Music from every part of my body.

Singapore................Music from every part of my body.

Now that i like!!

Thailand--a place where the men all wear cravats

Now that i like!!

Thailand--a place where the men all wear cravats

and I like that one !!


Sweden..............Hide those turnips somewhere.

Isle of Wight--where everything is the one brilliant colour

:D:D:D:D



Birmingham............Dont overcook the bacon.

Caerphilly--looking after the young female horse

Doncaster................throw away teacher.

Doncaster................throw away teacher.

now that's good!

Canterbury--rush off on your horse to a funeral

Liverpool....................dont get killed diving into the baths.

Manchester--a place where the males delight in showing their pecs

:hihi::hihi::hihi::hihi:




Southport............ directions for a ship

Telegraph - a boring thing to watch on the TV

alphabet--a wager placed by the dominant male