Are there any young mothers out there? [Archive]

helenem2004

21-01-2005, 18:49

Hi, are there any young mothers out there?

I'm 16 and I've found out I'm pregnant and obviously I'm a bit gutted because it wasn't planned and I'm so young.
I'm wanting to keep it cos but my boyfriend isn't too keen and I've got no money.
I was just wondering if anybody else is in the same situation or has been in the past?
And does anybody know what kind of benefits etc. I would get?
I'm planning on going to the citizens advice bureau but I just wondered if theres somebody on here who knows about this kind of stuff.
Thankyou, Let me know...

helenem2004

21-01-2005, 18:50

i spelt there wrong sorry! I can spell lol, I just clicked the I by mistake, i know what you lot are like about spelling.

sheffield501

21-01-2005, 18:56

Hiya :)

just a quick reply....., don't let your boyfriend influence your decision but you have to decide if you can deal with motherhood by yourself

good luck xxx

max

21-01-2005, 19:00

Originally posted by helenem2004
i spelt there wrong sorry! I can spell lol, I just clicked the I by mistake, i know what you lot are like about spelling.

MOD: Don't worry, you've probably plenty on your mind.

Good luck. :thumbsup:

MumphitMan

21-01-2005, 19:18

I am the very proud father of two very young boys. They are the best things in my life, i can't imagine what life would be like without them they are so wonderful. You will feel the same when you're baby is born and hopefully so will its dad, probably will just need to get his head round this. Even if he dosn't there are plenty of places to get help, people arnt all bad. My partner finds toddler groups invaluable, gets her out to stop stircrazyness and all mums help each other out. They even arange mum's nights out. As the months pass and you get to know other mums to be and young families you will be given so much baby stuff it is amazing. We will probably have loads of stuff as Jack, our youngest is 7 months now, changing mat, sterilizer, bouncy chair, car seat / travel system, these will all be surplus to requirements by then. My sister was only 16 when she had my nephew and she managed ok, although my parents were horrified at first they soon came round. My mother in law was only 16 when she had her first. Plenty of people do and cope very well. You will make a great mum I'm sure. Good luck :wave:

stelps

21-01-2005, 19:46

Hiya,
Are you

ANGELUS

21-01-2005, 23:36

royjames

21-01-2005, 23:45

And does anybody know what kind of benefits etc. I would get?
I'm planning on going to the citizens advice bureau but I just wondered if theres somebody on here who knows about this kind of stuff.
Thankyou, Let me know... [/B][/QUOTE]

Its people like you who are one reason why my tax bill is so high,What kind of benefits really?
You ought to try working for a living like the rest of us and not become a scrounger,oh and by the way try to use contraception.:rant:

purplepippa

21-01-2005, 23:54

ANGELUS

22-01-2005, 00:06

Originally posted by royjames
Its people like you who are one reason why my tax bill is so high,What kind of benefits really?
You ought to try working for a living like the rest of us and not become a scrounger,oh and by the way try to use contraception.:rant:

I thought the same as you mate first.. I really hope we have an exception from the usual case of get up the duff and then claim benefits forever- I hope the lass is going to do summat with her life after giving birth and will work for what she needs for herself and the baby.

helenem2004: STILL congrats: Enjoy it :-)

Snook

22-01-2005, 00:13

LBoogie

22-01-2005, 04:33

hazel

22-01-2005, 08:41

Without young people having babies there will be no one to grow up and pay into the system that older people are drawing out of. I think pension's are paid out of investments but aren't the rest paid out of taxes.
Who is to say that this child will not be helping out the oldies of the future! It's mother sounds a sensible girl and as soon as she is able will probabley get herself a career. We all make mistakes.
Hazel

dinp

22-01-2005, 10:00

Originally posted by helenem2004
Hi, are there any young mothers out there?

I'm 16 and I've found out I'm pregnant and obviously I'm a bit gutted because it wasn't planned and I'm so young.
I'm wanting to keep it cos but my boyfriend isn't too keen and I've got no money.
I was just wondering if anybody else is in the same situation or has been in the past?
And does anybody know what kind of benefits etc. I would get?
I'm planning on going to the citizens advice bureau but I just wondered if theres somebody on here who knows about this kind of stuff.
Thankyou, Let me know...

I think you need to discuss this in great depth with your family.

Don't exclude your boyfriend in these discussions though, he played his part too and it wouldnt be fair for you to make a decision that affects both of you adversely without at least discussing with him first.

At this stage in your life though, its unlikely that you two will be together forever, but having said that, I don't know your situation.

You're still very young and a baby will change your life in ways you cannot imagine (good and bad). You need to be true to yourself and ask:

- What do I want from my life, at this moment in time, and in the future? (Career, money, material things etc) - would having a child now allow me to achieve that?

- What kind of life would I like for my child (whether you have it now or later on in life) and can I provide that at the minute?

- Can you see wedding bells for you and your boyfriend at any point?

- Do you want your child to know and love its father?

- Will state benefits be enough for me?

My cousin had a child at 18 and she's living a good life, in a stable relationship with her b/f and with good family support.

As a potential young mother you need to consider your family as well.

Hope i've not been too negative and give you some food for thought. I wish you the very best of luck.

:)

helenem2004

22-01-2005, 10:15

Actually, to all those people concerned about their taxes and thinking im just some 'silly little girl' who can't keep her legs crossed.

First, I have a very good job at a law firm training to be an legal secretary and I pay taxes myself, I'm going to have to give up my job to look after my child, where do you think I'm going to get money from then??

I've been working since I was 14, so I'm not a 'scrounger'.
Secondly, I do use contraception but obviously you've never made a mistake in your life.

And about the 'silly little girl' thing, I'm 16, nearly 17, its not like I'm too young to have sex, I'm a young women who made a mistake.

Your posts upset me at first but then I thought- you just dont know about the real world. These things happen and all I was asking for is advice from people who know. I didn't ask for your nasty comments.

But thankyou to all the people wishing me luck and giving me useful advice, but to the others who just wanted to upset me- I really hope something like this would happen to you and then maybe you would know what it feels like.

Cyclone

22-01-2005, 10:21

I doubt anyone actively wanted to upset you. It's just that some of the things people want to say could be said more pleasantly.

You don't use contraception.
That statement scares me. How was this an accident if you choose not to use contraception?

You've paid taxes for 2 years, and now you'll draw benefits for what, 2, 5, 10 years? I can understand people not being happy with this.

I think you need to consider very carefully whether having this child is the right thing to do. It's up to you at the end of the day, but make sure you think it through and consider everything.

owdlad

22-01-2005, 10:23

Very well said Helen. I hope the bad comments made on here will only strengthen your resolve to be a good mother to your child, and so prove them wrong.

You do sound an extremely level headed person who will go on to make whatever decision is best for you and your baby. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Ousetunes

22-01-2005, 10:37

Let's look at some of the positive aspects of this! Figures show that most women are waiting till they're in their thirties before they have a family. I think the average age for a woman to have her first child was something like 23 back in the 1970s.

So, when your child is at school and you've managed to find some time for yourself, whether in order to return to work or whatever, some of your friends will be in the process of going through what you've just gone through. You can be there to give advice but also, for those not yet in the position to become mothers (for any reason) you'll have the freedom to go out with them. In other words, to get a bit of your own life back!

Another thing is the speed at which time passes. It seems in all honesty, two minutes since we had our first daughter, but it was over five years ago now. My wife and I were perenial 'going outers' but soon adjusted to spending practically every night at home, as opposed to going out with our friends. We adjusted, probably learned that we didn't have to go out every weekend and could stop at home.

We had another daughter who is now 2, and ofcause, once you've got used to one child, and the effect it has on your life, having another doesn't really make all that much difference! (I'm not, incidentally, advocating ANYTHING here!!!)

Although it sounds truly selfish, my wife and I are now managing to get a bit of our own lives back together, to go out a little more often etc. It's been over 5 years but it certainly doesn't feel it.

Look on the bright side and you'll be fine. But some of the other comments are correct in that you need to sort out things with both your own and your boyfriend's family. There's a lot of scaremongering going on but ignore it.

I for one wish you luck. Oh, and don't forget, you'll be the proudest parent in the world!

helenem2004

22-01-2005, 11:56

No, I DO use contraception!!! Im not that silly
I type too fast and make spelling mistakes, sorry to confuse you!!!!

helenem2004

22-01-2005, 12:05

Dont all mothers get child benefit, no matter how old they are?
All I was asking is how will I manage when I can't work? You can't expect me to work when I'm 9 months pregnant. It's just a general question to the people who've had children.

I didn't ask you to insult me, I asked a harmless question, which has turned into a big debate with angry taxpayers.
Your blaming a 16 year old girl about the money the government takes from you.
If you have any problems then ask somebody else.

stelps

22-01-2005, 12:19

Originally posted by helenem2004
Dont all mothers get child benefit, no matter how old they are?
All I was asking is how will I manage when I can't work? You can't expect me to work when I'm 9 months pregnant. It's just a general question to the people who've had children.

I didn't ask you to insult me, I asked a harmless question, which has turned into a big debate with angry taxpayers.
Your blaming a 16 year old girl about the money the government takes from you.
If you have any problems then ask somebody else.

Everyone gets child benefit for their children.

Grissom

22-01-2005, 12:50

The Department for Work and Pensions [DWP] has a good page showing benefits that are available, and offering advice :

http://www.dwp.gov.uk/lifeevent/famchild/index.asp

On it are several sections to show what benefits are payable, e.g. there is a section for those that you can get whilst expecting a baby

Hope this helps :thumbsup:

Tony

22-01-2005, 12:52

Helen, what sort of advice / comment are you after?

Are you worrying about keeping the baby, or even if you should?

Is the father likely to come round or will he keep out of you way?

robbie

22-01-2005, 13:11

Sorry but to say don't let the boyfriend influence you is totally out of order. It will be his child too, his responsibility and his money.

helenem2004

26-01-2005, 18:03

To be honest Robbie, I dont know if my boyfriend would be that supportive.
If he wanted me to keep it and then I agreed to that, he could change his mind and get scared when its to late and what situation would that leave me in?
We're both 16 and I'm working full time but he's going to college, I dont want him to give up college cos it's something he could regret for the rest of his life, when he finds the job he wants but hasn't the right qualifications. He has a part time job but its hardly enough to support us.

Tony, The only advice I was asking for is mainly from people who've been in my situations, people who maybe work for Connexions or something like that, when they know what theyre talking about.
I didn't ask for anyone elses nasty, useless comments to make me feel even worse.
But on the other hand, lots of people have given me loads of advice so thankyou everyone!

plodder

26-01-2005, 23:52

dinp

27-01-2005, 00:02

Originally posted by helenem2004
To be honest Robbie, I dont know if my boyfriend would be that supportive.
If he wanted me to keep it and then I agreed to that, he could change his mind and get scared when its to late and what situation would that leave me in?
We're both 16 and I'm working full time but he's going to college, I dont want him to give up college cos it's something he could regret for the rest of his life, when he finds the job he wants but hasn't the right qualifications. He has a part time job but its hardly enough to support us.

That's why you have to think very carefully about this. You both played your part and this could change both your lives forever.

Ultimately, its you that will give birth, but is it fair on your boyfriend to have to pay for a child he has categorically stated he does not want to have? I'm not suggesting that he's said this, but if he turned round to you tomorrow and said it, would you go ahead with it?

Your decision affects both of you.

As I see it, you are young and will have plenty of chances later in life to start a family. Refer back to my earlier questions.

Most of all though, good luck, and keep us posted.

Moon Maiden

27-01-2005, 00:06

hi Helen

You can as other have said get child benefit...that is around £10 per week. You will also qualify for child tax credit....if you go back to work then you will qualify for working tax credit and possibly extra help with child care charges using a registered child minder.

It is a frightening time and whilst I am sure the issues raised would be great in a topic in another thread. I don't think some of the nasty comments made were appropriate and highly judgmental knowing jack about this young ladies situation.

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone...i can see just about everyone in this forum dropping stones...grow up.

Good luck Helen

Moon

bobsyouruncle

27-01-2005, 00:16

good luck helen. dont let them get you down, do whatever you feel is best for you, discuss it with your partner, but dont be bullied into anything, wot about these mothers that get family tax credit, and work p/t, where do people think they get their money from. or are all people that get some sort of "credit" , scroungers?
be brave and do whatever you feel is right for you and/or your partner if you decide to stick together.
i hope everything works out for you.

NatalieSheff

27-01-2005, 10:47

Originally posted by helenem2004
Hi, are there any young mothers out there?

I'm 16 and I've found out I'm pregnant and obviously I'm a bit gutted because it wasn't planned and I'm so young.
I'm wanting to keep it cos but my boyfriend isn't too keen and ........
Thankyou, Let me know...
dont be gutted girlie, it will turn out to be the best thing ever. remember if ur happy, baby is happy. my best friend had similar prob when she was 15 (so nearly 10yrs ago), she now has two of the little buggers and has never been happier. it is tough, and you will have to put ur life on hold for a bit, but u have the rest of ur life! good luck and god bless