Why is it that some of the most serious arguements one has in life is with their own families. People who you should love - but end up hating!

On a personal level, I had an arguement with my brother several years ago and although it just seemed like a usual brotherly spat - his wife decided to stick her nose in and blew it out of all proportion. Since then, I haven't spoken to him and sometimes I wonder why? The worst thing is, even when I've decided to patch things up, whenever his wife turns up the whole hate-feeling returns and I ignore them both.

I hardly see him now ( which I don't know is a good thing or not ) as he's moved out of Sheffield and still sometimes wonder how long the ill feeling will last between us.

My dad and aunt haven't spoken to each other for nearly 10 years now, so don't hold your breath.

10 years!! wow . . . :o that must have been a major arguement!

I think families tend to get more irritating as you get older. I used to get on so well with my bro when I was younger but I found it wasn't just him. Other members of the family became increasingly annoying and to tell you the truth, although I talk to them - I couldn't live with them if I had to.

Originally posted by nick2
My dad and aunt haven't spoken to each other for nearly 10 years now, so don't hold your breath.

Strange, my Dad and aunt are the same; no contact for nearly 15 years now...but I can't say that I blame him as she's done more than enough to justify his attitude.

Even now there are new family conflicts brewing.

Seems to me that it's the very fact that families are supoosed to be so close that sees them at each other's throats.

My Dad and one of my uncles haven't spoken (other than basic civility, hello and goodbye) for 30 years. It had a lot to do with my Mum....
I think the longer it goes on the harder it is to sort it out.
Personally, I feel holding a grudge is silly, live and let live but sometimes it is essential to the quality of your life to not speak to someone again. I've been there.
It could take a while and if you are open minded it might be even harder for you if he rejects any friendly approaches. Best of luck.

Originally posted by Lestat
10 years!! wow . . . :o that must have been a major arguement!

I think families tend to get more irritating as you get older. I used to get on so well with my bro when I was younger but I found it wasn't just him. Other members of the family became increasingly annoying and to tell you the truth, although I talk to them - I couldn't live with them if I had to.

Conversely, I get on with my brother better now than I ever did when we were younger as I now have some distance having moved out and he's turning 20 and going through the same things that I did back then.

Originally posted by Lestat
10 years!! wow . . . :o that must have been a major arguement!


My aunt didn't invite my dads other son (from his second marriage) to my cousins wedding, but she did invite me and my sister, he got the face on and refused to go to the wedding unless everyone was invited, she said no, everyone fell out and I ended-up going to the wedding on my own.

Families, can't live with 'em.........thats about it realy.

Originally posted by Zebra
I think the longer it goes on the harder it is to sort it out.
Personally, I feel holding a grudge is silly, live and let live but sometimes it is essential to the quality of your life to not speak to someone again.

I totally understand this Z, I've thought it through and I know it's probably better NOT talking to him but then I think 'What if something bad happens tommorrow' . . I just wish I'd said something, at the end of the day he is my brother and talking isn't that hard . . . it's just doing it.

I htink family fueds are a bit stupid too aswell, they should be the people you get along with better than anyone.

Originally posted by AndrewC
I htink family fueds are a bit stupid too aswell, they should be the people you get along with better than anyone.

Thats the whole enigma that gets me! why do most end up at each others throats! and why is it always the in-laws that cause the most problems??

My mother had 4 sisters and as long as I can remember four of them seemed to hate one of them.
However , this odd one out , who wasn't married used to do "tours" , visiting the other four. They all felt obliged to "welcome " her as they were family.I used to hate it when she visited our house . All sweetness and light for about 5 minutes and then the daggers would be out for the next 2 weeks.No violence, but a constant current of bickering and back-biting. Perhaps they enjoyed it . I don't know.
According to my mother , this had been going on since they were all kids !
Strange things , families. Personally , I'd rather make a break. The odd falling out , well , yes. But years of bickering ? No thanks !

I hope this situation that I am in with my boyfriends mother doesnt turn into some kind of fued because I really dont have a problem with her at all.

In 2003 my boyfriend asked me and my son if we wanted to spend Christmas at his parents and I was delighted at being asked and chuffed that my son was invited as well especially as we'd only been together for a year.

However my son who was only 4 years old at the time decided to be the reincarnation of satan and embarrassed the hell out of me, he was really rude and nasty to my boyfriends parents and had the most awful tantrums during our stay, I dread to think what they must of thought of me as a parent, but I did punish my son and I dont condone his bad behaviour at all.

When it came for deciding where to spend Christmas 2004 my boyfriend was all for us going to his folks but his mother didnt seem so keen after my son left a permanent sour taste in everyones mouth.

I understood completely, I mean seriously my son was awful that christmas and I would of been quite embarassed at facing her to be quite honest.

Her lack of enthusiasim didnt go down well with my boyfriends Dad and he literally blew his top telling her that his son and his sons family were always welcome, he said kids will be kids and all kids create.

How arkward is this situation, I really dont have any hard feelings about not being invited over for Christmas and I am not one of these parents that is oblivious to my childs bad behaviour.

Thankfully now at the age of 6 years old my son is starting to behave alot better and keeps telling my boyfriend that when he see's his mum and dad he wants to say sorry for being so naughty.

I really hope this doesnt cause any problems in the future because they are lovely people and I bear no grudges, life is far too short.

Jo

Life is too short for be cut off from loved ones. Easier said than done but the the bullet has to be bitten and people have to try to move forward before it's too late.

Lestat talk to your bro man and just be civil to the wife for peace sake.

If I didn't talk to my brother for that sort of time it would kill me.
Same with my best mate - who's like my brother.

Basically blood is thicker than water!

I haven't intentionally spoken to my youngest sister in almost 10 years. and I actually don't give a monkeys, if I never speak to her again. I have totally disownd her since our gran's death. (I would speak to the sister whilst our gran was alive, for the sake of not upsetting the old lass, but now she is gone, I have no reason to make any effort)

She has caused me and my other sister nothing but trouble, and hassle.

the girl is a liar, a thief, a troublecauser, and a sl*t. and they are her better qualities.

She would not know the truth if it leapt up and bloodied her nose. (yet my other sister and I cannot formulate a lie to save our lives!) she confabulates like you have never known. I call her jackanory. The stories she tells would make Mills and Boon collapse in anguish!

She has stolen all sorts of stuff from me and other family members, from money, to jewellery, and makeup, books and even an old Amstrad pcw computer.

She had a number of affairs, in just five years of marriage, and then had the cheek to tell our father that I, (who was 100% faithful to my husband!) was having an affair. these affairs were cited in her divorce documentation.

She stole some jewellery from our grandmother, and told our uncle and aunt that it was I who had stolen it.

She made inflammatory, insulting, and racist comments to a (black) former next-door neighbour of mine, and expected me to leap to her defence when they were gong to "take her out".... (like, yeah, I would what does she think I am!!!!)

The girl is like a human black hole. she sucks the very life-force out of you if you get within a hundred yards of her! she has to be the centre of attention wherever she goes.

She keeps saying to the other sister
"I don't know what I'm supposed to have done to our Plain.... she won't speak to me!"

My other sister said to her, "Do I have to draw you a picture....?" (LOL)

As I say, it's a bloomin' good job you can choose your friends...

PT

The trouble with family is - you don't get to choose them.

Friends are different because they are the ones you 'connect' with and who are still there after all the other people have been and gone.

My dad didn't talk to me for years - because I had a row with my mum and she threw me out (at 16). He refused to come to my wedding, he refused to acknowlege my daughter when she was born and then when my bro (we were close) was killed in a car accident he decided to make up. All went well for about 5 years and then he stopped talking to me again. That went on for just over 10 years. He eventally saw sense last year and we've been on speaking terms since then (it took a lot of effort and perseverance on my part) but I'm wary of spending too much time with him in case I say or do anything to upset him. He was like that with his brother too - they used to go years without speaking. He's a strange fella but at the end of the day he's my dad.

I would never go to him with any problems, but i've got some really wonderful friends. My friends, we laugh together, cry together, get drunk together and sometimes have great 'debates' sometimes we see each other every day for weeks and other times we don't see each other for weeks - but we're always there for each other - and I love them so much. Here's to friends - the best people we know!

lestat, i think you should get in touch with your bro. i didnt speak to mine for a number of years because of his wife, whom all the family dislike, she drove a wedge between him and his (our/my/the) family, yet she still likes to show "she's the boss" whenever we speak on the phone (wot do you want him for? wots it about, tell me i'll pass it on etc..)
he's my brother and i love him but like yourself, after a spat we fell out too and she stuck her fat f****** nose in, now the family barely see him. but i phoned him at work and we met, we "kissed" and made up, but no matter what you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family, after all blood is thicker than watr (allegedly!!)
go on, pick up the phone, even if it is only to say hi, how are you, cant stop, on my lunch break, e mail me some time. at least if anything unfortunate does happen to him (god forbid) you wont feel too bad. hopefully

I am one of 7 got 3 brothers and 3 sisters,my eldest sister is almost 52.And shes been a nightmare since the age of 12.She had 3 kids and dumped them on my mum when they were babies,shes a theif who has stolen from us all,she did a stint working on the streets for a couple of years,went abroad and worked, doing the same thing. Been married 4 times,once bigamusly,she got lucky on that one though ,her previuos husband died before the police got on to her.Shes a liar and wouldnt know the truth if it got up and smacked in her in the mouth.And these arnt the worst things she has done. She now has a best friend called Herion who she injects regularly,and doesnt give a flyiing f**k about anyone except herself.The saddest part of all was the fact that our mom loved her so much and never gave up trying with her,right up until she died.And mum was at a loss to why she did all these things cause nobody else in the family is like it.But you know what? I still love my sister very much, i allways will. But i dont like her and avoid all contact with her cauase i know she'll wangle a tenner out of me before i realise whats happened,and she can run faster than me as well

I tried lots of different ways to get to talk to my dad. It was hard, he wouldn't take my calls, shut the door in my face if I called round, threw all cards & letters in the bin without reading them. Then, found out the name of the bar he goes into in Benidorm (he goes there every winter) and I went to Benidorm to find the bar (and him).

Think the fact that i'd gone all the way to Benidorm to try to talk to him must have helped! Plus the fact that one of the bar staff agreed to pass a letter to him!

If you want to talk to a family member then never give up and don't let anyone else stop you, find a way around them. I went to Benidorm without anyone in my family knowing so that they couldn't tip him off! So it was a complete surprise - and it worked.

Dad's in his 70's, he aint gonna be around forever and I didn't want anything to happen without me making my peace - for my sake as much as his.

I haven't spoken to my father (or my grandfather) since April 1993, when I was 9, and for a couple of years before that, it was patchy anyway, as my folks had split.

He used to take me and my sister at weekends, but this soon became less and less frequent.

He's put my mum through absolute hell, painted her as the devil and stopped sending birthday and christmas cards many many years ago, saying he'd save the money and give it to me when I was 18.

Well i'll be 22 in September, and i've yet to see it. I reapplied for maintenance money in 2003 (when I started uni), he contested it so it had to go to court, where I eventually won.

The judge said it was very sad that we hadn't spoken in such a long time and while they went away to consider the verdict, hoped we'd use the time to start talking again.

It didnt happen.

I walked into that courtroom half convinced that he wasn't a total a-hole, but within 5 mins of proceedings starting, it became clear that he was.

I won the money, but then he went unemployed and the maintenance was reduced, GET THIS, to 50 pence per year!!

I saw red then, and penned a letter slating him to hell and also disowning him. As a sarcastic measure, I sellotaped two pound coins to the paper (50p per year x 4 years of my course) and told him I didnt want his money, or anything more to do with him.

I don't even hate him any more, i'm past caring. My mum has been happily remarried since 95 and I get on great with my stepdad, who I call dad anyway.

crikey boyo you never told me that. Maybe you need, i've not a very good memory.

The only situation i have is with my mum. Its not about my mum and dad not loving each other any more as such (thought they are divorced) but rather my mum is 'a bit' mentally ill. Its something like acute depression or something. Basically her mum and her grandmum both died about a week before my birth, but instead of grievin gproperly and getting over their deaths she kept her mind focused on my upbringing (unlike my sisters i keep in touch with my mother extensively as a way of showing my gratitude). Though the problem is she was offered all the help in the world - still is, she could comit herself to the locl hospital and would improve (we've seen her improve before, but only with medication).

Anyway, basically theres not much my dad can do apart from let her live in the house he owns, where she lives now. She basically exists - her dad is too old, me and my sisters have lives to live, and the council won't do anything unless shes a danger to anyone or helself (which i think she is seeing as she doesn't eat properly, damging her health.

Until she takes up the help shes still offered to this day by my dad and others, two of my sisters will only talk to her over the phone once every couple of months and one sister refuses to talk to her at all. To be honest i don't blame them, but its a long story and this post is already a bit weighty!