If your loved one had no quality of life left and was in distress, wanting to die, would you assist?

(also see poll - the right to die?)

I love my girlfriend more than anything in this whole world but I can't imagine ending her life for her, even if she begged me to - I couldn't do that. Maybe I'm not man enough to but I couldn't.

I don't think it's anything to do with being a man and I respect your views and honesty. It has to be the most difficult and selfless act that anyone could do, that's why I think we should have the right to choose by way of medical intervention. I feel so sorry (but very much admire) these people that have flouted the law to assist their loved ones, by taking them abroad to have their wishes carried out in a dignified way, medically supervised. But these people have had to die in another country because as a nation we have not legalised euthanasia -these people should be able to die in their own homes surrounded by their loved ones rather than go through the trauma of travelling abroad.

It would be probably the hardest thing I would ever have to do - and in practise I'm not sure I would have the strength be able to, but I would hope so.

She would have to be in a VERY bad way though before I would though, as I'm never one to give up hope on someone I love.

Totally agree with you craig.

Why wait until she is in a very bad way, would you want to remember her like that? If there was no way out wouldn't it be kinder to do it straight away. Harder for you but better for her if you love her so much.

Hazel

I have to agree with you Hazel. The memories I have of my parents are of them slowly suffering. I do not wish this for myself, nor do I wish my family to see me that way.

When faced with death, it is inevitable that family will grieve and miss you, no one wants to lose a loved one but wouldn't it be better not to have the memories of the pain and the suffering.

On a lighter note, you could even throw a fairwell party!

My only comment is that I hope they would do the same for me in the right circumstances.

when I was in Oz we saw a living wake.
A founder member of the rugby team as dying of cancer. The young players fetched him out of the hospise and threw a get tigether fo him. All the fit tanned young men in shorts cheered this old man on his 2 sticks made a path fo rhim to walk thro and sang swing low sweet chariot.
Not a dry eye in the house.
They said may as well say what we think about him now as when he is dead.

When we came home we thought we would do the same but we could not decide who to choose first
Hazel

PS sorry about the place dropping.

Originally posted by hazel
Why wait until she is in a very bad way, would you want to remember her like that?

The point is you never know what might happen in the future, so it would only be ok with me if it was absolutely the end of hope.

Personally, I wouldn't remember her the way she was at the end, but the way we were together at the best of times...

Depends on how much money they were planning on leaving you? wouldn't it?:o

The law just doesnt come between two people who are in love like that. I cant imagine the how difficult it might be to help a loved one to die - but I know how it is to be in love - and if its real love, there shouldnt be any emotional pain you wouldnt suffer to help your partner.

This is a tough one.

My mother had terminal cancer and was taken in to hospital. She made it clear to me that she was tired, she'd had a good innings and that she didn't want all the high-technology keeping her alive if she died. I concurred and ensured that the medics were aware of her request.

Although I would never do anything to assist my mother to die, I was there when she did die (in a coma) and suggested that the medics didn't use the crash cart.

I view being there at that time as one of the most significant times in my life; I was certainly a different person after it and regarded it as a privelege and an honour to be with my mum when she left this world, just as we'd been together when she bought me in to it.

No answers to the question, just some observations.

Joe

A few years ago i watched my father slowly die from terminal cancer over a period of a few months. during this time he lost all his dignity as even the smallest thing had to be done for him. luckily we are a close family so very little outside help was required in caring for ny father at home.

When i look back on this time i cant help thinking that if that was me i would have wanted to be able to choose the time of my own death and if needed know that i could rely on members of my family to be able to assist me in dying without fear of recrimination for them. Sadly the law as it stands in this country will not allow this and it is deemed humane to allow fellow humans to suffer in pain as the medical proffesion attemps to prolong the inevitable.

You wouldnt let a dog suffer the way we allow eaxch other to suffer at times like this. It is about time the law in this country was changed to allow assisted suicide, but only once the patient has been diagosed as terminal and medicine would only prolong the life but with no quality of life

seven years ago next march my best mate asked me to stop his pain,i didnt have to as he died from a heart attack,the thing was, that becauase i thought so much about him i felt that i would do as he asked.

i think when you see some one suffering like he did it changes you. i still think that if he had not died that night i would have helped him,but was i bieng selfish and doing it to stop me and my wife from seeing him suffer, he was a great mate and i think about him every day, i also believe that if asked he would have done it for me should things have been reversed...

There is always a feeling of guilt when a loved one dies.
especially when a child or parent was dependant on you.
" Did you do enough" "Should I have got her into hospital sooner "
I wonder if the guilt would become too much if we had assisted them and am I being selfish in expecting them to.

Hazel

My beautiful Mother died of cancer a couple of years ago,and i was with her when she died.Like Joe it was one of the most significant and unexplainable experiences of my life.And i will carry it with me allways.From diagnosis to death my Mum only lived for twelve weeks.She gathered us all around her and because of other health problems and her age (70),she could not have surgery or chemotherapy.So she told us all that she was not going to fight it,inside she knew it was a waste of time,and tried to convince us that it wasnt as bad as it actually was.But you only had to look at her and you could tell she wasnt going to last.And what amazed me most was myself,I cried when she fist told me, but after that i was overtaken with the needs of my mum.It wasnt me that mattered it was her.And the only thing i could think about those last weeks were her,and getting her through it, but while she still had her dignity,she was a very proud lady.All i thought was ,she brought me into the world,and i was going to make sure she left this world unafraid, and surrounderd by love.My love for my Mom overrode everything so my answer is Yes i would do it for my loved ones and sod the consequences

I don't know - I really don't.

It's a wierd world where we don't allow animals 'to suffer' but we allow humans to. I don't know why that is. I wouldn't want to linger in pain with no hope of ever getting better. But I wouldn't want to miss a single minute of time i could spend with those close to me.

I do believe people should have the right to live and die in the way they want to - so long as they don't hurt anyone else. But could I do it? I guess I'll only find that out if (and I pray to God it never happens) I'm faced with that situation. I'd like to think i'd be strong enough, but i'm not sure. When my bro was in ICU it was my parents who made the decision to switch off the life-support machine, it broke their hearts.

I've always said I want a really good party just before I die - and to make sure I try to have a really good party every so often! Life is for the living and it's such a waste if we don't all make full use of it.

Hels, firstly my heart goes out to your parents.

I agree with your points of view, and agree that it must be the most heartbreaking and difficult decision anyone could have to make.

I know if the law had been different that I would have assisted my mum - I now live wit the the guilt that I didn't. My mum always had very strong views as to quality of life and she died in worst possible scenario for her - I let her down when she most needed me.