A close friend of mine has been suffering from depression for years. Recently, he had a panic attack which came from completely nowhere - since then he's been suffering really badly with anxiety - regularly worrying about his heart / lungs and pretty much everything else. He's been to the doctors a few times and they have put him on diazepam temporarily - on Monday it's expected that his 'main' doctor will change his anti-depressents and possibly recommend some sort of counselling.
Now, my problem is - how do I get him through this weekend? Every time it happens I try to calm him down, and eventually it does subside, but it's starting to really upset me and I end up crying about it myself which I can't help as it's been really tiring the last couple of weeks.
Any advice anyone can give would be greatly appreciated.

If what you're trying to do is emergency care rather than attempting any long term change for him then I think your weekend may be busy but not too bad. All you have to do is to not run out of interesting and non-challenging things to do.

DVDs, cooking dinner together, talking over a cup of tea, (if you want to borrow a dog to take for a walk in the country I'm sure there are lots of us on the pets group who will offer pooches!), swimming, bowling, going to the cinema/theatre/whatever.

As long as you don't squash things in too much and you take account of the particular things that are likely to make the anxiety worse (the personal triggers that we aren't likely to know but you are) then the weekend will just fly by.

The last thing that any of you need is to be anxious about him being anxious about things that he can't affect, which is how it sounds at the moment.

You can't change whether he's going to be anxious- but you CAN minimise his anxiety by keeping him occupied and you CAN stop your own anxiety about the situation getting out of hand by having sufficient time and space to talk it all through with other sources of support for you.

I've been in that situation myself and it can be very stressful for the person giving support. Who is supporting you? Have you got someone to talk to? Make sure you have ways for you to unwind too.

Talk to him like he was an upset three-year old. Slowly, calmly, keep repeating "It's alright, I'm here, I'll look after you, it'll stop soon" and other such positive, calming phrases.

Keep your voice as low and soothing as possible. If you're upset yourself, your voice will tend to get higher and this will feed his - and your - anxiety. Try sitting next to him and stroking his hand while talking to him.

I know it sounds very patronising, but when he's having an anxiety attack, he will be reacting emotionally, not acting rationally, so he needs soothing, not logical explanations.

Thanks for all your advice - it helps a lot. It's been difficult to post as I can't get much of a chance during the day. It's not been too bad today - very emotional. I've been doing the reassurring bits - holding his hand, talking him down from it. It's hard for him I know that and I'm glad that I've got somewhere where I can air my emotions. It's going to get easier I know - I just need to stop crying

I'm afraid it's going to be a VERY draining weekend for you as your going to be doing emergency support. Is there anyone else who could help with the support process? Light exercise is good as is keeping him away from tea coffee and other stimulants. If you want some background to what anxiety is and how to help treat it then the dummies guide series do a very good book on it:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Anxiety-Dummies-Elaine-Foreman/dp/0470511761/ref=sr_1_1/202-3363302-3795056?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1192292333&sr=8-1

Thanks once again for all your support. The weekend was ok-ish, but this afternoon's been difficult because I've had to come back to work - not coping on his own very well at all. Unfortunately there isn't really anyone else who can support him at the moment, no helpful family ties at all. How can I get through to him that he's not going to die? Doctors have arranged for the 24hour mental health people to come and see him, who may help. I'm not sure whether a stay in hospital will help or hinder him at the moment, but it may not come to that; I'm just really stuck at the moment as the only time he gets a break from it is when he's asleep...why does life have to be this hard? I also don't want to feel selfish, but this is the hardest thing we've both been through. Anyway, I've aired my grief and it helps - feel free to ignore this.

This ,must be very upsetting to you and him. It sounds as if he definitely needs to see a counsellor or a mental health professional.

I suffered from anxiety last year when i was at uni. It came out of nowhere. I was fine, bit stressed over final year worload and personal expectations. My boyfriend came for the weekend and I totally broke down on him and ended up having him take me home to my family for a week of recovery. Things stayed the same until my exams were over. I panicked everytime I had to go back to uni and fled every chance I got. I'm much better now but I couldnt have got through it without the care of my family and friends, and seeing a counsellor.

He definitely needs to see someone, so urge him to, Its much better that than just being fobbed off with medication. In terms of what you can do, just be supportive and try not to put any pressures on him. It can be draining I'm sure, most of my friends were pretty impatient with me. Just try your best to be a good friend.

Thanks once again for all your support. The weekend was ok-ish, but this afternoon's been difficult because I've had to come back to work - not coping on his own very well at all. Unfortunately there isn't really anyone else who can support him at the moment, no helpful family ties at all. How can I get through to him that he's not going to die? Doctors have arranged for the 24hour mental health people to come and see him, who may help. I'm not sure whether a stay in hospital will help or hinder him at the moment, but it may not come to that; I'm just really stuck at the moment as the only time he gets a break from it is when he's asleep...why does life have to be this hard? I also don't want to feel selfish, but this is the hardest thing we've both been through. Anyway, I've aired my grief and it helps - feel free to ignore this.

Of course airing your grief helps - and no, your posts aren't going to be ignored. Your friend might be the one with the anxiety problems, but you're struggling as well, trying to help. It will have an effect on you, and you're far wiser to let of a bit of steam on here than bottling it all up.

Feeling selfish because you need something for yourself - even if it's just a bit of a rest and a break - it is quite common when it comes to caring for someone, and that's what you're doing at the moment, being a carer to your friend. And if you do take a break - you feel guilty!

You really are doing your best to help - and doing it on your own - so you just need to keep telling yourself you're doing what you can and try not to beat yourself up for not being able to be superwoman.

Your friend is very lucky to have a caring friend like yourself.

Well done and try not to take anything he says too personally

I would like to take this opportunity (a rare one) to say a big Thank You to you all for your support. Thankfully, my friend is well on the road to recovery. The doctors have put him on great medication, which hopefully will be short term, and the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter by the day. I can't put in to words what a big help this forum, and all you wonderful people are. I just hope that the NHS are as supportive and as wonderful to everyone who needs it as they have been to my good buddy. Life sucks sometimes, but for every dark cloud there certainly can be a silver lining, and if anyone needs advice in dealing with anxiety, please pm me; I feel like a bit of an expert now!!

I've just realised; this latest post is over two months since the last; wow, this has lasted. I think the doc said something along the lines of "one of the worst cases they've seen". If I can leave you with one really positive comment, it's that without the lovely thoughts and messages you've all left, this would all have been a hell of a lot harder. with all my thoughts.