I want honesty in this poll - I want to know if people are as faithless as I believe if they are apart from their partner for more than a few days.

Very - always have been

What a stoopid question, if they treat you like crap you gonna return the favour, if they treat you like a queen you gonna be their ever-lovin partner!

Originally posted by tinajones
What a stoopid question, if they treat you like crap you gonna return the favour, if they treat you like a queen you gonna be their ever-lovin partner!


Not strictly true.

Deffo not strictly true. My EX went off with a guy from work and I treat her like a princess. And she was the one stopping ME seeing my mates. Not the other way round.

I never got hold of the guy (and yes he knew about me and the ex's relationship before they started seeing each other), but I did get hold of his Jeep. Wasn't a pretty sight after i had done! And he had to watch me do it from the window cos he wouldn't come downstairs!

And no, i'm not proud of it either... but in rage I snapped!

I have always been faithful to my current partner. We will have been married three years this xmas.

In previous relationships I have cheated as far as kissing another fella.

Moon

What do you class as unfaithful? A quick snog or doing the do??

I have never been unfaithfull, but if i were might be justified.
But i won't.

Always have been faithful, always will.

100% faithful and EXPECT the same in return.

What does constitute unfaithful? Are there different degrees of infidelity? I have kissed a guy other than my current partner - I didn't feel as though I was being unfaithful, but what I wonder is...How would I feel if I knew HE had kissed another woman. Would I consider he had been unfaithful to me? I don't know because it hasn't happened (to my knowledge). What do you think?

I think if you kiss another person then you've been unfaithful and should let your partner know about it and see what they want to do about it. If you really loved your partner, you'd not want to kiss another person in the first place.

Oh no I couldn't ever tell him. It's not something I make a habit of and I wouldn't want to upset him by telling him. I think that would be crueller than the actual infidelity, if one kiss is indeed infidelity.

Faithful, Absolutely.
I'm spoilt rotten and loving it.
We've only been married 2 years so the honeymoon is still on and still going strong. ahhhh :D
He washes dishes, he's a great cook, does his own laundry and cleans the toilet (occassionally). He's a keeper!
He leaves the toilet seat up, but what the hell, I can live with that in exchange for breakfast in bed every weekend.

As faithful as they are to me :)

I quick peck I don't class as unfaithful, a full on snog I would class as unfaithful.

Moon

As faithful as they come after over 40 years. Still eye the talent though, as my wife told me years and years and years ago "you can look but DON'T touch!". And I haven't. Brownie points?:D

Couldn't do it, I value my testicles too much:?

Like she said once if ever she found out, she would hang me from the roof of a wooden shed by my bits, give me a knife, lock me in and set it on fire.:o

Like she said once if ever she found out, she would hang me from the roof of a wooden shed by my bits, give me a knife, lock me in and set it on fire.


Hahahaha! :D

You'd better behave then eh?

ive always been faithful... its hard to cheat on yourself :( :cry:

Always been 100% faithful!!!

am now single, have lots of mates in relationships where one of them has not been. But would rather be single than living a lie!

(and no, didn't break up with ex because of infidelity)

Surely if you want to get off with someone else there's something wrong with current relationship so why continue????

One hundred per cent faithfull in five and a half years.

Originally posted by Susana
What does constitute unfaithful? Are there different degrees of infidelity? I have kissed a guy other than my current partner - I didn't feel as though I was being unfaithful, but what I wonder is...How would I feel if I knew HE had kissed another woman. Would I consider he had been unfaithful to me? I don't know because it hasn't happened (to my knowledge). What do you think? The way I see it is this.

There are some things that you only do with your partner. That includes (but isn't limited to) intimate/affectionate things. Now... if you do any of those intimate/affectionate "things" with someone else, that's cheating in my book. Basically, if you couldn't do it in front of your partner without them getting cross, you shouldn't be doing it.

i,ve been faithful to my boyf for 7mnths and i will never do the deeds behind his back even if he treats me like dirt sometimes.

Faithful, always.

Unfortunately, a couple of my ex's haven't done the same which I guess is a good thing, as I know what it feels like now and wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy, nevermind a girl I loved- Hence the reason I could never cheat.

:)

Originally posted by ilaria
i,ve been faithful to my boyf for 7mnths and i will never do the deeds behind his back even if he treats me like dirt sometimes.

How can you stay with someone who treats you like dirt?:confused:

dont know i must stupid to stay with him but i love him.

Originally posted by ilaria
dont know i must stupid to stay with him but i love him.



DUMP HIM NOW.

i wish i could but i havent got the guts to, proberly scared of bieng alone.

Originally posted by ilaria
i wish i could but i havent got the guts to, proberly scared of bieng alone.

I too was in a postion where really i should have left my partner... didnt have the guts to leave as i felt i had too much to lose what with having a mortgage etc... I knew i could live alone as i had done it before... but where would i get the money to buy him out of the property if i wanted him to leave... There was so much to think about...

Well after being together 7.5yrs... towards the end of our relationship we were living like house mates... He decided it was time to leave... I was devasted to begin with but then as the months past i could see it was the best thing that could have happened... We are still in contact only as friends... I would never take him back... as i know if i did things would go back to the way they were after the honeymoon period is over...

i dont know tho hes changed now he tells me he love me once in a while and shows his affection.

I think that if you are unfaithful or are even thinking about it then there is something wrong with your relationship.
The old saying is true,if you have steak at home then why bother with beefburgers away.
I myself have had more than my share of women in the past but that was because I had not met the right woman,now I am settled and satisfied and I dont need to look around for anyone else.

who said anything bout me being unfaithful i,ve never been unfaithful to my boyf i think its him whos not been faithful.

Have never been unfaithful. Never will be, have been tempted I will admit but :nono:

I have been cheated on but never done it myself :smile:

DeeJ :heyhey:

so you,ve never ever cheated on a woman com'on admit it

So are you saying that it's impossible not to cheat on someone Ilaria?

It's fair to say that you have obviously cheated on your boyfriend then eh?

no way he might be cheating on me.

No I haven't Ilaria, Im not saying I haven't been tempted but I have NEVER cheated on anyone..

People do get cheated on but you should never tar people with the same brush (and no I'm not saying you are either)

DeeJ :thumbsup:

Originally posted by ilaria
so you,ve never ever cheated on a woman com'on admit it

There are quite a few of us who have never cheated on a woman, Ilaria. I never have and never will, but the fact that you seem to think that is unbelievable says quite a bit about the kind of men you hang about with!

i have had a bad patch with men and the one im seeing might be a cheat.

Originally posted by ilaria
i have had a bad patch with men and the one im seeing might be a cheat.

Can there be a future without trust or honesty ?

No I have not been faithful to my hubbie and hes not been faithful to me either, but then again we both knew the score when we got together and later married
Suits us both and we love each other now as much as we did 25yrs ago :D

Originally posted by ilaria
i have had a bad patch with men and the one im seeing might be a cheat.

Well so long as you realise there are plenty of men out here who aren't like that. I would never dream of cheating on my fiancee and she wouldn't cheat on me. Hopefully you will find someone faithful when you decide that's what you want!

Originally posted by Dirk Diggler
Deffo not strictly true. My EX went off with a guy from work and I treat her like a princess. And she was the one stopping ME seeing my mates. Not the other way round.

I never got hold of the guy (and yes he knew about me and the ex's relationship before they started seeing each other), but I did get hold of his Jeep. Wasn't a pretty sight after i had done! And he had to watch me do it from the window cos he wouldn't come downstairs!

And no, i'm not proud of it either... but in rage I snapped!
Well done DD. At least you let your rage out on an inanimate object and not the guy's head! No witnesses, I hope:thumbsup:

Originally posted by ilaria
i dont know tho hes changed now he tells me he love me once in a while and shows his affection.
Have an affair - you'll feel better for it ;) :P

Originally posted by draggletail
Well done DD. At least you let your rage out on an inanimate object and not the guy's head! No witnesses, I hope:thumbsup:
Oh there were witnesses - he watched me do it from the window of her flat. She was there too.

I gave him the opportunity to come down but he refused, so out came the baseball bat and in went his windows, doors, sunroof, lights........ :lol:

Was silly tho - could have got in some serious trouble and for what, someone not worth the time or the effort.
Ah well - you live and learn dontcha!

Originally posted by RPG
ive always been faithful... its hard to cheat on yourself :( :cry:
Couldn't have put it better myself RPG. Are you sure you're not my long-lost clone or something?

Originally posted by Dirk Diggler
Oh there were witnesses - he watched me do it from the window of her flat. She was there too.

I gave him the opportunity to come down but he refused, so out came the baseball bat and in went his windows, doors, sunroof, lights........ :lol:

Was silly tho - could have got in some serious trouble and for what, someone not worth the time or the effort.
Ah well - you live and learn dontcha!

I would have done exactly the same and I wouldn't have regretted it. Good on you :)

EDIT: In fact, I would have done worse and not stopped. :|

hey people, i have recently been cheated on by my g/f. I had to find out the hard way. I have never cheated on anyone and never would i no how much hurt it causes. im not prepared to cause that to anyone

Originally posted by Dirk Diggler
Oh there were witnesses - he watched me do it from the window of her flat. She was there too.

I gave him the opportunity to come down but he refused, so out came the baseball bat and in went his windows, doors, sunroof, lights........ :lol:

Was silly tho - could have got in some serious trouble and for what, someone not worth the time or the effort.
Ah well - you live and learn dontcha!

Just purely curious here DD and not judging you at all ... but did you feel he was more to blame than your ex !?

Would you have also smashed up her car given the opportunity !?

Havn't ever cheated on a girlfriend... dont ever plan to either... its just wrong in my books...

this includes my current girlfriend being in another country for an entire year... yes it was hard... yes at times i was tempted to try another woman cus I was lonely... but i didnt because i believe in being faithful...

now my g/f's back in the country... and our r/ship is like seriously up and down and it's proving a bit difficult for me, but I'm trying to work at it... although I think maybe soon I will have to end it before it start getting depressed about it...

I've gone a year without her, it was extremly hard and now she's back she's treating me like a yo-yo, one minute its just friends, next she wants in the sack... then friends again... now we've sort of settled on keeping the r/ship on and now she has no time for me in her life... cus she's busy with her University course... not quite sure how hard Japanese is to learn at degree level... but surely it cant be that hard she cant spare a single hour for me during the entire week?... not seen her since last tuesday and that was only cus I bothered to spend a few hours with her after spending 10 hours at Uni...

ugh... I know she's not treating me how I deserve, and I've given up so much for her... but I dont fancy being single again cus it's been SO long since I was single properly :(

give out what you want to get back

Originally posted by ilaria
i wish i could but i havent got the guts to, proberly scared of bieng alone.

Oh ilaria...I'm not judging you in anyway - you do what you think best BUT at one time I thought a bit like you a think. I split with a longterm partner to be alone (ie i didn't have another relationship to go). Took quite a hit from it (not physically you understand!) and took more than a few adjustments but it can be great I promise. I now feel so much stronger knowing that I can be independent and live by myself. Just make sure you've got good friends around you - irregardless of whether to remain with a partner or not!

Back to thread...yes faithfullness is important and I'd like to think that if I had a 'cheating partner'..it'd be one strike and you're out..but in reality I'd bet I'd give them 'just one more chance'..once you've invested so much with a person you don't like to think you can get it so wrong.

Originally posted by Dirk Diggler
Deffo not strictly true. My EX went off with a guy from work and I treat her like a princess. And she was the one stopping ME seeing my mates. Not the other way round.

I never got hold of the guy (and yes he knew about me and the ex's relationship before they started seeing each other), but I did get hold of his Jeep. Wasn't a pretty sight after i had done! And he had to watch me do it from the window cos he wouldn't come downstairs!

And no, i'm not proud of it either... but in rage I snapped!

If you're the lind of person who can flip out like that, I'm pleased for her sake that she left you.

Originally posted by ilaria
i,ve been faithful to my boyf for 7mnths and i will never do the deeds behind his back even if he treats me like dirt sometimes.

You seriously need to get out of this relationship. He doesn't deserve to be walking the face of the earth!

Originally posted by ilaria
dont know i must stupid to stay with him but i love him.

Treating someone disrespectfully IS NOT LOVE !
Love is an action not just words, wake up to yourself...... and quickly !

Originally posted by Jamie
Just purely curious here DD and not judging you at all ... but did you feel he was more to blame than your ex !?

Would you have also smashed up her car given the opportunity !?
No I'd say they were both EQUALLY to blame.
She was in a relationship - he knew she was as he had seen us together etc.

Well I only got to his car because he wouldn't come down and take the beating himself (I had just turned 21 and he was 36, she was 18).
He wasn't a small bloke - shorter than me but stocky and did I mention he was living with someone himself and I believe he had kiddy winkles too.

I couldn't exactly beat her up for obvious reasons and probably wouldn't have touched her car (unless he didn't have to one unleash the fury onto).

Looking back I'd not recommend doing it to anyone, simply because it's (and by it I mean her :P ) not worth it. It would have hurt her more if I had just laughed it off, and slept with her best mate (which had been an opportunity during our relationship I might add - in fact even her mum made it clear at points that she wouldn't be opposed to the idea, but she was a right dog :lol: )

Originally posted by andy1702
If you're the lind of person who can flip out like that, I'm pleased for her sake that she left you.
OK - whatever :roll:

i think just about every couple i know has cheated on one another - not good, but everyone seems to be at it. its not like the old days!!

i have not always been faithful to all my partners but never once strayed from my current partner to whom i have been married nearly a year, i don't feel the need. if you feel the need to be unfaithful then you should be single.

apparently we arent meant to mate for life, but to move on after a bit. maybe thats what 7yr itch is. although i used to get it after 3months:hihi:

If you love your partner as much as your partner loves you... an you still have fun together inside & outside of the bedroom an still fancy one another... Why would you want to cheat?

My conclusion to why people tend to cheat is because they feel lonely unloved & unwanted by their current partner... Someone new comes along pays them that attention/affection that happens to be missing from their relationship and before you know it there's an attraction between 2 people...

I would never cheat on my Current partner an he knows it ... I have been cheated on in the past by an ex... I know what pain cheating causes... I couldnt put anyone through that... plus it can knock yourself esteem...

Trust is a very special thing... once that trust is lost its very difficult to get it back an its not something that can happen over night...

But luckily thats all in the past... I'm Happy wi my Mr P...

Well said sweet i know that feeling:clap:

7 year itch. Heh, forgot about that old cliche. My ex left me after 8 and a bit so maybe there's some truth in it...

I've never done the dirty. Don't think I ever would either, but then does anyone really know themselves well enough to be sure?

I was in a failing relationship that had been pretty loveless for maybe a couple of years (it's kinda hard to exactly remember - I've chopped most of it out of my memory). But no time was I ever tempted. With hindsight kinda I wish I had been - it could have given me a bit of joy in an otherwise fairly miserable time.

But on the other hand I'd probably be consumed by guilt and hate myself for doing it.


Makes me sad to read the stories in this thread - I've never got my head around how someone could treat their partner with so little respect


For the record, I've been single this year for the first time in like 9 years, and after a couple of dreadful months getting my head around it, I've been having an absolute blast. Single life has a lot going for it. Never in my life have I been so busy, done so much socialising, and had so much fun. And cos there's no-one looking over your shoulder or wondering where you are, you can do what ever you like. Eee.... the scrapes I've got myself into this summer.... I've done silly irresponsible stuff that would have made my ex go nuts :)

Just been wondering about this subject, would anyone in the forum have an affair, and if so, what would cause this ?

Originally posted by Kry10
Just been wondering about this subject, would anyone in the forum have an affair, and if so, what would cause this ?

No way - not under any circumstances, I love my girlfriend too much and my fidelity to her is a symbol of my love.

i cant say it will never happen but i would hate myself if i let it and see it as completely wrong and unfair on your partner

Absolutely not - I am lucky to have found true love though, I wouldn't spoil what we have for a quick fuddle! Just not worth it!

Hell no!

I could not, would not EVER do that as love is far too an important thing to throw away like that.

Personally.... I never could understand people what do :loopy:

Hmmm, the girls are keeping quiet, I see!

I'd like to see how those 7 who voted "YES" can justify why they would have an affair!

I would never cheat on someone. If I had doubts about a relationship then I would end it, rather than seek comfort in the arms of someone else. At the end of the day, if you really love someone then you wouldn't put them through the pain of discovering your infidelity. On the other hand.. if you are prepared to risk hurting your partner then you shouldn't be with them anyway.

I would never dream of cheating on my boyfriend, he is my life and soul and makes me very very happy, I love him more than words can begin to describe.

No man would ever come close to him I couldnt even contemplate cheating.

Regardless of the circumstances some people are in with their relationships I think that cheating is a spiteful thing to do and it just breeds lies and decite and causes too much hurt and pain.

Love Rat Darren Day comes to mind now, what a freak and why do those idiot women that he ends up with think they are the women that will change him, even now that he has a sprog I cant help thinking that he will be splashed on the front of some seedy tabloid coming out of a brothel one day.

Watch this space.

Jo

Gosh, people are so rightous... We'd all cheat, we just have to be put in the right situation.

nope i dont agree with you, some people would cheat in the right situation but saying all would is just stupid.

OK, 95% of people would in the right situation. There are always nuns and silly people and stuff... yeah, sorry, not EVERYONE.

Originally posted by Snook
OK, 95% of people would in the right situation.

I don't like being judged by your standards Snook. I would never ever cheat on my girlfriend - she is everything to me and I could never do anything like that to her.

Originally posted by JonJParr
I don't like being judged by your standards Snook. I would never ever cheat on my girlfriend - she is everything to me and I could never do anything like that to her.

Then you would be in the 5%...?? How is that being judged by my standards... or are you 'other'?

OK, here's another viewpoint...

I find my self in love with someone. There is chemistry between us, but I don't know that she feels the same way and she is with someone else.

I have no intention of making a nuicance of my self, but neither can I feel any interest in anyone else.

I guess my point is, if you can cheat, then your not in love.

But what if the affair is BECAUSE of love... people tend to forget that. You might think you are happy now, but you never know when and where you can fall in love.

Agreed Snook, but you are then cheating on your partner, not the person you love.

Of course, they should be the same person, but things don't seem to work out that way very often....

Originally posted by Bigfoot
Agreed Snook, but you are then cheating on your partner, not the person you love.

Of course, they should be the same person, but things don't seem to work out that way very often....

Yep, life doesn't always work out as we like. I just find the people who say they will NEVER cheat kinda naive... but maybe it's just cynical old me... I just think most people can be very tempted, and anyone can fall in love at any time, which may lead them to cheat.

okay, to throw a wrench in the works, how about if the following hypothetical situation was happening :-

The other person within the relationship was not giving comfort/affection which was craved and desired, would it be wrong to find that somewhere else if it helped ease the frustrations of the individual involed ?

What if the affair was not a long term thing, just for a bit of company and closeness that wasn't being received within the relationship that existed ?

What would justify an affair ?

Originally posted by Kry10
okay, to throw a wrench in the works, how about if the following hypothetical situation was happening :-

The other person within the relationship was not giving comfort/affection which was craved and desired, would it be wrong to find that somewhere else if it helped ease the frustrations of the individual involed ?

What if the affair was not a long term thing, just for a bit of company and closeness that wasn't being received within the relationship that existed ?

What would justify an affair ?

I don't think so.

If there's a problem in the relationship, both parties should look inwards not outwards for a solution. In the situation mentioned above, how likely would the non cheating partner be able to show affection if they discovered the infidelity.

When you go into a relationship, you should be prepared to take the rough with the smooth. If it is a short term thing, it shouldn't be such a problem.

K x

Originally posted by Kry10
okay, to throw a wrench in the works, how about if the following hypothetical situation was happening :-

The other person within the relationship was not giving comfort/affection which was craved and desired, would it be wrong to find that somewhere else if it helped ease the frustrations of the individual involed ?

What if the affair was not a long term thing, just for a bit of company and closeness that wasn't being received within the relationship that existed ?

What would justify an affair ?

No it definitely wouldn't justify it. People will always be able to come up with some excuse for cheating on their partner.

There is no point in being in a relationship at all unless you can trust each other.

There's no excuse for infidelity. If you commit to a relationship then stand by your descision - anything less is showing your complete lack of love and respect for your partner.

I'd not cheat on the missus, there's no way I could handle causing her a moments pain let alone subjecting her to that level of hurt and humiliation. Adultery - just say no.

Originally posted by Bigfoot
Hmmm, the girls are keeping quiet, I see!

I'm a girl! ;-) (chord)

Originally posted by TracieJC
I would never cheat on someone. If I had doubts about a relationship then I would end it, rather than seek comfort in the arms of someone else. At the end of the day, if you really love someone then you wouldn't put them through the pain of discovering your infidelity. On the other hand.. if you are prepared to risk hurting your partner then you shouldn't be with them anyway.

Well that is the wisest thing I have read so far, I think Snook is also carrying some strong points :confused:

:confused:

It's so easy to say you never would have an affair.

How can you know what will be thrown at you latter on in life.

Circumstances may be such that you may need to snatch a little happiness for yourself amidst a life where you have given all you can and are getting nothing in return. In a situation that you for (family) reasons cannot extract yourself from.
I'm not talking one night stand, I'm talking friendship. Someone to listen, inevitably sliding into an affair.

Who can say they are immune?

I realise I am going to get a lot of stick for this and I am not condoning it but you all sound so viruous. There is always the other side of the coin.

Hazel

What if someone who you now love cheats on you in the early stages of a relationship, tell you about it straight away and seem genually sorry for what they did and you take them back. Should you be constantly worried bout where they are or trust them and possibly be took for a mug again?

Originally posted by hazel
It's so easy to say you never would have an affair.

How can you know what will be thrown at you latter on in life.

Circumstances may be such that you may need to snatch a little happiness for yourself amidst a life where you have given all you can and are getting nothing in return. In a situation that you for (family) reasons cannot extract yourself from.
I'm not talking one night stand, I'm talking friendship. Someone to listen, inevitably sliding into an affair.

Who can say they are immune?

I realize I am going to get a lot of stick for this and I am not condoning it but you all sound so virtuous. There is always the other side of the coin.

Hazel

Thank you, I knew it couldn't just be me who felt like this.

I don't think that there are any circumstances in which an affair is the right thing, but you can't just stick your head in the sand and pretend they don't happen. Nobody is really immune, all anyone can say is 'I haven't had an affair, yet' or 'I hope I never get put in a position where I might cheat'.

Just seems that so many people are being self righteous just because they haven't been tempted yet, or they are in a loving relationship. 'I would never ever cheat because I love my girlfriend soooo much (and because I haven't had a decent offer yet and anyway I have to say that because she reads this forum)'. :D

I'm not defending affairs and, despite my stance, I have never actually cheated. I'm just not arrogant enough to be able to say that I NEVER would.

Originally posted by Kry10
okay, to throw a wrench in the works, how about if the following hypothetical situation was happening :-

The other person within the relationship was not giving comfort/affection which was craved and desired, would it be wrong to find that somewhere else if it helped ease the frustrations of the individual involed ?

What if the affair was not a long term thing, just for a bit of company and closeness that wasn't being received within the relationship that existed ?

What would justify an affair ?

If you refer back to my situation (bottom post page 1), this is real not hypothetical, and I'm not getting comfort/affection anywhere. Still I don't want to find anyone else, at least not so far.

I still think that if you can justify an affair, then your probably not in love with your partner.

What do the girls think?

BTW - I did have an affair once, so I'm not being virtuous! But I also was definately not in love with my partner at that time.
Cest la vie

I cant say that i would never wonder about having an affair but i can say that i never would, if you know what i mean.

The big difference is between the people who can stop themselves from having an affair, and those who cannot.

In my opinion anyway :)

Originally posted by Bigfoot
OK, here's another viewpoint...

I find my self in love with someone. There is chemistry between us, but I don't know that she feels the same way and she is with someone else.

I have no intention of making a nuicance of my self, but neither can I feel any interest in anyone else.

I guess my point is, if you can cheat, then your not in love.

How would you feel if she cheated on her boyfriend to be with you. Would you still feel the same or would you just be happy you were spending time with a woman you have had feelings for for sometime. Or do you respect her for not cheating, even though you are suffering. Just wondered.

Okay, I am going to REALLY turn this discussion on it's head, lol.

A lot of you clearly would not have an affair under any circumstances, but, how about this question :-

How many of you would be the bit on the side if you was single and someone approached you with an offer and you knew they was involved, would you give that person what they needed, or would you keep well away in fear of causing harm ?

I have also noticed that this has been answered by men, where's the lasses, c'mon gals, don't be shy, get involved, heh.

Ok shall I be the first one to throw my hands in the air and admit I've cheated on someone?

It was a very long time ago and I can look back with more maturity and fully admit it was not the right thing to do. I'd just gone off to university and was in a relationship with someone, wasn't at all happy, but hadn't had the guts to end it. So fairly soon after being at uni I cheated on him, once, and then ended it with him the next day. I justified it at the time because I was trying to make him hate me rather than think it was something that he had done. The worst thing was he immediately said he forgave me, though obviously he was upset so it made it harder for me to end it rather than easier (but I still did).

It was completely a casualty of the circumstances, the relationship was completely wrong and I was pretty gutless. I'd been cheated on before so I knew what it felt like.

In my last relationship I never so much as found another guy attractive, let alone had any thoughts of cheating. It goes to show, cheating, or thoughts thereof, is ultimately a symptom of a relationship that isn't working.

I would never have an affair especially if you love someone, but if someone does and there found out they will carry on doing it. Trust me I know:(

Originally posted by Ronin
How would you feel if she cheated on her boyfriend to be with you. Would you still feel the same or would you just be happy you were spending time with a woman you have had feelings for for sometime. Or do you respect her for not cheating, even though you are suffering. Just wondered.

To be honest I cant be sure she's even tempted (although Id like to think so). Either way I respect her wishes and would not encourage her to cheat.

If one day they split, things might change but I'm not holding my breath. In the mean time I enjoy her company when ever I can and hope to get over it one day :)

Originally posted by Bigfoot
I still think that if you can justify an affair, then your probably not in love with your partner.

What do the girls think?


I feel that if you love your partner as much as your partner loves you... an your still able to have fun together inside & outside of the bedroom an fancy one another... Why would you want to cheat?

My conclusion as to why people tend to cheat is because they feel lonely unloved & unwanted by their current partner... Someone new comes along pays them that attention/affection that happens to be missing from their relationship and before you know it there's an attraction between 2 people...

I would never cheat on my Current partner an he knows ... I have been cheated on in the past by an 2 previous ex's... I have felt the pain that cheating causes... I couldnt put anyone through that... plus it can really knock yourself esteem...

Trust is a very special thing... once that trust is lost its very difficult to get it back an its not something that can happen over night...

But luckily for me thats all in my past... I'm Happy wi my Mr P :love: i can honestly say... he's my everything!... (My best mate/my support/my lover etc...)

I wouldnt ruin what we have for world... :)

I would never have an affair. I believe if you are with someone and you love them then you keep that special part of the relationship just for them. I have had it doneto me several times in the past, but I would never do it to my man he is too precious to me.:)

Originally posted by Angel05
I feel that if you love your partner as much as your partner loves you... an your still able to have fun together inside & outside of the bedroom an fancy one another... Why would you want to cheat?



Your so right Angel. Problem is, people dont know what love is 'til they have been round the block a few times. I think a lot of couples are together and think they are in love, but one or both of them are not really in love. They dont realise this until they meet someone else and do fall in love.

Then they get confused. They think they are in love with both parties...and then the deceit begins as they try to keep both relationships going.....

This may seem cynical, but I think it's reletively rare for two people to be in love with eachother at the same time. One will be going along for the ride (allbeit with good intentions) and they will meet someone else....

Yes, I'm afraid you're right. It's human nature. While I have, and hopefully never would cheat, if the circumstances, ingredients and correct chemistry were present, well......


Originally posted by Snook
Gosh, people are so rightous... We'd all cheat, we just have to be put in the right situation.

You are all giving good points. But not one of u has mentioned a certain beverage that is the cause of many affairs, whether it is an intentional one or not - Alchohol. How many people have ruined their relationships by waking up the next morning with someone they met in a pub/club?
Whether they remember it or not, the'v had an affair, and were probably saying things like 'ill never cheat on my gf' a few hours earlier.

I had an affair after 16yrs of been married to a controllin man i started it in oct, my huband left in dec, i had my divorce papers though in march. i felt guilty at first but it was the best thing i ever did yet i did believe marrage was 4life i often said if my hub had treated me differant then i wouldnt have gone off with any1 it was his behavour that turned my love eventually in to resentment and i just rebelled against him

Originally posted by _Fate_
You are all giving good points. But not one of u has mentioned a certain beverage that is the cause of many affairs, whether it is an intentional one or not - Alchohol. How many people have ruined their relationships by waking up the next morning with someone they met in a pub/club?
Whether they remember it or not, the'v had an affair, and were probably saying things like 'ill never cheat on my gf' a few hours earlier.

Oops yeah forgot to mention the enormous part that alcohol played, would never have had the guts otherwise. I've pretty much learned I have no tolerance for alcohol so I don't really drink at all anymore it makes me too ill.

Originally posted by _Fate_
You are all giving good points. But not one of u has mentioned a certain beverage that is the cause of many affairs, whether it is an intentional one or not - Alchohol. How many people have ruined their relationships by waking up the next morning with someone they met in a pub/club?
Whether they remember it or not, the'v had an affair, and were probably saying things like 'ill never cheat on my gf' a few hours earlier.

Yes, alchohol certainly oils the wheels by removing inhibitions etc. In my experience tho, it's your true feelings and nature that come out when your drunk. True you may do something you wouldn't have done sober, but its probably what you realy wanted to do anyway!

My friend and I (see previous post) sometimes have a drink together, and sometimes seem very close to observers, but I never over step the mark. why? Because sleeping with her is not my main aim

I would hope that I have enough love and commitment in my relationship that I never need to look elsewhere. Everyone goes through their fair share of ups and downs, but at the end of the day you either love each other and have a life together - if that isn't worth fighting for, protecting... then what's the point?

If my husband were to look outside our relationship for love, sex, companionship I would be totally gutted because if he can't get that from me I would be failing him.

At the end of the day, it's up to you both as a couple to work at your relationship. It doesn't end at marriage, you've got to put in the preparation and prioritise your relationship.

True, True. Im just not gonna be stupid and get married within the first few years of seeing eachother like some people do. I want to spend a good long time with a partner before getting married. Just to make sure theres nothing that could cause us to seperate.

Originally posted by Kry10
How many of you would be the bit on the side if you was single and someone approached you with an offer and you knew they was involved, would you give that person what they needed, or would you keep well away in fear of causing harm ?
Not at all, never.

For the same reason I wouldn't cheat - because I see it as making love not sex so IMO cheating, or being with someone who is cheating, goes against that belief.

Originally posted by Kry10
Just been wondering about this subject, would anyone in the forum have an affair, and if so, what would cause this ?

So Kry10, why did you ask the question....You bin tempted lately?

Originally posted by Kry10
Okay, I am going to REALLY turn this discussion on it's head, lol.

A lot of you clearly would not have an affair under any circumstances, but, how about this question :-

How many of you would be the bit on the side if you was single and someone approached you with an offer and you knew they was involved, would you give that person what they needed, or would you keep well away in fear of causing harm ?

I have also noticed that this has been answered by men, where's the lasses, c'mon gals, don't be shy, get involved, heh.

I sort of answered his one a page or two ago, when I described what happened with the bloke I went out with, whom I did not know was "spoken for".

As soon as I found out that he'd been lying to me, and that he was a cheating lowlife, that was it, he was shown the door.

I have had offers, in the past, of relationships with married colleagues. They were turned down, out of hand.

I would not cheat, or be party to cheating.

I just could not do that to another woman.

PT

Originally posted by Bigfoot
So Kry10, why did you ask the question....You bin tempted lately?

nah, not tempted at all, it was just something I was pondering, in the world as it is today, I was thinking how faithfull people are and if there was anyone out there in this day and age who had no fear of going with someone who was married.

I mean, you hear about guys having affairs, where do the other women come from if everyone is so decent and wouldn't even consider it ?

Originally posted by Kry10
nah, not tempted at all, it was just something I was pondering, in the world as it is today, I was thinking how faithfull people are and if there was anyone out there in this day and age who had no fear of going with someone who was married.

I mean, you hear about guys having affairs, where do the other women come from if everyone is so decent and wouldn't even consider it ?

Well here's how it's gone for me:

1) Maried 20 years, no infidelities.
2) Met someone else, sold house moved to Sheffield.
3) Found out she was seeing someone else, moved out.
4) went a bit crazy, etc. Put it about for a while
5) Got bored, went Celibet (unless enyone wants to change my mind)

Covers most things I think... :)

maybe dependin on the curcumstances and with whom it was what u say to that snook
at the end of the day like snook said most ppl would cheat given the oppertunity and no matter what they say the still wud so thats that as far as i can see

Nobody has mentioned the words 'LUST'!!!

I read an interesting article last year about infidelity....

something like 80% of the guilty parties questioned said that they never premeditated or expected it to happen it just did !!

A similar percentage said alcohol/being turned on at the time lead up to it.....

and what surprised me the most that a whopping percentage of men said they would do it again if they had a cast iron guarantee they wouldn't get caught!!

Only a very small percentage (both men and women) admitted to the affair being premeditated and actually falling in love with their 'lust interest'!!!

Thus proves majority of 'affairs' are just lustful one night stands!!!!



:heyhey:

I would not cheat on my husband. I truly believe that marriage is for ever and that if there are problems between a couple you sort them out together and not involve anyone else.

I am not naieve enough to believe that everyone in the world has just one soul mate out there. As we go through life, we will meet other people that we are attracted to. The difference in making a marriage contract is that you are promising to stay faithful to that one person and not pursue any others.

Not long after we were married, I spent a lot of time with a work colleague (due to work commitments) and we got on really well. I realised that if neither of us had been married already then this COULD have grown into a much more serious relationship. So I looked around the company for other work opportunities and moved roles.

Now, I'm 99% sure that nothing would have come from this good friendship but because I love my husband so much and respect my vows so much i was not even going to risk that 1%. If more people acted like this, then the lustful one night stands and the alcohol fueled mistakes would significantly reduce.

Originally posted by LoopyLou
If more people acted like this, then the lustful one night stands and the alcohol fueled mistakes would significantly reduce.

...and life would be a bit less exciting. Soap operas would practically run out of plots.

Originally posted by nick2
...and life would be a bit less exciting.


If you are single - then lust away


If you are married - then this can be exciting enough!!:heyhey: if you do it right :blush:

Many times, when I was with my ex, I thought about having an affair. I guess that when you are with someone for so long and then all of a sudden lose interest in them, you think that just might be the best thing to do. He's gone now and I'm free to move on.

Do people actually plan to have an affair though or it is just the heat of the moment and your swept away like you were when you met your partner ?

People seem to be working on the assumption that you can only love one person. All this "I love them far too much to do that" is ok but what if you love 2 peeps to the same degree.

Never say never. People never know what they might do in unfamiliar situations.

Originally posted by nick2
Do people actually plan to have an affair though or it is just the heat of the moment and your swept away like you were when you met your partner ?
sometimes both! I know many people who planned out an afffair they were going to have and other who felt to have one in the heat of the moment! It's a natural occurence with human beings though!

Would I have an affair? Hmm, if the woman I was married to had an equally gorgeous sister or best friend I'd be at least tempted, say for an example I was married to one of the Blakeney twins who were in Neighbours in the late 80s, I'd be sorely tempted to have an illicit affair with the other one cos I fancied the knickers off the pair of 'em.. Or I'd be married to Wilma Flintstone but thinking of Betty Rubble..

I probably sound a bit sad don't I? ;)

Originally posted by Lily04
sometimes both! I know many people who planned out an afffair they were going to have and other who felt to have one in the heat of the moment! It's a natural occurence with human beings though!

The problem I have is that my brain tends to come second to my heart and various other bits of me, luckyly it has caught-up before anything has happened up to now :)

Originally posted by nick2
Do people actually plan to have an affair though or it is just the heat of the moment and your swept away like you were when you met your partner ?

Yes, I think some people do it on purpose to deliberately hurt their partner, or maybe to just get their attention.

But many affairs will be due to a breakdown in the existing relationship. I would guess this can leave at least one party vulnerable to being swept away by someone else.

Lots of people here are saying that they wouldn't under any circumstances cheat on their partner because they wouldn't do that to someone they love. This is very admirable, but as Hazel and Snook have been saying, you just don't know how things will go - which is why life is fun!

My friend's mum says that people in long term relationships fall in and out of love with each other constantly - ups and downs. In my experience, this seems to be true. It's what you do during the 'downs' that matters: most times it will be talked through and the relationship will be stronger for it; sometimes there will be a decision to end the relationship; occasionally there will be vulnerability to checking out how green the grass is on the other side of the fence...

Blimey, that was a long post.

It depends on so many different factors but idealisticly - no. :)

Your feelings could change eventually at anytime in the relationship to all those who said no. It might just happen even if there is no real reason for it except you just wanted to. I consider myself to be 100% loyal; but, you never know.

I have not though just to point out!

Originally posted by Snook
But what if the affair is BECAUSE of love... people tend to forget that. You might think you are happy now, but you never know when and where you can fall in love.

Totally agree Snook! I think it's a bit niave to say you will 100% never ever. At the moment in time you say that, it may well be true but who knows how and when things can change. It's like saying you would never take another life, I think everyone is capable given the right curcumstances. I believe the same of affairs.

no i dont belive when partners have an affair then go back to bf -gf

i had one affair one time but that was to get back at my x that hurt me that did the same that was my reveng i guess but i ended it there and then with my bf.but i never have an affair with any one that was 100% in the relationship i was in.

to me if i was wanting an affair then i think that the relationship i was in was over,as you can not be happy in that relationship in the 1st place if you had to go have an affair.

well nick2, as long as you think with your big head in between your shoulders and not the one between your legs, you will be a lot better off!!:D

Sometimes you should go with your heart though, and sod the consequences.

Never been unfaithful to my partner - never wanted to. I'm perfectly happy! The grass is never as green as you think it is on the other side.

:)

I'm very faithful.

I think if I ever wanted to cheat I would break up with my boyfriend first, as the relationship obviously wouldn't be what I wanted it to be if I felt like going off with someone else. But then I am pretty lucky he is a great guy :)

Besides, alcohol doesn't make me more likely to shag someone, it makes me more likely to shout at someone for trying it on!

What I really don't understand is when someone is cheated on and then goes chasing the guy/girl who was the 'third party', saying they 'lured' him away or whatever. If my boyfriend cheated on me I would be angry with him, not the other girl! He makes his promises to me, she has never promised me anything.

Originally posted by JonJParr
Never been unfaithful to my partner - never wanted to. I'm perfectly happy! The grass is never as green as you think it is on the other side.

:)

I couldn't agree more.

what's that saying...?

"why go out for a hamburger, when you've got steak at home...?"

and yeah, like Kathy says, above... if you are gonna boink someone outside your relationship, do the decent thing, and finish with the partner, before "tomcatting" around.

Even when things were as bad as they were between my ex- and I, I kept "my hand on my ha'penny", and never once cheated, despite having many offers and opportunities to cheat.

IMO, the relationship was dead in the water for the best part of a year, before the split, despite numerous attempts on my part to carry out CPR on it. but, no-one can say i didn't try my hardest to resusscitate it.


note:_-your mileage may vary, this is just my own 2 cent's worth

PT

If I wanted to be unfaithful I'd ask myself what I was doing in that relationship. I've been married nearly three years, I'm close to 30 and I've been with the beloved since I was 18.
Nobody can make me laugh, cry or get angry like he can, and we have a wonderful history.......ok not so wonderful in places, but we've battled through it and I hope against hope my marriage is rock solid. I know him inside out and I feel privilaged to know a person so well. Why would I betray that?
I can't take the moral highground, things happen, I'm sure they do, and if they do maybe what you had wasn't so right anyway. What I think is, at least have the decency to end things with that person before you start something new.
If you need to test out how strong your relationship is, ask yourself why before betraying them. Its a horrible thing to do.

In my current relationship i cheated on my boyfriend we had been together for about a year and a few months - all the way through our relationship he was a complete nightmare, he is one of a kind but we understood eachother, hes never hit me, hes just got a disgusting attitude...anyway i felt very lonely, i loved him very much, i just wanted some tlc, i was crying out for it and he just dismissed me which hurt alot anyway i started seeing this other bloke who i really got on with and connected with id known him for a while and we were very attracted to each other it was scary, we talked about alot of things and flirted alot which we thought was harmless but it ended up being more than that for a while, anyway i told me boyfriend that i didnt want to see him anymore and he was absolutely devasted - we had been through so much together i thought it was time to let the relationship die, he was heartbroke - iv never seen a bloke like that before - i did still love him so i told the other bloke that i just started seeing that it was over and that i wanted us to stay friends, i knew it was going to be hard but i did it and me and my boyfriend sorted things out and i told him about the affair and why it started, weve been back together for about a month now and iv moved in with him and things are great between us, hes had a personality transplant and a good kick up the arse, me and the other bloke and still very good friends.

So everything worked out in the end and iv learnt a lesson - i wudnt ever cheat again - it nearly cost me my relationship with my boyfriend and my friendship with that bloke, however bad things could get i wudnt cheat again - its not worth it.

When you reach my age, you'd like to be unfaithful, but cant remember why.

Originally posted by michelley
In my current relationship i cheated on my boyfriend we had been together for about a year and a few months - all the way through our relationship he was a complete nightmare, he is one of a kind but we understood eachother, hes never hit me, hes just got a disgusting attitude...anyway i felt very lonely, i loved him very much, i just wanted some tlc, i was crying out for it and he just dismissed me which hurt alot anyway i started seeing this other bloke who i really got on with and connected with id known him for a while and we were very attracted to each other it was scary, we talked about alot of things and flirted alot which we thought was harmless but it ended up being more than that for a while, anyway i told me boyfriend that i didnt want to see him anymore and he was absolutely devasted - we had been through so much together i thought it was time to let the relationship die, he was heartbroke - iv never seen a bloke like that before - i did still love him so i told the other bloke that i just started seeing that it was over and that i wanted us to stay friends, i knew it was going to be hard but i did it and me and my boyfriend sorted things out and i told him about the affair and why it started, weve been back together for about a month now and iv moved in with him and things are great between us, hes had a personality transplant and a good kick up the arse, me and the other bloke and still very good friends.

So everything worked out in the end and iv learnt a lesson - i wudnt ever cheat again - it nearly cost me my relationship with my boyfriend and my friendship with that bloke, however bad things could get i wudnt cheat again - its not worth it.

Luckily for you, your bloke is a complete mug.

If a girl ever even kissed another guy.... GOODBYE. No second chances. No negotiations. No way back. Tough luck :)

Hes not a mug at all, you dont know the ins and outs of everything, our relationship has been very complicated.

It was a mistake and i learnt from it, he blames himself which he is partly to blame even though i did the dirty, he was horrible and nasty with me but it was probably for the best, things have worked out now, we value our relationship much more. He now treats me with respect and shows me love and attention and we spend lots of time together and its really nice.

Im not proud of what iv done but we all make mistakes.

Originally posted by nick2
Sometimes you should go with your heart though, and sod the consequences.

If only... Never as easy as that though :suspect:

I have never been unfaithful but belive that if someone is that unhappy with the man/woman that they are with then change can only be a good thing, if you are honest and open about the problems you have in the first place, if all fails to save a couples life, should we go through life unhappy just to keep the other partner happy? or do we make ourself happy and sod the rest??:suspect:

I have only ever cheated once with 2 chicks. 1 of them didnt mind (she already knew I was with her friend)

But I would never do it now. Im currently trying tochat a lass up and if one say she says "yes" I will be as faithfull as possible and always letting her know I love her.

I will also probably end up spending most of my money on her buying her filmd as thats what she likes.

Another reason for buying her films is so tha we can have times where we just sit next to each other.

Im gonna have to go now because Im getting all emotional
________
Hotels In Mexico (http://mexicohoteles.org)

Originally posted by Moon Maiden
I quick peck I don't class as unfaithful, a full on snog I would class as unfaithful.

Moon

wots the differance its still lip contact be it 30 seconds or 2 mins
its the same

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I am very very faithful. I would consider even a peck on the lips as being unfaithful. A quick kiss on the cheek is okay.

But it all starts with that peck on the lips, and then goes that little bit further doesn't it. And then it goes too far and another relationship down the river.

I pity those people who cannot remain faithful, and I do mean PITY.

Dragon

I did the cheating thing, had affairs with people I really shouldn't have and have been cheated on myself. What goes around comes around and it just hurts too much. I'ts righ, you get out what you put in. Been with Mr He'll Do Nicely Thank You for nearly ten years, and I haven't even sniffed in another man's direction. I love it that way, it helps me feel secure in what I have.

Originally posted by lizzmobile
Been with Mr He'll Do Nicely Thank You for nearly ten years, and I haven't even sniffed in another man's direction. I love it that way, it helps me feel secure in what I have.

Nicely put lizzmobile.

There is no such person as Mr Right, or Mr Wonderful or Mr Perfect. He just doesn't exist. But I too was fortunate to find a Mr He'll Do Nicely Thank You, and he's been my guy for around 10 years now.

I agree with Snook... you just dont know what might happen.

And I disagree with everyone who says there must be something wrong with your relationship if you start looking elsewhere. I think its perfectly possible to be in a 100% happy relationship and feel attracted to other people.. not in the first few years when everythings fresh and new and lovely.. but after a while when everything is familiar (but still great).

I don't think people go looking for it... but maybe an opportunity comes out of the blue sometime... probably when you've had a few too many drinks.. it might be hard to stop yourself from doing something you regret.

Some people are more weak willed than others.. they can have all the best intentions of being faithful and not understand why they would let themselves cheat given their existing happy relationship..

I just think its a bit harsh to judge people for it.. every situations different.. sometimes its done to escape a mundane loveless life, sometimes its a plain and simple mistake, sometimes its a natural end to an unhappy relationship.. sometimes people have an addiction of sorts to the feelings you get at the start of a relationship, when everything is new and exciting which is why they go looking for that feeling in affairs or one night stands..

Everyones life is different and you can't generalise I don't think.

With all this talk of Cheating, Having Affairs, Flings and One-Night-Stands, do none of you stop to think about the possibility of catching STD's?

Fair enough if you want to risk your own neck but how despicable is it to take even the slightest chance of passing disease to your partner, unknown to them?

BTW "Safe-Sex" is a misnomer, there's no such thing, much-reduced risk of infection and fertilisation, yes... Safe, no!

Iam 100% faithful in a relationship.I do not get why people have to be unfaithful then still want to be with the first partner ?. If im not happy with anything i speek out and tell that person.And as i told my x's in the past if i want a std then i ask for one,i dont see why people should play with other people health and put them at risk.

Technically speaking people shouldn't cheat, but so many do. Most of my close friends have cheated on former partners at one time or another, and I once snogged someone when I was seeing someone else. It happens, and I suspect it's a lot more widespread than people are prepared to admit.....

Originally posted by Snook
Thank you, I knew it couldn't just be me who felt like this.

I don't think that there are any circumstances in which an affair is the right thing, but you can't just stick your head in the sand and pretend they don't happen. Nobody is really immune, all anyone can say is 'I haven't had an affair, yet' or 'I hope I never get put in a positing where I might cheat'.

Just seems that so many people are being self righteous just because they haven't been tempted yet, or they are in a loving relationship. 'I would never ever cheat because I love my girlfriend soooo much (and because I haven't had a decent offer yet and anyway I have to say that because she reads this forum)'. :D

I'm not defending affairs and, despite my stance, I have never actually cheated. I'm just not arrogant enough to be able to say that I NEVER would.
Hooray for common sense!!

Nobody goes into a relationship planning to have an affair (unless they're that way inclined of course) But things happen within a relationship over time, and what started off so wonderful can become a living nightmare - and I speak from experience. So when something or someone comes along that makes you happy, you think - "why not? If I'm careful, no one need know or get hurt". But life aint like that! They do get hurt - everyone involved gets hurt. Now you wouldnt "plan" that hurt would you?

I went into my marriage when I was 19 thinking "this is it - this is for keeps - I love him so much"

All I'm saying is never say never! Keep an open mind and dont be so quick to judge when you hear that someone you know has sampled the grass on the other side of the fence. 9/10 times, there is a valid reason. And one that cant always be solved with "talk". :thumbsup:

i would never cheat on my girl she means too much to me i would never want to lose her






the one and only teflon

I cheated on my ex once at a works christmas party. Its easy for me to blame the amount of 1664 in one hand and red wine in the other but the truth of the matter was we were going through a bad patch. Instead of me being grown up and working through it i took the easy way out and got the attention i wanted.

I regretted it instantly and made things worse by telling fibs but eventually the guilt built up and i told her. That was one of the worse feelings i ever had as she was very upset. We got back together but were never 100% happy again and she would constantly remind me.

Beginning of this year we split up. That one night stand wasn't the final nail in the coffin but it certainly contributed!!

We still live together as house mates and get on quite well now but its a lesson i have learnt means i will never cheat on anyone again. Its simply not worth it.

And the girl from work? At the time she was a really good mate but we were really awkward around each other afterwards. We both work for different companies now and that's turned out to be a good friend i've lost too.

censored by myself, know someone I mentioned in the post is around in the forum, so don't want to create problems :-)

I have cheated on an ex.

To me it is the symptom of a wider problem. I still shouldn't have done it and I think I got my just desserts in the end.

Have never cheated on my partner, never even been temped, and never will. Have however cheated on previous partners which has made me realise you really shouldn't be with someone if you are physically capable of cheating on them.
It just shows you don't love them with all your heart.
Nope cheating is definetly not for me, only one man in my eyes, and bed!!!
Love you teflon XXXX

Originally posted by Jess22
Have never cheated on my partner, never even been temped, and never will. Have however cheated on previous partners which has made me realise you really shouldn't be with someone if you are physically capable of cheating on them.
It just shows you don't love them with all your heart.
Nope cheating is definetly not for me, only one man in my eyes, and bed!!!
Love you teflon XXXX

i love you to darling soz ladies its true i an all taken but dont worrie you will all find someone just sadly not as good as me

only jokin about the biggin myself up bit

lol


the one and only teflon

Originally posted by Jess22
Have never cheated on my partner, never even been temped, and never will. Have however cheated on previous partners which has made me realise you really shouldn't be with someone if you are physically capable of cheating on them.
It just shows you don't love them with all your heart.
Nope cheating is definetly not for me, only one man in my eyes, and bed!!!
Love you teflon XXXX

Its nice that you feel that way about your partner.

But as for "it just shows you dont love them with all your heart" - I think you're wrong. I did love my ex with all my heart, but there comes a point in a relationship when you have taken all you're prepared to take - they chip away at your confidence, knock your self esteem and you suffer so much mental abuse, and as much as you still love them, you have to take of your own mental wellbeing - in whatever way you're able. Im not saying its right - Im saying try not to judge. Easier said than done I know! You just never know whats around that corner. :)

Reckon it all depends on how your mind remembers things. There are times when one partner will be abusive towards the other and vice versa - due to the pressures of life and a lack of understanding. With work it is possible to create a pleasant and loving environment, but it takes both sides to work at it.

I do see where you are coming from, but cheating is not the answer.

Dragon

I'll be faithfull regardless of how serious the relationship is for the simple reason I will have chosen her, no one else.

Originally posted by Jimbob1989
I'll be faithfull regardless of how serious the relationship is for the simple reason I will have chosen her, no one else.

You have a crystal ball do you? Nothing is 100%.
But I admire your optimism. :)

Still would never cheat on a partner. Seems wrong no matter what you say.

Excuses and more excuses, cos if you love the person you will get out of the relationship before you commit to someone else.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
Still would never cheat on a partner. Seems wrong no matter what you say.

Excuses and more excuses, cos if you love the person you will get out of the relationship before you commit to someone else.

Dragon

Commendable, Dragon, but not always possible for family/financial reasons.

Originally posted by hazel
It's so easy to say you never would have an affair.

How can you know what will be thrown at you latter on in life.

Circumstances may be such that you may need to snatch a little happiness for yourself amidst a life where you have given all you can and are getting nothing in return. In a situation that you for (family) reasons cannot extract yourself from.
I'm not talking one night stand, I'm talking friendship. Someone to listen, inevitably sliding into an affair.

Who can say they are immune?

I realise I am going to get a lot of stick for this and I am not condoning it but you all sound so viruous. There is always the other side of the coin.


Hazel



That is so true.... these things don't always start with a quick fumble behind the photocopier!!!!

To all the people who have said they cheated in a relationship due to the relationship not working out/being bad/etc, why? That's no excuse for cheating. If you're unhappy in a relationship and want to be with someone else, either sit down and work it out together or DUMP the person BEFORE sleeping around (and possibly bringing home an STD as well as a lot of guilt).

Originally posted by Jess22
Have however cheated on previous partners which has made me realise you really shouldn't be with someone if you are physically capable of cheating on them.
It just shows you don't love them with all your heart.


I disagree. You can be 100% in love with someone but still fancy someone else (and get yourself in a right mental tangle in the process).

Its mainly down to the difference between a good, solid, loving relationship you're happy and comfortable with and the thrill of seeing someone new. Both things are great and very desireable in their own right and bloody hard to chose between if you end up in the position of having that choice to make.

I'm not saying its right.. its not something most people would want to do and most people will feel some, if not a massive amount of guilt.. I just think sometimes situations occur even with the best will/intentions in the world, even in a perfectly happy relationship.

I might be wrong i normally am but i thought if you was in an relationship with someone you loved you stayed faithful to them.

:suspect:

Even though i have never been in a long term relationship, :cry: (longest being 1 week, 5 days, 17 hours, and 12 minutes. (although can't be precise in the minutes)), i have voted that i have never been unfaithfull. This is because i know that if i was in a LTR, i would be faithfull, 100%. :thumbsup:

i've been in an relationship were my partner was unfaithful to me :( its not a very nice feeling finding out i can tell you.

:suspect: just hope it never happens again

Looks like the stay faithful brigade win this one - thank hades!

Couple of points - T020 mentioned dumping your partner before you go off with someone else. This is fine as long as you have absolutely no intention of going back to that partner. Otherwise every time you fancy a fling - just dump the person and go back after the fling. It does not work like that in real life, and I know people who think it does.

Secondly - you CAN decide you are going to remain faithful and work through any problems. Of course you may see a pretty face or a handsome bloke but then you just look at your partner and the pretty face fades into the past. Those who cannot resist such temptations are weak, in my opinion.

A long term relationship is where you set out to remain faithful to your partner. If you cannot do that - get out of the relationship - period.

Take all your excuses for cheating and put them in the bin on your way out. They aint worth diddly swat as far as I am concerned.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon

T020 mentioned dumping your partner before you go off with someone else. This is fine as long as you have absolutely no intention of going back to that partner. Otherwise every time you fancy a fling - just dump the person and go back after the fling. It does not work like that in real life, and I know people who think it does.


That's not quite what I meant. Many of the people who were almost defending having affairs were using the excuse of being in bad/boring/loveless relationships. The fundamental issue is therefore the relationship itself - cheating will only be a temporary escape and will also hurt the other person (emotionally and potentially physically through STDs), so why not just tell it like it is instead? Instead of sneaking off, tell the partner they're unhappy and if things don't change it will have to finish.

Part of original post by t020
- cheating will only be a temporary escape and will also hurt the other person (emotionally and potentially physically through STDs)
t020... It's a relief to see that I'm not the only one who takes the risk of transferring disease as well as causing emotional upset to a partner into consideration when thinking of the possible consequences of infidelity.

For those of the "It can't happen to me" school of thought, according to a recent tv programme, the 'clap-clinics' in the Uk are currently snowed-under with clients and have massive waiting-lists, so it's sure as hell happening to some of you!

Bic0 - fail to see your logic there. Surely there are many single people who go from short term relationship to short term relationship who get some manner of std? Why does a large number of cases of std's automatically mean there are a large number of people cheating on their partners?

T020 - I knew what you was saying and just wanted to make the point clear that there are those who use seperation as a means for having sex with someone they take a fancy to, and that it is still considered cheating.

But when you really believe a relationship is over, then it becomes a different matter, even if eventually you end up back with your original partner. I think its called planning.

Cheating is wrong.

Surprised we have not heard from many of those - 'I cheated on my wife/husband and it made out relationship stronger' brigade.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
Looks like the stay faithful brigade win this one - thank hades!

Couple of points - T020 mentioned dumping your partner before you go off with someone else. This is fine as long as you have absolutely no intention of going back to that partner. Otherwise every time you fancy a fling - just dump the person and go back after the fling. It does not work like that in real life, and I know people who think it does.

Secondly - you CAN decide you are going to remain faithful and work through any problems. Of course you may see a pretty face or a handsome bloke but then you just look at your partner and the pretty face fades into the past. Those who cannot resist such temptations are weak, in my opinion.

A long term relationship is where you set out to remain faithful to your partner. If you cannot do that - get out of the relationship - period.

Take all your excuses for cheating and put them in the bin on your way out. They aint worth diddly swat as far as I am concerned.

Dragon

In your opinion, Dragon. Its not always as easy as you're making it out to be.
Life isnt always "black or white". ;)

I did put "As far as I am concerned".

Things are black and white when it comes to cheating. You do it or you do not. Where are the shades of grey? To cheat - but its okay because you thought it was not cheating?

The no cheating brigade has more votes than the rest as well - which is what I based my assumption that they were ahead on.

Dragon

Originally posted by t020
That's not quite what I meant. Many of the people who were almost defending having affairs were using the excuse of being in bad/boring/loveless relationships. The fundamental issue is therefore the relationship itself - cheating will only be a temporary escape and will also hurt the other person (emotionally and potentially physically through STDs), so why not just tell it like it is instead? Instead of sneaking off, tell the partner they're unhappy and if things don't change it will have to finish.

You live in a perfect world do you t020? Take your blinkers off and see the world for what it is - an unhappy world where some people find comfort where they can.

Also, re STD's, not all affairs are of a sexual nature. Mine lasted 5 months and was an affair of the heart. We went no further than a kiss. :)

Originally posted by Dragon
I did put "As far as I am concerned".

Things are black and white when it comes to cheating. You do it or you do not. Where are the shades of grey? To cheat - but its okay because you thought it was not cheating?

The no cheating brigade has more votes than the rest as well - which is what I based my assumption that they were ahead on.

Dragon

Maybe they are fortunate enough to have found happiness. Good luck to them - I'm happy that there are people who have found true happiness with each other. But what of those that are unhappy, and for reasons such as financial or family, are unable to get out of the situation they're in. Would they, in your opinion, have to suffer years of unhappiness? Or do they find solace in the arms of someone who does make them happy - even temporarily?

Going from my experience, in my defence of my "affair" I was a happier person with all concerned whilst it was happening. Im not going into detail as to why I was unhappy in my marriage, suffice to say he was into something I felt very strongly against, and despite frequent requests not to continue with what he was doing and an ultimatum - me or "it", he chose "it". Making me feel worthless.

So sit there in your Ivory towers all of you that think people like me should be burned at the stake, for there is always a reason.
Maybe you should try to see reason before lighting that match!:rant:

Originally posted by Ellybum
Also, re STD's, not all affairs are of a sexual nature. Mine lasted 5 months and was an affair of the heart. We went no further than a kiss. :)

Was he homosexual?

Affair of the heart? Sounds like something you see on really bad daytime TV.

Originally posted by GazB
Was he homosexual?

Affair of the heart? Sounds like something you see on really bad daytime TV.

No, he was straight.

I wouldnt know about daytime TV - its not something I have the time or inclination for. :)

I like my ivory tower.

Abusive relationship - get out or sort it out.

Financial obligations - just another excuse.

But remember - this is only a personal opinion and no-one should place too much on it. I have some very strong opinions and just because I believe something does not mean I should impose my beliefs on others.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
I like my ivory tower.

Abusive relationship - get out or sort it out.

Financial obligations - just another excuse.

But remember - this is only a personal opinion and no-one should place too much on it. I have some very strong opinions and just because I believe something does not mean I should impose my beliefs on others.

Dragon

:thumbsup: Thats the beauty of freedom of speech! Maybe we should just agree to disagree, Dragon. Neither of us are right, just of different thoughts. :)

I would never be unfaithful, and, like t020 id expect the same in return! lol

Originally posted by Ellybum
You live in a perfect world do you t020? Take your blinkers off and see the world for what it is - an unhappy world where some people find comfort where they can.

Also, re STD's, not all affairs are of a sexual nature. Mine lasted 5 months and was an affair of the heart. We went no further than a kiss. :)

But if you're not happy with your relationship, why do you stay in it? Surely it's better for the BOTH of you to end it rather than going off behind your partner's back? Or is it a financial thing?

Have any of you been the one having an affair with a married man/woman?

yes, inkie, I was "the other woman". for a very, very short while.

this was only until I discovered that the bloke I was going out with was still living with the woman he claimed to be split up with, etc..

Once I found that out, he was history. the door was closed in his face.

I was not prepared to be the other woman for anything!

If someone does not love or respect me enough to be faithful to me, then they can stuff off.

Apart from anything else, if they will cheat WITH you, then they'll cheat ON you, IMO

PT

Originally posted by t020
But if you're not happy with your relationship, why do you stay in it? Surely it's better for the BOTH of you to end it rather than going off behind your partner's back? Or is it a financial thing?

I did exactly that 5 years ago. And I've never looked back! I'm very happy with my life now, even tho Im on my own (not in a relationship). The reason it took me so long to leave my unhappy life is that there were small children involved. Its never an easy decision to take. But I've never looked back. I do feel incredibly guilty tho for the hurt I caused him. I have to justify that tho by telling myself that he didnt feel guilty when he was hurting me. :thumbsup:

But if you're not happy with your relationship, why do you stay in it? Surely it's better for the BOTH of you to end it rather than going off behind your partner's back? Or is it a financial thing?

People don't tend to like change, as a rule.

I was always faithfull i realy loved my hubby but he went off with someone he worked with ,but 6yr on iam a happy person and very independent so in some ways he did me a favour as i was ay his becon call when married and now see that life doesnt have to be like that everyone equal in a relationship.I t does however make you think for example when im out the number of people i see who are married snoggin away with other folk it seems that people dont take relationships and marrige seriously as they used to.But i always think i do as i would want be done by and hurt no one.:)

What does constitute unfaithful? Are there different degrees of infidelity? I have kissed a guy other than my current partner - I didn't feel as though I was being unfaithful, but what I wonder is...How would I feel if I knew HE had kissed another woman. Would I consider he had been unfaithful to me? I don't know because it hasn't happened (to my knowledge). What do you think?

exactly the same situation as me!!! i have kissed 2 other guys (literally a peck on the lips for 5 seconds) and i dont class it as cheating. cheating to me is a) getting sum1's number and contacting them/ seeing them behind the bf/gf back b) shagging them c) groping all night in a club/ bar

im sorry but for us young uns- the idea of not having a little flirt/ kiss when you are down town is totally and utterly unrealistic!!! i would NEVER EVER get their number or grope or shag them or meet up with them!!! what else can you do??? hope to never ever kiss another man woman n ur life from the age of 20?? tie them to their kitchen sink so they never go out?? then u would have a dysfunctional relationship. many of my friends are the same (some do go too far and that is very wrong i mean you can spread sti's guys!!) but i have a very good relationship and i think my bf would say exactly the same as me!!

if i found out he had a bit of a innocent snog in a club then id feel a bit put out btu i certainly wouldnt see it as grounds to finish the relationship i mean i hate to spoil the image of the perfect relationship when you are young but what i have said above will apply to most relationships for young people!!

i would be very upset if my guy kissed another girl..
The way i feel is if he kisses someone else he must really like her or he wouldnt do it ...but my bloke isnt much of a drinker so if he did kiss someone else it would mean there was an attraction there.
if he slept with someone else i would leave him and he wouldnt get the chance to explain his 'reasons'
im a very loyal person and wouldnt even dream of cheating on someone i loved
i have been cheated on once before by an ex who i lived with and it was a horrible feeling..we tried to work things out but i just couldnt forgive and forget :suspect: so i left him
The people who play 'one up 'games with there partners and think "well they did it to me so i do it to them" shouldnt even be in relationships,they too immature:loopy:

Well said wyseowl. I would be interested to know if anyone has a relationship where the other half has cheated and you have managed to put things right, I believe once trust is broken its impossible to put back?

I don't know why I have problem to remain faithful to my boyfriend even I do love him. :confused:
I'm currently having an affair with a man who is 24 years older than me, married with 3 grown up boys :(
I'm Asian and he is English.
I met him 3 years ago. After I went back to my home country, we keep in touch via email.
the relationship grow and eventually became intimate, but restricted in virtual world.
I revisited UK last year and we started our affair in real life... ...
I'm now settle in Sheffield, and in fact I'm here because of him and we meet regularly.

He do intend to leave his wife for me, but I doubt that he will really do so...
and I don't want him to do so as well.
I know we can't and shouldn't continue our affair.
Is unfair to both of our partner, and I think his wife need him more than me.
So we reach a consensus to stop our affair, not now, Feb next year.

I don't know whether can I really make it or not, :confused:
but I will try and I have to stop seeing him.
In fact, I have no other options.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
Is better to stop before things get worse....
I know I have done something wrong, but I hope it is not too late ....

100% faithful, I`ve never even looked at another man in that way since we got together almost 10 years ago, and never would!(with the exception of Ralph Schapers, lead singer of primal fear, now that would be a different story!!):hihi:

Ive always been faithful mainly because i have experienced the hurt caused by a partner cheating and wouldnt want anyone in my life to go through what I did.

Deffo not strictly true. My EX went off with a guy from work and I treat her like a princess. And she was the one stopping ME seeing my mates. Not the other way round.

I never got hold of the guy (and yes he knew about me and the ex's relationship before they started seeing each other), but I did get hold of his Jeep. Wasn't a pretty sight after i had done! And he had to watch me do it from the window cos he wouldn't come downstairs!

And no, i'm not proud of it either... but in rage I snapped!Hope you didn't leave your dabs or DNA there mister.:suspect:

yes im a man and i am unfaithful all the time with my partner
i have had her 15 years i have been seeing a woman over 11 years and she has had a kid by me:o
its so hard seeing the 2 of them
when the one i have been seeing for 11 years goes to bed
i get my 15 year old rubber doll out:love:

yes im a man and i am unfaithful all the time with my partner
i have had her 15 years i have been seeing a woman over 11 years and she has had a kid by me:o
its so hard seeing the 2 of them
when the one i have been seeing for 11 years goes to bed
i get my 15 year old rubber doll out:love:

Cute :D :D :D

I know we can't and shouldn't continue our affair.
Is unfair to both of our partner, and I think his wife need him more than me.
So we reach a consensus to stop our affair, not now, Feb next year.


I sympathise, but I can't for the life of me see how you can plan something like that 3 months in advance??? :confused:

Judging is easy but not so once you have walked in their shoes. I sincerely hope that any partner of mine wouldn't. It would break my heart.

Judging is easy but not so once you have walked in their shoes. I sincerely hope that any partner of mine wouldn't. It would break my heart.

I'm not sure what to say to that Cloudy, I hope it never happens to you.

I think this may be a good point to introduce the thought that 'snogging someone else' may not be the worst thing your partner can do to you.

I was married for 18 years and to the best of my knowledge we we both faithful all of that time...then one day she just left. Eventually it dawned on me that she had been planning this for some time...discussing it with her friends, workmates, family. She had worked out all the details such as how to split the house etc and even had a new partner in mind (although it didn't work out).

Is that what you call being faithful? Is that what I was being faithful for? With hind sight, I would have lost nothing by playing around!

I would have nothing to gain, and everything to lose by not been 100% faithful. ;)

I'm always faithful :)

OK, while it's quiet, let's try a new question......

How many of you think that sexual fidelity is the most important factor in a lasting relationship?

Does touching another womans breast constitute as unfaithful?. If so, Im guilty

I've always been faithful with my boyfriend, I don't ever notice anybody else!

What do you all class as cheating? Some of my friends say that kissing doesn't count but I think it does!

I think it really depends on whether you love the person you are with, I have cheated twice in the past and I wasn't in love with them at all, although I did feel really awful after.

I cheated on my last boyfriend but we were almost splitting up anyway (I'd tried to split up with him but it is easier said than done) and I felt really awful but I'd met somebody who I'd been friends with for a while and I was falling in love and I couldn't help it. I'm still with the second guy now and I love him to bits and would never dream of cheating on him.

Some of my friends say that kissing doesn't count but I think it does!


Depends whether it is a sexual kiss or just a girly kiss.
Girly kisses don't count.:hihi:

Girly kisses don't count.:hihi:

They don't?!?

Reit I'm off out tomorrow night then :clap:

I've always been faithful, I don't even notice other guys anymore!

If my boyfriend ever cheated on me, I would just know and he'd be dumped straight away!

What do you all class as cheating? Some of my friends say that kissing doesn't count but I think it does!

If you truly love another person, they are in your heart, soul and mind. Every moment of every day you think about them, every movement you make, every thought you have, is about them. All you wish is for them to be with you. You dream about them ..............betrayal is not an issue.

If you truly love another person, they are in your heart, soul and mind. Every moment of every day you think about them, every movement you make, every thought you have, is about them. All you wish is for them to be with you. You dream about them ..............betrayal is not an issue.

Gosh cloudybay...your words are true of myself....you know me so well.:)

They don't?!?

Reit I'm off out tomorrow night then :clap:

Cya tomorrow xxx

Does fellatio count as unfaithfulness?

I was unfaithful to my husband then we divorced.

Does fellatio count as unfaithfulness?

One of Mozarts little known Opera's starring an little known character? Didn't Fellatio end up being sliced by a rusty razor blade? Wasn't the protagonist called Connie ?

If you truly love another person, they are in your heart, soul and mind. Every moment of every day you think about them, every movement you make, every thought you have, is about them. All you wish is for them to be with you. You dream about them ..............betrayal is not an issue.

This is so true, i'd never look at another man whilst with my Partner, Girls at work would always talk about men and what they'd like to do to them etc... i only ever had eyes for my Partner :love: no other man would ever enter my mind not even when a good looking would walk past me on the street.

Few years later in our relationship i started noticing Men, thoughts of 'what i wouldn't like to do to him', ;) thats when i realised that there was problems at home.

Approx a year later we split up :cry:

This is so true, i'd never look at another man whilst with my Partner, Girls at work would always talk about men and what they would love to do to them etc... i only ever had eyes for my Partner no other man would ever enter my mind.

Further along the line in our relationship i started noticing Men, thoughts of what i wouldn't like to do to him, thats when i realised that there was problems at home.

About a year later we split up


:hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

If you truly love another person, they are in your heart, soul and mind. Every moment of every day you think about them, every movement you make, every thought you have, is about them. All you wish is for them to be with you. You dream about them ..............betrayal is not an issue.
Talking about me again, I thought my ears were burning. :hihi: :hihi:

Talking about me again, I thought my ears were burning. :hihi: :hihi:


I didn't mean bowel movements............or lack of................Tis about time Internet connections were banned between residential homes and normal people ..................:hihi:

:hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

Sorry have i missed something? :suspect:

Sorry have i missed something? :suspect:

Sorry but just read your message back to yourself................

Sorry but just read your message back to yourself................

I think Angel was saying that she felt the same way, but that it doesn't always last a lifetime, and for her it didn't.

You'll find out in time......:(

I could never ever ever cheat on my boyfriend/partner (we live together). Hes my world and im his. We've both said we cant picture life without the other there. We were seperated by countries and oceans and never once did we cheat. Being faithful and honest can be done, just have to have the cajones to do it.

The one time i knowingly kissed a bloke who was already in a relationship made me feel rotten enough as it was, eventhough I was free and single at the time ... I could never cheat on someone, or ever again be party to someone else cheating on their partner.

Right, we've heard from a lot of people who would never cheat on their partner...put is there anyonehere who will admit to being unfaithful? Can it be justified...are you still together?

Ive never been unfaithful to my current and never would risk it.

But when I was younger (21) I cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years. I am still gutted over how I made him feel, but Im glad we broke up. He met a girl right after we had split and now theyre happily married with 2 kids. If i had stayed with him I would have been unhappily married and probably divorced right now - which is something neither of wanted to do.

I learnt from my mistakes (went through a sting of really bad relationships) of cheating and would never EVER do it again. I would have been more adult about what I was feeling then gut someone like that.

I think if you cheat when youre young like I was you are able to learn from it. I think if youre my age (29) or older and still cheating you really shouldnt be in a long term relationship. Or try to find a partner who is welcoming to the idea of an "Open Relationship"

Does sleeping with your girlfriends younger sister count as being unfaithful?

Does sleeping with your girlfriends younger sister count as being unfaithful?In that instance it's twice as bad because you are both being unfaithful.

In that instance it's twice as bad because you are both being unfaithful.

But if she was really fit would it be worth it?

In my marrage, nope never been unfaithfull, in previous relationships before i got married, then yes, infact i started seeing my wife before i had finished with my then girlfriend.
But i wouldn't be unfaithfull and equally expect my partner to be faithfull to me.
Being unfaithfull to a partner shows a complete lact of respect to the other, and there would be no point in continuing in the relationship in my eyes

But if she was really fit would it be worth it?Only if it was both at once. :thumbsup:

Casting my mind back through the sands of time........I seem to remember that it was quite acceptable to be dating several people at the same time...as long as everyone knew etc...

Is that still the case these days? Or does going for a drink with someone constitute a formal arangement......