Sorry to say, I can't keep writing the column on a week-by-week basis.

After writing thirty-three weekly columns on the trot, I feel I need a change. I have finally got to the stage where my brain is repeating itself.

Thanks for everyone who supported me.

In the meantime, I'll concentrate my ideas in my posts.

Anyone for spoof news?

Why don't you just write the articles as and when?

'cos, licks, I want to write other stuff. I want to write spoof style articles. I want to go back to what I'm best at.


Slants on stories: 'Sheffield Forum's finds answer to blonde hooded woman asking for money!'

Agnes Agatha, a blonde-haired hooded-woman, renowned for asking for money from strangers, finally staked her claim:

"I need money to change me looks' I don't like being labeled as the blonde-haired... etc etc..

'Well you should have stuck it out with ABBA', a stranger who was passing, blurted it out.

Just made that up as an example of satire etc. I know- not intended to be funny - but I wannna go back to that sort of stuff.

Genuinely off the top that.

Glady write it for SF if asked.

I'd like to see a spoof section of the forum where people can comment satirically on the main converstation topics - or anything relevant to Sheffield. Then we can keep the main areas for serious discussion.

Hiya Sam,

As a writer (sort of!!) myself I don't know how you managed it! But what about dropping it to fortnightly or monthly?

Efforts very much appreciated and enjoyed!

Joe

Thanks, Mate. I will post an example of the sort of stuff I mean.

Originally posted by tslogf74
I'd like to see a spoof section of the forum where people can comment satirically on the main converstation topics - or anything relevant to Sheffield. Then we can keep the main areas for serious discussion.

Such as:

Trendy Teenager Uses Public Phone, Shock!

by

Michael Simmonite

Shame-faced fourteen-year-old, Katie Zipple, was spotted making a call from a public phone booth yesterday evening. “My mobile has freaked out on me, honest!” she pleaded to passers-by as they gave her knowing looks.

“I had no choice,” she told me when I called round at her house to investigate. “I just had to get in touch with Becky!”

Then when the embarrassed teenager managed to speak to her best friend, bad things happened. “She couldn’t understand a word I was saying, she’s so used to txt mssgs that proper phne spch was beyond her.

Worse still, the two have fallen out over the unfortunate incident. Becky feels too embarrassed to be Katy’s best friend,” said her new best friend, Jennifer. “She’s not txting to her anymore.”

Or this:

Charity Swimmer Misses Target By Whisker!

by

Michael Simmonite


Beautiful regional swimming champion Claudia Bartlett was so close to reaching her ambitious target of swimming 10,000 meters when she had to stop just fifty agonising meters from the end of the marathon attempt.

Claudia, who is a part time fashion model, had to be helped out of the fifty meter pool when exhaustion forced her to quit. One of the adjudicators Sid Bingle told us:

“It was heartbreaking to see her suffer in this way. But the rules clearly say that 200 lengths of the pool had to be completed, and Claudia had only finished 199.

“Claudia is a lovely girl, and I’d dearly love to slip her a length, but it’s more than my job’s worth you, must understand."

Originally posted by Sam Miguel
Such as:

Trendy Teenager Uses Public Phone, Shock!



True story this.I sent my friend a text message and she was so overcome with ecstasy,pleasure,shock,horror at receiving it she put her phone in her pocket and later put the garment in the washer complete with phone.I told her she can't catch anything from a text message (or can she?).Funny thing is she still hasn't answered. Nice to know I still have that power over women even from a distance !

Well Mick
What can I say, apart from I am gutted! as your first agent (what happened to the cheque) I am distraught at the thought of not seeing any more Sam's tales, to say nothing of the royalties (did I mention the cheque never arriving) that will not pay for my life of debauchery. Good luck mate in whatever you decide to do in the future. ;)

Thanks, owdlad:

Oh, dear you're all making me rethink. Give me bit more time.