That are the most stupid comments you've heard someone say?

Here are two that spring to mind......

'Don't ever change......you wouldn't be the same if you did.'

:rolleyes:


'Turn the radio down, I can't see.'

:loopy:

my mother's favourites...

a) "if you fall off that pushbike, and break your legs, don't come running to me!!!!!" ((pt looks very puzzled about that one)

and b) " if you don't shut up roo-ering (crying) i'll give yer summat to Roo-er for"

her logic always was beyond me...

PT

Originally posted by Plain Talker
and b) " if you don't shut up roo-ering (crying) i'll give yer summat to Roo-er for"

her logic always was beyond me...

PT

Ah, brings back memories! My Mum always liked that one, or at least it seems to be well fixed in my mind anyway.

My mums favourite :

"It won't be funny when someone loses an eye".

erm - yes it will.

"Eeeee I tell ya"

Tell me what?!???!!!

There's no smoke without fire"

Is a common and powerful phrase, which misleadingly makes people very suspicious. A responsible person makes accusations when they have satisfied themselves of the facts. Not when they have heard a rumour from an unconnected party.

I'll bet this phrase has caused a few divorces/sackings/fights etc..

I .... But ....

These people are called "I But Men"

People who say I'm not racist but .....
Men who sat I've never touched my wife but ....

These people are vacuuous conversationalists who want to turn the debate around to what's wrong with the non whites, or wifebeating excuses.. :loopy:

---------------------------------------------------------
Just as bad are people who say

I'm never ill
or
I've never had a car accident

so called "never ill people" are just as susceptible as the rest of us. It's just that they have a problem with their memory. Sometimes they come into work when they should be off ill, only to result in giving everyone else their nasty flu. Their complaint about everyone else being off is their own selfish fault anyhow.

I know two blokes who often say how they have never had a car crash. Both of them have had several, and written off vehicles in accidents which have been their own fault. And they constantly still drive too fast. They are typically very precious about their driving skills (or lack of) and won't take any critisism at all. This reveals an extreme childishness, and selfish attitude which is very common among blokes. Many think that there is nothing more to be learned about the subject of driving, or anything else for that matter. :rant: :rant: :loopy:

People who start with "If I were you......", that realy winds me up, your not me, so how do you know what I would do ?

"It's always in the last place you look" - well of course it is. What kind of idiot would carry on looking after they've found whatever they're looking for? :loopy:

"Where did you last have it?" - well if I knew that, it wouldn't be lost, would it? :loopy:

I went to the doctor with me head..........try going without it.
One that makes me laugh when I know I shouldn't
I lost my huband/wife etc. Try lost property

"I'm feeling under the weather" - what on earth does that mean?

you,ll laugh on the other side of your face in a minute,.how? and i hate people who start a reply with," basically "or people who say "er" every second word or ,ya see,do ya get it,say like,etc etc etc and my all time hate,"at this moment in time"

"Pack that in or I'll come and make third man"

So speaketh my Grandmother, bless her. Still no idea what it means but I wasn't about to find out.

"at the end of the day" that one winds me up!!

The next time David Beckham is on television just count how many times he says the words "Well you know"

It does my head in.

:mad:

The phrase "doing my head in" or similar wind me up. There are a few others but I'm too traumatised to recall them all in full.

Originally posted by Andy
"I'm feeling under the weather" - what on earth does that mean?

Here's the official BBC World Service meaning:

If you are under the weather - then you are slightly unwell.

In England, we have lots of bad weather that people are always complaining about: lots of rain, lots of wind and lots of cloudy days when we don't see the sun. This can be very depressing, so it is as if you are affected by the weather.

My mother had some classics....

'It's black over Bill's Mothers' - used when there were dark clouds in the sky. It took me ages to work out that Bill's Mother didn't move house every few weeks.

'I'll go to our house and Sally Martin' - exclamation of surprise.

And several of the expressions already posted!

Joe

Originally posted by JoePritchard
'I'll go to our house and Sally Martin' - exclamation of surprise.


Similar to my grans "I'll go to the foot of our stairs!", which she still says though she lives in a bungalow.

Originally posted by Andy
"It's always in the last place you look" - well of course it is. What kind of idiot would carry on looking after they've found whatever they're looking for? :loopy:

"Where did you last have it?" - well if I knew that, it wouldn't be lost, would it? :loopy:

Dont you find when you lose something you always go back to that same place over an over again... thinking to yourself... I'm sure it/they were there :lol: its strange how that works and you know its definitely not there as you've search like a hundred times over :? (slight exaggeration) :razz:

I hate it when people use the word obviously about something that isn't obvious at all :loopy:

it does my head in :rolleyes:

Originally posted by Angel05
Dont you find when you lose something you always go back to that same place over an over again... thinking to yourself... I'm sure it/they were there :lol: its strange how that works and you know its definitely not there as you've search like a hundred times over :? (slight exaggeration) :razz:

And relating directly to this thought.

You can't see it for looking
means that you have looked in that place several times, and failed to notice it was there.

Are your eyes painted on
shouts your friend when you admit the above failure to notice

Originally posted by muddycoffee
And relating directly to this thought.

You can't see it for looking
means that you have looked in that place several times, and failed to notice it was there.

Are your eyes painted on
shouts your friend when you admit the above failure to notice

that must be related to calling someone "cloth-ears" if they don't hear you.

No word of a lie..

Mate : Hey up C, where are you?
Me : Im ok, Im at home.
Mate : So your not at work then

:suspect:

this is just one of many! My mate has the most odd sayings!

My old boss used to say "It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick"

:suspect: :suspect:

i wouldn't touch him with a barge pole!!
sorry peter kay...couldn't resist!!

Originally posted by purplepippa
I hate it when people use the word obviously about something that isn't obvious at all :loopy:

it does my head in :rolleyes:

If it's not obvious to you then you must be too stupid.

Sorry.

Originally posted by tslogf74
If it's not obvious to you then you must be too stupid.

Sorry.

obviously

"Stop that, it will make you go blind" is one I can recall all too well :wink: :lol:

And on a more serious note - if I ever asked my Nan whats for tea? Her reply would be "A run round table and a kick at cellar door". Now what the hell was that? :confused:

Originally posted by frenchfrie
And on a more serious note - if I ever asked my Nan whats for tea? Her reply would be "A run round table and a kick at cellar door". Now what the hell was that? :confused:

I have absolutely no idea, whatsoever, what that particular delicacy was...

However, I can confirm, it was something that was served in our house, too, frequently... lol lol lol (and at my grandmother's too!)

:D :D

PT

Originally posted by Andy
My old boss used to say "It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick"

:suspect: :suspect:

Or " a kick up the arse wearing open toe sandles"

"Sh*t wi sugar on" or
"Curried kippers" was the standard response in our house!
Mmmmmmmmmmm - delighful.
:loopy:

What " blows the mind" is when you find yourself repeating the stupid things your mother said.
One I've resisted so far that my Mom said was "Bless my aunt Sarah's cat''s ar-e. Never got to the "bottom" of that.
Hazel

Originally posted by Deejay
No word of a lie..

Mate : Hey up C, where are you?
Me : Im ok, Im at home.
Mate : So your not at work then

:suspect:

this is just one of many! My mate has the most odd sayings!

I think that was me....:help:

As kids if we asked where something was, the reply from someone in our house was - 'up (neighbour's surname here) a**e on t'second shelf'!!!!!

How many people on here have said 'it does my head in'?

Originally posted by tiffy
As kids if we asked where something was, the reply from someone in our house was - 'up (neighbour's surname here) a**e on t'second shelf'!!!!!

How many people on here have said 'it does my head in'?

That comes from a joke in the 1970s about kermit the frog, which was a similar style to a knock knock joke if I am remembering correctly

Originally posted by muddycoffee
so called "never ill people" are just as susceptible as the rest of us. It's just that they have a problem with their memory. Sometimes they come into work when they should be off ill, only to result in giving everyone else their nasty flu. Their complaint about everyone else being off is their own selfish fault anyhow.

How about 'hardly ever' ill? Is that better for you? :)

I'm one of these people who is 'hardly ever' ill and why should I stop work and sit at home bored when I only have a bit of a sniffle or a cough and could be working? It's certainly not life threatening. Most bosses prefer you to be in work unless you really can't get out of bed at all. On the flip side these people who claim to have flu when it's just a common cold are a pain in the arse. :loopy:

I'd rather show myself as a committed worker than someone who has a slight cold and takes a week off work to 'recover'. It often bites them in the arse when they try to get new jobs and their attendance records show time off for this and that. :roll: And by the way, my memory is fine thanks. :)

Anyway, back to topic. Sorry for the little rant. :)

One I heard today...

'Its not the size of your gun but the strength of your shot' :suspect:

When I was a lad in Sheffield , If any body was in a hurry or made a mess of a job through rushing..He was called a "Tear Arse" where does this expression come from????.

"Its all gone Pear shaped" is one that hasn't been mentioned.
On the other hand how come no-one shouts:-
"Gerrroff an milk it!" to cyclists anymore?

where there's a will there's a way???????

Also, if you are trying to do something and making it hard work.....

"making a meal of it"
"going at it a**e faced backwards"



:loopy:

A favourite of my grans was 'the proofs in the pudding'
wonder if thats why I grew up such a messy eater!!

One for unrewarding praise (useful at work):

There's not a lot of distance between a pat on the back and a boot up the arse

Amongst the stupidest thing ive ever heard are from parents (mainly mothers) to thier kids...e.g.:

"Do you really want a smack?" - As if your going to turn round and say "oh yes please mummy"

And if you slam a door parent can be heard saying..
"Slam the door heh? Ill teach you to slam a door.." - I dont need to be taught! I can do it!

Also "You're asking for a smack you are" always gets me - i didnt say "Can i have a smack please?" so where did they hear that!!?? :suspect:

Im sure theres more but i cant remember them at the mo...

A =)

'There's none so blind as those that don't want to see'; try telling a blind person that!

K x

My pet hate is when people talk about "any way, shape or form".

Totally annoying cliche!

I'm also annoyed by the Antipodean Interrogative, when, like, intonation rises at the end of a sentence, suggesting it's a question?

I get cross when people start sentences that contradict me with "Well, in fairness..."

I have been known to do it myself though, so I ought to can it! :D

K x

my nan used to say to me oh deary me today to do tomorow

Originally posted by frenchfrie
"Stop that, it will make you go blind" is one I can recall all too well :wink: :lol:

Can I do it a bit then and wear glasses?

Originally posted by Avalon
Amongst the stupidest thing ive ever heard are from parents (mainly mothers) to thier kids...e.g.:


"I'll give you something to cry about".

Obviously the child already has something to cry about as it is crying.

Child : "Can I have a bike"
Parent : "Bike ? Bike ? I'll give you bike."

Thats what they want you to do, give them a bike.

and my favourite......

"You treat this house like a hotel".

Some of my favourites from a New Yorker I used to know:

"FYI..." (For you information)

"In all honesty..."

"Just to give you a head's up,.." (up what?!)

"Quick question..." (followed by a ten minute long question!)

"What you're gonna want to do is..." (followed by useless info or stuff that you were going to do anyway!)

"Basically, at the end of the day,.."

He was an excellent bull-sh**ter though.

What about.......stop it or I'll give you a good smack???.....what's good about being smacked?????????

Not quite (but close) on the topic but..

why is the word nevertheless consist of those 3 words??

never the less....

never the less....

nope! its not coming to me.

i sure hope someone out there can explain...

"Well spank my arse and call me charlie!" - expression of supirse

erm....why on earth would i want to do that??

and "Jesus!" also suprise

"where!"

the old time favourite....... do you know who you're talking to..?
ok, :loopy: er yes actually i do!!
what happens when the parent gets to "3"?
ie: get down here now, if i have to count to 3...

1.......

2.......
and guaranteed you'd be there!!

my nans fave saying (god bless) "get it down thi, afore bobby comes!
okay............????:confused: :loopy:

A Collegue of mine has become renownd for calling one of our team and when we answer he says "Who's that?" ....ummm....you called ME remember?? :loopy:

See all

Hear all

and say **** all ......

This is one I like....

If your not fast your last. :thumbsup:

Ups a daisy...... (whats this mean then?)

"You know what 'fort' did dont you??,

He jumped onto a muck cart and thought it was a wedding"


WHAT does that mean????

Was there an historical 'fort' or 'thought'???

Anyone know?:confused: :confused:

Me dad always used to say it - not heard it for ages though.....

One I've never heard anywhere else was when I was at the stage of "What's that?" repeated numerous times my Mum's patience would give out, or she'd run out of replies, she'd say 'It's a yim yam for ducks to perch on' . Where it came from I'll never know!

Originally posted by algy
One I've never heard anywhere else was when I was at the stage of "What's that?" repeated numerous times my Mum's patience would give out, or she'd run out of replies, she'd say 'It's a yim yam for ducks to perch on' . Where it came from I'll never know!

My Gran's favourite (according to my Mom!) when she was tired of explaining what things were would say "It's a Jim-Jam to put meddler's noses in!"

Where on earth did that come from?!? :huh:

K x

Originally posted by mat1978
"You know what 'fort' did dont you??,

He jumped onto a muck cart and thought it was a wedding"


WHAT does that mean????

Was there an historical 'fort' or 'thought'???

Anyone know?:confused: :confused:

Me dad always used to say it - not heard it for ages though.....


As far as I can tell it's just a put-down of someone who gives a lame excuse for doing something stupid.

eg: a kid is caught using mum's "best" scissors to cut something they weren't designed for. When told off, he protests his innocence with: "but I thought....."

The parent replies "you know what 'thought' did, don't you? He followed a muck cart and thought it was a wedding"

a "muck cart" was the name given to the truck (or horse and cart) that used to come and empty the contents of the outside toilets every morning before the days of underground plumbing.

The inference being that anyone who would confuse such a smelly, disgusting vehicle with a wedding procession (to the point of actually following it), must be very stupid indeed.

Originally posted by mojoworking
As far as I can tell it's just a put-down of someone who gives a lame excuse for doing something stupid.

eg: a kid is caught using mum's "best" scissors to cut something they weren't designed for. When told off, he protests his innocence with: "but I thought....."

The parent replies "you know what 'thought' did, don't you? He followed a muck cart and thought it was a wedding"

a "muck cart" was the name given to the truck (or horse and cart) that used to come and empty the contents of the outside toilets every morning before the days of underground plumbing.

The inference being that anyone who would confuse such a smelly, disgusting vehicle with a wedding procession (to the point of actually following it), must be very stupid indeed.

Maybe they had no sense of smell?!? I know I couldn't make that mistake!

K x

Originally posted by Kristian
Maybe they had no sense of smell?!? I know I couldn't make that mistake!

K x

Er, we are dealing with an apocryphal tale here, you know.

My old mother used to send me daft with this one.

Me: "what's for tea mam?"

Mother: "A run round t' table and a kick at' celler door"

:(