I've got a big problem with my pride and it causes all sorts of arguments with both my girlfriend and my family.

Since finishing college 6 years ago I've always wanted to be self sufficient and not need anyone else's help for anything, whether it be monetary or otherwise. Having had help from loan companies and my parents for 6 years through college I now like to do certain things myself rather than accept help and let people do things for me.

It's making things very difficult at the moment because I'm having financial trouble over Christmas and I'm going to feel really bad on Christmas morning when presents are given out and I've only been able to spend a couple of quid on people. Some people close to me have also bought presents and put 'from so-n-so and Paul' and I feel awful because I've not been able to contribute to the cost of the gift.

I very nearly wanted to avoid everyone this Christmas because I can't afford to buy them anything and I'll feel like a complete tight-arse if they've bought me something and I can't give back in return. I know my family understand the situation I'm in at the moment but it doesn't make me feel any better for some reason. I've been called ungrateful by my family in the past due to not being able to accept help but it hasn't made me change at all.

Can anyone relate to this or do I need a shrink? :loopy:

It just sounds like you need to think it through a bit more and come to accept that a little bit of help when we need it isn't a bad thing.

If it helps, keep a record of who helps you and when (and finance isn't help. students loans get paid back with interest). That way you can plan to make sure you reward everyone who helped you once you've got your feet under you.

I never had a problem accepting gifts and money from family whilst I was at uni, but now that i've got a reasonable job I make a point of getting decent presents for everyone. So that's me making it up for the help they gave me.

i think weve all been in this position at one time or another,if you havent got it you cant share it,simple,folks should understand that much at least,make it up on birthdays and anniversaries explain times are hard at the moment, and any one who demands something from someone who cant provide it is no better than a bully,ignore them, dont flog your self to bits for people with no consideration for others,eventually you will get on your feet.....whatever you do dont get into debt with loans just to provide presents

Pride and grace ... never in the same place dwelt.

</preachy_mode>

It's good if you're able enough to give and recieve ... and both are important ... I wouldn't worry about getting sucked in to the commercial aspect of christmas ... it's ok just to give your love / friendship / support / care / help in whatever way you can.

Don't get down about it Pauly ... am sure we've all had times where things get ruff and we feel bad cos we can't pay our way ... I know I've been there ... am sure things will change in time for u.

Maybe it's a good time for you to concentrate on all the non-materialistic ways you can give to the people you love !?

All the best :)

Hi Pauly,

Well, I've been there myself and am experiencing a little of that this year - but, the only piece of advice I can give is to say share what you have with those who you love and care for, and they'll almost certainly appreciate the gesture you make.

It may well be that the love you give to those around you will come back at you in all sorts of ways; to paraphrase Charles Dickens (in my favourite Dickens story 'A Christmas Carol') - keep Christmas in your heart, not with your wallet; if more people did this I think we'd have happier and more contented holidays.

With regard to the wider picture - well, sometimes humility is a blessing; knowing when to ask for help and who to ask for it from is a skill everyone needs to learn. It's something I have problems with, so I'm not the right person to ask about it!

Anyway, may the blessings of the season come to you and yours; have a happy and peaceful time surrounded by the people you love.

Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

Joe