My husband is worried about taking our baby to a childminder.
He thinks our baby (3 months) it too young to ask a childminder.
He is worrying the baby could get illness etc by mixing with other kids (or a pets in the house).
I said a childminder has got a inspection, but he is not still convinced. The fact that the baby still have not had every immunization course is worrying him.

Could any give us any advices that it is still too young to take to a childminder?

A childmider has a home inspection, a police check, first aid and childcare training and normally will choose to do food hygiene. They are throoughly checked and registered by Ofsted and a 3 month old child will have close ratio care.
The childminder will only be allowed to look after 2 children under the age of 1 so in the worst case scenario, normally a childminder will only have 1 child under the age of 1.
Immunisations are less important at 3 months as they have had some already, many of the others are boosters.
Generally, all the other children in a childminders care will have had their jabs already.
A childminder would be delighted to look after a little one I imagine.

Do you go to any mother and baby groups or even out shopping or on the bus etc? If you do your child will already be mixing with plenty of people with germs of allsorts. The sort of things that they are immunized against in the first set of injections I wouldnt have thought that you would have a problem with your baby catching (as the majority of kids have had immunizations against these things so wont be carrying them). What they might come into contact with though are colds, chickenpox (general childhood type diseases) etc. Is your baby generally of good health - if so I would have thought that it shouldnt be too much of a problem.

Have you already sorted out a childminder though as I think they can only have 1 baby of that sort of age so you might have trouble finding one on shortish notice. My first baby went to a nursery from 6 months and my niece also went to a nursery from 3 months - neither had any problems other than the odd cold etc.

I don't think the disease fear is a well founded one, but children develop better if looked after by their mothers, or failing that by close family.

I don't think the disease fear is a well founded one, but children develop better if looked after by their mothers, or failing that by close family.

In a perfect world, which this one patently isn't. There are many reasons a baby may need to be placed with childcarers at an early age and family may not be available.

I am currently pregnant and my husband has the same worry about childcare. I have a really good job and I know byt the time I've had 6 months off I'll be dying to get back into the grown up world. We are going to be putting babyanniec into nursery that has a special baby room and the staff specialise in caring for the wee ones.

I think it's part of being a good parent to have these concerns, I also think if the childminder is worth their salts they'll be able to aleviate all your concerns, if not find another one!

Good luck though xx

I don't think the disease fear is a well founded one, but children develop better if looked after by their mothers, or failing that by close family.

I disagree. My son went to nursery two days aweek from 6 months old and is now two. He has grown up to be a very outgoing little boy with lots of friends and nursery pay attention to learning from an early age. Kids copy each other so learn off each other. For example they watch each other crawl and walk and pick up words. My son was walking for one and has been talking for ages and now has proper conversations. From six months he was able to sign very simple things such as milk. I have friends with kids who don't go to nursery who were slower to develop. I defy anyone who says kids don't develop aswell if not looked after by parents. In this day and age you are very lucky if you can afford to be a stay at home mum. I applaud you if you can, but please don't make us working parents feel guilty by making comments like this. I don't think I could keep up doing different activities every day so the two days break at nursery allows him to paint, make things etc whilst learning. Whilst I do plenty of activities at home, I know if I was at home full time with him, I would sometimes be distracted by washing, ironing etc!

As far as illnesses go, yes my son caught chickenpox at nursery. But at the end of the day its out of the way and all the little colds kids pass around help them build their immune systems (as told endless times by GP's and health visitors). Nobody likes an ill child but it will happen. Unless you incubate them for the rest of their life.

Please consider taking your child for the reasons given above and also to keep a tiny bit of your identity. I openly admit it is difficult being a parent and You need your own time. Even if that is just working a few hours a week it can help prevent stressful situations and even depression (i'm not saying that happens to all full time mums). Follow your heart and your purse strings!!

Thanks for your messages everyone.
I had good evidences to discuss with my husband.
ONLY my concern is that my baby is still 3 months old.
My husband is happy to take our baby to a nursary or a childminder at the age of 6 months, as everyone did. But he is far younder than that. My hus is worrying that she might get chickinpox or cold as yogur message says, and if she did, it might be more difficult for her to recover, or even cause more serious illness because she is not old enough to be immune.
Hope to have any evidences on this that would make my hus relaxed.
Thanks Zebra, LisaH, and anniec-I will show your messages to my hus.

I disagree. My son went to nursery two days aweek from 6 months old and is now two. He has grown up to be a very outgoing little boy with lots of friends and nursery pay attention to learning from an early age.
Anecdotes prove nothing. Research indicates that children at home with parents develop best, grandparents or other relatives 2nd best and nurseries last.

Kids copy each other so learn off each other. For example they watch each other crawl and walk and pick up words. My son was walking for one and has been talking for ages and now has proper conversations. From six months he was able to sign very simple things such as milk. I have friends with kids who don't go to nursery who were slower to develop. I defy anyone who says kids don't develop aswell if not looked after by parents.
That's just because you want to believe what you are saying.
In this day and age you are very lucky if you can afford to be a stay at home mum. I applaud you if you can, but please don't make us working parents feel guilty by making comments like this.
Nothing to do with making you feel guilt, it's just a fact.

Anecdotes prove nothing. Research indicates that children at home with parents develop best, grandparents or other relatives 2nd best and nurseries last.
That's just because you want to believe what you are saying.
Nothing to do with making you feel guilt, it's just a fact.

It's also a very simplistic and sweeping summary of the research that has been done, and that doesn't take into account individual circumstances. There's been a small amount of research specifically into the children of high-pressure career women, and the findings were basically that for a very intelligent woman who normally works very hard (for various reasons these women are often not living close to family members), the switch to child-rearing can have very negative effects on her emotional and mental healthy. In those circumstances the child is often better off cared for by someone other than the mother so that the mother can work and not go nuts. I imagine this applies to some ladies on this forum ;); I imagine similar logic applies to ladies that have to work for financial reasons - if it's the case of high stress due to struggling to afford basic things like rent/food/bills vs child in nursery + not struggling, I would think that the lower stress option is better for the individual child, even if it means the child being in nursery.

i was a childminded child.

i first went when i was 6 weeks old and i stopped when i was 15 when my brother (who also started at 6 weeks) turned 11 and came to high school with me!

my childminder was like a second mum to me and we are still in touch with her and her family. i loved being at lindas and i think the social interaction i got with a range of other children whilst i was fantastic.

i dont remember ever being ill as a direct result of picking up any bugs or suchlike from the other children. I was given one to one attention or attention shared between me and up to 3 other children. i learnt skills at my childminders that prepared me for school and loved it.

if, when, i have children, i would have no qualms about sending them to a registered childminders if i could afford it.


x

Anecdotes prove nothing. Research indicates that children at home with parents develop best, grandparents or other relatives 2nd best and nurseries last.
That's just because you want to believe what you are saying.
Nothing to do with making you feel guilt, it's just a fact.

Its not because I want to believe what I am saying. How dare you! For example I have been trying to get my son to draw a picture of a face for ages now! But he did it the other day when he copied his friend at nursery. I know my son and I know what he picks up thank you very much. Infact myself and the other parents laugh sometimes because of how they copy each other. My son wanted to potty train as he saw another little boy using the potty and it he had no problem whatsoever. I KNOW copying helped graetly in that area as I had been struggling to get him on the potty. But he realised he wasn't the only one. Children don't learn things from reading big text books, they learn alot from watching their peers.

I would like to see these facts please. I take it a study of children has been done over several years to see the difference of children who go to nurseries and children who didn't. To really prove what you are saying it would take years to determine how a child has truly developed. Therefore please show me a ten year study. If this reasearch has been done I would quite happily let a study be done on my son and blow everyone out of the water!

And grandparents. How many grandparents can give their all and look after babies and toddlers full time. My mum is only 56 and she is so tired after one day! Thats not the right environment for kids on a regular basis.

You are basically saying that I feel guilty about putting him in nursery therefore I want "to believe what I am saying". Absolute rubbish!

I love my son more than life itself (i assume you are a parent to) and like any parent I ensure I do the very best for him. And to someone to make these sort of comments (that go beyond opinion) makes me very very angry.

we didn't send our daughter to a childminder, my wife chose to stay at home until she reached school age and then went part time (10-2) and only went full time when she was 14.
now as educationalist (teacher) the evidence i researched showed that home interaction is better or parental interaction is better. however i didn't accept that it just meant children who were brought up at home.
we educated our daughter ,she could walk before 1, read and write her name before attending nursery, my neighbours child( same age couldn't do any of them) the only difference was they couldn't be bothered to help and relied on the nursery and school to do their job for them.

now as educationalist (teacher) the evidence i researched showed that home interaction is better or parental interaction is better. however i didn't accept that it just meant children who were brought up at home.

i don't understand your language or your point here - could you rephrase, please?

we educated our daughter ,she could walk before 1, read and write her name before attending nursery, my neighbours child( same age couldn't do any of them) the only difference was they couldn't be bothered to help and relied on the nursery and school to do their job for them.

direct child-child comparisons are hardly a sound and reliable scientific way of reaching conclusions. your child may have been better at certain things, but theirs may have been better at others. also - genetics vs environment - yours may have developed faster in some aspects because of genetics, not because she was at home with her mother.

suggesting that people who send their children to nursery/childminders because they 'couldn't be bothered to help' is absolutely ridiculous, rude, and i suspect, trolling. surely you know that most people who send their children to a childminder/nursery do so for financial and/or emotional reasons? not everyone can afford to be a stay-at-home mum.

incidentally, you say that you (as in you and your wife) educated your daughter, but she was the one at home looking after her while you were presumably out working. hence, by your logic, your wife educated your daughter, not you, otherwise any parent who sent their child to a nursery/childminder could claim responsibility for their child's education, which you have said is precisely what they apparently can't be bothered to do, shown by sending the child to nursery. you appear to have defined a sloppy parent as someone who doesn't educate their child, and then you haven't done so yourself...are you a sloppy parent?;)

we didn't send our daughter to a childminder, my wife chose to stay at home until she reached school age and then went part time (10-2) and only went full time when she was 14.
now as educationalist (teacher) the evidence i researched showed that home interaction is better or parental interaction is better. however i didn't accept that it just meant children who were brought up at home.
we educated our daughter ,she could walk before 1, read and write her name before attending nursery, my neighbours child( same age couldn't do any of them) the only difference was they couldn't be bothered to help and relied on the nursery and school to do their job for them.

The reason I work (as little as possible) is because we couln't afford otherwise. Not because I can't be bothered to spend time with my son. I do alot more with my son than some people who stay at home all day everyday with their children do. A friend expressed surprise at me having the time and being bothered at me doing things like arts and crafts and encouraging reading from a young age. She said she finds it messy and can't really be bothered. She stays at home full time. I think he has the same if not more home interaction than stay at home kids because of the effort we put in when we are with him.( altogether he is at nursery for 12 hours out of the week). No tv, computers etc. Too many parents find it easy to put them infront of the TV ang go about their daily chores etc etc and still like to count it as being best for their children as they are at home.

And my son was walkking for one etc etc etc. I think development is down to the time and effort both parents put in and if parents can't be there it is essential that you are leaving your child in an environment you are one hundred per cent happy with and that you are sure they will get the same level of education, attention etc that they would at home.

The main thing is that my son is so happy. We never really encountered the terrible two's (yet) and I have comments on how polite he is and how well he speaks for his age. Not bad for a boy who is shunted off to nursery without a care in the world and (according to several) should be under developed. As long as he has fun and smiles through life then I am content that I am the best parent I can.

I don't think any research etc can 100% state that kids that go to nursery/childminders are worse off. If that is the case my son is an exception to this. At the end of the day whilst some kids who are at nursery for great amounts of time may well not be as developed as other kids their own age but it also works on the flip side to.

i haven't accused anyone of anything neither have i criticised i merely offered a glimpse at how we did it, right or wrong. so although i appreciate your comments and do think you've been a little harsh with me.

my neighbours story is fact -and i'm sure there are people out there exactly the same(ask any teacher) but i didn't say anyone on here was. therefore i wasn't trolling i was using anecdotal evidence.

the point i was making ( give me some relief i'm a little tired) was that IMHO - interaction with parents is probably the crux of the issues with child/nursery effects.
people who have no interaction at all with their child in my experience produced unruly ill disciplined children. it wasn't the nurseries fault, it wasn't because they sent them to a nursery. it was because they didn't do anything to help them and that can apply to both cases but less likely if the parent is at home.
i hope that clarifies that.

i'm sure you're aware of my employment status and therefore the flexibility it allows - which is why i chose it. that has meant that over the past 22 years our daughter has relied upon and been educated by both parents. we had seperate holidays until she was 11 to accomodate school holidays etc.
it doesn't make her a better child than anyone elses.

and i take my hat off to my wife she did phenomonal things in bringing up our daughter and aiding her development - all supported by me.either emotionally or financially.

i haven't defined anyone as a sloppy parent and i didn't make any negative comments towards anyones wasy of child rearing.

GL note

Can we discourage competitive parenting, please? It's not constructive - as long as there's nothing wrong with your child and it learns eventually, it doesn't matter when they learn to walk (or whatever other benchmarks of development people sometimes employ).

Vive, if your daighter does get a cold or similar she would not be any more at risk than she is if you take her out in public. She should have some immunity from you and much more if you breastfed too.
If she has chicken pox very early it can be a good thing to get it over with, they aren't immunised against it IIRC so you can't protect her anymore than you already have.
Babies are incredibly tough, despite all appearances, and can withstand a cold very well usually.
It has to happen one day.

Its not because I want to believe what I am saying. How dare you! For example I have been trying to get my son to draw a picture of a face for ages now! But he did it the other day when he copied his friend at nursery. I know my son and I know what he picks up thank you very much.
I didn't say that children don't learn from each other.
I'll see if I can find it, I read it in newscientist, it was a peer reviewed piece of research which I choose to give infinitely more weight too than a few random anecdotes from biased observers (that means you).[quote]
If this reasearch has been done I would quite happily let a study be done on my son and blow everyone out of the water!
A study on one child, that would prove a lot wouldn't it.

And grandparents. How many grandparents can give their all and look after babies and toddlers full time. My mum is only 56 and she is so tired after one day! Thats not the right environment for kids on a regular basis.
Maybe you should write a paper on it, all those stupid scientists, studying it for years and getting it so wrong.

You are basically saying that I feel guilty about putting him in nursery therefore I want "to believe what I am saying". Absolute rubbish!
So why are you so adamant when all you have is experience of a single child, no group study, no control group, no normalisation for any other factor...

I love my son more than life itself (i assume you are a parent to) and like any parent I ensure I do the very best for him. And to someone to make these sort of comments (that go beyond opinion) makes me very very angry.

You shouldn't get angry, the fact that you love your son was never in question, and that fact also makes you biased and unable to look at this issue objectively.
I'm not a parent, I don't need to be one to read a scientific paper and understand the conclusions they draw.

This subject inevitably raises tensions amongst many people. Opinions can be very polarised.

Studies are all very well, but many people simply do not have the wherewithal to stay at home every day, and some do not want to.
For many of us, who have to work more than we would like, it is a very sensitive subject and it is easy to take criticism to heart...we feel some guilt and a lot of regret that we can't have more time with our children, and that makes us snappy.
At the same time, Vive said she and her partner were disagreeing about this subject, so it is fair for people to tell us about studies/experiences that back her partner's side.
All of us can please try and be patient with each other when putting across our points of view and reading other people's.

It's very difficult when the two parents are on opposite sides of the fence, and requires calm chats about the pros and cons of both sides.

I fall on the side of it not being so very terrible to leave your child in someone else's care...they get fantastic interaction with other children and have experiences you might not have been able to give them. Baby will get ill, and you will get ill, possibly quite a lot at first, but minor things most likely, and that will ease.

I have to agree about the child-child comparisons...I'm sorry, but that is a fool's game. Children develop different skills at different times. Comparisons are futile for the most part. There's absolutely no mileage in getting into 'my child walked first' discussions, just irritation. I advise you steer well clear of it.

I only pointed out what the studies show, I didn't pass judgement, I didn't say that everyone should stay at home. I was just providing the information so that people were fully informed of the facts.

I only pointed out what the studies show, I didn't pass judgement, I didn't say that everyone should stay at home. I was just providing the information so that people were fully informed of the facts.

I know, Cyclone.

It is fair that vive's partner's side of the argument gets an airing. You helped with that, thank you.

My main point was (to all of us): this is a prickly subject. It's worth thinking once, twice, and once again before jumping in feet first with angry, disrespectful or thoughtless posts...have a cup of tea and a think about it first, lol.

I didn't say that children don't learn from each other.


FALOOLA: I would like to see these facts please. I take it a study of children has been done over several years to see the difference of children who go to nurseries and children who didn't. To really prove what you are saying it would take years to determine how a child has truly developed. Therefore please show me a ten year study.

CYCLONE: I'll see if I can find it, I read it in newscientist, it was a peer reviewed piece of research which I choose to give infinitely more weight too than a few random anecdotes from biased observers (that means you)...

A study on one child, that would prove a lot wouldn't it.
Maybe you should write a paper on it, all those stupid scientists, studying it for years and getting it so wrong.
So why are you so adamant when all you have is experience of a single child, no group study, no control group, no normalisation for any other factor...

You shouldn't get angry, the fact that you love your son was never in question, and that fact also makes you biased and unable to look at this issue objectively.
I'm not a parent, I don't need to be one to read a scientific paper and understand the conclusions they draw.

Oh I see. Your not a parent. You just read scientic studies. Well then you must be right. If these studies are true then i'm sure you were one of the children that were put into nursery full time. Because I have never encountered anyone quite like you on here adament to prove parents wrong and to be seen as very argumentative. I may have one child but you have NO experience of your own child so therefore I will not continue with this with you. Its quite strange to see you in a posting regarding our experiences of childcare.

Research is in general terms. It isn't conclusive. Its over a handful of people (maybe a few more)If you read and follow all the research we get in our faces everyday then you would go mad trying to follow it all. One day you are told to eat an apple, the day after we are told not to etc etc.

I know my son and I know what he learns and how he learns it. You don't know my son and don't have children. I have no interest in writing a paper on this. I'm far to busy sticking pasta to card board and doing roly poly's to do that. Maybe you should try it. Beats been on here looking for people to wind up. I was at work yesterday when I did my posts but now I am at home waiting for my son to wake up so I won't be wasting my time further.

I apologise to everyone else on here as the original posting seems to have been forgotton. I have give my advice and experience on childcare and hoped it would come in useful!

I would like to ask you to calm down the heated argument here.
I understood that everyone has a different approach and that it is very usual to have a dispute with my partner- yes. it it such a heart-reflecting issue for parents.
The argument here is showing that bringing up a kid reflects life and love of parents.
I believe that is the most important nutrition for a baby.
Argument in thie forum reminded me about it.
Thanks again for everyone who gave me advices.

I hope you have found some useful information here, vive. It's a very tense subject.

Best of luck, and do keep us updated on how things are going.

Oh I see. Your not a parent. You just read scientic studies. Well then you must be right. If these studies are true then i'm sure you were one of the children that were put into nursery full time. Because I have never encountered anyone quite like you on here adament to prove parents wrong and to be seen as very argumentative. I may have one child but you have NO experience of your own child so therefore I will not continue with this with you. Its quite strange to see you in a posting regarding our experiences of childcare.

I didn't post about your experience of childcare, I told you what the scientific consensus is on it. If you choose to disbelieve that then I don't really care. None so blind as those that will not see.

Research is in general terms. It isn't conclusive. Its over a handful of people (maybe a few more)If you read and follow all the research we get in our faces everyday then you would go mad trying to follow it all. One day you are told to eat an apple, the day after we are told not to etc etc.
Any peer reviewed research is generally over hundreds if not thousands of cases. It's statistically as rigorous as it can be. It doesn't provide absolute answers, it indicates trends. And the trend is that children who go to nursery develop more slowly than those who are cared for at home by their parent.

I know my son and I know what he learns and how he learns it. You don't know my son and don't have children. I have no interest in writing a paper on this. I'm far to busy sticking pasta to card board and doing roly poly's to do that. Maybe you should try it. Beats been on here looking for people to wind up. I was at work yesterday when I did my posts but now I am at home waiting for my son to wake up so I won't be wasting my time further.
Good, you appear to be uninterested in anything except your own opinion, so why bother reading.

I apologise to everyone else on here as the original posting seems to have been forgotton. I have give my advice and experience on childcare and hoped it would come in useful!

Likewise I was just sharing some information, which the more open minded may want to take into account when making their own decisions.

I find your opinions quite offensive(cyclone) and think if you haven't got any children yourself then you should not be posting on here. Unless you have personal experience then you cannot in my opinion really comment just because you have read a study. Yes everyone has different views but you seem to be pulling parents who work down. I am a single mum after my husband left me when my daughter was 10 months old and i took the decision to go back to work and provide for myself and my daughter rather than sitting on my backside and relying on others to do it. My parents work and my ex"s parents were not well enough to look after my daughter so i took the very hard decision to put her in nursery full time. I found it heartbreaking leaving her and did feel guilty but at least now i can see that it has enhanced her life, she gets to play with other children of different ages, has a lot of stimulation and is very advanced for her age in many areas which i feel is due to the care and hard work of the nursery staff aswell as mine and her dads input. When i do have my daughter i make sure that we do plenty of activites aswell as just spending quality time at home and i know when shes grows up she would rather have had a mum who went to work and that she can be proud of for doing what was right by providing for her than sitting around expecting the state to do it.
Yes in an ideal world i'd have liked to have stayed at home but unfortunately life is not ideal and parents make the best decisions for them, their family and their child and i dont care how many studies are done it is down to a happy, loving, safe and secure environment for each child that will help them reach their potential no matter what form that may take.
I congratualte every parent whatever their child care arrangements are for doing the hardest job on the world and until you have been there you simply cannot know.

I didn't offer any opinions, I offered some knowledge.
Fortunately you don't get to decide who posts. And having children is not a prerequisite to talking about them.
I haven't pulled anyone down, if you choose to interpret being made aware as a personal attack then you probably have issues. I certainly wasn't talking about you, I don't know you and I don't want to.
I may not know about how hard it is, but that doesn't stop me knowing which way is better for the development of a child. I went to nursery myself, maybe I'd be a different person if I hadn't, but I'm not blaming or criticising because of that, it just happens to be a fact that nursery is not the best environment for a young child.

i think it is you with the issues not me! The only issue i have is with people who haven't got any children of their own commenting on something they know nothing about.I am quite happy with my decision even if i did not have much choice at the time. If my circumstances changed i would still want my child to go to nursery as i feel its right for her. Until you are in the position of having a child and having to make child care decisions yourself then i feel you should keep some of your comments to yourself. Parents have a hard enough time about woking and having to put their child into the care of others without someone like you making them doubt those decisions. Maybe you should give more weight to "biased observers" as you put it rather than studies that change their mind every verse end. It is us "biased observers" that are actually bringing our children up to the best of our abilities unlike you.

OK folks, reiterating earlier comments - let's please keep it calm.
Parenting has an excellent reputation for being calm.
We can all differ in opinion without being confrontational about it, after all, we are all allowed our own opinion.
I'd really appreciate it if this thread could, from now on, relate to the OP's question and not personal comments directed at specific members.

To reply to the OP.

A registered childminder has all the checks done by ofsted and is as good as a day nursery. Don't worry, they will have your baby's best interests at heart. Its a wrench leaving baby with anyone but Im sure you will be fine.

Thank you very much for your advice.
Yes, it is difficult to trust to anyone that I hardly know, but your message helped me to get rid of my worries.

Have got to be honest and say that IMO a 3 month old baby needs to be with its mother. Personally would not trust anybody else to care for mine nor would I want to miss any part of their development. If childcare is an absolute must I would organise work so as little time as possible is spent there - Personally I work nights and weekends to avoid it. Agree with those who say that full-time parenting can sometimes drive you loopy but on an average day I would not swap it for the world. Am sure when they are all grown up I will not regret it for a minute. Have got sociable, content and polite children despite them 'missing out' on nursery. Also when I used to get my cousin from nursery the baby room used to upset me - it seems like such a waste of precious time:(

I thought mat leave had now been raised to 9 months -so I don't understand why a 3 months old baby needs to be left. 3 months is really really young.

Childminders - some are really really good and worth their weight in gold, and others are complete horror stories. I think it's best to go with someone that you know.

I thought mat leave had now been raised to 9 months -so I don't understand why a 3 months old baby needs to be left. 3 months is really really young.

Childminders - some are really really good and worth their weight in gold, and others are complete horror stories. I think it's best to go with someone that you know.

Yes, it has been raised to 9 months - unfortunately some people can't take the full 9 months for their own personal reasons. I'm assuming that if she needs to return to work at 3 months then she has reasons for doing so.

were you shopping near chapel walk on Monday , babychickens,with the little one in a buggy?

I thought mat leave had now been raised to 9 months -so I don't understand why a 3 months old baby needs to be left. 3 months is really really young.

Childminders - some are really really good and worth their weight in gold, and others are complete horror stories. I think it's best to go with someone that you know.


Maternity leave has been lengthened, but there has been no corresponding rise in statutory maternity pay, and I doubt most companies have lengthened the amount they give at the beginning, if at all...I don't find it at all hard to believe that someone would be struggling with finances, for instance, at that stage and need to go back.
I find it a real pity, but unfortunately not the least bit of a surprise.

were you shopping near chapel walk on Monday , babychickens,with the little one in a buggy?

yes i was...christ, you didn't hear me singing to myself :blush: or catch me giving babybaby a running commentary on what everyone was wearing *ahem*, did you?! sorry didn't see you!

yes i was...christ, you didn't hear me singing to myself :blush: or catch me giving babybaby a running commentary on what everyone was wearing *ahem*, did you?! sorry didn't see you!

you appeared to be deep in conversation with either yourself,the baby or the person next to you. i was unsure which so i decided not to inrerrupt you as i was en route to tea @ Jumbo's with family.

yes i was...christ, you didn't hear me singing to myself :blush: or catch me giving babybaby a running commentary on what everyone was wearing *ahem*, did you?! sorry didn't see you!
I never knew you sang in oublic BC!
I had to sing Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes and Incey Wincey Spider round Morrison yesterday to keep Twingle 2 from screaming in boredom.
No one seemed to pay any attention but I felt quite silly.

Anecdotes prove nothing. Research indicates that children at home with parents develop best, grandparents or other relatives 2nd best and nurseries last.
That's just because you want to believe what you are saying.
Nothing to do with making you feel guilt, it's just a fact.

I agree totally I am a stay at home mum, my little one is 2 1/2 now she is way way way ahead of her time. with counting, colours alphabet and she can even use the computer the list goes on.
This is because she has 1-1 tuition from myself. I personally would not have dreamt taking her to nursery at such a young age babies need stability and reasurance from family not strangers!

I may not know about how hard it is, but that doesn't stop me knowing which way is better for the development of a child. I went to nursery myself, maybe I'd be a different person if I hadn't, but I'm not blaming or criticising because of that, it just happens to be a fact that nursery is not the best environment for a young child.

Why nursery is less effective than a childminder?

Mummy007, what do you think the difference between one-to-one tuition with you and a childminder?

I appreciate you express your opinions in your own way-I would like this thread to give a place for everyone to express different views/experiences. All these are good knowledge for a new mum like me.

I may not know about how hard it is, but that doesn't stop me knowing which way is better for the development of a child. I went to nursery myself, maybe I'd be a different person if I hadn't, but I'm not blaming or criticising because of that, it just happens to be a fact that nursery is not the best environment for a young child.

Why nursery is less effective than a childminder?

Mummy007, what do you think the difference between one-to-one tuition with you and a childminder?

I appreciate you express your opinions in your own way-I would like this thread to give a place for everyone to express different views/experiences. All these are good knowledge for a new mum like me.


I was also at nursery and a childminder after nursery, as my mum (single parent) and granparents worked.
It never did me any harm really, but If I am honest I was a bit of an attention seeker, and seriously missed my mum at the time which I still remember!
As for the 1-1 tuition childminders are fantastic, but at a very young age what about bonding and making a baby feel secure with his/her parents.

As for interaction which was mentioned earlier my 'little one' goes to toddler groups where a parent has to present.
For younger babies there are loads and loads of different methods for interacting with oter babies e.g baby yoga, mother and baby swimming groups etc.
All that I have said is genuinly based on my experience as a child.

I don't think the disease fear is a well founded one, but children develop better if looked after by their mothers, or failing that by close family.

What do people mean by 'develop better'?

I've seen some of this research it's been done over many years with about 15,000 children which sounds loads but there are so many variables it's very hard to be sure of findings.

e.g. quality of nursery/childminder and how well parents parent
e.g. socioeconomic background of family
e.g. how educated parents are
e.g. size of family / age gaps / birth order
e.g. where family live

that's to name just a few. Anecdotal evidence to me in this sort of decision is important as it shows that it is possible to raise a happy child using child care.

I do hate the guilt I feel at going back to work but we simply can't afford for me not to unless we moved to somewhere a lot cheaper. But we moved away from those areas deliberately to avoid neighbours who swear profusely at their children and to be in a nicer environment which we'd all agree is important!

My final thoughts are if being at home with mum is so great how come when we get threads about 'benefit scroungers' people always point out how despicable their children are?

My thoughtts

Having a baby is a life changing experience, everything changes from your outlook on life to career.
I personally was a business owner (previous to been pegnant) and a successful one at that, I was relocating premises when I found out I was pregnant, with much thought I decided not to continue, as I was the main input of the business it would not have survived without me and the hours were immense.
My husband is not earning a huge amount of money, so I decided to work in a shop at night to compensate (A huge difference from been a career woman!) this enabled me to be at home for the little one and earn a little money.
But this frustrated me so much why we have to suffer making decisions, (career or children) I know it effects some dads to but the majority are mums who are put in a predicament about working.
My website (below) was created by myself while I have been a stay at home mum, due to the predicament that I was in, and from the amount of e-mails I get on a daily basis it is a subject that should be handled by the goverment, for example working conditions e.g flexability of work a lot of secreterial and admin jobs partly could be done from home but employers choose to ignore this.
One E-mail I recieved a few months back really annoyed me, to cut a long story short this particular lady had been on maternity leave asked her employer for flexible hours when she returned, she was laid of on returning to work, this in her eyes was because of the her persistance in trying to juggle her career and been a mother.

All in all follow your heart mums know best!!!!!!!!

Vive, what an interesting thread you have started. Do you know what *you* want (i.e. not what your partner wants, or what is 'best' for the baby) to do? It's not the only factor, but it is an important factor, and seems to get left out of some of these conversations. You want your child to be happy, of course, but you should also want yourself to be happy...

Maybe you can compromise and make it four months or four and a half...

Also, I thought the fact that your partner had those concerns maybe indicated that he was going to find it quite a wrench to move on from the early baby stage, where you're very close to the infant all the time... Maybe a good solution, if you need or want to get back to work, would be for your partner to arrange some special leave (a month?) to take over the baby care - then he could have that extra time to bond with the baby? Some employers are willing to be flexible about special unpaid leave, or even if it was just a couple of weeks annual leave, it would give him a very special experience to be the primary carer of your tiny baby, and I'm sure memories he would cherish.

Anyway, best of luck with it all...

What do people mean by 'develop better'?

I've seen some of this research it's been done over many years with about 15,000 children which sounds loads but there are so many variables it's very hard to be sure of findings.

e.g. quality of nursery/childminder and how well parents parent
e.g. socioeconomic background of family
e.g. how educated parents are
e.g. size of family / age gaps / birth order
e.g. where family live

that's to name just a few. Anecdotal evidence to me in this sort of decision is important as it shows that it is possible to raise a happy child using child care.

I do hate the guilt I feel at going back to work but we simply can't afford for me not to unless we moved to somewhere a lot cheaper. But we moved away from those areas deliberately to avoid neighbours who swear profusely at their children and to be in a nicer environment which we'd all agree is important!

My final thoughts are if being at home with mum is so great how come when we get threads about 'benefit scroungers' people always point out how despicable their children are?

Normallising the study compensates for every other variable that can be identified. Not perfect I'm sure, but they do think these things through.
I can't honestly remember what 'develop better' meant, and I can't find the original article so I can't check.

Being at home is better, all other things being equal. Obviously most of the time all things are not equal, or at least not when you compare a good caring family with strong moral values and a 'benefit scroungers' family.

Being at home is better, all other things being equal. Obviously most of the time all things are not equal,

...exactly!
There are so many factors involved in this whole area!
I have been reading this thread and am not really intending to say much, but I don't fully agree that being at home IS best. One of the things that I think people shy away from discussing/admitting is that despite the fact that being a parent is amazing, life changing, etc etc - looking after a young child can be extremely boring and frustrating! I can't help feeling that it is worse for a child to spend time with a mother who is bored, fed up, perhaps resentful, etc - than it would be for them to spend short times in some form of childcare while the mother is able to work and gain some other mental stimulation, etc. In my experience this meant that the time with my child was "better" cos I really wanted to be there - and I don't belive she has suffered for it either.
I don't have evidence to back up my views- they are only my opinions, and I do realise that other people have other reasons for having to go to work (money rather than "stimulation").

Vive, what an interesting thread you have started. Do you know what *you* want (i.e. not what your partner wants, or what is 'best' for the baby) to do? It's not the only factor, but it is an important factor, and seems to get left out of some of these conversations. You want your child to be happy, of course, but you should also want yourself to be happy...

Maybe you can compromise and make it four months or four and a half...

Also, I thought the fact that your partner had those concerns maybe indicated that he was going to find it quite a wrench to move on from the early baby stage, where you're very close to the infant all the time... Maybe a good solution, if you need or want to get back to work, would be for your partner to arrange some special leave (a month?) to take over the baby care - then he could have that extra time to bond with the baby? Some employers are willing to be flexible about special unpaid leave, or even if it was just a couple of weeks annual leave, it would give him a very special experience to be the primary carer of your tiny baby, and I'm sure memories he would cherish.

Anyway, best of luck with it all...

Great post, and some nice ideas, BayWhitaker.

...exactly!
There are so many factors involved in this whole area!
I have been reading this thread and am not really intending to say much, but I don't fully agree that being at home IS best. One of the things that I think people shy away from discussing/admitting is that despite the fact that being a parent is amazing, life changing, etc etc - looking after a young child can be extremely boring and frustrating! I can't help feeling that it is worse for a child to spend time with a mother who is bored, fed up, perhaps resentful, etc - than it would be for them to spend short times in some form of childcare while the mother is able to work and gain some other mental stimulation, etc. In my experience this meant that the time with my child was "better" cos I really wanted to be there - and I don't belive she has suffered for it either.
I don't have evidence to back up my views- they are only my opinions, and I do realise that other people have other reasons for having to go to work (money rather than "stimulation").

I think this is a perfectly valid reason to work. I think I managed to get in somewhere that I am sorry I have to work as many hours as I do...I am not sorry I work. My time outside the house working, with all the people and experiences and challenges that brings, helps give me the mental stimulation and social opportunities I need. I would (and did on maternity leave) get pretty frustrated otherwise.
Many, many women feel the same.
Happy parents help make happy children.

Vive, what an interesting thread you have started. Do you know what *you* want (i.e. not what your partner wants, or what is 'best' for the baby) to do? It's not the only factor, but it is an important factor, and seems to get left out of some of these conversations. You want your child to be happy, of course, but you should also want yourself to be happy...

It is very good point, BayWhitaker.

As Mummy007 said, the baby is changing my life completely, and my real problem is that I tend to lose my focus/perspectives of my life. I was hoping and dreaming that when I have a baby, I am going to have a nice and relaxed time, enjoy time of being of mum, socializing other mums etc.

But I realised that it was all dream.

(as rachelg implies...)So far my life is built up with my work and my work was the one which has given me confidence-the feeling and the sense of who I really am. But with the arrival of little one, I have been away from my work. Everyday passes by changing nappies, calming her crying, learning how to breastfeed properly- a lot of tries and error and I am completley hopeless in this!! When I go to babies' group, other mommies are nice, but I cannot really feel connected because they are more relaxed about having a baby. But at the same time, I really want my baby to have the best care and support and I feel huge responsibility to do so. I have to go back to my work soon(as I am a kind of like self-employed, and some work needs to be done urgently) and have been under huge pressure that I need to something about it.

Basically, I need to search for the balance of life. All the conversation on the thread is really helping me to understand many issues and helping me with a lot of necessarry information.

Thanks for your editing my previous thread, cozywolf.
I hope my quote above works fine this time...

My husband is worried about taking our baby to a childminder.
He thinks our baby (3 months) it too young to ask a childminder.
He is worrying the baby could get illness etc by mixing with other kids (or a pets in the house).
I said a childminder has got a inspection, but he is not still convinced. The fact that the baby still have not had every immunization course is worrying him.

Could any give us any advices that it is still too young to take to a childminder?

To return to the OP.....your husbands concern appears to be with the possibility that baby could catch illnesses etc. Yes, your baby could catch illnesses from other kids, but that's a part of childhood and it's actually quite healthy - I'm sure kids who are exposed to the usual childhood aiments ar going to grow up with stronger immune systems thab those whose parents tryand keep them isolated and never give them a chance to socialise, eat worms and get thoroughly mucky.
If that's your old man's main concern, then I think it's a pretty unfounded one.

Basically, I need to search for the balance of life. All the conversation on the thread is really helping me to understand many issues and helping me with a lot of necessarry information.



I think that hits the nail on the head! And it is a bit of a search too - I think it takes a while to find the balance that is right for you and your family.

You CAN still work (and get all the benefits that work gives you... money / self worth / independence / socialising etc etc) while at the same time being a great mum.

This being a parent is hard though, isn't it?!!

Bet you any money these mothers at playgroups are not relaxed at all. They will have the same evil tea-times as the rest of us and whatever people say about babies sleeping through etc(especially breastfeeders) is often a bag of tripe. Having your first baby is difficult and has an element of culture shock but most of the time things settle down :)

Vive it's so hard sometimes with your first baby, and breastfeeding can be painful and difficult. I agree with the person who said something like: happy parents make for a happy baby. It's obvious how much you care for your baby, but it also seems to come across, from what you have written, that you would like to get back to doing some of your own work, as well as all the baby care...

I guess it's a hard decision for you and your husband to come to, whether she is ready for a child minder yet. I really think his worries about illnesses are unfounded. She will probably catch lots of colds... she will get them at the baby groups anyway, once we get into autumn.

There might be all sorts of compromises, if you can work part time for a while, and maybe your husband too. Even if you could just work say one and a half days per week, that would be some space for you to be your pre-baby self... and even if your husband can't get a long stretch of unpaid leave, he might be able to take one day off per week as annual leave for a few weeks, if you both decide she is too young for the childminder. Anyway, I wish you lots of luck and I think you are really brave: Honestly, it DOES get easier.

Just a thought: I guess the breat feeding ties in with this, because if you're at work you can't breastfeed her. But if you have managed to stick with it for three months, when it's painful and difficult, I think you have done really well.
x
Bay

Thanks for your messages.
My husband and I managed to arrange taking turn to take care of my baby.

Yes, halibut, we had a good laugh that his worries were "old man's concern"!
This made him relaxed, too. Happy parents make a happy baby.

By the way, has anyone experienced the life with a baby changed your relationship with your huband? We have more argument over the issue of our baby, but no sex life..

By the way, has anyone experienced the life with a baby changed your relationship with your huband? We have more argument over the issue of our baby, but no sex life..

Perfectly normal, especially in the early stages of parenthood.
My partner and I argue a lot more than we did.
Since the early months are the ones where little sleep takes place and the breasts are now multi fuctional it seems to rather take the zest out of having a sex life for a while.
It must work out fine though, or how would anyone ever have younger siblings? :D