My partner and I just bought our first home and inherited a friends lodger. Now the lodger is a nice bloke and has been a friend of ours for years but living together is turning out to be more stressful than I'd anticipated (and trust me I had low expectations).
Before he moved in we discussed the issue of noise pollution, explaining that we were moving after 18 months of listening to other people stereos all night and didn't want that when we moved. I know he likes his music so I thought i would give him the option to pull out of the deal and I also bought him some very expensive headphones so he could still enjoy loud music.
Its not worked though, if its not at night (I don't think thoses headphones have been out of the box) its his radio alarm going off in the morning, waking me up (at least 45 minutes before I planned to get up meaning I am losing a lot of sleep and starting to feel ill). Plus the radio stays on until he goes downstairs and truns the tv on.
I am stressed and upset and this is meant to be the season of goodwill!!
I need some advice on how to tackle this before I throw away years of friendship and throw him out! When I doask him to turn the music down, he sulks and virtually accuses me of being his mum! Help!

we had a lodger from when we bought our house, he was also a friend.
I think the key thing is to make sure he understands that it's no longer a shared let, it's your house, you're his landlord and he is a tenant.
He must have a seriously loud alarmclock though to wake you up from a different room.

If you can't solve the problem then you'll have to speak to him and explain that you feel like you need more space and that you think maybe he should start looking for a place of his own or somewhere else to rent.

Not wanting him as a lodger doesn't have to mean the end of your friendship.

Living with friends is stressful sometimes for sure.

But if they are friend/s then you should be able to approach them without too much aggrevation.

If he was there first, he is probably subconciously thinking that you are the guest and in denial of the real situation eg.. the dummy being spat!

put yourself first, its not as if it`s a troublesome neighbour that you cannot communicate with!

Sounds like he might be young though, or unthoughtful.

Originally posted by Maddy
I need some advice on how to tackle this before I throw away years of friendship and throw him out! When I doask him to turn the music down, he sulks and virtually accuses me of being his mum! Help!


Tough call - he needs to realise that the two of you are not "housemates" youre the boss! If that means cutting the apron-strings, so be it.

You can always say you want more space and get rid that way - if you do it right it wont sour your friendship and everyone will be happy.

Sounds like you need an isolator switch for the ring main fitting in YOUR bedroom! Just turn it off when you want some peace!

Maddy,
I have had a problem lodger too. The only solution is to find him a cheaper better place. When he's gone you'll be in heaven. If not then put the rent up. get some in ear plugs from boots. I slept soundly, for a whole week with earplugs last year in corfu.

does he have a contract, thats the first bit?

Email him a link to the start of this thread and see if he gets the message!

:heyhey: :heyhey:

Cunning eh?

Yes he has a contract and he moved in just after us (we basically saved him from being homeless, we didn't buy the house with the intention of having a lodger - part of the problem I think)

And yes his alarm really is that loud! I left it to the other half to have a word but being men they shuffled around the subject and had a beer so I tried to sort out a compromise and this morning wasn't so bad - if he'd get up when his alarm went off it wouldn't be a problem at all!

As for mailing him the link to this post, a text message about the situation which was meant to the other half went to him by mistake! Thats what prompted the discussion.
Thanks for your input guys, I am keeping an eye on the situation but if it doesn't imrove I shall simply not renew his contract (only 5 months to go then.....)
Off to Boots for some ear plugs then Muddycoffee! Whats your lodger like?

Originally posted by Maddy
Muddycoffee! Whats your lodger like?

My lodger is long gone.

He used to work in a local pub, which meant he stumbled in at midnight or later. Often drunk, and with friends. They would watch films all night while continuing to drink. And their voices got louder and louder as they got drunker. My lodger had a deep voice anyway which carried to my room upstairs where I was trying to sleep. He used to stay up until 7am, watching films, then go to bed and sleep to 5pm the following day, before having a shower and running down to the road to be late for work. so as you can tell he was a bit of a bad lot anyway.
I put up with him for six months until his rent had paid a debt which I had on a credit card. And then he left just as I was about to throw him out. I used to ring him using a mobile phone asking him to keep it down as I was trying to sleep, but he'd turn it down a notch but later a load of orchestral film music would wake me up again, and after the film ended they'd start talking very loudly as they decided which one to watch next. During his time, he prevented me from sleeping so often, that I banned him from having friends round after 11, then I sabatoged the tv so he couldn't watch films.

I've had friends in similar situations, my advice to them has always been to talk to the lodger about it, heres the important bit; before it becomes an issue. If you try n live with something like this after a few months you'll have sacrificed your friendship for the sake of not wanting to speak out. If they are as you say 'your friend' then they should appreciate you for taking them in and not want to cause you any problems by their staying with you.

Have a chat, stay chilled, dont lose it, clearly explain the problem. If they dont accept what your saying then remind them that it is your house which they are staying in.

If they dont change their ways then ask them to leave.

I know its easier to suggest than actually do but your obviously causing yourself discomfort by not saying anything, your lodger might not even be aware that they’re being a pain!

Good luck!

Thanks dwhembro, Thats prety much what I did and now the situation has calmed down a lot. I don't think he realised how upset I was.
Keepng an eye on the situation and my fingers crossed.....