ok..bit of background...my partner left me to go back to her mums 4 years ago taking my daughter (now 6) with her..was her decision to leave even tho we had a good relationship..guess she just fell out of love with me..it was a long time ago and any wounds about my ex are definitely healed...still hurts that i dont live with my daughter tho.....i have maintained a high profile in my daughters life, seeing her 3-4 times a week with her staying over once a week..it has been like that since my ex left... my daughter and i have always enjoyed each others company..my best buddy..i also still get on with my ex and her family..the ex lived with her mum up until 2 months ago, when she moved into a new house with her new partner..we (myself/exs mum/ex) all live relatively close to one another still so contact is still very regular....about a month ago my daughter has started to show changes in behaviour to us all...when she stays with me overnight, she will get upset saying she misses mummy and nannan...when she is with nannan, she will miss me and her mum...and when with mum, misses me and nannan...we have all talked to her about this to see if anything is bothering her.. nothing has changed in our circumstances, only that they are in a new house.. my daughter has started to ask why me and her mum are not together now and i have explained my side as honestly and as best as i can...which i think i did quite well at..i know that my ex has done the same...but still my daughter seems mixed up about something...i find this quite upsetting as at 6 years old,,she should'nt be mixed up about anything as such....my ex works full time and nannan picks her up from school and keeps her till teatime... i can only think that too much time with nannan has contributed to my daughters confusion...but that said...she has always spent a lot of time at nannans...but it is only the last month that she has been showing this behaviour...i chat regularly with my ex about this but im feeling a little lost....i want what is best for my daughter...i want her to be settled... i do think that she is happy in general...but something is bothering her... ..... i have tried to put as many facts into this thread as possible so that any advice or suggestions will be more accurate.... i want to know how best to find out what is wrong and how best to deal with it..... thanks for taking the time to read all this...........sad dad [/SIZE][/B][/I][/COLOR][/SIZE][/SIZE]

..bit of background...my partner left me to go back to her mums 4 years ago taking my daughter (now 6) with her..was her decision to leave even tho we had a good relationship..guess she just fell out of love with me..it was a long time ago and any wounds about my ex are definitely healed...still hurts that i dont live with my daughter tho.....i have maintained a high profile in my daughters life, seeing her 3-4 times a week with her staying over once a week..it has been like that since my ex left...

my daughter and i have always enjoyed each others company..my best buddy..i also still get on with my ex and her family..the ex lived with her mum up until 2 months ago, when she moved into a new house with her new partner..

we (myself/exs mum/ex) all live relatively close to one another still so contact is still very regular....about a month ago my daughter has started to show changes in behaviour to us all...when she stays with me overnight, she will get upset saying she misses mummy and nannan...when she is with nannan, she will miss me and her mum...and when with mum, misses me and nannan...we have all talked to her about this to see if anything is bothering her.. nothing has changed in our circumstances, only that they are in a new house..

my daughter has started to ask why me and her mum are not together now and i have explained my side as honestly and as best as i can...which i think i did quite well at..i know that my ex has done the same...but still my daughter seems mixed up about something...i find this quite upsetting as at 6 years old,,she should'nt be mixed up about anything as such....my ex works full time and nannan picks her up from school and keeps her till teatime... i can only think that too much time with nannan has contributed to my daughters confusion...but that said...she has always spent a lot of time at nannans...

but it is only the last month that she has been showing this behaviour...i chat regularly with my ex about this but im feeling a little lost....i want what is best for my daughter...i want her to be settled... i do think that she is happy in general...but something is bothering her... ..... i have tried to put as many facts into this thread as possible so that any advice or suggestions will be more accurate.... i want to know how best to find out what is wrong and how best to deal with it..... thanks for taking the time to read all this...........sad dad

Oo that was a tough read and hard on the eyes too.

From first glance you mention the new house but also the new partner. If he is relatively new to the family, maybe she's feeling a little insecure about sharing her mum and is wanting the status quo to be maintained as thats what shes always been used to.

...hey sorry bout the read...the partner is not new...hes been around for couple of years now and she gets on ok with him...but i guess its new that she is living together with him...hmmm...could be a part of it i guess..

It could be down to the fact of changing houses. If i read it right she lived with her mum and grandmother until 2 months ago? If this is the case then the last few years have been a steady and settled pattern for her. This has now been changed and she will feel a little unsettled. I'm sure it's very natural and once a new pattern is established she will begin to settle down with it all. Just make sure the relationships are maintained as they were before and the period of settling will be quicker for her.

me and my sons dad also 6 split up 3 yrs ago now and my son still asks why even tho i have been with my current partner over a yr and there best buddys i think they always think wot if....

The first part which jumped out to me was the change of environment and change of people in the household.
If they moved house and the chap has moved in maybe things have changed much more than she expected.
Encourage her to talk to you, keep a close eye on her overall and all of you should be giving her lots and lots of cuddles and comfort so she realises that nothing else has changed. I imagine you already are though if you've all had a chat with her.

..thanks for the posts...please keep them coming...i did think about the house move as a contributory factor..cant help feeling its something else tho too..

maybe at 6 years old she's just starting to realise taht whilst some (most? don't know your situation, obviously) of her school friends live with mum and dad, she doesn't - maybe she's confused over why she doesn't when others do? i doubt that her grandmother picking her up from school would confuse her at all - when i was very young i spent a lot of time with the childminder/play group, and was never aware of who all my carers were, but never failed to be aware of my parents or grandparents and what they were in (roughly) relation to me.

it's also possible taht at 6 years old she's starting to get a bit experimental with being manipulative? i don't want to sound offensive by saying that, because it is a valuable life skill to some degree (babybabychickens was about 6 months old when she first displayed overt manipulation! she didn't manage to hide it very well!). maybe she's learning to try to control her situation to try to improve it? to her, it's perfectly possible that the thing she wants most is to have mum, dad and nannan all there all the time - maybe that's what she's trying to achieve?

there's no problems between her and your ex's current partner, is there? i'm assuming there's no abuse going on, but does he treat her like his own? does he have his own kids too?

alternatively, and as others have said - maybe it's been unsettling for her to move house.

is she being bullied at school, and trying to avoid it by being safe around the 3 of you? even if she's not being bullied, is she doing alright in academic terms? i used to be incredibly unhappy at school if i wasn't doing better than everyone else - just because she's a child doesn't mean she might not have very high expectations that she's placing on herself. is she good at sports and stuff?

good luck getting to the bottom of matters...let us know how you go.

maybe at 6 years old she's just starting to realise taht whilst some (most? don't know your situation, obviously) of her school friends live with mum and dad, she doesn't - maybe she's confused over why she doesn't when others do? i doubt that her grandmother picking her up from school would confuse her at all - when i was very young i spent a lot of time with the childminder/play group, and was never aware of who all my carers were, but never failed to be aware of my parents or grandparents and what they were in (roughly) relation to me.

it's also possible taht at 6 years old she's starting to get a bit experimental with being manipulative? i don't want to sound offensive by saying that, because it is a valuable life skill to some degree (babybabychickens was about 6 months old when she first displayed overt manipulation! she didn't manage to hide it very well!). maybe she's learning to try to control her situation to try to improve it? to her, it's perfectly possible that the thing she wants most is to have mum, dad and nannan all there all the time - maybe that's what she's trying to achieve?

there's no problems between her and your ex's current partner, is there? i'm assuming there's no abuse going on, but does he treat her like his own? does he have his own kids too?

alternatively, and as others have said - maybe it's been unsettling for her to move house.

is she being bullied at school, and trying to avoid it by being safe around the 3 of you? even if she's not being bullied, is she doing alright in academic terms? i used to be incredibly unhappy at school if i wasn't doing better than everyone else - just because she's a child doesn't mean she might not have very high expectations that she's placing on herself. is she good at sports and stuff?

good luck getting to the bottom of matters...let us know how you go.


thanks for your post...i think that there may be a bit of manipulation being attempted but that aside..yeah she gets on ok (nothing untoward) with exs fella..he used to stop over at exs mums but maybe now that he is living with them in a new house..its too new...school life is fine...popular, bright little girl..but as i said...i feel theres more to it... unless im just being an over concerned dad...if thats at all possible ..