I'm offering the first chapter of a story I'm writing for critique. Isn't it odd how sometimes the people who are supposed to love you just won't get involved with your writing. My husband refuses to read what I write so I'm offering it up to you lot to see if he's wrong.

James Collins Senior & Jimmy 1976. (http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1181823696.doc)

Sorry, I really should remember to take my meds occasionally! It's at
http://www.communitynet.org.uk/SFStoryArchive/1181823696

Try at:
http://www.communitynet.org.uk/SFStoryArchive/1181823696.doc

Remember if you're taking meds, you need to see a Doc every so often!

IS is so crap that no one wants to hurt my feelings? Really worried now!:help:

IS is so crap that no one wants to hurt my feelings? Really worried now!:help:

You've nothing to worry about, slickwitch. :)

It's been a quiet time on here for a few days. I haven't read it yet (a computer "blip" at this end won't let me open the file on the link properly) so I'll respond when I get it sorted. I have other links to read too. Sorry folks.

By the way, it is not your links at fault! :)

I've just read your story, and what i found was that you over glossed it and you didnt need to .By that i mean you seemed to over emphasise everything that happened before getting to the actual point being made ,and I wouldn't have included stabilisers on a bike, not for a ten year old .

This is a real shame because after i had finished it i thought it was a good story and reminded me of something Catherin Cookson would write . It's just my opinion and nothing personal so please don't take it to heart and come back again . :)

A beautifully crafted story. The pace was perfect, and held my attention throughout. A tad over-descriptive at times, but wow, some wonderful memorable phrases, e.g., "A colour clash like his nannan’s wallpaper".

A delightful read. I am much impressed. :thumbsup:

Can we please have a Chapter Two?.... I'm intrigued to know what is going on behind the other front door!

A beautifully crafted story. The pace was perfect, and held my attention throughout. A tad over-descriptive at times, but wow, some wonderful memorable phrases, e.g., "A colour clash like his nannan’s wallpaper".

A delightful read. I am much impressed. :thumbsup:

Can we please have a Chapter Two?.... I'm intrigued to know what is going on behind the other front door!

Thanks a million. That means a lot and yes I do need to strip it down a bit. I will post the next chapter in a couple of days if you're interested. Cheers.

Thanks a million. That means a lot and yes I do need to strip it down a bit. I will post the next chapter in a couple of days if you're interested. Cheers.

You've certainly whetted my appetite for another chapter slickwitch. If it's as good as this first chapter, I shall look forward to reading it with great pleasure. :thumbsup:

What an excellent and gripping start. It pulled me all the way in to page 2 to find out whether he'd got the bike.