Hello, I wrote this poem a while ago about the Peace Gardens. I thought it would be appropriate due to the weather this weekend.

http://herminehaller.blogspot.com/2006/10/english-summer.html

Very good Sarah, this describes the Peace Gardens perfectly. Just wish you had made it a bit longer, as it was so enjoyable.

You have captured the image of the Peace Gardens in a lovely piece of work SarahD. :)

Nicely done Sarah.
I agree with Shoeshine and Pattricia on this one.
A perfect discription and nicely wrote.

How about this one...
Home thoughts from Sheffield

Oh, to be in England
Now that April is here
And whoever wakes in England
Sees, some morning, unaware.

Think it will catch on?
I await the writ from Mr Browning

I remember the gardens of old ,when me and my mates decieded to be bold ,
we dropped our kit and ran round the garden ,it's funny how a bit of fresh air gets a ..............Oh no i don't ,but we did.Nice poem S/D:hihi:

Hello,

This is my first post in this section (I am waiting for my password so I can participate fully). So it's good to have a poem to comment on, and one I like a lot :)

My favourite stanza is the second, especially the sound of it when read aloud. Although after a few times I thought that I didn't quite understand the grammar, I immediately decided it didn't matter.

Two suggestions (which are (1) a matter of taste and (2) completely disposable):

I like the short pithy lines, and the last line of each of the last two stanzas seem to be a bit long to me in comparison. I would be tempted to cut 'out-stretched' and the 'time' bit of summer-time.

Finally I think you should think about removing the word 'mediocre' from your blog title!

Hugh

Welcome Hugh.

Welcome Hugh.

Yep, nice to have you onboard Hugh.
Look forward to reading some of your work (Sorry for highjacking the thread, Sarah)

Thanks people for the nice comments, and to Hugh for the suggestions. It's not perfect but I've fiddled around with it so much over time I think I'm just going to leave it as it is.

The mediocre bit remains, I still don't feel like most of my writing surpasses it! But thanks all. I'll try and get some new material to post. In the meantime feel free to read the rest of my blog.

A very enjoyable poem. I particularly liked the use of alliteration, and the internal ryhme in the second stanza. Well done SarahD. :thumbsup: