Does anyone out there relate to this?

Being told repeatedly, by friends and family and even people who hardly know me, what a lovely, gentle, caring , funny, smart , talented and all round fluffy person I am.....

So, what's wrong with that? I hear you ask.

Nothing, its lovely to hear......

BUT....

How come that isnt enough? I know I dont come in a shiny, pretty and standard sized package, and I am beginning to try and change that, but to coin the old phrase, you cant make a silk purse from a sow's ear, I'm never going to be pretty or thin.

I certainly cant change the person I am, and wouldnt want to.

does that mean it's tough bananas then, I'm destined to be just ' a nice bloke'...?

Everyone is special in their own way. Besides, there aren't enough nice blokes out there so be proud that you are

dont get me wrong, it makes me feel very good when people tell me this stuff, and I am proud to be the person I am, it just hurts a litle more with every rejection, and deepens my sense of confusion and self doubt.

It's Gods little joke mate - he's got something against humanity.
the ******** come in nice packages





generally ;)

They say that nice guys finish last, that may be true it might take them longer to get what they want but when they do they cherish it and make it really special and are loved for being the person they are.
It might take you longer to get where you want to be, but when you get there it will be better than most people have because you will bring something special to it.

dont get me wrong, it makes me feel very good when people tell me this stuff, and I am proud to be the person I am, it just hurts a litle more with every rejection, and deepens my sense of confusion and self doubt.


Awww! Doesn't he sound sweet?

Does anyone out there relate to this?

Being told repeatedly, by friends and family and even people who hardly know me, what a lovely, gentle, caring , funny, smart , talented and all round fluffy person I am.....

So, what's wrong with that? I hear you ask.

Nothing, its lovely to hear......

BUT....

How come that isnt enough? I know I dont come in a shiny, pretty and standard sized package, and I am beginning to try and change that, but to coin the old phrase, you cant make a silk purse from a sow's ear, I'm never going to be pretty or thin.

I certainly cant change the person I am, and wouldnt want to.

does that mean it's tough bananas then, I'm destined to be just ' a nice bloke'...?

Oh honey! *gives SS the biggest hug ever!*
You really are all those things and more! You just need to find someone who sees that and appreciates it!
I for one tend to go for the way someone is, not how they look as looks fade but the person inside stays the same...
If I was 20 years older, Mister... :thumbsup:

...Besides, there aren't enough nice blokes out there so be proud that you are
I'll heartily second that. The trouble with nice blokes is that they sometimes turn out to be arseholes in disguise :suspect: . So, if you're one of the genuine ones, fantastic. You can never have too much of a good thing :) .

I thing you need to relax, enjoy the life you have, and not worry about it. As soon as you get comfotable with the way things are and are no longer bothered, some femail will come along and mess it all up again ;)

just ' a nice bloke'...?

it's better than being just 'a insert-any-number-of-other-options bloke'.

actually, i sort of know what you mean, but with a different example - babybabychickens is pretty much the perfect baby; she eats whatever you offer her, she has been sleeping for 12 hours per night since she was 5 weeks old, she doesn't cry when she hurts herself, and spends most of her life smiling and laughing. it drives me absolutely BONKERS when people tell me how lucky i am. yes, i know i'm lucky, but none of you went through the worst 2 months of your life, complete with existential angst and absolute mind-numbing misery, just after she was born, on top of which you had spent the previous 9 months vomiting, aching, and generally unable to eat, sleep, or perform anythign like a normal life. i find it particularly annoying when the mother in law says it, when she actually means 'sods to you and your (possible) postnatal depression, I'M really lucky to have a granddaughter that makes ME happy with no side-effects whatsoever'.

well, i think it's reasonably similar to your situation, anyway.

Awww! Doesn't he sound sweet?

sickening isnt it? :hihi:

just having a moan, its been a long and disappointing week.

Thankfully I'm off work for the day, off to milton keynes for a couple of nights, then next week is a whole new one, with all that it might bring.

Thankfully I'm off work for the day, off to milton keynes for a couple of nights, then next week is a whole new one, with all that it might bring.

Ohhhh! The city of dreams. That'll cheer you up.

Ohhhh! The city of dreams. That'll cheer you up.

yeah, there was a certain amount of irony in my excitement at going to the city of concrete cows, roundabouts and faceless corporate schlock :D

i totally empathise- i had my best friend on the phone last night saying exactly the same thing.

ive had a crappy week as my first relationship in 2 years has ended in silence. everything was fine and dandy last week and plans were made for things to do this week....only ive been ignored solidly for the last 6 days and all i can assume is that ive been unceremoniusly dumped on my arse again.

i dont want to be a cynical spinster all my life, but every time i open up i get hurt the same way...so i think ive got no choice but to just give up. im quite simply not strong enough to face silent rejection in every relationship i eventually get into.

this is the 3rd time in a row that things have ended this way- and ive only had 5 relationships since 1998 and none of them have made it past the 3 month mark. this one managed a grand total of 6 weeks!!!

so yes, i feel your pain and i really do hope you have more luck than me.


x

Take it from me honey- anyone who doesn't see and appreciate a beautiful and caring soul when they see one isn't worthy of you spending your time and energy on them!

There are those of us who DO look beyond the exterior, and who would choose a lovely person over someone who's just externally pretty every time.

What you need is the confidence to know that you have lots of offer, and to know that you're worth waiting for the right person.

Take it from me honey- anyone who doesn't see and appreciate a beautiful and caring soul when they see one isn't worthy of you spending your time and energy on them!

There are those of us who DO look beyond the exterior, and who would choose a lovely person over someone who's just externally pretty every time.

What you need is the confidence to know that you have lots of offer, and to know that you're worth waiting for the right person.

I second everything Medusa's said there, hun. She's said it beautifully.

It's the person you are inside that counts - possessing a beautiful soul is the most important thing in the world, and is the main thing that will attract the sort of genuine person to you who will love you for you, no matter what happens in life. The sort of person who you will grow old with. A true soulmate.

Ms Right will be along, hun - you just have to give her time to find you.

Take care,

Sparkle x

There is a phrase our American friends use in situations like this. I believe it is 'get over yourself' or something similar.

what is wrong with being the nice guy?

you arnt getting any are you ? thats what this is really about isnt it ?:hihi:

Sharpy,

(What medusa and starsparkle said!)

You are an absolutely smashing bloke, a top geezer.

Any lass who doesn't think so, well... she wants her head read!

XX PT XX

Does anyone out there relate to this?

Being told repeatedly, by friends and family and even people who hardly know me, what a lovely, gentle, caring , funny, smart , talented and all round fluffy person I am.....

So, what's wrong with that? I hear you ask.

Nothing, its lovely to hear......

BUT....

How come that isnt enough? I know I dont come in a shiny, pretty and standard sized package, and I am beginning to try and change that, but to coin the old phrase, you cant make a silk purse from a sow's ear, I'm never going to be pretty or thin.

I certainly cant change the person I am, and wouldnt want to.

does that mean it's tough bananas then, I'm destined to be just ' a nice bloke'...?

try changing your image!! go for the rough look, i'm a nice guy but to look at me you'd think god he look hard, you'll be supprised how many girls like the hard look! but then are amazed when they get to know you, the nice guy image really works then!! :thumbsup:

Try the emo look.

Try the emo look.
Yes and don't forget to cut yourself. Then they'll give you pity.

sickening isnt it? :hihi:

just having a moan, its been a long and disappointing week.

Thankfully I'm off work for the day, off to milton keynes for a couple of nights, then next week is a whole new one, with all that it might bring.


why dont you get involved in speed dating!! if you are as nice as you say you are then the women will see this and not look at you with beer goggle eyes as women are very picky when out with friends and drunk, they go for looks and clothes only!!, then there really shouldn't be a problem.

Sherlock Holmes never had any girlfriends and he was always turned out nice in Saville Row gear, had a decent job and probably wasn’t short of a bob or two.

try changing your image!! go for the rough look, i'm a nice guy but to look at me you'd think god he look hard, you'll be supprised how many girls like the hard look! but then are amazed when they get to know you, the nice guy image really works then!! :thumbsup:

What does he need to change about his image? He's great as he is! (And if folk don't like him for who he is, then they're shallow and not worth bothering with!)

People! He said if he is referred to as such a nice guy again he's gonna snap.

So what happens? Everyone replies stating that he's such a thoroughly nice chap, ergo he has by now read all this and 'snapped'.

Outcome? He's probably out there right now on a killing rampage. And you who praised him have blood on your hands:| .

You look nice & cuddly to me, but women dont like cuddly men.They like a bit of rough!!(get a smart avatar like Lindos) ;)

You know Kristian :o

Have you EVER seen that photo he carries around with him...:hihi:

I know you have a great personality and I really don't think looks, dress sense or financial status should play a part in how you feel about yourself but can understand if you are on a 'personal low' it will impact on your self confidence.

I can assure you 'this' is probably the problem and to work on this you need to stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself how 'fantastic' you are.

Try a mini makeover too if you want but I think your problem is firmly rooted to lack of self-confidence in the 'pulling-power' department.

Be resilient and treat rejections as 'their loss' not yours.... :thumbsup:

You look nice & cuddly to me, but women dont like cuddly men.They like a bit of rough!!(get a smart avatar like Lindos) ;)

Hmmm--I'll remember that next time you and I have an exchange, pattricia...

*scruffs up his hair and puts on a Bruce Willis type vest*:hihi:

Sharpsinger, I can completely empathise with you. I've had the same problem all my life. I've come to the conclusion that I'm always going to be the person that everybody likes but nobody loves.

Does anyone out there relate to this?

Being told repeatedly, by friends and family and even people who hardly know me, what a lovely, gentle, caring , funny, smart , talented and all round fluffy person I am.....

So, what's wrong with that? I hear you ask.

Nothing, its lovely to hear......

BUT....

How come that isnt enough? I know I dont come in a shiny, pretty and standard sized package, and I am beginning to try and change that, but to coin the old phrase, you cant make a silk purse from a sow's ear, I'm never going to be pretty or thin.

I certainly cant change the person I am, and wouldnt want to.

does that mean it's tough bananas then, I'm destined to be just ' a nice bloke'...?

"Dont go changing...to try and please me, you never let me down before..." :heyhey: ;)

Sharpsinger, I can completely empathise with you. I've had the same problem all my life. I've come to the conclusion that I'm always going to be the person that everybody likes but nobody loves.

But that's got to be much, much better than being the person that everybody hates :cool:

But that's got to be much, much better than being the person that everybody hates :cool:

Yeah life could be worse. ;)

If I can make the people I care about smile now and again then it's something to be grateful for. It's just frustrating sometimes.

Yeah life could be worse. ;)

If I can make the people I care about smile now and again then it's something to be grateful for. It's just frustrating sometimes.

Well at least I love your Avatar.!!;)

You look nice & cuddly to me, but women dont like cuddly men.They like a bit of rough!!(get a smart avatar like Lindos) ;)

some woman like cuddly men and not everyone likes a bit of rough.

i would rather have a sensative and caring bloke any day than someone that comes across as being a bit rough.

some woman like cuddly men and not everyone likes a bit of rough.

i would rather have a sensative and caring bloke any day than someone that comes across as being a bit rough.

I mean rough looking not too neat and tidy. A bit ruffled, if you know what i mean.;)

I mean rough looking not too neat and tidy. A bit ruffled, if you know what i mean.;)

Like Waltheof, you mean? :D

What about David Beckham's new hairstyle? hmmmm! not sure myself.

Like Waltheof, you mean? :D

What about David Beckham's new hairstyle? hmmmm! not sure myself.

Er not quite. :gag: Bring me George Clooney and I will ruffle him up myself.:cool:

Er not quite. :gag: Bring me George Clooney and I will ruffle him up myself.:cool:

Drags in George, hands him over and watches in horror as pattricia ruffles him up ... :o

Drags in George, hands him over and watches in horror as pattricia ruffles him up ... :o

Not horror ruby, join me, and we will ruffle him up together.:D

You look nice & cuddly to me, but women dont like cuddly men.They like a bit of rough!!(get a smart avatar like Lindos) ;)

sorry,I've got to really disagree with you there pattricia...

If you are talking about cuddly as in "chunky", I much prefer, (normally,) a "meaty" man, with some flesh on his bones. However, my current partner is a very slender chap, but he is the exception that proves the rule...

If you're talking about a chap who likes to cuddle, Again, there's nothing I love more than to snuggle up to my fella.

I like cuddly men, and I'm not the only one! It doesn't mean I'm not partial to Arm wrestling pattricia for georgy boy :love:

I like cuddly men, and I'm not the only one! It doesn't mean I'm not partial to Arm wrestling pattricia for georgy boy :love:

Fight you for him then !!

Daniel Craig was called ugly when he was announced as the new James Bond, you can't please all the people all of the time, you're ok and brave enough to put your piccy on the forum which a lot don't, I had

formed a very positive opinion of you and your post confirms it you don't need anyone on your arm to confirm it either, all good things come to those who wait

Aquarians rule (are you listening Lindos!)

Does anyone out there relate to this?

Being told repeatedly, by friends and family and even people who hardly know me, what a lovely, gentle, caring , funny, smart , talented and all round fluffy person I am.....
BUT....
How come that isnt enough? I know I dont come in a shiny, pretty and standard sized package, and I am beginning to try and change that, but to coin the old phrase, you cant make a silk purse from a sow's ear, I'm never going to be pretty or thin.

I certainly cant change the person I am, and wouldnt want to.

does that mean it's tough bananas then, I'm destined to be just ' a nice bloke'...?



Yes, I can absolutely relate to that, Sharpsinger. I, too, am told repeatedly by friends and family that I am a wonderful person -- intelligent, witty, fun, adventurous, caring, affectionate, talented, successful, generous, financially stable, etc.

Yet, I have no romantic prospects whatsoever. Even the men who obviously like me and enjoy my company aren't interested in me as anything but a friend. I'm the (apparently asexual) sap that guys call for comfort and advice when they fight with their girlfriends!!!

I am embarrassed to admit even to myself that it must be the way I look. Friends unwittingly corroborate this when they say things like, "Someday, the right man will see the wonderful person inside..." I'd love for them to actually finish the sentence: inside... what? that hideous, overweight, troll-like shell???

If it's any consolation to you, Sharpsinger, I honestly like large men ... I used to be engaged to one until he lost 150 pounds, started lifting weights, dyed his hair blonde and ditched his eyeglasses. Luckily, he found himself a beautiful French Canadian girlfriend who liked skinny guys and I didn't have to hand him the mitten.:D

Good luck.

This could be the start of something wonderful .... would either of you fancy a move overseas ? :)

This could be the start of something wonderful .... would either of you fancy a move overseas ? :)

I was thinking the same thing .;)

well, I've just got back in from tonight's gig in Milton Keynes, (it was good, and an old mate from sheffield was there, purely by chance) and no, I didnt go on a killing rampage, ( at least not a real one, aimed a few imaginary pot shots at other vehicle passengers on the M1.
Just spent the last 10 mins reading the thread and giggling myself into a frenzy, I posted it because I hoped it might strike a chord with anyone out there, and the people who have posted such kind and thoughtful words are exactly the people I guessed might do, they are all very dear to me and I feel privileged to have made such great friends here on SF, and who knows, Ms. right may well have been reading this thread sometime today :D
and to BG, thanks mate, I think its important to be reminded every now and then to 'get over oneself' it keeps you grounded, and to depoix, I have to confess, there is a certain level of hankering to , as you so succinctly put it 'get some' but after having waitied for so long now, including the last few barren years of my last relationship, a while longer isnt going to make a deal of difference.
Its been a good day, I've spent it with the guys in the band, we've had a road trip and a good gig, and plenty of laughs, I've arrived home tired but no less happy than I was this morning, merely a few hours older and a little more sanguine about life in general!
:headbang: rock on!

Yes, I can absolutely relate to that, Sharpsinger. I, too, am told repeatedly by friends and family that I am a wonderful person -- intelligent, witty, fun, adventurous, caring, affectionate, talented, successful, generous, financially stable, etc.

Me too. I also find that I'm complimented on all of those too (apart from the ones I highlighted :hihi:), I find it patronising personally. :(

I don't like 'plastic, groomed, perfection in a mate' i prefer 'real' with a bit more about them than the usual full of themselves 'pretty boys'. I'm sure I'm not the only one, i think what is a shame is when someone doesn't fit into what those around them call good looking then their confidence fades and they're less likely to meet ms. right 'cos they never think they're good enough and do exude the confidence a more 'classical' looking person would.

Lets hear it for real beauty for a change!!

Hello

I was very much like yourself my wife went off with my best mate we had been together for 25 years 3 kids very good jobs.
Then when it all hit the fan i thought i would never meet anyone.
Now i am a big lad i was 42 and thought i would be alone and never find a women.
I was on my own for two years i did not know how to chat up women as i had never done it. I never did anything behind my ex's back all of the time i was with her.
Then i thought right lad i will never find anyone sat at home so i went out with friends and all of a sudden i was meeting very nice lady's and low and behold i pulled.
I had a couple of flings then i became very ill and a mate came to see me in hospital and he bought a girl with him.
when i saw her i just fell in love.
But she was 14 years younger then me, never been married no kids and i thought i had no chance.
Now we have a 16 mth old boy (my eldest is 22 next) it just shows you, you never know whats around the corner i feel so lucky and hope that you find a wonderful person like i have.
Good luck

Thanks johno, its hearing stuff like that which makes me believe in never giving up on myself.
long life and happiness to you and yours mate :thumbsup: