Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/03/24/nmarrow24.xml)
My sister won't give life-saving bone marrow

By Nigel Bunyan
Last Updated: 12:00am GMT 25/03/2007

A cancer sufferer claimed yesterday that his sister had refused to donate her bone marrow.

Simon Pretty, 46, has been told by doctors that without a bone marrow transplant he has only months to live, leaving his girlfriend, Jacqueline Fenton, to bring up their three children, Rebecca, eight, Jack, six, and Benjamin, three, on her own.

Mr Pretty, a businessman from Mobberley, Cheshire, said yesterday: "I won't beg Helen for her bone marrow.

"I can't believe that she would let my three children lose their father."

He recalled being reduced to tears after finding a handwritten prayer in his daughter's coat pocket which read: "Please don't let my daddy die from cancer."

The Anthony Nolan Trust has been unable to identify any other suitable donor in Britain.

As a result Mr Pretty, the human resources manager of a Liverpool-based media company, is now clinging to the faint hope that another donor can be found.

However, that is unlikely because he has a rare tissue type and his sister is believed to be the only person in the world who is a perfect match.

Miss Fenton said: " The past few months have been hell."

Mr Pretty was diagnosed with a rare form of leukaemia in July 2004. His sister was tested as a potential bone marrow donor and found to be a perfect match.

He claims that she initially agreed to the donation, only to change her mind at a later date. He claims that she gave no reason for her change of heart. Mr Pretty, who is no longer on speaking terms with his 43-year-old sister, said: "We were not close as children but I have always encouraged my children to play with her children as I think family life is very important. "

The businessman is currently having chemotherapy treatment at the Christie Hospital, Manchester. "The treatment is tough and it is tortuous to go on with it," he said.

"I have had a skin-full of chemotherapy and all the side effects which go with it. I will continue the treatment and continue to look for an alternative match. I have to remain hopeful, I have a young family and I have to keep my spirits up for them."

Miss Pretty, the mother of two children, runs a private education business from her executive-style detached home in Wilmslow, Cheshire.

She has refused to comment on her brother's allegations. Last night a sign on her door read: "No journalists".

Miss Fenton visited Miss Pretty in the hope that she would change her mind.

"She opened the front door half way and I told her that things were desperate and the children thought their daddy was going to die.

"She said, 'Sorry, I am not doing it'.

"I asked her to give me a reason and she said, 'I am putting my family first'.

"I was so upset and I said, 'Don't you care if your brother dies?' She said, 'It's very sad'."

Miss Fenton acknowledges that she was arrested after launching herself at her sister-in-law.

Police took no further action but she later received a solicitor's letter warning her to stay away.
She obviously has a right not to donate her marrow if she doesn't want to just as her brother has every right to point out to the world what a cold hearted, selfish bitch she is.

I just wish we could have a register of people like her who actively refuse to donate so that they won't receive any blood, marrow or organs that other people donate.

It seems a little strange that the sister actually underwent a bone marrow compatibility test.

Why do that but then refuse a bone marrow transplant - especially in the knowledge that her brother has only months to live, and is unlikely to find another compatible match?

The article mentioned that she said "she's putting her family first". Does it mean that the operation or the donation method is in some way risky also ? I feel that it is somewhat sad because this woman will be judged. If given time, maybe she has a chance to change her mind yet again. Without the added public pressure on what seems to be a private affair... I sense the article is not detailing the whole scenario.

The article mentioned that she said "she's putting her family first". Does it mean that the operation or the donation method is in some way risky also ?
As with any medical procedure there is some risk but by no means a significant amount. They used to harvest marrow by drilling into your femur which involved a general anaesthetic and as such involved some significant risk. They now have an alternative procedure where they give you drugs which make you feel unwell for a few days and then harvest what they need by filtering your blood in a process which requires no surgery and minimal risk.

I know this as I am most likely going to donate marrow within the next few months through the Anthony Nolan Trust and they have given me a good deal of information about what I'll be asked to do and put up with, and I certainly wouldn't choose to go through with that for a stranger if there was a significant risk to myself.

I feel that it is somewhat sad because this woman will be judged. If given time, maybe she has a chance to change her mind yet again. Without the added public pressure on what seems to be a private affair... I sense the article is not detailing the whole scenario.
I fell somewhat sad that you won't put up with a few days of discomfort to potentially save her brother life, of course it could turn out that he's a monumental ******* who was very cruel to her when they were kids or something but even then her actively refusing to put her self out ion the slightest to save his life is just cold.

I like how she had the compatibility test so as to hold out hope to him and then snatched it away!:D

It doesn't say whether they stand to inherit anything; if so: that would be a good reason to let him 'leave the scene'.

shes a cold hearted bitch who obviously thinks she looks better in black. Assuming of course she actually turns up to the funeral

what if he abused her when they were young?

well, that's the only reason I can think of.

this is so huge, so blatently selfish that there MUST be something else.

of course she could just be a horrible cow

i dunno, he strikes me as not exactly telling the whole truth. why go to the papers like that? what's he hoping to gain?!-i mean, who would let someone else bully them into doing something, particularly when they've been physically attacked over the same issue?!-it's not adding up!

yeah, id do anything for my family, but clearly that's not the situation here. the sister is perfectly within her right to decide whether or not she wants to DONATE to her brother - and he's just got to accept her choice.

I'm suprised that she isn't doing it for the kids even 'if' he was bad to her, which is a long shot. I'm sure he wouldn't have gone public with the matter if there was something to hide. I don't think i'd be able to stop myself doing it if there were kids involved. Maybe she has been fed some wrong information about the risks, maybe she's been searching on the internet :suspect:

...or we could presume taht if she's prepared to let her brother die rather than donate bone marrow taht maybe she knows something that we don't. perhaps she has AIDS or hepatitis. Perhaps the leukemia is a familial (inherited) variety and she has it too?

yes, on the face of it, her behaviour is disgusting, but unless we knew everything about the situation, is it really our place to judge?

...or we could presume taht if she's prepared to let her brother die rather than donate bone marrow taht maybe she knows something that we don't. perhaps she has AIDS or hepatitis. Perhaps the leukemia is a familial (inherited) variety and she has it too?

yes, on the face of it, her behaviour is disgusting, but unless we knew everything about the situation, is it really our place to judge?

If it is something like that surely it would have been easier just to tell him. But you are right, no-one can judge as no-one knows the whole story.

...or we could presume taht if she's prepared to let her brother die rather than donate bone marrow taht maybe she knows something that we don't. perhaps she has AIDS or hepatitis. Perhaps the leukemia is a familial (inherited) variety and she has it too?

yes, on the face of it, her behaviour is disgusting, but unless we knew everything about the situation, is it really our place to judge?
Would those issues not have been picked up on during the initial screening? Even if the privacy of the sister was respected in that the brother was not informed of any of the sister's (possible) health issues, you'd think that he would have been advised that serious issues prevented her becoming a donor, and so wouldn't be making such a fuss.

he was diagnosed in 2004. it's now 2007. a lot can happen in 3 years. it doens't say when she was tested, but i'm assuming it was near the start of those 3 years.

perhaps she has told him why she won't, but he's milking the newspapers for sob-story money? i don't believe this, btw, but it is possible.

he was diagnosed in 2004. it's now 2007. a lot can happen in 3 years. it doens't say when she was tested, but i'm assuming it was near the start of those 3 years.

perhaps she has told him why she won't, but he's milking the newspapers for sob-story money? i don't believe this, btw, but it is possible.
True. I'm surprised that she hasn't issued a statement countering the accusation that she hasn't given the brother some form of reason.

If she hasn't given him a reason, and health issues are involved, then it's a very sad state of affairs when such issues can't be discussed between siblings when one of them is apparently so near death.

All speculation, of course, and I'm sure (or rather, I hope) that there's more to this than immediately apparent.

This is a terribly sad situation. When I first read the story I am ashamed to admit I was disgusted. What right have any of us got to judge this woman on the basis of her decision? Only those who know the people involved can understand what is actually going on, and to be honest it's nobody else's business to know about their private family matters. There's obviously a lot more to this story than the public are aware of and I don't think anyone has any right to look down on someone else for making what cannot have been an easy decision.

What right have any of us got to judge this woman on the basis of her decision?

Exactly right, unfortunately some people don't need a right to judge.

I can;t judge because I agree there must be more to this than has been reported. However, even if I hated my sister, I would do that for her. Even if I hated her so much as to not care if she died, I'd do it for the sake of my parents and other family members.

A few years ago I was tested when someone I found out someone who was a customer at work had this awful illness. I wasn't a match, but now I've been tested, I feel I would have a responsibility to donate if I was found to be a match. I know it's not an easy procedure, and I really, really hope I never get that letter. But if I did, knowing I've been tested and am possibly someone's last hope, I think I would have to do it.

I'd be scared, but that's natural. I wonder if that's why she won't donate, through fear? For me, the fear of nieces and nephwes growing up without their dad would be greater.

I agree with other posters - I dont think we're getting the full story here.

Maybe he abused her as kids, or he has abused her kids.... we really dont know the reasons, and there MUST be a reason, a rather substancial reason!

I dont get on so well with one of my brothers but if I could donate bone marrow to save his life I'd certainly do it! I think I'd even do it for a friend or someone I didn't know very well..........

For me, the fear of nieces and nephwes growing up without their dad would be greater.

Though to be honest, we don't even know if neices and nephews growing up without the dad would be such a bad thing, do we?

It's all a bit pointless this debate, because we simply don't know on what grounds she has refused, He might be the most evil man ever to walk the earth and she feels everyone would be better off without him here, or he might be a real top bloke and she's an evil cow.
Or it might be none of these. The only person who knows the true reason is the woman who has refused.

It's all a bit pointless this debate, because we simply don't know on what grounds she has refused, He might be the most evil man ever to walk the earth and she feels everyone would be better off without him here, or he might be a real top bloke and she's an evil cow.


You're right, of course. We can only hope they manage to work things out before it's too late, or another doner can be found.

she might be pregnant. there's another possibility.

she might be pregnant. there's another possibility.

hasn't it been going on for over a year this though??

hasn't it been going on for over a year this though??

we don't know - maybe she only refused to go through with the donation 2 days ago.

Here's a more detailed article on the story giving some more detail on the background to the sisters refusal to lift a finger to help save the life of her brother and father to her nephews and nieces. It's from his perspective of course but I think that even accounting for that the new information firmly backs my initial 'selfish bitch' assessment of the sister to which I would also now add 'spiteful and bitter'.

Still atleast Mr Pretty speaking to the media has greatly increased the profile of marrow donation with the effect that 'the Anthony Nolan Trust has received an unprecedented number of calls from people wanting to be tested' so some good has come of this.

Sentenced to death by my sister
by RACHEL HALLIWELL - More by this author » Last updated at 08:42am on 31st March 2007

When Simon was told he would die without a bone marrow transplant, his sister Helen - the perfect match - offered to help. So why did she change her mind?

On Tuesday Simon Pretty's younger sister Helen turned 44. In previous years, her brother would have taken his family to visit and presented her with cards and gifts, perhaps shared a meal and a bottle of champagne. But this year there were no presents and no celebration.

Simon is dying of leukaemia and his only hope of survival is a bone marrow transplant. Helen, the only known match to his rare tissue-type, agreed to be a donor - and then changed her mind after they quarrelled. Now, he and his sister are no longer speaking and time is fast running out for the father-of-three.

Without a doubt, the story of how this once close-knit family has been torn apart by the very thing that should have united them is both compelling and troubling.

For Mr Pretty, however, speaking fully about the situation for the first time, it is very simple: his sister, he says, has condemned him to death.

Sitting at home this week in his elegantly appointed Cheshire home, his face gaunt and sallow and his hair all but vanished because of his gruelling treatment, he said: "My sister, my own flesh and blood, has the power to give me a future, but chooses not to.

"To know that I could be saved, yet won't be, makes facing up to my own death truly insufferable," says the 46-year-old business consultant, who may have less than a year to live.

"I am frightened of dying. Frightened for myself and for my family. My little girl is scared to go to bed at night, in case I'm not there when she wakes up. My wife Jackie faces watching me die, and bringing up our children alone."

So how did a once apparently loving brother and sister reach this terrible impasse? Simon points to unspoken, deep-seated tensions between them - a classic case of childhood sibling rivalry, one child brighter than the other, one trailing in the other's wake.

While Simon gained a 100 per cent pass in his entrance exam for the private King's School in Macclesfield, Helen failed her eleven plus and then refused to go to private school, going instead to the local comprehensive.

"It was as though she was refusing to be compared to me," says Simon, who has two Masters degrees and is now studying for a PhD in industrial relations when his health allows it.

"I excelled but Helen trundled along."

While their father Geoffrey, a company director - who died of a heart attack when Simon was 21 - heaped praise on the son, the daughter was left in his shadow.

In adulthood, the gulf widened. He earned more money, had better jobs and even provided the first grandchild. "I think Helen was jealous of me most of her life," he says.

And yet, when Simon was first diagnosed with a rare cancer, acute promyelocytic leukaemia, in July 2004, Helen was emphatic that she would do anything to help her brother.

"She seemed to be distraught when I was given just a 45 per cent chance of survival," he recalls. "She came to the house and vowed to do whatever it took to help. 'There's plenty of me,' she said, 'just take what you need.' They were comforting words."

When three gruelling rounds of chemotherapy, administered over the course of just four months, didn't seem to work, Simon's doctors advised that his best hope was a bone marrow transplant.

Helen immediately offered to be tested and was found to be a nearperfect match.

He recalls how his sister came to see him at the hospital, to share the good news. But he says, even then, her choice of words was ominous. "I'm your only chance now," she told him.

"She said it with this big smile on her face," he says. "A chill went down my spine. It was as though she got a kick out of the power she had over me. After she left, I told myself that I was just being paranoid. The more I thought about it the sillier I felt, and I didn't even tell Jackie."

He admits relations in the family had been fragile ever since Simon introduced his wife, Jackie, to his mother Rosalie and his sister 16 years ago.

"Mum had looked down her nose at Jackie. Because I'd spent my 20s working abroad and in the South, Jackie was the first serious girlfriend I'd taken home to her in Cheshire.

"I think Mum felt no one was going to be good enough for her son, and she asked Jackie what her interests were, apart from me, in rather a condescending way. That set the tone. This instant dislike became entirely mutual."

While the two women remained cool towards each other in the following years, Simon and Jackie created a happy family home at their fourbedroom detached house in a village in the heart of the Cheshire countryside.

As well as their daughter Rebecca, now eight, and Jack, now six, they had a new baby boy, Benjamin. And Simon had been offered a job as vice-president of human resources for a company based in Manchester, with a six-figure salary.

"They were exciting times," says Simon. "The only negative in my life was the fact that my mother and my wife really didn't get on."

Then, in 2004, his health suddenly deteriorated over a six-week period.

"I started having horrendous nightsweats, I had no energy and kept getting terrible nosebleeds.

"I had angry bruises on my legs. Eventually I felt so awful I got an emergency appointment at the doctor's. My GP examined me and found I was bleeding behind my eyes, and had blood in my urine. He told me to go straight home and wait for an ambulance to take me to hospital."

Simon was terrified, his nightmare compounded by the fact that it was Rebecca's sixth birthday. He was rushed to hospital with Jackie at his side, while at home his parents-in-law bravely continued with the family barbecue being held in Rebecca's honour.

During the next 24 hours, blood tests showed how desperately ill Simon was. It was then that his sister Helen made her vow to help if a transplant became necessary.

"I actually thought that if one good thing were to come of this situation, it might be that Mum and Jackie would get on better because of my illness," says Simon bitterly. "I thought Helen's selflessness might provide a bridge."

In fact, his cancer would end up driving an even bigger wedge between them. And it began in the most petty manner possible.

When a seriously ill and exhausted Simon asked his wife to co-ordinate visiting times between herself and his mother and sister, it caused ructions.

He explains: "The chemotherapy made me feel lousy, and sometimes I would get Jackie to ask Mum not to visit so I could rest. Mum misinterpreted this, and told Helen that Jackie was stopping her from seeing me.

"Helen phoned the house and told Jackie she should not stop a mother from seeing her son. She said they'd make their own arrangements to visit, and that blood was thicker than water. She didn't believe Jackie when she told her she had been acting on my instructions. They had an almighty row."

Helen and Rosalie cut back their visits from twice a week to once a fortnight, and Simon says he noticed a marked difference in their attitude towards him.

"They'd get cross if I wasn't talkative, even though I often felt too ill to speak or show much interest in their conversation," he says. "It was very distressing.

"One evening, after they left, I told the ward manager to ask them to start checking with the ward sister that I was well enough before they turned up unannounced. I don't suppose that went down very well either."

Such squabbles may seem petty, but a picture emerges of a mother feeling slighted by the actions of her sick son and a daughter-in-law she could not abide.

And at her side, a loyal daughter, equally unhappy with the situation.

"Had I not been so sick, I might have handled things differently," Simon concedes. "But I was desperately ill, and the odds of surviving were very much against me, which they just didn't seem to take into account."

Meanwhile, Simon was given a course of experimental drugs in a last-ditch attempt to destroy the leukaemia. The drugs worked, sending him into remission in December 2004.

"I was very lucky and the transplant was no longer deemed necessary," he says. "But I always knew there was a chance the cancer would come back, and if it did I presumed Helen's offer to be a donor would still stand. It was like an insurance policy."

And last November, a routine bone marrow test showed the cancer was back. Naturally, all hopes were immediately pinned on Helen. But by then, relations within the family had deteriorated so far that Simon's sister changed her mind.

Looking back, Simon still agonises over the row that finally destroyed his relationship with his sister. Once again, what marks it out is its pettiness: a row over a pantomime trip and who was going in which car.

"Somehow this erupted into a huge argument on the phone between Jackie and Mum, with my mother accusing Jackie of deliberately trying to sabotage the event," says Simon. "Helen was there and snatched the phone from Mum and started yelling at Jackie."

Simon claims Helen insulted his wife and children. She called them "scruffy" and said that he himself had become a "glorified housewife", looking after the children while Jackie worked as an office administrator.

He adds: "I vowed then that I wouldn't speak to Helen again until she apologised to Jackie. Mum continued to visit, but would regularly ask if I had any plans to leave Jackie.

"I put up with it for the children: they'd lost touch with their auntie and I didn't want them estranged from their grandma, too."

On November 15, after being told his cancer was back, he drove straight from the hospital to Helen's house to tell her he had relapsed and effectively ask her to save his life. But, he claims, she refused to speak to him, leaving him standing on her doorstep.

He is still stunned by her behaviour. "Families fall out all the time," he says. "It doesn't mean one sibling would want to see the other dead. I presumed our disagreement would be forgotten once Helen knew how ill I was."

In desperation, he asked his mother to step in and speak with Helen on his behalf. He says: "Mum said that Helen didn't feel able to be a donor any more, because she had a young family - she has two children with her partner - and didn't want to risk her health when they needed her. When cells are harvested from a donor's bone marrow, it can leave them feeling unwell for up to a week, but there are not usually long-term implications.

"I pleaded with Mum to try to change her mind - to point out that Helen would be back on her feet in days, and I would be given the chance to live. My children - her grandchildren - would be allowed to keep their father; Jackie wouldn't lose the man she loved; her own son wouldn't die. But Mum refused, saying this was Helen's decision and that she wouldn't intervene."

Simon claims that when he pointed out that this was a matter of life and death, his mother replied: "Some people die sooner than others, and sometimes that just has to be accepted."

He adds: "I was so shocked I told her to leave and never bother coming back. As far as I was concerned, my mother had chosen one child over another, and between them they were condemning me to death. I said I would give Helen until the end of the week to change her mind. If she didn't, I was prepared to disown them both.

"I believe my illness, and Helen discovering she held the key to my survival, gave her the ultimate one-up on me. I think the power went to her head, and now she couldn't change her mind without losing face."

So the parties are left with an uneasy stand-off which no one seems willing to resolve.

In January, having been told that a national search via the Anthony Nolan transplant register had failed to produce a potential donor, Simon's desperate wife went to plead with her estranged sister-in-law.

"Jackie said she couldn't sit and watch me die without doing something to help," says Simon. "She said she would go and beg Helen on bended knee to change her mind."

With passions running high, the meeting ended disastrously in a tussle. "Jackie launched herself at Helen," says Simon, "and was subsequently sent a solicitor's letter demanding she stay away."

Now, having apparently exhausted his options, Simon is left to rue the unhappy chain of events which have left him so bitterly estranged from the only woman who can save him.

Simon's doctors have told him that he needs a transplant by this summer at the latest, to give him the best chance of survival. Every day he must take chemotherapy tablets, and has chemotherapy injections each week, which make him feel sicker than the leukaemia his medication is currently keeping at bay.

He has given up on his sister, but now he, and his family, friends and neighbours are urging everyone they know to be tested, in a desperate search for another match. Already, the Anthony Nolan Trust has received an unprecedented number of calls from people wanting to be tested.

The boost this will give their register could save other lives, which Simon says is his greatest comfort now.

"Somehow we don't give up hope. There's always hope," he says.

But in his darkest hour, he is forever haunted by what he sees as his sister's betrayal.

"No one can make you be a donor - it has to be done through choice," he says. "Helen presented this wonderful gift to me when I was first ill. I didn't ask for her to be tested, she offered. It's the way it was so cruelly withdrawn that I find unforgivable.

"The greatest tragedy is that my children stand to lose not only their father, but also their aunt and their grandma, who will be the only remaining links to my bloodline once I have gone."

Whether or not he is right, the bitter legacy left by this damaged family will undoubtedly be felt for years to come.

This week, Helen Pretty refused to speak about her decision. It's impossible to imagine what is going through her mind. But in the end, of course, she will have years to reflect on the choice she has made - certainly far longer than her dying brother.

• The Anthony Nolan Trust: 020 7284 1234 or www.anthonynolan.org.uk
Source (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=445515&in_page_id=1879)

blood may be thicker than water but here it appears so because it is so cold it is frozen

My siser and I fell out, quite severely, and had virtually no contact in 17 yrs, but if I found out I was her only match, I'd still be beating down the hospital doors to donate!

I would think there are one or two on this forum that don't get on with their brother or sister myself included . So would you help your hatred sibling in there time of need .

I would think there are one or two on this forum that don't get on with their brother or sister myself included . So would you help your hatred sibling in there time of need .

Defintely.

I would think there are one or two on this forum that don't get on with their brother or sister myself included . So would you help your hatred sibling in there time of need .
Of course, I might not give them a kidney like I think I would for all my siblings (who I'm lucky enough to get on well with) but I'd need a lot more than 'not getting on' with a member of my family to deny them marrow.

Sorry to say it and come over all preachy but the sickest thing about this is that a deeply personal story of a family in crisis and a terminally ill man is all over the newspapers and we, who know zilch about this family, feel we have the right to comment.

:(

Sorry to say it and come over all preachy but the sickest thing about this is that a deeply personal story of a family in crisis and a terminally ill man is all over the newspapers and we, who know zilch about this family, feel we have the right to comment.

:(
Those of us who've read the articles know rather more than 'zilch', besides why wouldn't we have a right to comment on somebody refusing to lift a finger to potentially save the life of her own brother?

I would think there are one or two on this forum that don't get on with their brother or sister myself included . So would you help your hatred sibling in there time of need .

Yes, I would also do it for a stranger. In fact I would even do it for my worst enemy. Reading about the plight of the poor man makes me want to get myself tested. I don't for one minute think that I may have a rare blood type etc and be of help to someone, but I'll never know if I've never been tested.

Those of us who've read the articles know rather more than 'zilch', besides why wouldn't we have a right to comment on somebody refusing to lift a finger to potentially save the life of her own brother?

Because they are newspaper articles based on the 'evidence' of a man who is dying and is understandably emotional - couple that with the inevitable 'spin' put on by journalists and it's a long, long way from being 'evidence'.

Journalists should not print such stories as they also have a responsibility to those being criticised, and whatever we think about the woman concerned, she has children herself! And those kids will be very easy to identify. Did they do anything to deserve the inevitable beatings they'll now get in the playground?

The story is a long-running family feud - seemingly involving bullying on both sides going right back, and is not in the public interest.

Because they are newspaper articles based on the 'evidence' of a man who is dying and is understandably emotional - couple that with the inevitable 'spin' put on by journalists and it's a long, long way from being 'evidence'.

Journalists should not print such stories as they also have a responsibility to those being criticised,
They contacted her and she refused to comment, what more can they do?

and whatever we think about the woman concerned, she has children herself! And those kids will be very easy to identify. Did they do anything to deserve the inevitable beatings they'll now get in the playground?

The story is a long-running family feud - seemingly involving bullying on both sides going right back, and is not in the public interest.

Already, the Anthony Nolan Trust has received an unprecedented number of calls from people wanting to be tested.
What was that you were saying about the public interest?

You're a donor yourself, aren't you, so i can see why you are interested in this story, but remember it's a story. We don't know and cannot know the full truth of the matter so it's not up to us, or journalists, to tag this woman with labels, especially when she has children. Reading between the lines it sounds like she had a vile childhood, shunned by her own father and made to feel like a waster in comparison to a successful brother - this will have given her deep psychological issues. She will have refused to comment as journalists will not have been sympathetic towards her, whatever she said, and probably chose to keep quiet for the sake of her own family.

Even to get more donors it's not really the most ethical way to go about it by dragging a family's name through the dirt and exposing vulnerable children to bullying.

I just think this is a horribly unkind way to go about tackling an issue like this - unkind on all parties involved. Couldn't the journalists, once they had found out about this sorry tale, instead have paid for some mediation between the brother and sister instead of profiting from an ultimately unproductive muck-raking story that will only make things worse? The evil ones here are the journos who have shown themselves out to be leeches. That poor man probably went to the papers just to appeal for a donor and his and his sister's story has been turned into something off Trisha.

Let's hope these people manage to rebuild their family in time. :(

Again, sorry to be preachy, but things like this are not 'news' in any way, shape or form and only show journalists to be greedy, insensitive pigs.

The flip side of this coin is interesting.
My first thought was 'how could she?' but having a read a book recently about the same subject I can see a different view toa degree.
Jodi Picoults book deals with teen sisters, it's not quite the same but it gives the idea that there's more to it than meets the eye - a consensus held by most on the thread I think.
Worth a read for those who feel passionately and worth consideration, there must be a good reason. No one in good health would say no UNLESS there was a good reason. The sister may just choose not to broadcast her reasons and it may be the brother knows the reasons but is using the media to pressure his sibling.

hard faced cow! I dont really like my brother ( love him) but dont like him and I would .

So the brother went through life rubbing his god-given superiority into his sister's face at every opportunity (they are in their Forties - does anyone but him still care about their school entrance exam results, for heaven's sake?), treated his (at that stage obviously loving and deeply concerend) mother and sister with callous, selfish disregard, has no problems with his wife's inability to treat his relatives politely (or at the very least refrain from assaulting his sister on her own doorstep) and considers using the media to pressure his sister a more appropriate way of dealing with the situation than apologising for cutting her off ("until she apologised to my wife") when he thought he would not need her bone marrow after all? I'm sorry, but even in his own version of the story, he does not come accross well.

She obviously has a right not to donate her marrow if she doesn't want to just as her brother has every right to point out to the world what a cold hearted, selfish bitch she is.

I just wish we could have a register of people like her who actively refuse to donate so that they won't receive any blood, marrow or organs that other people donate.


wow im amazed at this response given that all you have to come to this conclusion is an articale in a news paper, for all you/we know theres more to this than we may be able to read, this woman may be scared of the operation herself theres a hundred differant reason why she may not be wanting to do it. i think calling her a heart less bitch is a little harsh, we all have a right not to donate anything from our own bodys if we choose not to, and yes i think its pretty strange that she had the compatibility tests only to later refuse.

i recently read a book called my sisters keeper, and ithis just reminds me of that book a child got a rare cancer and were having trouble finding a donor so they had another child which they kept taking blood, marrow and all the other things they could from her to save the sick child, in the end the sick child needed a kidney which would have had to come from the second child at this point the second child decided to take the parents to court to fight for the rights to her own body.

i think maybe there is more to this womans refusal than meets the eye and i for one will reserve my comments of hearltess bitch ect ect till i have more facts

at the end of the day its her right to say no allthough whats moraly right and whats right are two totally differant kettles of fish.

at the end of the day its her right to say no allthough whats moraly right and whats right are two totally differant kettles of fish.

Sure she has rights but if the risk is minimal she must be evil! Someone should knock the bitch out then take it from her whether she likes it or not, then when he's better he can give her another clip for good measure!

I think Helen is probably wondering that once she has saved her brother they will turn on her, and she will end up feeling used, bitter and forgotten

I think Helen is probably wondering that once she has saved her brother they will turn on her, and she will end up feeling used, bitter and forgotten

I know you can't believe all that you read in the papers but he certainly seemed to think he was higher value than his sister, didn't he?

I know someone who just donated some bone marrow to a stranger, it was a week off work, not being able to drive for a while, painful and entailed a few days in hospital. It's not as simple as is made out, and anyone who is afraid of surgery and needles etc, might have a hard time being altruistic, especially if they had the idea it wouldn't be valued.

I don't think I could refuse anyone the chance of life, relative or stranger, but it's hard to say until you're faced with the situation.

I know you can't believe all that you read in the papers but he certainly seemed to think he was higher value than his sister, didn't he?

I know someone who just donated some bone marrow to a stranger, it was a week off work, not being able to drive for a while, painful and entailed a few days in hospital. It's not as simple as is made out, and anyone who is afraid of surgery and needles etc, might have a hard time being altruistic, especially if they had the idea it wouldn't be valued.

I don't think I could refuse anyone the chance of life, relative or stranger, but it's hard to say until you're faced with the situation.

what worries me about donations is that it might be wiser to save organs for your family as you don't know what illnesses may befall them, what if Helen's children develop what could be the family illness, would she still have bone marrow to donate to them?

Sure she has rights but if the risk is minimal she must be evil! Someone should knock the bitch out then take it from her whether she likes it or not, then when he's better he can give her another clip for good measure!

indeed. are you serious? extolling violence against women, damning somebody's character (that you know nothing about), and forcing highly invasive surgical procedures on somebody, all in 2 sentences? i hope i never meet you.

cressida - you can donate bone marrow twice, so she would still be able to donate again for her own children if required.

I reckon that this going to the papers is a negotiating ploy to get the marrow for free. If I were she I'd wait till the last moment and require all his accumulated worth: house, savings, trust funds, wife's jewellery, kids teddy bears, etc; and sell the lot.

That seems a fair exchange for giving him the gift of life.

Then I'd ring up regularly to say "Hi! I'm in the Bahamas enjoying my money. How's that life that I gifted you going? I hope you're looking after it properly.":D