This is something I've known has been coming for over 6 months, but now I'm faced with the reality of the situation I'm struggling to cope with it. A (rather long, sorry) explanation:

Met boyfriend last September, knew straight away he'd been planning a trip to Asia with his brother since January last year. It didn't seem real at that point so things progressed without the trip being an issue. A few months later I find myself head over heels in the best relationship I've ever had and the trip is getting closer. I don't doubt for a second that he feels the same way about me - this isn't a 'does he really love me?' thread, I know he does. Fidelity isn't an issue either as I trust him implicitly, and let's face it, he could have the same worries about me if he wanted. We've spent the last 3 months living together (more due to circumstance rather than a 'let's move in together' decision) and it's been fantastic. I've lived with boyfriends before so I know when something is working. I've always said I would never deny him the opportunity of a trip of a lifetime, despite the fact there's been many an occasion where I would've begged him not to go.

It's now been a week since he left. The goodbye was very tearful and snotty (both of us :hihi: ), and it felt like real physical pain. He's phoned me for almost an hour, texts everyday and emails/MSN chats when he can. He even got me a flight out to see him next month. Still, I'm finding it difficult to cope with the fact that he's not here. Reading his blog upsets me, I feel a bit left behind. I realise that might make me sound like a petulant child but I worry that a distance between experience in a relationship could be as damaging as his actual physical distance from me at the moment. If I try to remain logical about things I know we'll be ok. We're planning to live together (properly this time) when he gets back, but I just feel that the next 5 months are a huge obstacle to all that.

I suppose what I'm looking for is anyone who's had a similar experience, or has any suggestions for coping with this. I'm doing my best to keep busy. I have a demanding full time job, am doing a part time college course and go the gym. I've got a couple of supportive friends who know what's going on. This still doesn't stop me thinking about it endlessly when I'm alone. I miss his smell, his smile, the way he looks at me that makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Ultimately I know there are two options - put up with it, or tell him it's over. I couldn't even begin to do the latter, but that leaves me feeling like I'm looking into the abyss for the next 5 months. I apologise to those who may have partners in the forces, in prison or those who have lost a loved one - this might seem rather whingy in comparison. Still, whingy or not it's a situation I'm stuck with and I can't bear to go on feeling like I do at the moment for months.

:)

People break up cos there is a lack of love.
People don't break up cos they love too hard.

All girlies always say that they wanna try and find The One. Let's face it, now that it's front of you, aren't you going to want to hold onto that?

I would try hard to focus on the future. He will come back, and since you guys are already making plans for the future. Why not put the energy into that? The future planning.

I am happy for you. If you were my friend, I'd batter you to make you see a bit of sense. :P That'll soon draw you down the cloud 9 bit soon. :hihi: Which leaves you a bit more focused on your immediate life and soon 5 months will pass! lol...

difficult one blb....long distance is always hard...but, you can help yourself by...

keeping the communication going in as many forms as possible (as you seem to be doing).....tell him about the everyday detail in your life and encourage him to do the same, so that you're both in tune with each other's lives.

stay positive and cheerful about it. this experience will be the making of him as a man.......

it takes about a week or 2 for the pain to be tolarable.....

good luck honey and keep us posted

:)
Sol

awwww sol, you really are the soul on here aint you:P , i feeling crabby today so why dont you cheer me up. as to the problem of seperation, try to have as many freinds around you as you can at this time, trust me it soon passes..... if you are meant for each other then 6 months out of the rest of your lives is just a hampster size hole:) think of all the catching up you two have got to do wen he gets back:D

I know just what you mean. My girlfriend is is asia and I won't see her until may.
Depends in where he is you can call mobiles from your BT phone (http://www.firstnumber.co.uk/) or from your mobile using an IDD card (http://www.thephonecardsite.com/).

I'm on to Malaysia at the moment and it costs me less than £1 each hour.
Will talk for about 5 hours on a sunday. Ye gods I'm soppy. :gag:

As per usual, wise words from Sol :wave:

My mate's fella went on a round the world trip for a year and they stuck it out. They had only just got it together. Ten years later, they now have two beautiful children and are blissfully happy.

You are doing fine. Look forward to your trip, find out as much as you can about it, Asia is a wondeful place, you'll have a fantastic time. And dont' get me started on the foooooooooood!

One week down - 20 to go :thumbsup:

I forgot to say that these cards are available at many shops in sheffield. Most of the small asian owned shops will have them. Just choosee the one with the most minutes for the country you want to call.

Asia is a wondeful place, you'll have a fantastic time. And dont' get me started on the foooooooooood!


110% correct. I just love the food as well.
Nasi lemak in 8 weeks for me. :thumbsup:

110% correct. I just love the food as well.
Nasi lemak in 8 weeks for me. :thumbsup:

Im so jealous :( I wish I was going to malaysia...

Im so jealous :( I wish I was going to malaysia...

No need to be jealous, I'm only going for 7 weeks. :D




And seriously happy about it. :cool:

Looks like I will be going to live in Indonesia (http://www.jogjatourism.com/) if all goes well.

Isn't life a pig bag ?:hihi:

Thank you for all the positive words. In lots of ways I realise I'm pretty lucky really and that 5 months is nothing compared to a potential lifetime of happiness.

upinwath - thanks for the practical advice regarding phonecalls, I'll see if he can get his cross network minutes to work internationally.

Bago - sometimes I think a slap is what I need, you certainly made me smile :)

I suppose there will be some tough days but they'll make being back together all the better.

And just how amazing will it be when you leap into his arms when he meets you at the airport :clap: You will feel amazing.

And just how amazing will it be when you leap into his arms when he meets you at the airport :clap: You will feel amazing.

you know my boyfriend and i were long distance (america and the UK) and that was the BEST feeling in the world. Especially after being apart for over 6 months. Just standing there hugging one another in the middle of the airport for a good ten minutes. I miss that, and only that, of being in a LDR.

the next 5 months will fly by, i promise you. its going to feel like hell for the time being, and all you can do is keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. if youre in uni immerse yourself into your studies, join a club or two. if youre working focus more on your job, work that overtime if need be. hang out as much as you can with your friends.

if he has a reliable connection where hes staying you both might want to invest in some decent web cams. SEEING somebody (even with lag) helps immensely. skype, msn, yahoo and more allow you to cam and chat at the same time and for free. skype will let you call him for free as well. or you can top up €25 euro and make very cheap calls to his landline or mobile phone. youre already in front of the computer, might as well take advantage of what it has to offer.

if you have pictures of the two of you together, keep them displayed. let his smile and those moments surround you. you wont feel lonely, i promise.

i belong to a LDR group on myspace and some of the girls have come up with some GREAT ideas on how to make the time pass. one girl suggested getting a large jar and filling it with a small sweet (jellybean or something similar) for each day you have till you see one another. as each day passes have one of the sweets. eventually the jar will be empty and the two of you will be back together

as hes paying for you to go to see him for a week or so, dont look at it as "OMG were going to be apart for 6 months, how will i live??!?!" try to break the time apart down till you can fly out to see him. that will help break the time down in your mind.

good luck. if you need anything im here to talk.

Keep your chin up Babby. Just keep looking forward to meeting up with him again. As many other forummers have said, "there is some light at the end of the tunnel". I personally think you should give the friends that are helping you at the moment lots of money and stop watching Eastenders.

Keep smiling and remember you have a great bloke out there who will probably be thinking something along the lines of "I'm on this trip around Asia and I can't share it with my gorgeous woman". It will all be good in the end.
Mod_Man sees all.

my brother and his girlfriend got together just before he went travelling for a year (they had been friends for a long time beforehand), they only saw each other for 2 weeks the whole time he was away but now they own their first house together (along with a couple of cats) and they've never been happier :)

If it's sex you are missing........:D :o

If it's sex you are missing........:D :o

I haven't given that much thought yet, thanks for reminding me...:(

I haven't given that much thought yet, thanks for reminding me...:(
I've PM'd you my number and when I'm free!

Maybe you can get him to send postcards or great photos of places he's been. At least it'll be an interesting keepsake as well for when he comes back. Cos it'll be an album full! :) Plus there's nothing nicer to receive something through the letter box.

This brings back memories you know... I think it's a lovely feeling to be right where you are now. :) Don't go over to the dark side... like me. SF-labelled uber post-modern feminist who can't recall the last time she experienced the nice honeymoon stage any more. *sob* *sob*

Just DO NOT watch "Amelie" tonight! lol... Maybe the "Great Big Fat Greek Wedding" is okay, but not "Amelie". Be warned. :P

Just remember Belinkabelle hun, absence makes the heart grow fonder! The 5 months will be over quicker than you know, and when you do see him again, you will probably laugh at how you felt when he first went! You'll be ok hun! :)

I'd been with my boyfriend for 4 months when he went to CHile for the trip of a lifetime. Like you he had almost moved in before he went.

It was difficult (and sadly became more difficult for the next 2 years but that's another story that involves illness. As it won't apply here in this case I won't go into it) so I can relate to how you feel.

Anyway....He did come back after longer than planned actually. A year later we had a son, then got married, then had a daughter.

This was 10 years ago now and yes, he does get on my nerves sometimes and much more than he did at the start. So all is normal and rosy and we are very happy together.

WHile he is away, make the most of it hun. Spend the time with your friends and try not to waste it missing him. Once he's back you will be caught up in the usual process of relationship development, moving in etc. etc. So have some girly fun as that will take a back seat until you have your "base" with him. :thumbsup:

My ex hubby was in the Royal Navy and was away for numerous months at a time and this happened while I was living down in Plymouth away from my family up here in Sheffield but in a funny way being there in the same boat as some of the wives made it not seem so bad.

I used to cry my eyes out every time he left for a trip away and it used to feel like my heart would break but after the first couple of weeks things didn't seem quite so bad.......you do get used to it trust me hun and now it's even better that you have emails and msn where as we only had letters.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder and you have your trip to look forward to so make the most of that time and just keep thinking of the reunion...... ;)

Well for me personally if i was in your position i would see if there was a way i could join the person. Obviously though they would have to be really ok with this.

Is there any possibility you could join him?

Well for me personally if i was in your position i would see if there was a way i could join the person. Obviously though they would have to be really ok with this.

Is there any possibility you could join him?

Haha, if only! If I had the money I'd be out there like a shot. But I don't :( I'll be spending just over 3 weeks with him during the five months, it's all I can manage financially/work-wise unfortunately.

I haven't given that much thought yet, thanks for reminding me...:(

Just be careful that male friends don't try and take advantage of your situation by pretending that they are being all caring for you, when really they are secretly in love with you and are dreaming of a chance to get you into bed!

awwww sol, you really are the soul on here aint you:P , i feeling crabby today so why dont you cheer me up. as to the problem of seperation, try to have as many freinds around you as you can at this time, trust me it soon passes..... if you are meant for each other then 6 months out of the rest of your lives is just a hampster size hole:) think of all the catching up you two have got to do wen he gets back:D

:) hey ruthy, what's up?

Just be careful that male friends don't try and take advantage of your situation by pretending that they are being all caring for you, when really they are secretly in love with you and are dreaming of a chance to get you into bed!
lol. That's quite a funny comment.

I don't think the OP will feel this way at all, when she feels so strongly about the bf in the first place. I do wonder why some men don't know when a door is truly closed... it's closed.

lol. That's quite a funny comment.

I don't think the OP will feel this way at all, when she feels so strongly about the bf in the first place. I do wonder why some men don't know when a door is truly closed... it's closed.

Too right! I am not open to offers of the carnal variety, but thanks for considering my 'needs' Miniminch :hihi:

Are you feeling any more chipper about things today BLB?

Haha, if only! If I had the money I'd be out there like a shot. But I don't :( I'll be spending just over 3 weeks with him during the five months, it's all I can manage financially/work-wise unfortunately.


Cant comment on work side as i dont know enough but financially, one idea is get a loan from a bank (dont tell them what you want it for) where you dont have to make payments for the first three months and live off that aboard.

Not perfect but an idea.

Obviously work would have to be cool about you taking three months off but like i said, i dont know enough about that situation. If it forced you to leave your job then if your willing to do anything when you come back then you will soon find another job.

You only live once kidda!:thumbsup:

You only live once; never a truer word was spoken ... Carpe Diem.

Could you talk to HR and see if it's feasible for you to take a sabbatical? Either that or get your Dr to sign you off with depression, the only cure for which would be a 4 month break a 12-hour flight away??? :D

Are you feeling any more chipper about things today BLB?

A little bit, it comes and goes really. Wish I could switch my brain off for a while and have a rest. Thanks for asking :)

And *Turbo*, how crafty are you?! :hihi: Sadly I think all sorts of alarms would go off in a bank if I requested a loan, but that's another story. Also my current job is fundamental in forging my career path in mental health. If I still worked in a call centre I wouldn't think twice.

Aw Belinkabelle, you sound like a very sure, smart lady which is fantastic!

It sounds like you are very much in love, when you are together again, you'll probably forget that he ever went! You'll get through it and you'll be so much stronger for doing so. It'll be a fantastic experience for him too!

My boyfriend went to Lincoln Uni (which I'm aware seems completely tiny distancewise compared to you) but I was just so scared that he'd meet somebody else, or realise he didnt wanna be with me etc etc. But when I got over that and realised that he did love me, then it got a lot better. As long as you're supportive, and he knows that - you should be fine.

And *Turbo*, how crafty are you?! :hihi: Sadly I think all sorts of alarms would go off in a bank if I requested a loan, but that's another story. Also my current job is fundamental in forging my career path in mental health. If I still worked in a call centre I wouldn't think twice.

Oh i'm very crafty;) every problem has some sort of answer. Shame you cant just ditch the job then but as Lizz said, talk to HR and see if there is a way for a career break?

Example, on Saturday a lad i know set off to travel the world for a year. His employers, Derbyshire County Council, have let him take a career break and in 12 months he will come back in the same position but on more money as he would of had, normally, two pay rises.

Usually the public sector is good about career breaks:thumbsup:

Ignore this one! Messed up quotation...

Oh i'm very crafty;) every problem has some sort of answer. Shame you cant just ditch the job then but as Lizz said, talk to HR and see if there is a way for a career break?

It's not strictly the public sector I work for, it's a small charity funded by the public sector. I've had many hand-wringing conversations with management, have resorted to begging and pleading and 3 weeks is my lot. A sizeable chunk of that is unpaid leave and lieu time. There's just no-one here to do my job if I were to be away for any length of time which is why they won't let me go.

You never know, maybe me and the bloke will go travelling together one day, just not now.

It's not strictly the public sector I work for, it's a small charity funded by the public sector. I've had many hand-wringing conversations with management, have resorted to begging and pleading and 3 weeks is my lot. A sizeable chunk of that is unpaid leave and lieu time. There's just no-one here to do my job if I were to be away for any length of time which is why they won't let me go.

You never know, maybe me and the bloke will go travelling together one day, just not now.


OIC, i assumed you worked for NHS, sorry!!

Well if the 3 weeks was so difficult to get then i guess only way you would be able to spend a fair amount of time aboard would be to leave and that doesn't sound ideal!!

If anything your time apart will give you the time you need to know if he's the 'one' and vice versa and one day in the future spend time together and explore the world:thumbsup:

Good luck and hopefully the next 5 months will whizz by!!

Asia's definitly my favourite area of the world, however I've not been to Southern America and that's next on my places to visit.

Asia will take some beating though.

Asia's definitly my favourite area of the world, however I've not been to Southern America and that's next on my places to visit.

Asia will take some beating though.

Bang on. I love asia.

Asia's definitly my favourite area of the world, however I've not been to Southern America and that's next on my places to visit.

Asia will take some beating though.

I won't get to see much of it this time unfortunately, just Goa. Still, it's a free holiday so I'm not complaining!

If you really love each other, there should be no reason why any problems should surface.

Not that I am any authority on successful relationships mind!

I was in a simliar situation when I went to Iraq. She knew before we got together that I was going and seemed fine with it. When I went we were on really good terms, everything was perfect. Whilst I was out there, she was causing me loads of hassle (because she missed me I imagine) saying she's been having panic attacks, constantly having the face on with me.

In the end, I really resented her for it and we broke up 1 week after I got back!

So.. My advice to you is, don't be a nag or grill him about anything. Whenever you speak with him, make sure it's all positive and don't make hints for him to come home early unless you think it's what he really wants.

Travelling to Asia, he is going to be exposed to multiple opportunities of sex with attractive young bodies from relatively poor societies.

If you really want to have a future relationship with this man, you should consider accepting this as something that he will do but you can never hold against him.

Let him get it out of his system and come back to you to acknowledge as a true partner.

Travelling to Asia, he is going to be exposed to multiple opportunities of sex with attractive young bodies from relatively poor societies.

If you really want to have a future relationship with this man, you should consider accepting this as something that he will do but you can never hold against him.

Let him get it out of his system and come back to you to acknowledge as a true partner.

I don't think her boyfriend is a pimp CGK. Belinkabelle was asking for coping advice not what seedy things can my boyfriend get up to whilst away.

I don't think her boyfriend is a pimp CGK. Belinkabelle was asking for coping advice not what seedy things can my boyfriend get up to whilst away.

Pimp?
Seedy?

You are far from reality.

I would guess that this is one of the major worries any resident 'friend' may have.

Coming to terms with what is the difference between 'sex' and 'love' will often create a stronger bond between lovers than negative worries.

Travelling to Asia, he is going to be exposed to multiple opportunities of sex with attractive young bodies from relatively poor societies.


That's a fact. There is the chance to do so but if he has real feeling for a girl back home he won't.

Travelling to Asia, he is going to be exposed to multiple opportunities of sex with attractive young bodies from relatively poor societies.

If you really want to have a future relationship with this man, you should consider accepting this as something that he will do but you can never hold against him.

Let him get it out of his system and come back to you to acknowledge as a true partner.

I think this is bordering on spiteful. My original post asked if anyone had a similar experience to mine, or could suggest ways of coping with the separation.

Let's face it, there are multiple opportunities of sex with attractive people anywhere you go. The fact that you make a point of people in Asia being 'young attractive' bodies from 'poor societies' suggests to me that you are implying my partner is some kind of sex tourist, preying upon the young and disadvantaged. I resent this. Action is not always a consequence of opportunity, it's cynical and downright lazy to suggest things are that simple.

You know nothing about my relationship - nobody on here does. It has nothing to do with my original post. I am not going to defend my relationship against your comments - I don't need to. I wonder what makes you say these things. You aren't my friend, you don't have my best interests at heart so unfortunately it appears unnecessarily cruel. Is that what you were intending?

It's a sad fact that in many poor asian countries there are girls that do this sort of thing. Most have little real choice as there is no welfare sceme in place if they fall on hard times.

Some european tourists take advantage of this but most backpackers I met out there don't.

Don't worry about your bloke out there as very few guys backpacking do that sort of thing. I was in a pub in KL last year when a local seedy bloke asked us all to a local club telling us how the girls were clean and very willing for a few quid. No one went with him.

Most blokes I met are far more interested in just having a good time with the mates than looking for protitutes.