Hi all

As some of you know my other half has ADHD and Dyslexia, he also has a number of other difficulties that have no specific diagnosis, he has difficulty organising himself, regularly forgets to do simple things like go shopping, or take a shower etc.

My question is how do i manage this? He got all ADHD the other day and made a right twit of himslef in public, and got uncessarily angry at me for pointing this out. Also I get mad at him for double booking appointments and seemingly doing nothing to get himslef a job.

Trobule is i dont know how much of this is ADHD/Dyslexia/Whatever and how much is lazyness. I still love him to bits though, i just want to be able to make his life better for him.

I tried giving him a bit of freedom, and not running his life by telling him what appointments he has that day etc but it seems that this plan isnt working, and lately i have reverted to what his mum did before i came along and calling him every day etc...but what else can i do to help him?

I'm not an expert, although I have taught students with ADHD and was a disability adviser specialising in dyslexia, but it doesn't sound like he has either.

You could always read him the riot act and give him a few ultimatums like get off your backside a find a job or else .You never know ,good luck anyway.

I'm no expert either, but I would agree with what alchresearch said. The behaviour you have mentioned doesn't sound like either of the disorders you mentioned. I don't want to sound rude but has he actually been diagnosed with those disorders? And is he on treatment for the ADHD? Maybe you should contact one of the support organisations or try and get some advice from your GP.

Avalon, this is the umpteenth thread on your chaotic love life. I don't want to seem critical of your quite genuine care about this person, but I strongly suggest you do a little research into this. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-dependency)

Avalon, this is the umpeenth thread on your chaotic love life. I don't want to seem critical of your quite genuine care about this person, but I strongly suggest you do a little research into this. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-dependency)

Seconded :thumbsup:

my 16 year old son has got adhd along with a load more co-excisting disorders that go along with it, its not easy, there are some groups in sheffield that learn you to understand it,

He has been diagnosed with both conditions by a GP and Educational pyscologist, and he has a statement of special educational needs. My research into ADHD fits the lack of organisation and inability to see consequences of their actions prefectly. I am aware this is the umteenth thread on my chaotic life, so if you dont like it then unlucky. I am after some genuinse advice, notthing further.

if you google dore acheievement center thay may be able to help thay claim to be able to minimise symptoms in 12months with out taking meds. give it a go

I am aware this is the umteenth thread on my chaotic life, so if you dont like it then unlucky. I am after some genuinse advice, notthing further.


You asked for advice, and I have given you advice - genuine advice, seconded by Cloudybay. It happens to be something I know a great deal about, and you would do well to take notice and look at yourself and your relationship. Phrases in your OP suggest you have an unhealthy dynamic with your other half. You can of course choose to throw my advice back in my face, it's your life, and if you don't sort out your tendency to controlling co-dependence, your life will become more and more chaotic. Guarunteed. :thumbsup:

I always thought I'd got dyslexia but after been tested it turns out I have DADH.

You asked for advice, and I have given you advice - genuine advice, seconded by Cloudybay. It happens to be something I know a great deal about, and you would do well to take notice and look at yourself and your relationship. Phrases in your OP suggest you have an unhealthy dynamic with your other half. You can of course choose to throw my advice back in my face, it's your life, and if you don't sort out your tendency to controlling co-dependence, your life will become more and more chaotic. Guarunteed. :thumbsup:

If you read my post you will find that i am seeking NOT to control him, i am seeking to move away from what his mum has been doing which is exactly that!

I too wonder if you got the right diagnosis? It sounds more like a version of Asphergers to me. If I'm right, some of the problems could be due to over stimulation. ACHD seems to me though often a lable given to someone with extreme behaviour as a get out clause instead of treating the problems. I suggest you need a cognitive Psychologist or Behavioural Therapist to help.

ADHD its bullocks... Honestly
I'M 54 and when I was a kid or even when my children were ankle snappers it didn't exist. it's an excuse for pad parenting

Discus.

ADHD its bullocks... Honestly
I'M 54 and when I was a kid or even when my children were ankle snappers it didn't exist. it's an excuse for pad parenting

Discus.

pad parenting eh:huh: whats that. a new thing thats been thought up to go alongside adhd.
as for disscussing it. its been done search "adhd fact or fiction" and carry on your arguement there.

ADHD its bullocks... Honestly
I'M 54 and when I was a kid or even when my children were ankle snappers it didn't exist. it's an excuse for pad parenting

Discus.

sorry, I can certainly tell you that these bullocks have had their whatnots removed, steve. the bullocks that is being spouted is coming from your direction, I'm afraid. Just because it was not acknowleged forty years ago, does not mean it diodn't exist. the same was the case, in the good-old-bad-old-days, with conditions like MS, they were dismissed as "Hysteria".

I'm 43, and I had ADHD so bad that my mother and father had to take me to the doctor at one year old, to give me "knock-out-drops" becaue I was so hyperactive I could/would not sleep. it was a nightmare for them, as they got no rest. I was into everything, full of questions, who, what, why, where, when, if I do this, then will...

You cannot say that a year old baby, even one as precocious as I was, (talking and walking by six/ eight months, able to recite the alphabet backwards at 18 months, reading at 2!!) can make a deliberate, conscious choice to stay awake in that wise.

I do accept that it has become a fashion fad, to label some genuinely naughty and uncontrolled kids as ADHD, and throw the baby out with the bathwater.

there are some kids who certainly would benefit from more adequate parenting, and a better, healthier diet. but we cannot dismiss the children and adults who really do suffer from this condition, just because of the others.

It is a condition that is hell to live with, I promise you.

i wont quote plain talker,(to long) but will say that i agree with the notion that it is over used by some parents who carnt be bothered, but (as i have said many times before) that my eldest has adhd, and my 3rd is awaiting dx of this. yet whilst out today (pub lunch) my kids were among the best behaved there:confused: so i think the adhd managemet course(which ive just complited) and meds work, i'll never win bad parent of the year award at this rate:rolleyes:

My middle son can be difficult but I would never lable him. I went to a parenting course and a mother told me her son had ADHD and was on drugs for it. His behaviour had not been abnormal. He was less trouble than my son. His mother was handling him badly. Her expectations of him were unrealistic. Boys can be extremely noisy lively and difficult to control especially in one parent families and or when parents are divorced. I am concerned at the number of boys who are wrongly labelled simply because they are being boys. My lad is 14 and still a challenge but he is changing and maturing. What would he have been like if like the other women I'd taken him to a doctor and put him on possibly damaging drugs. I am sure there are genuine ADHD cases but there are also many diagnosed as such who are not. And even with genuine many would be better treated with psychological methods such as behaviour modification rather than drugs. As an expsychiatric patient and now a psychology graduate I know from the outside behaviour modification drugs may seem the answer but on the inside it is a different matter. A wrongly diagnosed condition in my case led to the wrong treatment and caused permanent neurological damage. Labelling does change according to fashion as does treatment.

as someone who is nearing 30 and still living with my ADHD i know it's real, as was said before, my mum likes to tell the story of me sleeping my whole first 2 days when i was born and making up for it by not sleeping a full night again till i was 11,

i still dont sleep, thankfully i ahve an understanding other half who deals with my little episodes and restless nights (well i found a heavy sleeper so he doesnt notice when i get up)


as for the bad parenting thing i more than agree there asre so many "naughty" children who get diagnosed wrongly, it is most of the time bad diet/lack of stimulation.

but i watch all these super nanny programs and documentaries and things and my mum did everything right, i mean literally all the suggestions they make in the programs were what we did, (i still have an aversion to junk food and certain drinks 'cos i was told they made me pourley)

the thing about people with disabilities is they get used to being an ill person, they take it on as their "image" their place in the group. it's a hard thing to shake and these people really need help.

I was told that because i was ill everything i achieve makes me even more special so i just wanted to do more and more.

there is very little help out there for adults with ADHD and related disorders, unless your willing to drug yourself up to the eyeballs most doctors wont pay any attention.

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Hello AVALON,

Let me first introduce myself. My name is Peter Hughes and i am one of four boys all of which have ADHD or ADD, my poor mum did everything she could to help us, from a very early age she realised there was something amiss about our nehavious but had no idea what it was that was causing it.

The current situation, with regards to medical recognision, with ADHD and ADD is that it is UNofficially recognised but not OFFICIAL yet. This makes it very difficult to get help as Doctors, in my experience, have no idea what ADHD is. At my doctors they have intentionally rotated my appointments around all the doctors there so i can answer any questions they may have.

At this point i'd like to mention my mum has set up an ADHD parental help group in KETTERING and there are plans to start one up here in Sheffield in the pipework.

I would also like to address the people on the forum who say that ADHD is either (i) A quote: "Load of bollucks" or (ii) Down to bad parenting. Firstly, from my view, you telling me ADHD is all made up is like telling a man who's had his legs amputated he's not disabled - INSULTING. Secondly my mum worked so hard on all four of us but still, due to my in-ability to for-see consequences of my actions, tarnished her as a "bad mum". Let me tell you this. 2 of us are at University (the 2 eldest), I am Studying Architecture going into my third year. My younger brother (i am number 2) has done his GRADE 8 singing and Piano and my youngest can play a violin to garde 4. NOW tell me thats bad parenting. I think not.

I will not return again or respond to anyone telling me ADHD does not exist or that my parents are bad at thier job as firstly, i've seen enough of it in my life and, secondly, it wont help anyone here looking for help with ADHD/ADD children, which is the entire point of this thread.

Rant over AVALON, let me give you some guidelines that MAY help you and your husband:

(i) ORGANISATION
I need STRUCTURE and ORGANISATION. But i don't want a mummy now i'm 21. By this i mean a little help is good but i don't want to be nagged - it results in me not caring and feeling depressed. The way i go about this is by having an organiser/diary which is my MEMORY. I forget everything after 15 minutes of being told and always have to set alarms if i've left food in the oven as, when i dont, it stays there for hours!

I also have a white-board in my room which is my TO-DO list. My girlfriend loves to add things on there for me to do. It is VERY important that you prioratise the list so that you have an order. Otherwise they all look like a good idea to start, you start them ALL and nothing gets done. :)

A large wall planner for the year is good too - helps to tie down dates so you know what's coming up like anniversaries!

(ii) Structure

THis is difficult for me to advise you on as, if he has no job, structure is very difficult. Find his strengths and research a few jobs for him and leave them around for him to find. He'll find them, his ADHD will take hold of them and he'll focus on getting one of them ALL ON HIS OWN ;) .

Above all, make sure that you don't dominate him. You're not his care-nurse and he's quite capable as an adult of looking after himself. (i'm not saying you do, i've just found it happens).

(iii) Medication.

Here's where the uproar begins. As with all medication, different people need different medicines and amounts. SO far i have used two types:

RITALIN (short release - lasts 3 hours with me) and CONCERTA XL (long-release lasts about 8-9 hours again with me).

I used to take 4-5 x 10mg Ritalin a day so my daily intake is 50mg.

Now i take 1x 36mg CONCERTA XL which lasts me most of the day.

DOSES - as regards to dosages my older brother takes a 36mg and an 18mg at the begining of the day. He has ADD (so just the attention deficit, not the Hyperactive tendancies like me) and he found the larger dose worked best for him.

As a contrast most people with ADHD take no more than 80mg a day. That is a large limit. Thanks to AMERICAN schools, whi diagnose any "unruly" student as having ADHD and pumpin them with AT LEAST 120mg a day, the average is 150mg. THis is where the "pump them full of medicine" comes from.

HOW IT WORKS:
In simple terms, the synapse (the bit that connects all of your nerves in your body) does not have enough fluid for the messages to be transfered properly. This means that there is "data-loss" which leads to easy distraction. The medication increases the fluid and aids in concentration.
(The actual name for the culprit is the DOPAMINE TRANSPORTER: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine_transporter)

ALTERNATIVES:

FISH OILS!!!!!!
These are an absolute god-send to me. I have found that my Concerta XL coupled with 3 x Omega 3 fish oils boost the clarity of my brain and easily help me to think straight. I have recommended it to a number of friends who have told me their friends have noticed a profound difference in their attentive abilities. Even without the concerta, getting fish oils and omega 3 are always a good thing.





I'll let this lot sink in for now, if you have any other questions i will try to answer them. If i can not i will tell you i don't know and advise other people/organisations that can help.

To summerise:

1. ORGANISATION - a notebook and pen to keep on him at all times. Pocket size please.

2. STRUCTURE - a wall calender a nice big one

3. Medication - Is used to help you concentrate and understand how your body works. I started on a much higher dose and cut down until i felt i was in control on a minimal dose.

4. SMILE! :D - don't get wound up. Always have as much fun as you can. No matter what life throws at you having a positive attitude always helps things look better.

Hope this helps a bit,

Good luck!

Peter Hughes.

As always wikipedia has the answers:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adhd


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