As you may have read in Gen Sheff Chat, my 15 year old daughter was mugged today at Pitsmoor. What the hell was she doing in such a place? You may well ask!! She was supposedly at a friends but had lied to me and sneaked off with said friends to Pitsmoor to see a friend.

I would like to think that I have raised my daughter the best I can, to be honest and decent but I am begining to wonder now. What makes kids lie and put themselves in situations of danger? Even when caught out, she still sat in front of me and lied about where she'd been. I knew from the times of phonecalls that she wasn't at her mates at all. The police picked her up at about 3.20pm and she said she was at Wisewood when I called her at 2.50pm. Even when confronted with this, she still lied and insisted she'd been at a mates house.

So, what do I do? She is now grounded, key taken away, phone confiscated and believe me, she is going nowhere apart from school and home!!

Why do kids do this to us?


Grrrrrrrrr /end rant!!

Have commented on the mugging on the other thread, but can't help feeling sorry for your daughter and her friends, our decent youth.

Fancy not being able to go somewhere in your own city because it's someone else's 'turf'. Who the bloody hell do these scum think they are?

A no go area in my city? God help us!!:loopy:

lol you should talk to my mum about my 13 year old sister :P

they're all the same

I dont think there that different to what we were. Maybe abit more headstrong, but in general teenages have always been defiant and petulant - its these times (and more importantly how parents deal with it) that define us.

Sounds like your'e doing all you can - I'm sure in the lond run your daughter will come round.

Fetish Fairy, you're going to hate my answer. I dont have kids. I have oppressive parents (I'm not comparing you to them, just read on). I would visit a friend's house over the weekend and just love the freedom she had. She could go out after dark. Nobody asked where she was or what she was doing. Brill.

EVERYTHING I did resulted in a shouting match. Asking advice from my parents resulted in a telling off for 'getting yourself into this'. Fear and previous experience provoked my secrecy.

Your daughter has had a shock today. She has been taught a lesson we would rather she hadn't learned. Perhaps this was one time that 'there, there. See why we need to know where you are? If you'd been carted off in an abulance, we couldn't have known' would have worked.

The bit you'll like least - never chastise a dog when it returns from wandering. You'll teach it not to return. Kids ain't much different. Make her feel that you can make everything right, then talk it through tomorrow. Do the shouting then, if it's necessary, but home should be where she's safe, not where she finds more trouble.

Just realised that dosen't help now.
In the morning, give her the phone back and tell her 'tonight we'll talk about how we can make sure this doesn't happen again'. HOW embarrasing is it going to be for her to face her school friends if she's been grounded (and mugged)? I wouldn't fancy her day tomorrow. Make it easier for her. When you talk to her, ask questions that force her to think for herself, instead of just making the choice between what mum says and what she wants to do. Have your questions ready, and don't dismiss her answers out of hand - ask more questions.

It's only a suggestion, coz I don't know your daughter.

Sounds like you're a very caring parent, who's struggling against this fashion to let teenagers run riot. Good luck.

Well said Strix:thumbsup:

And Fetish, just remember, she's the other side of the coin from the *****es who mugged her.

It's not just teenagers, it starts long before that. Kids are lovely until they start school and then they change. By the time they're teenagers, they're horrendous. And the good news....... they start to calm down once they reach 18, but you've got a lot of worrying years before that happens, more so with girls, I'm afraid.

I think the thing that has got me most about this is the lies.

One thing I can't stand is being lied to.

I have always tried to get a good balance between being fairly strict, but giving her enough lee-way to live her own life. I think it's important for their own self esteem and to encourage independance. She doesn't roam the streets late at night, works hard at school, she even still goes to Girl Guides (which is rare for a 15 year old these days)

I always tell my kids to own up and tell the truth. I'd rather deal with and help sort something if they tell the truth. Lying just makes it 10 times worse and loses my respect.

What this boils down to was the fact she was off to see some lad, hormones going crazy and that seemed more important than her and her friends safety. I have warned her not to go to Pitsmoor as she is pretty naive and doesn' know it all that well. This is not a statement made out of predjudice about the area, just the fact that she will stick out like a sore thumb there!

Anyway, she is tucked up in bed and we had a cuddle and a chat earlier. She knows she is on a tight rein now and hopefully will have learned a valuable lesson.

It's a shame more mum's aren't like you.

(I always say I can cope with anything except lies)

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you both.

Kids need to learn, and fast, that if they choose the behaviour they choose the consequences. Good on you for setting the standards and limits but I agree that it is important to keep the lines of communication open by being approachable. Also to refrain from rehashing her past transgressions, stay in the now and deal with the current problem.