Are you giving up anything for lent? Are you ever successful at resisting temptation? What torments you? Whats within easy reach of you right now that you just KNOW is tempting you?

I ask because, my other half, bless her cotton socks, huge belly and wobbly arse, has waddled off to her sisters for a few hours, leaving me to do the housework and din-dins. I was putting plates and cutlery back in their cupboards and stuff, and generally scrounging around for grub when I noticed a bloody HUGE bar of chocolate in one of the food cupboards.
Now, this chocolate is hers, and if I so much as sniff at it, I`ll be dead before I hit the floor when she gets home.

The trouble is I love chocolate! Bloody adore it!
Julie knows this and she also knows what a weak-willed weasel of a man I am so she really should have hidden it, yet she left it in FULL view, in a cupboard, hidden under a bag of family sized crisps and tucked behind several boxes of cornflakes.
The paste it sign thats stuck to it saying "Eat this and die, ratboy" is just her way of being cute.

Do I resist the temptation? Do I eat part of it and blame the cat? Do I scoff the lot and hope that pregnancy hormones have robbed her of enough faculties to allow me to say `What chocolate? There wasnt any chocolate!`

I think...





















you should eat it.

I think...





















you should eat it.


Yeah thats right, get me beaten to snot! :D

Tell her your helping her... so shes not consuming all them calories....

you just reminded me: I've some sausages cooking in the oven. I'd forgotten all about them!

Cheers!:thumbsup:

Always give in to temptation if its hurting no one i say :hihi: its saving her from herself get it eaten, and go buy her another to hide tomorrow :thumbsup:

Well I gave in and ate it.
All of it....

Shes due back on about an hour, she`ll eat her din-dins, then later we`re going to settle down in front of the TV to watch the day after tomorrow.
Shes BOUND to want something to eat as shes watching the destruction and shes going to ask me to go and bring her the chocolate...

Now Ive eaten it, I... I`m going to die, arent I...?

Well I gave in and ate it.
All of it....

Shes due back on about an hour, she`ll eat her din-dins, then later we`re going to settle down in front of the TV to watch the day after tomorrow.
Shes BOUND to want something to eat as shes watching the destruction and shes going to ask me to go and bring her the chocolate...

Now Ive eaten it, I... I`m going to die, arent I...?


Yep. :hihi:

If I regurgitate it back up and wait till its hardened a bit then try to mould it back into the shape of a chocolate bar... Maybe she wont notice.

If I regurgitate it back up and wait till its hardened a bit then try to mould it back into the shape of a chocolate bar... Maybe she wont notice.

I think she might notice the weird taste though :gag:

Well I gave in and ate it.
All of it....

Shes due back on about an hour, she`ll eat her din-dins, then later we`re going to settle down in front of the TV to watch the day after tomorrow.
Shes BOUND to want something to eat as shes watching the destruction and shes going to ask me to go and bring her the chocolate...

Now Ive eaten it, I... I`m going to die, arent I...?

Lie through your teeth, and when she goes looking for it, RUN :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

Shes back early...

Shes in pain, looks like early signs of labour to me. She might be in too much pain to splatter me all over the house if Im lucky.

Im not selfish, honestly, I just have a strong sense of self preservation :D

Pain, could be the hormones going ape, move all the sharp objects QUICKLY before she notices :suspect: :suspect: :suspect:

Shes back early...

Shes in pain, looks like early signs of labour to me. She might be in too much pain to splatter me all over the house if Im lucky.

Im not selfish, honestly, I just have a strong sense of self preservation :D

Oh dear!!!

The more pain she's in the more LIKELY she is to splatter all over your house and next doors.

Have fun :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :hihi:

Stand tall Jabbers, in a calm but confident voice, announce...

"yeah, I ate the chocolate, I couldnt help it, I needed its silky goodness in my tum!"

we'll all come and visit you in wards 11, 13, 15 and 19. :hihi:

Having been in labour AND wanted to eat chocolate when i was...can I recommend that you go out NOW and replace the bar you ate. Soon. Quickly. Immediately. You are going to be in BIG trouble if you don't.

The closest shop is about eight miles away from here, and Im not even sure if its open.

I could try giving her a winning smile and telling her that Im very very sorry, but Im not sure if she could see the smile if I did it from a safe distance.
Like 30 miles from her...

The pain has subsided now- for now, so Im going to spend the next few hours grovelling like the cowardly rat that I am!

Tell her the cat ate it or the budgie :D

How long did you last Jabber....oooo a whole few hours and you know what I'm talking about!!!!! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Tell her the cat ate it or the budgie :D

She`d cut `em open to see, then cut me open to prove that I nicked it.


Shes in the kitchen now... its a matter of time before she either opens that cupboard or sees the wrapper in the bin.

Oh god I left the wrapper in the bin!!!!!

Hes kidding us all. Theres is NO chocolate, and shes not in labour. Hes just passing a boring Sunday afternoon along. :D

You will have to put the wrapper in the budgie's cage I think or the cat's basket.

If 'I can resist anything but temptation' was good enough for Wilde then it's good enough for you ;)

:hihi: Hope she has the bub soon Jabber, I know what its like being in slow labour

I can't believe you'd steal chocolate from a 9-months-pregnant woman! I'd say a 2-hour foot massage -- you giving one to her, that is -- is the only suitable recompense for such a heinous offense.

I can't believe you'd steal chocolate from a 9-months-pregnant woman! I'd say a 2-hour foot massage -- you giving one to her, that is -- is the only suitable recompense for such a heinous offense.

Im planning on stealing the dummy from the newborns mouth the first chance I get!

Im always giving her a foot massage! She massages them against my groin at about 20mph, AND she wears high heels while she does it!

God I just turned myself on.

Im planning on stealing the dummy from the newborns mouth the first chance I get!

Im always giving her a foot massage! She massages them against my groin at about 20mph, AND she wears high heels while she does it!

God I just turned myself on.

:hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: I alway put these smillies when Im laughing too much to post. !!

I think Im off the hook. Shes gasping and moving backwards and forwards on the couch, grasping at her sides and frowning.
God women are such wimps at these times, arent they?

is she having a practise or is this the real thing?

I'm sure she'll get you back for eating he chocolate one way or another

is she having a practise or is this the real thing?

It had better be a practise! Theres a good film on at eight and if she bloody spoils it for me Ill never forgive the cow!



*JabberWock legs it*

I'm sure she'll get you back for eating he chocolate one way or another

Yeah by ruining my film! The selfish--... woman!

Now I bet you wish you'd left the chocolate alone don't you

It had better be a practise! Theres a good film on at eight and if she bloody spoils it for me Ill never forgive the cow!



*JabberWock legs it*

He who cries wolfe. When the "real" thing happens, what will he do ???????????? Will he rise to the occassion. You bet he will.!! ;) This baby feels like OUR baby now, Jabbers. :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

I dont want to appear to be some unfeeling, selfish monster here but...


Actually, I DO want to appear a selfish unfeeling monster! She wrecks my film, I grope the midwife AND take the cam corder into the labour room!

He who cries wolfe. When the "real" thing happens, what will he do ???????????? Will he rise to the occassion. You bet he will.!! ;) This baby feels like OUR baby now, Jabbers. :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

Im stumped here, I really am! When I type here that shes in pain she suddenly stops and relaxes. When I stop going on about it she starts whining again!

Anyone would think that having a baby is hard or something. If it was hard work then god would have given the job to men!

I have images of your poor missus - her wandering round the house trying to ease labour pains, you sitting at the computer typing away on the forum!! AND you've eaten her chocolate... poor mrs jabber - I hope you're going to buy her a very early easter egg (a big one at that).

:Im stumped here, I really am! When I type here that shes in pain she suddenly stops and relaxes. When I stop going on about it she starts whining again!

Anyone would think that having a baby is hard or something. If it was hard work then god would have given the job to men!

Can we have a little "cuddle" & "rock" the baby to sleep.? Im coming over all motherly are you foxy ? :D

So the pains coming and going, stopping and starting quite regularly, methinks your in trouble :P

I have images of your poor missus - her wandering round the house trying to ease labour pains, you sitting at the computer typing away on the forum!! AND you've eaten her chocolate... poor mrs jabber - I hope you're going to buy her a very early easter egg (a big one at that).

I just ordered her to make me a coffee...

heh heh

So the pains coming and going, stopping and starting quite regularly, methinks your in trouble :P

Im not in trouble at all now! Shes forgotten all about the chocolate :D

All I have to do is sit back, enjoy her discomfort, and plan ways to nick her cookies from her jar.


Life is good. Its just a pity that Im not! :D

I just ordered her to make me a coffee...

heh hehhehehe - well you'll need to stay awake in the delivery room, so can't argue with that :)

Here's hoping for a quick labour for her. I'll be nice, even if you can't :D

He loves it all really, all these women fussin over him. When hes not on SF, where is he ? When he comes back, a sigh of relief. Whatever will they make of him in the Maternity Hospital. :gag: :gag:

I'm glad I'm not the midwife dealing with his wandering hands :hihi:

Im not in trouble at all now! Shes forgotten all about the chocolate :D

All I have to do is sit back, enjoy her discomfort, and plan ways to nick her cookies from her jar.


Life is good. Its just a pity that Im not! :D

Im having a premonition - its your impending doom at the hands or your missus:P

Shes watching that Noel Edmunds thing on tv... Maybe thats why shes groaning.
Anyway, shes... I hesitate to say the word "Normal" in her case, but shes... ok now... For now at least...

He loves it all really, all these women fussin over him. When hes not on SF, where is he ? When he comes back, a sigh of relief. Whatever will they make of him in the Maternity Hospital. :gag: :gag:

When my last one was born I was told off by a nurse because I couldnt stop laughing at all the screams that were coming form the other cubicles as other women were having babys. I was roaring with laughter, I couldnt stop myself!

One lady was told to shut up when I went into labour. The midwife said "You've had 5 already if you don't like the pain then don't have any more" needless to say, I never made a sound through my labour

when I told my midwife it hurts she said "of course you silly girl your having a baby"

hehehe. I can't wait til I'm in there, qualified etc

When my last one was born I was told off by a nurse because I couldnt stop laughing at all the screams that were coming form the other cubicles as other women were having babys. I was roaring with laughter, I couldnt stop myself!

Im not embarrassed to say Jabbers that everyone likes you (men & women) There Ive said it. Ive meant to say it for ages, Im going now ,because i feel silly.:hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

when I told my midwife it hurts she said "of course you silly girl your having a baby"

They always said to me "See you next year" !!!!!!:o

Im not embarrassed to say Jabbers that everyone likes you (men & women) There Ive said it. Ive meant to say it for ages, Im going now ,because i feel silly.:hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

Of course they do! Its because Im caring and pretty and... I just asked if the other half was feeling ok, she said "Yes Im fine" I said "Good, make me an egg sarnie" THATS how nice I am!

heh heh

hehehe. I can't wait til I'm in there, qualified etc

The other halfs sis was going to train at Derby college for midwifery but they were going to send her all the way to Sheffield to train-on placements and stuff and it put her off a bit.
Actually it put her off a lot, shes now training to be a mental health nurse.
She keeps giving me funny, calculating looks...

pmsl I'm hoping to move to sheffield to train

but won`t your good lady need to go in the cupboard for bread, and then notice her choccy has gone?

but won`t your good lady need to go in the cupboard for bread, and then notice her choccy has gone?

GOD I didnt think of that! Ill cancel my order to the lazy sow! :D

If she wanders over to the comp and reads this lot, you do realise that Ill be instantly slaughtered...
I keep looking over my shoulder as I type to make sure she isnt creeping up on me.

lol :hihi:

Now Ive eaten it, I... I`m going to die, arent I...?

Hang on a second Jabbers...... I thought you were already dead???:huh:

Hang on a second Jabbers...... I thought you were already dead???:huh:

Im sure she`ll work out ways to make me even deader.
Erm... more dead....

scoff it,put on your best ministerial voice and deny everything,eventually turn the question round to something about the price of sugar compared to 1990, she will accept this,as we are all conditioned to do

then arrive home with a larger bar and swear you thought it was april the first.......:hihi:

The trouble is I cant seem to lie to her. She claims that she can read me like a book. A big, smelly, nasty old book...

Every time she mentions a word with the letter "C" in it, I leap out of my skin. Im sure shes starting to suspect something...

Any news this morning?

Any news this morning?

Shes still ugly.


Thats all the news I have so far today!


God she sees this and Im dead.

lol, I meant have the pains subsided :hihi:

when I told my midwife it hurts she said "of course you silly girl your having a baby"

I had a contraction laid flat on my back with the midwife in upto the elbow in the bisness end trying to break my waters, I politely voiced a complaint to which she replied "dont be silly, the membranes dont have any nerve endings".

I hope she never crosses the road in front of my car, thats all I'm saying!

heh heh heh. in a few yrs someone'll be saying that about me

lol, I meant have the pains subsided :hihi:

Well shes stopped moaning and grizzling.

The more I type here, the deeper I get myself into trouble. :D

lol! When is the sprog due to come out?

Its due on the ...26th If I remember rightly. I cant ask her because if I do she`ll A/ tell me off for not knowing the date off by heart, and B/ come here to see what Im doing on the comp.
If she does that, you know what she`ll do to me... It`ll be loud, bloody and nasty.

awww shame :hihi:

when I told my midwife it hurts she said "of course you silly girl your having a baby"

Mine said, as i walked/ staggered in, in the late stages of labour "and what have we come in with then dear?"

grrrr!

Well she didnt discover the chocolate- or the space in the cupboard where it was.

I slunk out to the shop earlier to replace it and shes just gone to visit her parents...

The chocolate that I stole yesterday was a fruit and nut. They didnt have that one in the shop so I replaced it with a Galaxy, I hope she doesnt notice.

The thing is, now shes out and Im all alone here, Im getting the urge to steal the galaxy...

pmsl only you jabber, only you

Well she didnt discover the chocolate- or the space in the cupboard where it was.

I slunk out to the shop earlier to replace it and shes just gone to visit her parents...

The chocolate that I stole yesterday was a fruit and nut. They didnt have that one in the shop so I replaced it with a Galaxy, I hope she doesnt notice.

The thing is, now shes out and Im all alone here, Im getting the urge to steal the galaxy...

Why don't you stock up on a few of your own while you're replacing hers?:huh:

Why don't you stock up on a few of your own while you're replacing hers?:huh:

Bugger that for a lark! It tastes better when its nicked! :D

Bugger that for a lark! It tastes better when its nicked! :D

Can't argue with that, Jabber... being naughty does add to the enjoyment, doesn't it? I almost never steal cookies from my own cookie jar.

You have said 26th in the past Jabber. I've remembered as it's the day before my b'day.

You have said 26th in the past Jabber. I've remembered as it's the day before my b'day.

I knew I was right! I care! Im a good hubby! :D


Ok it was a guess...