I am I alone in this or has anybody else had to deal with patronising and condescending attitudes from Child Care professionals like Day Nursery Staff, Teachers and Head Teachers.

I am a single parent and until recently I worked full time, I have since cut back my hours because of my son’s behavioural problems.

When my son attended a Day Nursery 3 ½ years ago the Day Nursery Staff at first seemed very pleasant and helpful and then as soon as the bad behaviour began their attitudes towards me became very stand offish and negative.

I did everything I could to help them manage my son’s behaviour by agreeing to the involvement of Educational Psychologists and Child Development Assessments; I attended regular monthly meetings for updates on what plans of action they were taking, and I even took my son to see our GP to see if there was anything medically wrong, the Day Nursery put my son on this statement and I also seeked the help of the Primary Mental Health Team to see what they could do to help.

Somewhere along the line my co-operation seemed to go unnoticed and I found myself on the receiving end of some really spiteful comments for example in a busy packed classroom full of children, staff and parents the Manager of the Day Nursery shouted out in front of everyone “Mum doesn’t know how he got the bruise under his eye”, then in his accident folder I would find comments like deep cut on Joshua’s arm.

I was somewhat taken aback and upset because it was made to sound like I was some kind of neglectful parent I know that Child Care Professionals have to protect themselves but their attitudes were being really down right nasty, and I was quite frightened at what they were trying to suggest.

My child is loved, well taken care of and doesn’t want for anything, don’t get me wrong he isn’t spoiled but I have done everything in my power to provide for his every need, we have a lovely home, and he has his own room with his own TV and toys for stimulation and most importantly he is happy and has never shown me otherwise.

Shortly after I was asked to remove my child from the Day Nursery because they said they could no longer manage his behaviour, so luckily I found myself a child minder who was and still is a god send and a credit to her profession and the only person that I have not had this holier than thou attitude with.

I was sent a copy of my sons statement just before my son was due to start Infant School and was shocked to read comments about myself in it like “Mum seems in an I don’t care mood” and then snippets of private conversations I had about how I don’t get any support from my family and I found this quite distressing because I didn’t think this statement was supposed to be about my mood or lack of enthusiasm or to divulge private matters, I thought it was supposed to be about my son and his day to day activities and what his behaviour was like during the day, there was also the suggestion that the staff had been discussing my son with other parents.

Now my son is in school and I find myself being in more or less the same situation, I am still attending the meetings and still doing all I can to provide support, but yet I was told by the schools educational psychologist that the reason why my son is the way he is, is down to the inconsistencies at home, What inconsistencies? And how on earth do they come up with this diagnosis.

I am finding the attitudes very patronising and condescending, for instance only today was I told that it wasn’t wise of me to get my sons ear pierced 4 weeks ago because he now can not do PE.

I said to the Head Teacher that as soon as it heals I would take it out on the days he has PE, but she was looking at me as if I was some freak.

I hasten to add my sons ear was pierced during the summer holidays because my son asked me if he could have it done and because he had been so well behaved over the holidays I agreed, I didn’t realise that I should have seeked the Head Teachers permission to have my own Childs ear pierced.

Has anybody else here experienced the same holier than thou attitudes or is child care better in Sheffield than it is where I live.

I am hoping to move to Sheffield one day and hope that child care isn’t going to be like this every where I go.

My where do I start.

Well first of all there is no excuse for rudeness of the type you mentioned early on in your post and comments made public about your child's injuries were unprofessional to say the least. I would think that you would have had grounds for a formal complaint there.

But do try to see things from their point of view. Tact may not have been their strong point but child welfare is paramount these days and they would not have been doing their job had they not noted the injury. One of the reasons being so that you could not claim that the injury had occurred while your child was in their care. Seems fair enough to me.

I have to take issues with you over your comment about your child not wanting for anything, how about your time and attention for starters? If you had him in childcare full-time then I would have thought that the time you were at home you would have spent together. Toys and tv are NO substitute for a loving parents involvement with their child.

I don't think that school is being at all unreasonable about the piercing. Earrings are dangerous when doing PE.

Sorry but I feel that you have a big problem with authority in that you just don't like it.

I'm sorry that you feel that way but I honestly do not have any problems with authority as you so kindly pointed out, I did say in my post that I will not have a problem with taking the earing out during the days my son has PE but once the ear has healed I didnt think this was being unreasonable.

Me and my son have only just this minute got in from school and the first thing I have done is take the earing out to make sure it has healed so when he does PE next Tuesday I can take out the earing so he will be able to take part.

All I was suggesting was that I found the attitude of the teacher very rude and felt that the way she told me it wasnt wise having his ear pierced was like she was taking down to one of her pupils, I just felt that I deserved to be spoken to with a bit more respect that that.

As for you wanting to take issue with me over my comment about my son not wanting for anything, I did mean that in an emotional sense as well, I do spend quality time with my son and he always has my time and attention, we are always doing things together like baking cakes, going to the park, swimming and going on little outings and I do take the time we spent together very seriously especially when I was working full time.

The very reason why I have now commenced working part time is to spend more quality time together.

I am very aware that any child care professional has to protect themselves against claim of injury to the child if the child was injured elsewhere and I would regularly sign a folder and write in any inccident that happened while at home, I did not have any problems with this at all and I still dont.

I just felt humilated by their public announcement of my sons accident and felt that their actions were inappropriate, because to me they were suggesting something untoward had happened and that is utter lunacy.

I work part time in a kindergarten as an assistant. We have a folder for injuries that must be marked down. In the event of a child having an injury it is put in the folder with a factual description. Even if there is no cause for concern (we feel) we still mark it down.

It is a requirement.

Persoanl comment, I feel, should not be documented unless there is a real cause for concern, If there was a real cuase for concern it should be reported.

What was the outcome of the Educational Psychologists evaluation? Were they concerned at all? If not then I would take your complaint further.

Have you spoken to the head teacher at your sons school to give him your angle on things and the history behind it?

I personally would not encourage a TV in a childs room, they do see things that affect their behaviour and it is also not a good stimulant. Have you tried limiting Tv and supervising what he watches?

Do you feel there are problems with his behaviour?

I only ask these questions as it is hard to comment on your situation only knowing certain points.

:)

I trained to be a Nursery Nurse and spent 2 years doing an NNEB diploma so I know exactly why proceedures are in place to monitor injuries.

I am perfectly aware of the reasons why childcare placements do this and I am fully supportive of this course of action.

The Educational Psychologists evaluation recommended an SSA be present during the whole day Josh was in the Day Nursery to provide a steady stream of 1:1 support and even now that my son is in Year 1 at school he still has the support of an SSA throughout the day and they have proved very helpful in managing to maintain Joshs behaviour, calm him down and distract him from going into any tantrums.

The Educational Psychologist also admitted to me that most of Joshs little accidents were self inflicted as she had witnessed him harming himself on quite a few occasions she also expressed her concern at the Day Nursery's attitude and said she didnt blame me if I wanted to take it further.

We looked into his diet to try and determine if an allergy was the cause of the bad behaviour and we also implemented strategies to praise the good behaviour and ignore the bad.

Josh may have a TV in his room but to be honest with you he is hardly in there and its only mainly in the mornings while I am having my bath that he will watch something like the Hoobs or that he will put on one of his films like Home Alone or Baby's Day Out, I dont feel that its harmful because he looses interest after 5 minutes and ends up playing with something else.

It has taken some time but I feel that my son has really made some progress and has come on in leaps and bounds and I personally believe that this is beacuse I gave up full time employment and went Part time, I havent experienced any bad behaviour for a while now, but I really dont think the Teachers can forget and seem like they are waiting for my son to explode.

The first week that Josh was at school I got a phone call from the Head Teacher explaining that Josh had got upset because he forgot his reading folder I said ok what do you want me to do and I was told oh nothing we just want to keep you informed.

I dont mind being kept updated but seriously am I being over sensitive or are they expecting him to mess up.

Regards

Joanne

I can understand where you are coming from, I haven't experienced this myself , but have seen it.
My daughters first preschool down south was so quick to label children as having problem behaviour, it got me so mad, the kids were only 2 and 3 - give them a chance. I was a single parent at teh time and I felt the whole attitude towards me was different to the parents that weren't single parents, although I accept that could have been me being paranoid.
The amount of records kept on the kids was unreal as well, and the way the records were written did seem to insinuate certain things about the childs upbringing.

However in Sheffield I have experienced something totally different - a very open, friendly approach to chilcare, where any behaviour problems are solved subtly and calmly and a preschool where the kids actually have fun and they aren't labelled as having problems at such a young age.

Maybe you will find things better when you move here:)

Thank you for your comments Elf, I am really looking forward to my move, and I cant wait to get settled into Sheffield.

However the Educational Psychologist and the Head Teacher told me that I shouldn’t talk to my son about the move, they said it could make him anxious.

I totally disagree because I feel that if we chat about the impending move from time to time then when it happens it wont come as a big shock and I can also answer any questions he may have.

I would never deliberately set out to make my son anxious and I resent them implying that talking about the move would make him fret, from what my son has shown me he has enjoyed talking about starting a new school and making new friends and what toys he wants to pack.

I find that some of these child care staff are very controlling and it makes me feel quite uneasy.

Regards

Joanne

Gee with all these psycologists and reports it is a wonder we ever managed to raise children before such people could get qualified in such disciplines :rolleyes:

You may wish to look into the data protection act and the keeping of personal data with regards to comments made and then launch a rocket up their rear ends.

I have recieved nothing but support verging on interference at times from local child care services. My kids school is fantastic and have been supportive.
I often feel at odds with the other mums waiting outside becaues I don't know any of them, i put this down to general paranoia and never really getting on with women anyway. :confused:

I think you will find a vast number of services are a big improvement in Sheffield. They seem to balance a northern attitude of common sense with the latest advances in techniques and studies.

Moon

Oh definitly talk to your son about moving.
Do these people credit children with no intelligence?
It is far better to have an honest relationship with your son and let him know what is going on, even if he does get anxious about the move, he will know you are honest with him.
There are plenty of books and ways that can help relieve his anxiety, if it does occur, but it may go the other way and he may get really excited.
Just go with your instincts, you know him much better than the professionals!

And surely it is better to tell him than just move him without letting him know what is going on.

Give this picture to the childcare proffesionals and ask them what they see.

http://web.nwe.ufl.edu/~gulmer/longman/2/duckrabbit.html

Some will see a rabbit and some will see a duck.

Then point out to them that things are not always what they seem and to make a judgement or label a child is wholly wrong.

They should be looking to see his behavour in some positive way. Example: A baby that cries a lot may be seen as a problem or it may be seen that they have a strong character. It's up to them how they perceive it and usually the perception indicates a lot about them not the child.

Originally posted by bonny
Give this picture to the childcare proffesionals and ask them what they see.

http://web.nwe.ufl.edu/~gulmer/longman/2/duckrabbit.html

Some will see a rabbit and some will see a duck.

Then point out to them that things are not always what they seem and to make a judgement or label a child is wholly wrong.

They should be looking to see his behavour in some positive way. Example: A baby that cries a lot may be seen as a problem or it may be seen that they have a strong character. It's up to them how they perceive it and usually the perception indicates a lot about them not the child.

I see a ruck?!!?:suspect: