:( hi, i'm new to the forum. I am about to become a single mother. Wow i am so scared of what lies ahead. My son is just 4 weeks old and i have been with my partner for 18 years. Our relationship has just totally broken down which i am extremely sad at and will probably never get over it . Wondered if anybody is in a similar position. Any words of advice??

:( hi, i'm new to the forum. I am about to become a single mother. Wow i am so scared of what lies ahead. My son is just 4 weeks old and i have been with my partner for 18 years. Our relationship has just totally broken down which i am extremely sad at and will probably never get over it . Wondered if anybody is in a similar position. Any words of advice??

I'm really sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best for you and your son. I'm sure there are plenty of forumers that will offer you support.

:( oh i'm really sorry to here that, they are a great bunch on this forum we have been through a difficult patch, but lots of support and kind words from fellow forumers really cheers you up.

if you ever need to chat just pm me, i will try to help, i am a qualified nursery nurse and have been for 12 years, and i'm a mum, and if you need any advice let me know.:)

Ah Melly, can you see no way of you and your partner patching things up? Is there any way you could see the two of you getting back together? Having a baby must be such a life-altering thing for a couple, maybe he is just not adjusting well and things will get better for you both soon?

Sorry to hear about that, hun. Very tough with a baby so young. Come visit us in the parenting group, and I'm sure there'll be plenty of tea and sympathy (or chocolate and laughs...whichever you prefer!)

((hugs Melly))

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I can't begin to imagine how I'd feel breaking up with someone I'd been with for eighteen years. It's beyond comprehension for me.

Although things are probably pretty scary for you right now, I'm sure that given time you'll get yourself back on your feet and learn to fly again.

Just thought I'd also mention that there's a parenting group here on the forum if you need any help, advice, support or just some general company.

:)

:( hi, i'm new to the forum. I am about to become a single mother. Wow i am so scared of what lies ahead. My son is just 4 weeks old and i have been with my partner for 18 years. Our relationship has just totally broken down which i am extremely sad at and will probably never get over it . Wondered if anybody is in a similar position. Any words of advice??

Hi mellydh,

Welcome to the forum!!! :thumbsup:

Could your relationship breakdown be a reaction to having a new baby around??? Maybe it will pan out, hopefully, given some time to adjust?

wow, can't believe people have replied so quickly. thanks for the kind words. Unfortunatly our relationship has been deteriating(sure that's not spelt right) for the last 18 mths. We thought we could work things out when i found out i was pregnant but it just isn't working and i don't want to stay together just for our son. He is a wonderful dad though and i hope we stay on good terms.

oh that is so sad to read, after so many years together and such a new baby to cope with too ... :(

Have a rubydazzler special hug ... and then nip over and visit the parenting group, I'm sure they'll have lots to say that you'll find useful.

It won't solve the situation but it might help you feel a little less isolated.

x

:( hi, i'm new to the forum. I am about to become a single mother. Wow i am so scared of what lies ahead. My son is just 4 weeks old and i have been with my partner for 18 years. Our relationship has just totally broken down which i am extremely sad at and will probably never get over it . Wondered if anybody is in a similar position. Any words of advice??

Welcome to SF!

Not something I've had experience of, I'm afraid, but all three of you have just gone through a major life experience - a new baby appearing in a long-term relationship. Everything's up in the air.

Are you still sharing a house and talking? If so it's possible that things might straighten out. How was your partner during the pregnancy?

EDIT - just saw the post about things deteriorating....

Sorry to hear that. I guess from a practical perspective it might be worth considering whether you can wait a month or two before any final decisions are made?

Im really sorry to hear this.Lots of people have kids thinking it will bring them closer together,when in fact it has the opposite effect. A baby is very hard work, and the man often feels left out.Dont ever stay together for the sake of the children, as it creates more tension.Kids soon latch on when parents are arguing,and it telephones a message to them that isnt good.Better off without the arguments,which gives a more relaxed situation to everyone.Welcome, love, everyone on here is marvellous.

Im so sorry to hear of your situation, my heart goes out to, it must be a really hard time for you at the moment.
i cant offer much advice, but there are some really great people on the SF, im sure some will be able to offer some.
All the best.

Yes, do come hang out with the Parenting Group mellydh, just follow the link in my signature.

You will know best what the situation is between you, but I agree with others here that these first few months with a new baby are incredibly stressfull, and it may be that you both feel differently when everything settles. Take it all slow, look after yourself, keep things friendly, and try and make sure you have calm, unstressed time with your little one...is all I can think of, really.

So sorry to hear your news about your partner and yourself.

Eighteen years is a long time to be together and you'll have done lots of growing together and apart in this time.

Your child is perhaps the major change in your relationship. I am unsure if your decision to split is your partner's, yours or a mutual one. If there is any chance or want that you can work through this, I would try relate counselling. However if you can't or accept you don't want to, I am sure there are lots of people in the parent group who will be able to help you.

I've not got kids but I broke up from my 13 year relationship four and a half years ago. The unbearable pain no doubt you are feeling does subside eventually, I promise, and you are left with some sad and some happy memories and also some thank god he's gone! I'm not going to say you'll get over it like so many people do - but it does get easier. If you are going to split allow yourself to grieve your relationship - take as much time as you need - don't go rushing into any other major changes that you can avoid - and plough your energies into yourself and your little man.

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it lately, Mellydh. At a time which should be so joyful, it can be heartbreaking when other issues cause strife.. But rest assured, the future is bright. It really is! :)

How supported are you? Do you have family or friends in the area who are in regular contact?

I went through a pregnancy and birth on my own ..i spent 5 years bringing her up on my own too ..had relationships but nothing that worked out ..i did meet someone special ..it lasted 5 years but it didnt work out and i find myself alone again ...my daughter is nearly 11 now ..and we have a really special bond...the thing iv found is iv become a really strong women ..i started my own business and im doing pretty well .....Im sorry it hasnt worked out for you ...but you will be ok ...stay strong and put all your energy into your little one :)
I believe theirs someone out there for everyone ..and it will happen when you least expect it ...dont go looking ..try and live your life ..and it will happen..at the begining i can remember laid in bed thinking " what am i gonna do with my life" with my huge bump ..i decided i was gonna do something i'd always wanted to do ...when my daughter was 5 months old when i decided to start college ..coming home to breast feed her ..it was hard ..but 11 years later ..i have a succesful business ..my own home and a great life ... think positive and to the future and you'l be fine ...men are bonuses ..but if you dont meet mr right straight away ...you still have you and your baby ..and you can do anything you want ..just think for you and go for it !!
please feel free to PM me when ever you want ..the key is YOUR happiness and believe me the worlds you oyster;)

Amen to that, Ms_Tetley - what a fantastic post :D

.

wow, can't believe people have replied so quickly. thanks for the kind words. Unfortunatly our relationship has been deteriating(sure that's not spelt right) for the last 18 mths. We thought we could work things out when i found out i was pregnant but it just isn't working and i don't want to stay together just for our son. He is a wonderful dad though and i hope we stay on good terms.

Hi, mellydh was interested in the part you said about not wishing to stay together just for your son. Assuming that, sad as you are you feel it's right for you and your bloke to part I think it's brave and sensible to resist theurge to stay together just for the babie's sake.
I was in a similar situation with a long term partner and for years I stayed in a very unhealthy r'ship 'for the children's sake'. With the benefit of a few years hindsight I can now see that it certainly wasn't the right thing to have done. Since separating the children are happier, more confident people who have a very strong relationship with me; they also still see their mum regularly and she's moved on and found a new bloke.
Glad to hear your little ones Dad is doing well with him - I think it will pay off hugely well for baby if you and his dad can remain on good terms and that dad remains dad, whatever your subsequent arrangements with men might be.
Best wishes for a happy, healthy future for you, baby and his dad.

Welcome to the Forum mellydh.

Not much I can add really to what has been said, but all i can say is the Forum is a great place to be, and whatever happens the friendship of the members will always be there for you.

Best wishes to you and your baby boy.

Jayne

Thankyou so much for all these words of advice. Especially to halibut and miss tetley. It's good to hear other peoples stories. I really don't know what lies ahead but i know that our son is probabably going to get me through this, he is my main focus. I have a few friends who live close by but no real family to speak. I still love my partner very much and who knows what the future holds. This is a mutual decision and hopefully amicable (we'll see). The forum definitely sounds a good place to share stories and get advice and also make some friends. Thanks again to all of you. xx

Can't add anything to what's already been said except that there's some really good posts been made. In fact some of them really made me cry.

I split up from my husband of 26 years, two years ago but the marriage had been dead for several years and I think we just stayed together more out of convenience than anything. I have no feelings for him, hadn't for several years I guess, and I wasn't sorry for the marriage to end. We have two teenage children who now never see or have contact with their father. That being because of him, not me.

I did find someone else before I split up from my now ex husband. A wonderful young man who I loved, and still do, to bits. Unfortunately that relationship ended just before Christmas after almost two and a half lovely years. We did have 'outside' problems but we always got through them and I always believed and hoped we always would. Unfortunately that wasn't to be. I believed, and still believe, that had we have lived together, away from the 'outside' problems, we would have been very happy together and we would have made it work. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be.

I miss him like hell and I still cry every day and every night. In fact, I'm crying as I type this.

They say time is a great healer. I guess it's the time it takes to get from now to then. How long it takes, who knows?


Good luck and all the best to you anyway.

<< hugs for Melly >> not alot we say can reassure you at this early stage but as henrietta said the future is very very bright.

There are lots of single parents on here and we have happy healthy relationships with our children and lots of friends :) (especially thanks to SF)

Its early days but things will stop hurting soon enough with the distraction of your darling son. Come and join the parents group and get yourself down to Zebras mother and toddler group in town, meet a few of the SF mummys and daddys. :thumbsup:

Hi. really sorry to hear about your situation. Ive been a single mum for almost 3 years now, i split from my husband and like you did wonder at the time if it was the right thing to do. my children at the time were 3 and 5 years old. If im honest i was scared wondering how id be able to cope on my own, my family and the childrens father helped out loads, i now realise that the separation was for the best i also find im a more confident person for it. Keep your chin up and good luck with it.

Welcome to the forum Skips :wave: