Hi some of you may remember me posting before about my sister who has mental health problems.Well things are bad at the moment and i just dont know what to do.I try staying clear of my sister ,I did well for ages infact i don't rush to her needs anymore like i used to.I just talk on phone now and then and she does not come round here.Except boxing day when she came with family.But since then iv noticed my hat has gone missing and my digi cam.I only noticed digi cam had gone since last night it has always been at the bottom of my pc desk.I was having a tidy up of my desk and it's gone.I asked my other lil sis if she had seen our sister with it.She said no but she had mentioned she got a digi cam yesterday.
So i phoned her and asked if she had taken it ,she said she got a digi cam but had bought it.I asked her if I could see it and she said no cos she has took it cash converters now.So im left stumped I know she has taken it she is the only one that will have the nerve to do it.And as for the hat I know she got that cos she been seen with it on.(was not as bothered about the hat as I am my digi cam.She had gone on about wanting one for ages,instead of buying one she took mine.Im angry cos we work hard to buy the things we got.She dont work she on dla and spends her money on drugs and alcohole.
I ain't gonna phone the police cos i cant prove it and I know she will have sold it to some one now for money for drugs.I just feel hurt I told her I don't even want her ringing me anymore.But mum thinks im being horrid,and should be nice.Mum puts up with her taking her stuff ,but I wont.
I dont even want her at my wedding in june cos I know she will show off and start a row with someone.And mum will think im a cow if I don't let her come.
I don't know what to do

charlie

Cash converters has closed, the only one left is the one near Blacks with all the computer games and stuff in. They keep records and ask for proof of ID but I doubt they will give you much info unless you involve the police. It might be worth poping in and seeing if you can see it, if you can then explain that you think a relative stole it and could they at least confirm if the sellers name was xxxx, else you will have to involve the cops.
They may help.

La propriété, c'est le vol!

hi there charlie
this is what i sugest u do.
you should go to see her and be understanding and ask her,tell her you are not angry at her and does she need help. because people with mental heath problms do sometimes steel for help you need to help her before she steels from a shop and the police are called be gental cos they can also get very upset and angry and think everyone is againt them

hope this helps
30anssexy

My sister told me it was cash converters near the market but i know it aint called cash converters.
Thats called summit else im gonna go look.See the digi cam charger is here but that was hidden in my cuboard and it had no box so would they of even taken it.
I think she will have more then likely sold it to a friend for drugs.
but im gonna check up on it.
I tried being nice but at the moment she is very violant cos she is on whizz and cocain as well as cannabis and the alchole.
She was making some really awful threats to me last night.
I am just gonna look in to it and phone the police she has to learn she cant keep doing it.
And she also knows that the consequences of her actions are that she wont even be welcome here when rest of family come.
charlie

hi there charlie
this is what i sugest u do.
you should go to see her and be understanding and ask her,tell her you are not angry at her and does she need help. because people with mental heath problms do sometimes steel for help you need to help her before she steels from a shop and the police are called be gental cos they can also get very upset and angry and think everyone is againt them

hope this helps
30anssexy

Unfortunately for Charlie this is a long standing problem that she has posted about before. I think she's tried the 'help' route and just had it thrown back in her face many times.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. She probably thinks, like your mum's attitude, that she can continue stealing from her family and no-one will do anything about it. Personally I would phone the police (although the chances of them actually doing anything are :rolleyes: ). I'm sorry to hear the situation hasn't improved. I certainly wouldn't have her at my wedding, but I would make sure I told her exactly why.

Thanks twiglet glad someone understands.
She is just so awful and my life is brill when i have nothing what so ever to do with her.
But mum pushes it and makes me talk to her ,she uses the guilt trip thing.
Im not backing down this time,she got to learn.
I mean last saturday was bad we spent the day at the turkish baths on victoria street.
Mum's idea she bought us all a day at the spa for xmas.
And as per my sister started showing off all becauce she dropped a headband on the floor and i refused to pick it up for her.
And because mum would not drive from barnsley to drop off her post office card.
Although she did agree that she would drop it at mine when passing for work and that she could walk to mine from upperthorpe to fetch it.
But she stated shouting in this resturant and being violant threatning to punch us if she didnt get her own way.
Mum stormed off in tears and said she was hacked off cos all she wanted was a nice day out.
Mum paid for the spa i paid for the meal and she threw it in our faces.
So i was already annoyed about that and my stuff going missing has put the nail in the coffin.

oh dear - I can't imagine how difficult this situation is for you.

Its hard to say what I'd do, but more than likely, I'd get the police involved and maybe some sort of psycholigical counselling.

The drugs and alcohol wont help - while ever she's suffering with these addictions she will never see sense and will more than likely continue to be an umpleasent person to be around.

There must be some sort of government help out there where people can send relatives if they feel they are a threat to either themselves or society....wh knows what her addictions will lead her to next?

Good luck

I think I'd involve the police too Charlie, and push it through to make her see that you're serious about this.

She needs to get it into her head that there are some things that are just unacceptable- and one of them is stealing from family and friends to feed your habit.

If she's going to get herself out of this hole (and note, I said 'she' not 'you because she's the only one who can help with this- however much you want her better you can't do it for uer) then the first step is for her to admit to herself and others that the drugs problems are actually there, and she won't have to do that while other people are making things easier for her.

It hurts to do it, but sometimes you just have to say 'I've met you more than half way- if you aren't prepared to come and meet me, then you can sit over there by yourself, and I'm not going to put myself out for you any more'.

Hi some of you may remember me posting before about my sister who has mental health problems.Well things are bad at the moment and i just dont know what to do.I try staying clear of my sister ,I did well for ages infact i don't rush to her needs anymore like i used to.I just talk on phone now and then and she does not come round here.Except boxing day when she came with family.But since then iv noticed my hat has gone missing and my digi cam.I only noticed digi cam had gone since last night it has always been at the bottom of my pc desk.I was having a tidy up of my desk and it's gone.I asked my other lil sis if she had seen our sister with it.She said no but she had mentioned she got a digi cam yesterday.
So i phoned her and asked if she had taken it ,she said she got a digi cam but had bought it.I asked her if I could see it and she said no cos she has took it cash converters now.So im left stumped I know she has taken it she is the only one that will have the nerve to do it.And as for the hat I know she got that cos she been seen with it on.(was not as bothered about the hat as I am my digi cam.She had gone on about wanting one for ages,instead of buying one she took mine.Im angry cos we work hard to buy the things we got.She dont work she on dla and spends her money on drugs and alcohole.
I ain't gonna phone the police cos i cant prove it and I know she will have sold it to some one now for money for drugs.I just feel hurt I told her I don't even want her ringing me anymore.But mum thinks im being horrid,and should be nice.Mum puts up with her taking her stuff ,but I wont.
I dont even want her at my wedding in june cos I know she will show off and start a row with someone.And mum will think im a cow if I don't let her come.
I don't know what to do

charlie
ive got a sister like that, she cost me £2,500 in just over a week through robbing and going on a crack binge.
at the end of the day, i just dont communicate with her anymore, and like you i would not want her at my wedding. cut all ties with her and if she wants to change, she will, but otherwise you dont deserve that burden.

I'm afraid I'm thinking 'Police'.

Some people may have emotional health problems and addictions but they also can be using them as an excuse to cover the fact that they're just selfish ******** who need to be kicked out of their little world in to teh one that the rest of us share.

You've been a good sister and a good daughter; as Medusa says, you've met her half way. Maybe mention to her that it's clear the house was burgled whilst the family were there, and in order for you to claim on your insurance you need to get a crime number and involve the police.

Whilst others give her an easy time, she'll carry on not confronting her behaviour. She's at liberty to behave how she pleases for herself, but when she involves others agaisnt their will, it's showtime.

It'll be hard - your mum may also take this hard, and you may have some emotional times ahead, but soemtimes tough love is needed.

im not sideing with you sister i do think she needs help from the mental heath team. and u r right not to let her go to ur wedding it sound like she would spoil it for you by showing off to get all the attention but you should tell your mum why you dont want her there. she sounds like a spoilt child who is only happy when she gets what she wants. you shoudl call the police if all else fails

sorry for the wrong impresstion
30andsexy

I'm afraid I'm thinking 'Police'.

Some people may have emotional health problems and addictions but they also can be using them as an excuse to cover the fact that they're just selfish ******** who need to be kicked out of their little world in to teh one that the rest of us share.

You've been a good sister and a good daughter; as Medusa says, you've met her half way. Maybe mention to her that it's clear the house was burgled whilst the family were there, and in order for you to claim on your insurance you need to get a crime number and involve the police.

Whilst others give her an easy time, she'll carry on not confronting her behaviour. She's at liberty to behave how she pleases for herself, but when she involves others agaisnt their will, it's showtime.

It'll be hard - your mum may also take this hard, and you may have some emotional times ahead, but soemtimes tough love is needed.
sorry joe, but if she gets the police involved shes going to have to prove it was taken and sold, a lot harder when the culprit was willingly invited in, and then also the fact the mother is involved, and is probbly trying to calm it all down in front of police, so police think f&*k it

Thanks guys it's nice to have someone understand me.
I don't think she will ever change or get help.
Social services refuse to see her or help cos she always throws their help in their faces.Or abusing them when she see's them verbally and physically.
And apart from that there ain't no one else.
She is just trouble,and won't accept help.
Social services have offered home help she refuses it cos she says she wants sectioning.
But they don't do that anymore only under extreme cicumstances.
And when she has been admitted any where to stay and get help she has discharged herself.
So the system has given up,which i can't blame them for.
And she will stand and say she has a proble but won't get help.
What can you do .
charlie

Thanks guys it's nice to have someone understand me.
I don't think she will ever change or get help.
Social services refuse to see her or help cos she always throws their help in their faces.Or abusing them when she see's them verbally and physically.
And apart from that there ain't no one else.
She is just trouble,and won't accept help.
Social services have offered home help she refuses it cos she says she wants sectioning.
But they don't do that anymore only under extreme cicumstances.
And when she has been admitted any where to stay and get help she has discharged herself.
So the system has given up,which i can't blame them for.
And she will stand and say she has a proble but won't get help.
What can you do .
charlie

is your mother the next of kin?
if so she can section her if she needs help
ring out of hour team
or east glade center on 01142716451/2
explaine the problem and they should be able to help u
30andsexy

My sister is 22 and although mum is her next of kin she won't do it .
She would rather carry on regardless hun.
Thanks anyway hun
charlie

My sister is 22 and although mum is her next of kin she won't do it .
She would rather carry on regardless hun.
Thanks anyway hun
charlie
im guessing shes still on drugs, are they hard/soft, does she spend all her dla on them?

im guessing shes still on drugs, are they hard/soft, does she spend all her dla on them?

yep she is on cannabis,cocain,and whizz.
She was bragging about it to someone i know other day.(the sheer embarrisment :( )
And drinks vodka heavily and yes her dla covers her habit.
well i say covers she owes money out.
So if she has another suicide attempt and dont succeed,or the drugs dont kill her a ****** off drug dealer will when she owes them too much.
And it will be us left dstroyed
charlie

yep she is on cannabis,cocain,and whizz.
She was bragging about it to someone i know other day.(the sheer embarrisment :( )
And drinks vodka heavily and yes her dla covers her habit.
well i say covers she owes money out.
So if she has another suicide attempt and dont succeed,or the drugs dont kill her a ****** off drug dealer will when she owes them too much.
And it will be us left dstroyed
charlie
if u can be bothered, im not saying you should, as to be fair you shouldnt, get your mum to try and address your sisters addictions one at a time, first and foremost the cocaine, then the whizz, then booze, then cannabis.
her habit does not sound as bad as i may of thought, although i'd assume she may have some debts, because i know a person who spends a full dla check on cannabis to last him till the next payment.

Hi Charlie, sorry you are going through all this, i can say i know just how you feel. My little bro was about the same, has been since he was about 15. he stole from us, from other people, used drugs, owed dealers money etcetcetc. my parents gave him chance after chance, when dad gave up, mum would give him another chance and vice versa. He ended up inside for a short spell at 17 for burglary to feed the habit. it sorted him for a while but he went back to it. My parents carried on giving him chances; however, they were strict at the same time, involved the police, social services, rehab programmes etc but none of it worked for long. At 21 he was beaten up, tied up, given an overdose and thrown down the stairs of high rise flats by the dealers he owed, we still don't know how he survived!
The biggest problem is that people like this won't accept help til they are at rock bottom, and still then they can throw it back in your face!
He's now 26 and clean, but thats mainly cos he's now locked up for a long time, for a crime that he claims was not related to his habits... believe that if you wish!

I really hope you can stop your sister getting this far.

*hugs*
Em
xx

It sounds like you as a family are stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to keeping yourselves sane and together Charlie.

I don't envy your position at all- and the only advice I can offer is to prioritise the health and sanity of yourself and the rest of your family, because it will solve nothing for your sister to bring the rest of the family down with her.

It sounds very draconian to suggest disowning her and living like she doesn't exist, but if you have to share a home with her, get a lock on your door so she can't steal your things (she's shown that she's not trustworthy), and try to stop caring so much and harden your heart- if she doesn't care then you're wasting your time and energy caring for her.

I'll agree with Medusa on this one, we had locked doors for years.

I effectively disowned my bro, the only connection i have is that we happen to share the same parents, sadly its them who are suffering the most :(

I know i don't have to lock my doors cos she lives on her own.
Well i say alone she lives in supported accomodation flats at upperhtorpe.
Not that the support seems to be there.
I just wont welcome her in to my home again,not even on family occasions.
I have to start putting my children first and my partner.
I know what im gonna do but like you said em it will be mum and dad hurting in the process.
charlie

It's very sad that you can't protect your parents from the hurt that's already happening through this, but unfortunately you can't, so all you can do is protect you and yours the best you can, and as you said, look after your children and make sure that they understand that none of this is down to anything they have done wrong.

sorry joe, but if she gets the police involved shes going to have to prove it was taken and sold, a lot harder when the culprit was willingly invited in, and then also the fact the mother is involved, and is probbly trying to calm it all down in front of police, so police think f&*k it

I appreciate the difficulties, but I really think it needs to be done.

Sis needs to realise that people aren't going to take her crap any more.

Even if someone is invited in to the house, it doesn't mean that a crime has not taken place.

yep she is on cannabis,cocain,and whizz.
She was bragging about it to someone i know other day.(the sheer embarrisment :( )
And drinks vodka heavily and yes her dla covers her habit.
well i say covers she owes money out.
So if she has another suicide attempt and dont succeed,or the drugs dont kill her a ****** off drug dealer will when she owes them too much.
And it will be us left dstroyed
charlie

why exactly does she recieve dla? is she disabled - sounds terrible that benefit money is being spent on drugs.

Maybe you could inform the dla about this?

i remember you saying something about this a while ago. i'm sorry things haven't improved.

you've done all you can for her and more. you have a family of your own and a wedding to organise. that has to come first. god knows its hard enough to raise a family at the best of times without someone making it harder.

as hard as it is the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. you can't do anything for her, your mum is sadly not helping her either. your wedding is for you. not for anybody elses benefit, if you don't want someone there then don't invite them. you mum needs to understand how you feel and so does your sister. you need to calmly explain your reasons and tell your mum why your doing what your doing.

as for your sister you also need to stay calm with her and explain that she does nothing but make your life hard work. tell her your sorry but you haven't got the time energy or money to deal with her right now.

you could call the police but they won't do anything, you've no actual proof shes taken anything. in the end it'll not be worth it unless you weant to claim it back on your insurance in which case you'll need a crime number.

apart from that cheer up chick! it could be far worse and you at least have the wedding to look forward to

Sounds really hard. And it sounds like you don't need advice really and that you know how to handle it, you just need reassurance that your not doing anything terrible, which I'm sure your not. Good luck.

Thanks guys i know im not but its hard when you have a mother that feels makes you feel that way.
Well iv heard nothing from my sister she finally has the message i don't wanna see her no more.
I will be concentrating on my wedding from now on only 5mnth left and then ill be a mrs.
I already feel like one any way lol.
Thankyou all guys your a great support all of you and a good bunch of friendly people.
charlie

All the best for your wedding Charlie!

Good luck for the wedding.

I take it she's not on the invite list?


Jim:thumbsup: