Please give me your ideas on the subject of having more than one little bundle of joy...

You will find a pretty full explanation of my thoughts (questions, actually) on the matter http://www.badmothersclub.co.uk/jsp/index.jsp?lnk=302&id=78758&last=27 there...Page 2... having just written it all out, I'm too lazy to do it again (haven't slept in ages).

Mainly just: have you, haven't you; will you, won't you...and why?

:confused:

HIya Cosy
Well, as you know we had no choice in the matter first time round and I was glad of it. I was an only child and I hated it. For me, having twins meant there was never going to be an issue of having an only child and I probably would have looked at adoption if another child wasn't an option for me physically. I never wanted my children to grow up alone in the way I did - sure I had friends and cousins but my parents had huge families and valued their privacy so there were never troupes of kids charging through the house when I was young.
I waned my parents to have another baby so badly it was ridiculous and later I found out there were two turning points, buying a house or having another baby and later breaking out of retail to go self employed or have another baby, I desperately wished we could have stayed in a council house/in retail and I could have a brother or sister.
So, even though we have twins we are still planning to have more, because we want more, also because even though our twins will have one another it surely can't be a bad thing to have another sibling too (I hope).
So, although I can't directly relate - since I never had just one child, I can relate as a singleton and from our view there are still more babies to come :)
I would think if it was too bad first time round you could imagine it would probably be easier next time, you know the signs, the support groups, the dangers and pitfalls etc.
Besides, you've got experience and SF parenting now too and with any luck we'll see you back at Jellytots - you know there would be more support there too.

hi i have three little darlings aged 7, 4 and nearly 2 and i'm due to have another in march, they argue and fight like cats and dogs but i wouldn't change a thing :thumbsup:

Thanks, Zebra.
Like some kind of fool - yes you may slap me if necessary next time you see me (soon, I hope!) I was desperate to have twins. I just wanted to get it all over with in one go. I was big enough, too, and I kept thinking...one is hiding behind the other, please oh please, let there be two.
No such luck (?!) hence the difficult decision. To be honest, I can't see ever even considering a third. It was all pretty stressful the first time out... though well worth it, of course!

No I totally understand it - I wanted twins all along though I was fairly gobsmacked when it happened. It may have compounded the PND for you though so perhaps better that it didn't happen in that respect.
Though I adore my girls it is truly exhausting, almost totally double the expense and some people feel the need to compete all the time, about development stages or how having two of different ages is just the same (yeah right! at least one at nine months can move around and hold a bottle and/or food), there's still the novelty factor too, it used to take us hours to go shopping because we'd get stopped all the time and we never get to eat lunch out without someone interuppting and leaning over us.
But then they're twice the fun too.
If you do decide to go ahead, I've often been told that having the second when the first is around 2 - 2.5 is a good time but it all depends on your child I would imagine. You know Cosycub best as to how well you think he'd cope.
Question is - do you think it would ultimately make you happy after the initial wipeout stages are over?

I had my second child just before my first was 2 years old. It was quite different from having just one child as going swimming, out walking etc. became a tad more difficult.

Saying that though they are very close and the oldest can't remember never having his sister.

I wanted lots of children and couldn't imagine having just one (or two even). It been a great joy!!!

Zebra - you DO realise 3 isn't an option with twins, as one will always be the outsider..... you'll have to have 4 if you're having more ;)

sorry wrong sign in D'oh

the link works fine for me ;)

Hi there your link didn't seem to work for me *sniff sniff*, but i was the youngest of 5 and my parents fostered and child minded, i loved having kids round all the time, and was determined not to have just 1, i now have 5 kids, thinking about another but college is happening at the moment, so gonna see how that goes.
I delivered my last with a groin strain and a damaged ligament, on gas and air, even if the pregnancy is awful, the birth is horrific, one giggle is worth it and those tiny little fingers curled round yours wow, ok gonna stop now making myself bruddie not that, that takes a lot lol. HTH

Zebra - you DO realise 3 isn't an option with twins, as one will always be the outsider..... you'll have to have 4 if you're having more ;)

i agree lol

Yeah, I asked a few siblings to twins what they thought and most of them said they were closest to another single sibling (those that had one) and did feel seperate to the twins in their family. Adult twins I've spoken to all said they felt closest to their twin instead of other sibs.
So, although we want another it is entirely likely that a little further down the line we'd have a fourth BUT... and this is the big scarey.... what if the next is another set of twins? Hard work but worth it and so on.... what if I start wanting more kids? EEEEEEeek. :loopy:
Then, the ultra complex...... what if we had one more baby then in order to provide another sibling conceived again but then had twins... then the 3 rd child would still be an outsider - which according to you lot means I'd need to have yet another baby in order to make baby 3 all cool... but then there's the neverending possibility that the next one could be twins again! :help:
I can mentally cope with having another set of twins.... but not yet, once these two have stopped needing a pushchair etc and we can have a 7 seater car (though my parents would struggle to babysit so we'd be in deep doo-doo if we ever needed help) but I do struggle with the idea of having one more then getting broody again later and having another set of twins, the idea of 5 kids scares me a little, 3 or 4 seems ok, 3 easier to cope with, I just can't cope with what my hormones dictate, I'm sure if we won the lottery I would just keep having kids, buy my parents a large vehicle too so they can take the squad out if needs be. :rolleyes:

well, from all my moaning on here, many of you probably know that i found (and am still finding) one child incredibly difficult, partly because i had a carp pregnancy, and partly because of some problems for the first 3 months after the baby was born. we had planned on having another baby when babybaby was around 18 months, but that would mean me being pregnant again in 2 month :shocked: and i'm just not up to that yet....i still haven't forgotten how bad those 3 months were. i'm trying to change jobs, too, and as we're hopefully moving house (finally) next week, we simply won't be able to afford house and child IF i change job and lose my perky maternity benefits, at least for another year, which sounds good to me, but dh still wants to go for babybaby2 when we had originally planned (not pressurising me, but just letting me know what he wants), and like i said - i'm just not up to it, even though babybaby is a fantastically well behaved and easy baby to look after.

anyway, what's the betting i resurrect this thread in 6 months' time?:hihi:

incidentally, i had a brother 18 months older than me who made my life hellish between the ages of 6 and 16, and i was very much the non-favourite child as i was quiet and shy and my brohter was ebullient and sporty. we get on great now (actually, i'm the only family member that he does get on properly with), but i think my parents were amazed at hte difference in me when he left home to go to university when i was 16...

Speaking from our experiences, I would say go for #2 without a shadow of a doubt. Having had one, you are now so much better able to cope with the demands of parenting.

Those dark days when it all seemed too much are irrelevant now because you have made the adjustment, you have gained the experience and you have the parenting skills.

We never planned on having two, but when number 2 came along, everything fell into place. When anything happens to us, then my boys will always have each other (I have two brothers myself and I know that day or night, they are at the other end of a phone).

My boys fall out like cat and dog one minute, then play together the next (despite the 4 year difference between them). I wouldn't have it any other way now.

Tricky, that hit the mark for me in a big way...it's exactly those dark days that I fear, but at the same time hope they are irrelevant.

All in all, there seems to be a bias to the 'have more' arguments.

So just to throw another spanner in the works...what kind of age gap do people feel they want/has worked for them? I am totally undecided right now - as you all obviously know, but when someone said to me the other day that there was a nice age gap of five years between her children, I instinctively thought that if cosycub got to be 4/5 and I still hadn't made up my mind/the time still wasn't right, I wouldn't bother doing it at all because the gap would be too big.
Saying that, the gap with my sister is a whopping 13 years, and that worked out all right.

Hmmm...

There have been many times I wished I'd stuck with one, and Im brave enough to admit it. Its very hard to say though as it implies some slight on your second born.

But I didnt take any notice of the one person who said this to me, when everyone else said, go on have 2!

4 years is an excellent age gap, there is little jealousy as the older one is secure in your affections.

However, I know there will be loads of people who disagree with all of the above. Its just an opinion.

When I was pregnant with my second a good friend said to me,

QUOTE When you have one, its like everyone else is saying come on in and join us the water is lovely, have 2,3 ... Then when you do it you know it was just a trick so you would be the same as them!

I thought it sounded so awful at the time and thought she was a really bad person for thinking that way. But there's been many a time I wished I'd taken notice of her!

QUOTE When you have one, its like everyone else is saying come on in and join us the water is lovely, have 2,3 ... Then when you do it you know it was just a trick so you would be the same as them!


pmsl!

"don't worry, this won't hurt a bit"-type fibs spring to mind:hihi:

I always wanted 2. I always wanted one of each. I now have 2 boys three and a half years apart and and am so happy. :)

They are best friends, company for eachother, they play together, bicker together, insist that they must sleep in eachothers rooms even though they wanted seperate ones :rolleyes: have chess tournaments and bike races plus they share the blame :hihi:

My sister on the other hand has one child a daughter and she is delightful but very very grown up for her age. With only her very busy parents for company she loves to come and spend the days with her cousins so she can do the family thing. We do family movie night (one of the boys makes cinema tickets, we make popcorn and turn the lights down :P ) my niece misses out on this, my boys have the vote as there are more than them than me.

I can only go on what I have and when one is left behind because the other has a social event outside the home, the other sometimes acts like his left arm has been chopped of and sits waiting for his return.. I have told them that they are the best friends they will ever have and being one of three I know that siblings though sometimes you can't stand them, I would never be without mine. :)

Awww Fox, that's so nice. I really genuinely hope my girls are like that, it's what I want for them.

Ta Z. My top tip is time for each alone. DS#2 who remember is only 8 said the other day "its lovely to just have me and you time mum, I love my brother but its nice to have you to myself for a bit"

Ahh isn't that cute.. :)

Maybe I shouldn't say this because I am genuinely not trying to put you off having 2, but I found that when the second was tiny, I found 2 small children more difficult than twice the work of one. I'm not sure that makes sense but I'm not sure how else to word it!

There are almost 4 years between my two. The eldest had been in nursery for 5 months before the little one came along so he was settled there and didn't feel pushed out. Both my boys had lots of individual attention in their first 4 years because of this age gap.

I agree with everything Fox says.

Though I don't yet have one so not in much position to advise (!) both my husband and I are only children and both would really prefer to have more than one child (for so many reasons I could bore you to sleep with) if we are so blessed. Of course all our friends with siblings say they fight (grass is always greener) but they also say they wouldnt change it. However, perhaps I will change my mind when I experience caring for one. Am sure its exhausting having multiple small children to juggle! (If anyone ever wants to hear the disadvantages of being an only child rant just ask!!)

I've been wondering about if and when to have a second too. Our first is 4 months old and was a total surprise. We had given up on having kids as I was diagnosed with PCOS 9 years ago and contraception hasn't been high on our agenda since then. So this time last year, I did a test as things felt different and lo and behold I was expecting.

Bearing in mind my PCOS, taking 8 years to get pregnant and being 30 this year. Also the fact that I find it very hard being a parent and worry about another pregnancy as I had blood pressure problems and didn't really enjoy the whole birth and few days after the birth experience. Do we do it again and if we are when?

My Hubby believes in pairs of things, so they keep each other company. So I'm kind of erring to having another as I agree they do. I thought maybe I should start trying when my first is a year, but the whole worry of whether we will be lucky to have another is another subject, as the whole reason we never looked into any help with getting pregnant was because I know I couldn't take the emotional ups and downs of the whole process of trying and didn't want to become obessed with it - that's why we had accepted we weren't going to have kids.

Sorry, I've rambled on and on about my own thoughts and didn't really help you at all. Just wanted to say that your not alone in your dilema and I can relate to what you are saying. Make sure you do what's right for you and not what people expect of you.

Age gaps are tricky I have a 19 month gap between 1st and 2nd, then a 4yr gap between 2nd and 3rd, then 16 months between 3rd and 4th, then 17 months between 4th and 5th.
I prefered the larger gap for time i had to spend with the baby, but i like the closer together gap cause, it means they are in to the same stuff and there is less fights i find anyway.

my first was hard work, didnt want more but after spliting with x hubby met someone else and got caught out, this 1 screamed so much i decided that i may as well have another and get the sleep less nights out of the way in 1 go. decided to wait till i had a 4th but got caught out again now have 4 aged 9, 3,2, and 6months it gets easier if your not to fussy about house work, or a social life :D

I grew up as an only child and I desperately wanted a brother or a sister, then when I was 20 I found out that I had two half brothers and I was very sad that I hadn't grown up with them or known about them previously. I would like my boy to have at least one sibling, and money / house etc permitting, two or three siblings! I am nervous about going through labour again, but it's only 5 months since I gave birth so I guess that's not surprising. However, a couple of days ago I found out a girl I know is pregnant (only 2 weeks - bless!) and I got me excited again about having another one! I would like there to be a gap of of bout 2-3 years between ideally.

i never wanted kids, not even 1, but at 28 i have 4 one is 11, one is 7, one is 2 and the last is 9 weeks,(all have the same dad) only number 2 was planned, just as we were getting engaged, we thought 6-12 months trying, i was pregnant by the end of the month.

i adore them all 11 and 7 get on brilliantly the best of freinds, they do fight a bit now and again. and they both dote on 2 and 9 weeks, like little dads. they are all close. i wouldnt change anything for the world.

WHY HAVE A NUMBER 2? life is never boring when you have kids, you are maby skint all the time tyred and never have any time to yourself, but when they come home from freinds/school/the garden, and you get this excited smilling face telling you all the they have done it makes it all worthwhile.

4 years is the best age gap one is at nursery and you have one at home ive done this a few times, but these last two there is 26 months and its hard work, fun but hard work, when im breast feeding my newborn the 2 yr old is raiding the fridge/hamster cage/dvds/computer. because he knows im stuck and cant move him. the little bugger.

when im feeding my newborn the 2 yr old is raiding the fridge/dvds/computer. because he knows im stuck and cant move him. the little bugger.
my 2yr olds the same or running up stairs to brush teeth, water and toothpaste every where

4 years is the best age gap one is at nursery and you have one at home ive done this a few times, but these last two there is 26 months and its hard work, fun but hard work, when im breast feeding my newborn the 2 yr old is raiding the fridge/hamster cage/dvds/computer. because he knows im stuck and cant move him. the little bugger.
Oh I'm sorry, I know it must be hard but that really made me laugh out loud :D

4 years is the best age gap one is at nursery and you have one at home ive done this a few times, but these last two there is 26 months and its hard work, fun but hard work, when im breast feeding my newborn the 2 yr old is raiding the fridge/hamster cage/dvds/computer. because he knows im stuck and cant move him. the little bugger.

We had this with a 3 year old. When I was feeding Freya he would always ask for a drink/biscuit/bottom wiping/tv channel changing/you name it!

i swore id only have one and the more people kept saying "dont let him be an only one!" the more adamant i became! im from 4 and hated it-would love to be only 1!!
but after lots of thinking, we decided yes, we want another-hubby thinking the natural way, hopefully with lots of practice and me thinking the adoption route.
a week later found out i already was (dont rely on counting ovulating days!!oopps!)
weird really, 5 yrs to get my son and minus a week to get this bump
i think if ur happy with just one keep it that way, dont worry about not having bro/sis as they will have lots of friends and u'll have more money ot spend on them-holidays are easier with one!
but if you do want them to have a companian now and when theyre old and wrinkly GET PREGNANT!!!:D

Hi, I'm Zebras partner so share in the joy of our twin girls. I also want more children, I would be happy with 3 though. Tbh after having 2 at once I think having to do everything just once if we had a singleton would be a welcome relief.

Wizzzard, you have considered the possiblilty you might end up with...4!

Your girls are so sweet. Even when they're busy stealing sandwiches! One of them played so sweetly with cosycub today I wish I'd had a camera. Adorable.

yep considered 4 , could even have triplets! Zebra is happy having them though so I'm happy. It makes a nice change my girls playing nicely Twingle 2 likes to pull hair and they both prefer their mouths to explore objects as opposed to their hands!

LOL, yeah, Twingle 2 was the sandwich stealer - well in fairness Cosycub did offer to share it, she was just a little too willing to accept and munch merrily away. I can assure you, as Wizzzard said, if it has been a wooden brick she would have just as happily eaten that too! Naughty girlie!