Had a conversation with a female friend this morning and we discussed men.

Can a nice bloke, who gives your flowers and presents but does not raise your pulse rate really be sexy.

Or

Do we think that a bloke who is a challenge and unpredictable is sexier.

in my younger days i used to hang around in a mob of about 25 lads we went on the booze week in week out for about 5 years,eventually the gang got smaller and smaller but one thing i do know the nice guys of the mob never got the birds it was always the bad lads

I think that men that do unpredicatable things are sexier!! FISH BANANA CARPET UNDERPANTS XXQQ SKJSAJS QQXXC TEAPOT HANDCAKE! Dont you think?:cool:

In my experience as a woman. When I was younger it was the "bad lads" that got my attention. As I matured, shall we say, it was the nice blokes. I married a nice bloke.

I'm sure it is the same for men too. There are women they want to "take out" (to be polite) and they tend to be different from the women they want to marry.

You just have to be careful that you don't spend too much time with the "bad lads" that when you want a nice bloke they have all been taken.

Just curious but is this a sort of spin off from that survey or whatever that was reported in the media a little while ago... The one where the "step on and over people" approach was the one that apparently "won"...

Either way... I suspect Bonny is right.. the nice guys are invariably keepers which isn't the plan for younger women most of the time...

Love the last line though bonny... How true :)

Don`t know about the survey. We are still discussing which she should go out with.

You can have sexy and dangerous but they will not be romantic and probably hurt you in the process of using you. Ultimate bad lads.

Then you can have safe, and nice blokes and they can be romantic but can they be passionate.

Will have to talk more I think as we can`t decide if you take the risk with the bad lad or try to change the nice bloke.

Originally posted by rosie
Will have to talk more I think as we can`t decide if you take the risk with the bad lad or try to change the nice bloke.
Heh.. well just so long as you don't become all americanised over it and spend so long wringing your hands over every possible option that there's no guys AT ALL left...

Sometimes too much time is spent worrying about what might happen instead of actually getting out there and experiencing it...

Good luck with the conundrum.. :)

I hate to sit on the fence but I think you need a bit of both - a bit of 'nice' and a bit of 'badness'

I lived with a 'nice' (must think of a better word than that..) guy for years but - this will probably sound awful - after a while can become a little, well, boring and predictable. I know it is probably also down to me but I now think you need a bit of 'something' in a guy - if you want to call it a bit of badness or a bit dangerous then so be it...or maybe a case of wanting something different to what you've go...?

Although the problem for me now is that some of the 'bad' lads just don't ring when they say they will! Boo...but at least it keeps me on my toes....so I go back to my original statement you need a bit of both....and agree with martin the best way to test that is to get out there and experience it!

Originally posted by rosie
Had a conversation with a female friend this morning and we discussed men.

Can a nice bloke, who gives your flowers and presents but does not raise your pulse rate really be sexy.

Or

Do we think that a bloke who is a challenge and unpredictable is sexier. Someone close to me had the best boyfriend in the world as he treat her like a Queen and brought her flowers and chocs every Friday.
He had a good job and a car were they had regular trips away and a good background and dumped him for a no good low life who finds it a struggle to even get out of bed in the morning.
In my eyes, not a good move but she seems happy.

Originally posted by rosie
You can have sexy and dangerous but they will not be romantic and probably hurt you in the process of using you. Ultimate bad lads.

Then you can have safe, and nice blokes and they can be romantic but can they be passionate.


I think this is an eternal conundrum for women - do you go for fun and excitement with the "bad lad", or safety and stability/long term future with the "nice guy"?

There's no obvious, easy answer to this - but I think the ideal is to find a decent bloke who - as threecolours says - has a bit of 'something' about him.

Personally, I think there's nothing sexier than a man with a quick wit - being able to make someone else laugh is a very sexy attribute! And this can apply to both "bad lads" and "nice guys"!

Ultimately, it's all down to the personal chemistry between two people.

Originally posted by StarSparkle
Personally, I think there's nothing sexier than a man with a quick wit - being able to make someone else laugh is a very sexy attribute!
Did I mention I'm thinking about giving standup a go... :D

Sorry, couldn't resist... :P

Could it boil down to your head ruling your heart or your heart ruling your head.

I suppose it also depends on how you feel about having children too.

Originally posted by Martin_s
Did I mention I'm thinking about giving standup a go... :D

Sorry, couldn't resist... :P

Hahahaha! :D

I agree with threecolours

You can get abit of both. back in my *teens* i went out with this bad boy but really he was such a soppy git lol

Its nice to have abit of both unless the gal likes a bad boy or a sweet lad.

What about gals? does guys like them sweet or abit of a tomboy or a ladette?

A person can be Nice & Sexy.....

If that person makes it plain that they wont be taken
advantage of!

Angel x

Originally posted by x_angel
A person can be Nice & Sexy.....

If that person makes it plain that they wont be taken
advantage of!

Angel x

Here endeth the lesson!

I think that is it in a nutshell, that is far more appealing than a "bad lad".

Originally posted by bonny
Here endeth the lesson!
Next week Miss Bonny will be leading us in the all important "first date" lecture...

Please remember to bring your pencil case and practice your yawn -> arm round date routine as you will be tested at the end of the lesson...

ok, that's the bell children, off you go.. :rolleyes: :D

Bonny......


I Think Martin_S comments show obviously
He wants to be dominated by you!
(& you to be "Nasty" with him!)


What u have to say Martin_s? .....Yawn.....

Lol

Angel x

Originally posted by x_angel
Bonny......


I Think Martin_S comments show obviously
He wants to be dominated by you!
(& you to be "Nasty" with him!)


What u have to say Martin_s? .....Yawn.....

Lol

Angel x

Oh well, should I step up to the plate?

To answer an earlier question, I hate 'ladettes'! I'll go for the nice, sweet girl every time.

Unfortunately though, they normally fall for some low life scum who has just got them p***** in the nearest club!

Are there any real romantics left out there? Or was I born 100 years too late?

Let him!

Looks like he will do as he's told! .......... lol

-U go girl!


We are still awaiting his comments????#

Angel x

Originally posted by x_angel
I Think Martin_S comments show obviously
He wants to be dominated by you!
(& you to be "Nasty" with him!)
Well ya know what they say... good girls are good, but bad girls... *ahem*...

.. and I'm sorry but I ain't subbing for bonny... :P .. tsk..

We're getting slightly off topic here now...

Lol!.......

Angel x

Originally posted by andy1702
To answer an earlier question, I hate 'ladettes'! I'll go for the nice, sweet girl every time.

Unfortunately though, they normally fall for some low life scum who has just got them p***** in the nearest club!

Are there any real romantics left out there? Or was I born 100 years too late?

I was 25 when I met my husband and he was 36. I think we had both come to a point where we were secure enough in ourselves not to jump the gun.

We saw each other twice a week for 4 months and he pecked me on the cheek at the door.

that was the clincher for me and Iknew then that I would marry him.

Originally posted by bonny
I was 25 when I met my husband and he was 36.

There's hope for me yet! :D

Update

My friend went out with her nice bloke last night. Pictures and a meal, nice but that was it, no romance no kiss and she`s not sure she wants a second date. He did hold her hand in the pictures, and she said he was quite sexy.

It`s a pitty you can`t have dangerous, nice, sexy and romantic all in one bloke.Not sure that person exists.

She is going out with the dangerous and challenging one next sunday.

At least she is having fun?

Personally i wouldn't go for a bad lad nor would i juggle 'cos i'm not a bad girl!The best package is someone who is friendly,funny,witty,romantic and won't be walked all over.This package i guess would be classed as nice guy.Nice guys aren't boring and as long as there is passion too then it should all work out ok!Am i being too idealistic?

Have not met anyone with all those qualities so I could not give my opinion on that.

Don`t think he had the get up and go from what she said, unless he was waiting for her to make the first move.

your not being too idealistic atall, i am with a nice lad, had been with a mixture through time, but the thing is, when i met james (my man) i never thought he could be sexy, but what you have to do is get to know them and bring out the sexyness in them, theyll be the sexiest, far sexier than the bad lad. you just gotta gamble and try it. defo go for the nice guy!

Originally posted by rosie
Had a conversation with a female friend this morning and we discussed men.

Can a nice bloke, who gives your flowers and presents but does not raise your pulse rate really be sexy.

Or

Do we think that a bloke who is a challenge and unpredictable is sexier.

Mad...

Sexy is sexy... what you find sexy is just that. If a man doesn't raise your pulse then forget it, nice or not.

If it's just for a bonk, then who cares?

If you want a relationship then be careful. This is my conclusion:-

If you wanna be a doormat and go for the bad boy thing - fine. Expect to be cheated on and told that you're deluded (which, actually, you will be, but not in the way you're told).

If you wanna be the leader in a relationship get a doormat - but be prepared for disappointment, 'cause you'll soon be looking for someone less dull to hang/sleep with.

If you wanna be an equal with a partner, choose someone like yourself. If you're both nice people, honest and caring, you'll both be happy. If your both worthless tramps prepare for turbulence. Whichever applies you'll get what you deserve.

At the end of the day, most men are a mixture, some are extreme. How you like to be treated very much depends on how much you value yourself. People with no self worth are prepared to be treated like rubbish - doormats.

Personally, as a bloke, I detest doormats – wouldn’t give one the time of day, waste of space. I’m nice, even patient, caring, kind and considerate but I don’t take any prisoners. I’m lucky ‘cause I’ve found my match. But its taken loads of mistakes and I have really seen some dross along the way!

Looking forward to pseudo feminist style hammering!

I won't hammer you,i agree with almost all of what you say,however some doormats do need to have help before they can stop being said doormat.

Hmm... invariably doormats come about because they look to someone else to show them how much they are or aren't valued. Seems some people are like that because they've been treated like crap and believe what they've been fed.. or... because they're trying to be someone that they perceive as being "popular" instead of themselves..

Been there, done that... not going back thanks...

The old adage of learning to like/love self, etc... is very true... otherwise you just end becoming this little bit of putty...


So, I think in summary there's 2 types of "nice"... the doormat variety that do all you ever wanted and then promptly bore you to tears... OR the genuine type who is their own person and know where the line is, and won't let you trample all over it...

Originally posted by Martin_s

OR the genuine type who is their own person and know where the line is, and won't let you trample all over it...
That's my kind of guy!

Like sarah_d, I actually agree with most of what you say, Mr E - but I think you are too harsh and judgemental towards those you call 'doormats'.

Chances are that these people need encouragement to develop their self-confidence and self-esteem, and calling them a waste of space is not very helpful.

StarSparkle

Originally posted by StarSparkle
Like sarah_d, I actually agree with most of what you say, Mr E - but I think you are too harsh and judgemental towards those you call 'doormats'.

Chances are that these people need encouragement to develop their self-confidence and self-esteem, and calling them a waste of space is not very helpful.

StarSparkle

Of course I would agree with you. But...

In context, I am referring to women who go looking for trouble by going for the bad boys. Of course I have every sympathy for people who are suffering from abuse. And this should be dealt with by the law. But this thread is referring to the "benefits" of bad boys over nice real and confident men. I am not trying to be helpful but pointing out that anyone who is dumb enough to go for someone who's going to treat them badly instead of choosing wisely are deserving. Of what is your own conclusion, I guess.

"These people", may need encouragement... but they're not going to get it if they volunteer their coconut husks up to uncaring prats to wipe their feet.

hmm how would you classify as dangerous?

I can say my luvvie is nice, sexy and romantic :D

what i think is nice, sexy and romantic might be different from someone elses take on it...

where are they going on their date?



Originally posted by rosie
Update

My friend went out with her nice bloke last night. Pictures and a meal, nice but that was it, no romance no kiss and she`s not sure she wants a second date. He did hold her hand in the pictures, and she said he was quite sexy.

It`s a pitty you can`t have dangerous, nice, sexy and romantic all in one bloke.Not sure that person exists.

She is going out with the dangerous and challenging one next sunday.

At least she is having fun?

All she knows is it`s going to be a long day and she need a change of clothes.

Will let you know next Sunday evening.

To all those Ladies out there (non patronising use of the word "Ladies" intended ) I am a completely self-centred b*****d, I only want you for one thing, I am married and I expect dozens of responses clamouring for a "date"
Well that seems to be the way of the world doesn't it?
Fascinating
There must be some sort of evolutionary perspective at work here.

UPDATE

On this weekends date with the bad boy.

He took her go-karting, Lunch with friends and then for a meal in the evening. He was so sure they would spend the night together he had booked a room at a hotel for them both.

She enjoyed it, she is going out with him again this Thursday.
Don`t think it`s romance she is after with this one.


As for the safe guy she went out with one of my other friends likes him, she is a bit shy so I arranged for them to go out with each other this Friday.

I went out with some total ***** when I was a teenager, but it was the badlad thang that attracted me to them.

Now Im with my lovely bloke and hes such a sweetie and would never hurt me! (sick bags at the ready!)

Originally posted by rosie
It`s a pitty you can`t have dangerous, nice, sexy and romantic all in one bloke.Not sure that person exists.

So true... Why is it you never get ALL the qualities in one guy :?

If only we had the answers then the Man of perfection would be born :lol: hmmm... If only! :?

I wonder what men consider to be romantic.

Could it be that what they think is romantic is a bit boaring and they need to put more thought into it.

I don`t mean all men but quite a few I have known have not been romantic unless it`s` me that makes the effort.

Originally posted by rosie
It`s a pitty you can`t have dangerous, nice, sexy and romantic all in one bloke.Not sure that person exists.

*rrrrrr*

Here I am tiger !! <winks>

Well I dunno what to say on this subject...
I guess I'm in the 1/2 bad lad 1/2 nicey nicey mould I suppose-

On one side I can be a **** some of the time to live with - then on the other side I can be the most caring person you'll ever meet.. Im very spontaneous and Im very romantic but then I have a mean streak in me as well and that day IM in control.. depends what kinda mood you catch me in.

Sort of like my avatar pic <------ The Ying-Yang
Because we all have a dark/light side to each of us!

Nice CAN be sexy. I know lots of 'nice' people who are sexy and lots of not-so-nice people who are sexy too. It works both ways.

Nice to me means slow, relaxed, easy going and polite. They are great qualities everyone should have in some way.

When you talk about being sexy though I would think you mean raising the heart rate, adrenalin release, dialated pupils and hair standing on end giving you that excited feeling.

There are a great many factors involved in a sexy feeling, but I think these two don't seem to gel.

I wouldnt say nice is sexy rather safe.

I'm a bloke.

I think I'm nice most of the time.

I can't imagine anyone thinks I am sexy. That doesn't bother me at all, its just the way I am. I reckon that most complete a**holes have a lot more success with women, doesn't mean I'm going to start being one.

nice can be sexier if the guy treats you right, if all he wants to do is laze around on his computer then we are better of without them.most men are assholes or if you want call them pigs.

Originally posted by ilaria
nice can be sexier if the guy treats you right, if all he wants to do is laze around on his computer then we are better of without them.most men are assholes or if you want call them pigs.

Well mannered, kind, considerate are all very sexy traits to me. Give me a man with these qualities any day rather than one with rippling muscles, bulging pants and a head as big as a bucket. :gag:

ilaria, there are some luvly men on here (well I can definitely think of one or two worth a second glance) and my lips are sealed. :heyhey:

Originally posted by Mo
ilaria, there are some luvly men on here (well I can definitely think of one or two worth a second glance) and my lips are sealed. :heyhey:
Heh heh... well makes sense.. you don't want their heads swelling to the size of buckets...

... anndd I think I'll stop that thought right there... *ahem* :D

i know theres lovely fellas on here i can tell but im totally in love with the guy im seeing.

It doesn't bode well for the nice guy when you say your BF sometime treats you like dirt and most men are assholes / pigs!

i know im confused bout what i feel and what i want.

Ok, enough of the bloody cross posting regarding about how blind, mad, abused, in lurve, etc...

We get the picture... Now can we PLEASE stay on topic in at least one thread?! Eh? :rolleyes:

whats up with you martin???????????

Originally posted by Martin_s
Ok, enough of the bloody cross posting regarding about how blind, mad, abused, in lurve, etc...

We get the picture... Now can we PLEASE stay on topic in at least one thread?! Eh? :rolleyes:

Thank god someone said it..cheers mate :clap: :thumbsup:

**** you wibbles u tosser

MOD: If ilaria stops making reference to her relationship would everyone else stop judging her, please? Thank you.

I tried being nice to the girlies and that didn't work. Now I treat em like sh*te and they always come back for more. That's the key to it.

how bout treating them good im sure theres a nice girl out there for you just have to wait.

Oh I dunno ... scared of history repeating itself I suppose.

Having said that, there's a few I've treated like cr*p and actually if I'd been better I probably would have stayed with em.

Think there's a lesson in there somewhere ....!

yeah i feel the same thats why i cant leave the asshole im dating scared of getting hurt.

But if you leave him why would you get hurt?? Its your choice??
Or is it you just don't have a life of your own as you're so dependant on this person?
You know he's an asshole, you can't trust him, he treats you like dirt!!!!...HELLO!!!!
You need your head banging against something hard for being so daft.
Make your mind up. One minute your slagging him off the next minute you love him soooooo much you'd die for him.
You'll be pleased to know this will be the verylast time I show any interest in your very wierd sounding life.
I think you need some :help:

would you be interested???

Sorry to hear bout your situation ilaria but keep your chin up and just keep thinking there is someone out there who is perfect for all of us.. and I hope you meet them someday, someone who will make you 100% happy in your life.

Big hugs!

Came across this whilst I was surfing & thought of this thread. Personally speaking I find "nice" is a whole lot more sexy than being messed around &/or let down & I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this.

Hope the article cheers all those "nice" but despondent male posters out there :P

Thank evolution. Historically, women have had a far greater investment at stake in children, so picking a man who wasn't going to leave them in the lurch has long been a big driver in choosing a partner. Being reliable, honest and useful can work wonders to overrule an ugly mug.

The difference in how men and women value looks was raised this week by David Wilson, an evolutionary biologist at Binghamton University in New York. He asked two groups of people to rate how good-looking people were from their photographs. One group knew the people in the photographs; the other group were strangers. He found that if someone liked a person's personality, they gave them a better rating than the strangers. So while Billy Crystal was wrong in When Harry Met Sally, that men and women can't just be friends, they are more likely to find each other attractive than strangers.

Personality had a much greater effect on women's perception of good looks than men. "It's quite remarkable how little women are influenced by physical looks. All men should pay attention to this. It's much more important to be a valuable social partner than worry about your physical looks," says Wilson.

The effect can work both ways. One 50-year-old woman rated a boy who was in her high school yearbook as extremely ugly. "We couldn't understand it, because he looked so average," says Wilson. "When we asked her why, her face contorted with disgust as she explained what a foul-mouthed jerk he was. It was nothing to do with his looks."

Once we make our minds up about a person, it can affect how good-looking we think they are for years, says Wilson. "As soon as you've made that association, it's imprinted, it seems, and never goes away." Social psychologists long ago identified what they call the "mere exposure effect". It describes how the more a person is shown a picture of something, the more they will like it. But the effect has only been found in laboratory experiments and is unlikely to work for relationships. "If someone acts like a jerk towards you it doesn't matter how much time you spend with them, they're just going to **** you off more and more," says Frank Fincham, a psychologist at the University of Buffalo, New York.

Source (http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/thisweek/story/0,12977,1197497,00.html)

I am way too 'nice' for my own good ... and it stinks ... big time ... being 'nice' is at all sexy ... but then neither is being 'violent' or a 'jerk' etc ...

The problem with 'nice' is that it can also ever so easily be 'wimpy' ... or even a bit manipulative (I'll be nice to her so I can get what I want out of her).

If you overdo the 'nice' act / facade ... then you're not being true to yourself. We all have a shadow side to us ... the animal within ... we are all to a degree wolves in sheeps clothing. I see being nice as partly being about denying your full self ... and I don't see how that can really be sexy ... infact it stinks.

Acting what you feel ... being powerful ... not being too kind and not being too violent ... expressing yourself ... being your whole self ... that's sexy.

But what do I know !?

If you overdo the 'nice' act / facade ... then you're not being true to yourself.

If it's an act or a facade it certainly is manipulative & not at all "nice".

We all have a shadow side to us ... the animal within ... You keep your Id to yourself you :P

Originally posted by Siân
If it's an act or a facade it certainly is manipulative & not at all "nice".

Well it's just one perspective Sian ... that being 'nice' is a facade ... just like putting on a socially acceptable front ...

The question is ... is that what's really at the very core of your (and I mean everyones) being !? ... or is it just the way we're conditioned to be by society around us !?

Down tiger !!! *rrrrr* ;-)

Joined the thread late but I am both nice and sexy.

So the answer is yes

; )

Sorry to say but I had a looooong think about this and had a moment of inspiration...

It's not just one facet, or even a group of things about a person that makes them "sexy" or "attractive" or "ohmigod*dribble*"... it's the whole package...

I've seen plenty of people re-invent themselves a few dozen times (teenage anyone? *shudder*) and get the girl/guy only to have it all go Pete Tong when said partner realises that it's all a sham and get to the "Real you"...

To be completely honest, there's plenty of us who aim for people who are preceived as "attractive" but who just aren't good fits... so basically if you're gonna get anywhere in life with this whole relationship nightmare... you've got to be yourself and if that means that so called friends think you're a loser for being "nice" then why on earth are they your friends?...


So, anyways... nuff said... and for the record, happily single and nice to those who reciprocate... No sense in being a doormat now is there :)

Didn't read all of this thread, but, I've always taken blokes as I've found them. So the lovem-n-leavem sort get the wide berth from me. Nice and sexy are independent assets. Some goddit, some ain't. Same goes for us gals.

Only thing is, I've always been extra careful to treat a nice bloke badly, so getting into something before being sure about it was always off the cards if he was a decent sort. Still, nice mates (who you know well enough to know that they know tomorrow is another day :suspect: ) didn't need to be kept at arms length.

(Where's that shovel, this hole needs to be deeper!! I'm going elsewhere before I say something incriminating.)