Hello all, i saw a post on here a few days ago about mental illness and it got me thinking. How does it affect your everyday life.
A close friend of mine was struck on the head at work several years ago and been left defused brain damage which inturn has left him with various personality traits he didnt have before. This has made it very difficult to get back into work and his circle of friends has diminished to just me and the wife.
Even his family have dissowned him and his kids and used the reason 'we dont know how to deal with your illness'. Now as we know its Christmas in a few days and he knows hell have no contact with his family and hes getting increasingly depressed about having no friends (please dont take the p**s, im being serious here) and how this is affecting the children. I say affecting the children because while the dad has been ill, word has got around his estate that he is a complete nutter and people wont let their kids play with his even though hes no raving lunatic, just ill.
Me and the wife have tried to help as much as we can but we can see his world going t*ts up and dont how how best to help.
Does anyone have any advice on where to go or what to to help him and his family.
Thanks in advance.:)
The_DADDY

There is an organisation called re-think and are mainly for carers they are really very helpful might help to give them a call, they are in sheffield :thumbsup:

I think the thread you mentioned may have been the one I setup, if so Im glad it got people thinking.

I suffer from Manic Depression / Bi-Polar Affective disorder. I try not to let it affect my daily life and I take a large amount of medication to control my mood and to stop the hallucinations I suffer when either in a hyper-manic state or when I am severely depressed.

I live a total life. I have a great job at Channel Four and I am also studying full time for my University Degree. Obviously my illness varies in severity from day to day so when im at my best I get as much work done as possible so that when I am unwell i can take time off as needed.

If you want to know more about MD I can recommend a book called An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison. She suffers from MD and is also a consultant Psychiatrist at UCLA Medical School.

There is an organisation called re-think and are mainly for carers they are really very helpful might help to give them a call, they are in sheffield :thumbsup:
His wife uses re-think (and they are fantastic for her) as she is his carer but unfortunatly they cant help with his present problems.
He also has something called a CPN who visits him at home but he says that all she can do is listen to him and give very little practical help. The thing is he used to have a psychiatrist at some point but every time he went to visit (it was once every 6 months) it was a different doctor so he had to repeat most things again and again and in the last 6 or 7 yrs hes never seen the same Psychiatrist more than twice before they changed.
From what ive seen the actual mental health staff do everything they can but they just dont have the recources and hes not getting any better.
His family are a disgrace as they KNOW what this is doing to him and its starting to have an affect on his kids.

Hi donuticus, i think it was your post that i saw:thumbsup: .
Im happy that you have a reasonable handle on your condition and may that continue. Ill have a look for that book as im on west street tomorrow so ill pop into that bookstore at the top, many thanks for that.
Im also going to see if they have a book covering aggoraphobia as this is another big issue with him. Do you know of anything that may be of use?
Thanks loads donuticus.

I think that for a lot of people, it's easier to just have nothing to do with anybody with any sort of mental health problem than it is to learn about the issues and get more comfortable with them.

If they aren't prepared to learn about the issues, then they will never understand the reasons why mental health problems frighten them unnecessarily, and so the mental health problem becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

People who have done nothing wrong at all, but who have become ill, find themselves isolated from society, which makes the problems bigger and harder to treat, at the same time as making them harder and harder to talk about and receive support for.

EDIT- when I say that it's easier, I am in no way condoning the action of people who just don't want to know about mental health issues.

I have to be honest as with most mental illness, I only accepted there was a problem when it became necessary for someone else to intervene. I am missing a large part of my life that I simply don't recall. Im 26 now and have very little reccollection of my life between the ages of 18-23, so im not sure a to what help I can offer. Have you tried the organisation MIND they are very helpful they work in a similar way to rethink but I found them to be of more use to me.

I find that a tranquiliser I started taking recently has made me a lot less uncomfortable in public so that may be an avenue to look at regarding the agoraphobia, but without knowing your mate specific situation its hard to comment. If he isnt still seeing a Psychiatrist it would be worth getting re refered. I am at the Underwood Centre just up from the Manor and I cannot fault their care both from CPN/Social Workers and from the Doctors. MAybe you could encourage his family to go with him to his CPN sessions it may help them to understand the turmoil he himself is going through.

Mental illness is very much like watching a swan there is a certain amount of fuss above the waterline but youre trying to stay calm, whereas under the water everything is going at once.

Ive just done a google on mind and im going to have a good read at everything i can find.
Ill have a word with him about the underwood centre and see if its something he can look into with his cpn.
People who have done nothing wrong at all, but who have become ill, find themselves isolated from society, which makes the problems bigger and harder to treat, at the same time as making them harder and harder to talk about and receive support for.

EDIT- when I say that it's easier, I am in no way condoning the action of people who just don't want to know about mental health issues
Youve got it spot on with this, its just such a shame he and his kids will be missing out on the rest of his family just because the 'grown ups' cant be a little more grown up.
Thanks for the help all of you:)

Hello all, i saw a post on here a few days ago about mental illness and it got me thinking. How does it affect your everyday life.
A close friend of mine was struck on the head at work several years ago and been left defused brain damage which inturn has left him with various personality traits he didnt have before. This has made it very difficult to get back into work and his circle of friends has diminished to just me and the wife.
Even his family have dissowned him and his kids and used the reason 'we dont know how to deal with your illness'. Now as we know its Christmas in a few days and he knows hell have no contact with his family and hes getting increasingly depressed about having no friends (please dont take the p**s, im being serious here) and how this is affecting the children. I say affecting the children because while the dad has been ill, word has got around his estate that he is a complete nutter and people wont let their kids play with his even though hes no raving lunatic, just ill.
Me and the wife have tried to help as much as we can but we can see his world going t*ts up and dont how how best to help.
Does anyone have any advice on where to go or what to to help him and his family.
Thanks in advance.:)
The_DADDY
i think being his friend is one of the best things you can do, its a pity his other so called friends dont want to know.

How does it affect your everyday life.
Even his family have dissowned him and his kids and used the reason 'we dont know how to deal with your illness'. Now as we know its Christmas in a few days and he knows hell have no contact with his family and hes getting increasingly depressed about having no friends

Hi D, different illnesses affect in different ways, often people with illnesses actually try to dissociate themselves from other people, making things worse, (from your point of view), but in his/hers, it seems beneficial in their head, to avoid the fear of making more people miserable. Making it extremely difficult for people in your position.

I say affecting the children because while the dad has been ill, word has got around his estate that he is a complete nutter and people wont let their kids play with his even though hes no raving lunatic, just ill.


That's quite simply tragic. The problem with is (and most of us probably did it), kids they don't have rational thought for other peoples feelings, and in this case, his kids are suffering too. Sad but it's reality. And adults seem to be getting as bad.


Does anyone have any advice on where to go or what to to help him and his family.
Thanks in advance.:)
The_DADDY

Don't try and push things.

ash:) seasons greetings

Thanks Tom and Ash, ill take your advice particualy the bit about not pushing.
I know its terribly hard for him, his wife and the kids as ive just found out his housing situation is less than secure. Apparently there has been a fist full of cock-ups with his housing benefit over the last few years and now the council are demanding 1000s of £s in one go. Hes got a solicitor at The Heeley Advice Centre who is doing his 100% best but its starting to look grim.
Some people seem to have everyones share of woes as well as their own.
Thanks again for your advice and opinions:) .

Headway (http://www.headway.org.uk/)should be able to offer some advice and support. they have local branches in Sheffiled and Rotherham that I know of.

They specialise in brain injury and its effects

Hi,

I had an uncle that was Mentally ill. Unfortunatley he died when I was 12.As I was so young i don't remember much apart from i was scared of him. Not becuase he had ever done anything but because i didn't understand what was wrong, the family didnt explain as felt i was to young but just advised he was ill. I don't fully undertsand now but i think somthings have to be explained to the children so they don't become scared of him/the situation and also so the family doesn't sway there feelings.

Hi D

I work in the mental health sector and have witnessed first-hand the damage that ignorance and fear causes. I think you're probably doing the best you can for your friend by being there for him, you might be surprised just how much it means to him to have friendly support right now.

MIND have been mentioned - they are a fantastic resource. Give the Sheffield branch a ring (0114 2584489) and ask for a copy of their SMOOTH Guide. It lists all the mental health facilities available in Sheffield along with contact details. If you have no luck getting one from MIND, PM me and I'll send you a copy myself.

It sounds as though your friend could benefit from some mediation assistance. Obviously his family would need to be willing to participate, but it might make a difference and perhaps alter their attitudes. His CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) would be able to recommend somewhere as a first point of contact.

In the meantime, I hope you all have a great Christmas and best of luck to you and your friend for the new year.

Whilst I understand a lot about depression, PTSD and phobias, since being a carer for my ex-husband and suffering depression myself, there is one serious piece of advice that I do have to offer The_DADDY.

This is not a PC piece of advice at all- it's borne out of experience.

Look objectively at your friendship and interactions with your friend, and never allow the stress of dealing with his mental health problems to cause mental health problems for you.

There's loads of anecdotal evidence that the carers for people with mental health issues are far more likely than the average to have depression and stress related illness as a result- and there is precious little support for the carers who are in the front line of what is essentially a thankless task.

As a carer for someone with a mental health illness, you're likely to be on the receiving end of the anger and frustration that they feel- and that can have dire effects on your own health, if you can't find a way to let that stress out.

So my advice is to prioritise your own mental health look after yourself too- apart from anything else you will be of no use to your friend if you get ill yourself.

Just re-read your post The- Daddy, are you wanting to find help for your friend or for the family in general? what kind of help do you think he needs to help?

Just re-read your post The- Daddy, are you wanting to find help for your friend or for the family in general? what kind of help do you think he needs to help?
To be honest i think any help of any kind would be of great benefit.
His problems are restricting the proper development of his kids (his words) as he cant take them out after school or at weekends or do anything normal with them. His son tries to be all grown up but he can see the effect its having and so it becomes a vicious circle.
I suppose if i were going to pick out the one thing that would help them all the most would be to take his so-called family and shake them so hard they come to their senses and start behaving like a proper family. Their treatment of him, his wife and the kids is nothing short of twisted and i just cant believe someone could treat someome else (let alone family) this way.
Belinkabelle, i have requsted a SMOOTH guide and sent of the pre-paid envelope so ill get that soon, thanks for that:thumbsup: but your idea of mediation wouldnt work im afraid. We are talking about a family who have let BOTH kids birthdays, his wifes and his go by without so much as a phonecall but the real kicker is they moved house in the last few days without leaving a forwarding address. They are supposedly buying a pub so they have sold up and moved (nice eh?).
I think myslef that he is flogging a dead horse with respect to his mum and dad but he just cant seem to accept it and how do you tell him?
Medusa, thanks for your advice too and i will do my best to follow it as i know you have a good piont there:thumbsup:
LibertyBell, ive left a message with Headway and im now just waiting for a reply so thankyou for that:thumbsup:
Star24, im sorry to hear about your uncle but you hit the nail on the head with what you said about explaining to the children. His family instead just stay away and pretend he (and his children) doesnt exist.
I could tell you some real nasty tricks his family have done to him over he years and used his illnes to blame it on. Its astonishing how family can behave this way:rant:
Anyway, sorry for going on so much but i dont often get a chance to talk about it so thanks loads for listening and also forall you help.
You are all stars:bigsmile: