Ok, when me and my fella first met (almost 5 years ago) he'd been having a bad time and was no angel and was seeing a 'few' other women, it all came out, it all got sorted and we still ended up together (we don't go over this anymore as it's done and dusted and we have come so far since then).
However
i knew that a friend of one of his 'old flames' was back in town as i'd seen her about, i mentioned this to him in passing.
I have since discovered hat he has not only been texting this friend (all innocent - and this doesn't bother me at all as they used to work together and were friends anyway) but he actually asked for his old flames number and has been texting her (again all innocent and i know that nothing is going on as this has only just happened within the last 2 days)

I'm not chuffed about this at all as this woman nearly stopped us from being together, but even though it's all innocent i still can't help but feel upset, especially as my fella never mentioned it, and he doesn't like me in touch with any of my exes.
Am i being over sensitive???

Not at all ....It begs the question WHY he feels the need to be in touch with an ex ??? :mad:

I'd find the largest container full of water and drop his mobile in it :hihi:

Good Luck :thumbsup:

Not at all ....It begs the question WHY he feels the need to be in touch with an ex ??? :mad:

Good Luck :thumbsup:
that's what i thought... i'm sure it will all be fine but i needed to know whether i'm being unreasonable about this

No I dont think you are, even if there is nothing going on between him and his ex if he knows how upset it would make you if he was in contact with her and he goes and does it anyway it doesnt really say much for him!

Have you spoken to him about it?

If it is all innocent as you say, then why exactly didnt he mention it:confused:

I agree with the water trick lol:hihi:

After 5 years you're perfectly entitled to be annoyed. You say it's completely innocent yet he chose not to tell you? Alarm bells if you ask me.

No I dont think you are, even if there is nothing going on between him and his ex if he knows how upset it would make you if he was in contact with her and he goes and does it anyway it doesnt really say much for him!

Have you spoken to him about it?
not yet - i only found out this morning when he forgot his fone and a text came - and he is at work -
apparantly she is married now tho

not yet - i only found out this morning when he forgot his fone and a text came - and he is at work -
apparantly she is married now tho

Oooh the slippery slippery slope of reading each others text messages!

On that note I wouldn't read too much into it - we'd all be single if our better halves read everything we got and sent via text message.

C u l8r.

I'd still need to know why ?
It's entirely your call .....If it is upsetting you I would say something.
If it was 'me' in that situation I would say something - and I'm not a jealous person :suspect:

Good Luck ;)
I hope it's nothing and is sorted x

Oooh the slippery slippery slope of reading each others text messages!

On that note I wouldn't read too much into it - we'd all be single if our better halves read everything we got and sent via text message.

C u l8r.

ooops, think i definately would!! then again, that might be a good thing!

I think it's perfectly reasonable to be in touch with ex's, you don't ditch your friends just because you're in a relationship, and most ex's should still be your friends.

I'd see it as a bigger problem that he minds you staying in touch with your ex's. At the very least now he can no longer complain about that, since he's doing it himself.

Oooh the slippery slippery slope of reading each others text messages!

On that note I wouldn't read too much into it - we'd all be single if our better halves read everything we got and sent via text message.

C u l8r.
i know - that's why i feel a bit unfair i'm just niggled - other half has emailed me to say he was just curious as to how she was doing

it's not like our relationship is in trouble tho, we have just bought a house, have a kid and are on course for a fab xmas, we are both in line for nice pay rises, all in all life generally couldn't be peachier!!
i'm feeling more and more daft - think i'll shut up now!

Bolero has a fair point.

You may be worried about this, but I know if I was your partner I would be unhappy that you had read the messages.

I don't think you are over reacting in wanting some transparency in what's going on. But the best course is to talk to him tonight. Sit down quietly, make sure that neither of you are rushing, and explain what you know.

be honest about the fact you read the message, but ask him what his feelings are, and why he has wanted to stay in touch with the ex - espcially if they haven't been in contact for a while.

Above all, remember that it isn't necessarily a reflection on your current relationship.

i know - that's why i feel a bit unfair i'm just niggled - other half has emailed me to say he was just curious as to how she was doing

it's not like our relationship is in trouble tho, we have just bought a house, have a kid and are on course for a fab xmas, we are both in line for nice pay rises, all in all life generally couldn't be peachier!!
i'm feeling more and more daft - think i'll shut up now!

You do right, just forget about it :thumbsup:

I think it's perfectly reasonable to be in touch with ex's, you don't ditch your friends just because you're in a relationship, and most ex's should still be your friends.

I'd see it as a bigger problem that he minds you staying in touch with your ex's. At the very least now he can no longer complain about that, since he's doing it himself.


So are you in touch with ex's ??

Bolero has a fair point.

You may be worried about this, but I know if I was your partner I would be unhappy that you had read the messages.

I don't think you are over reacting in wanting some transparency in what's going on. But the best course is to talk to him tonight. Sit down quietly, make sure that neither of you are rushing, and explain what you know.

be honest about the fact you read the message, but ask him what his feelings are, and why he has wanted to stay in touch with the ex - espcially if they haven't been in contact for a while.

Above all, remember that it isn't necessarily a reflection on your current relationship.

I'm Jeremy Kyle, we'll take a break, see you in 3!

I think the fact he left his phone at home (accident or not) means he doesnt feel the need to hide it from you!
You need to start being suspicious when he doesnt leave his phone anywhere, has it on him at all times, wont let you get anywhere near it and has it set on vibrate or silent!

Hope it all works out ok for ya! :thumbsup:

I think the fact he left his phone at home (accident or not) means he doesnt feel the need to hide it from you!
You need to start being suspicious when he doesnt leave his phone anywhere, has it on him at all times, wont let you get anywhere near it and has it set on vibrate or silent!

Hope it all works out ok for ya! :thumbsup:

A VERY good point!

I'm Jeremy Kyle, we'll take a break, see you in 3!

LOL!! :hihi: :thumbsup:

A VERY good point!

Im unfortunately becoming an expert on this type of behaviour! :)

So are you in touch with ex's ??

no it's all good tho - i am just being daft

here was his email reply:

Its all a long time agao, we're all different people. Shes married, she
has a child (thankfully it doesn't have tattoo's but theres time yet!)
I'm pretty much married I have a child, a house, you and I'm happier
than I've ever been, I'm not about to chuck everything for a quick roll
in the sack with some sloppy bint.

You have no need to worry, you're my number one bunny!

So why does he feel the need to be in contact with his ex's?

The worst thing of all is that he has deliberatly hidden it from you, not telling you that he was in touch with his ex, the one who as you put it could have stop you from being together. I think you need to sit down with him and talk through it all again.

Hope you manage to get all of this sorted out.

I definatly DO NOT think you are being unresonable!

Im unfortunately becoming an expert on this type of behaviour! :)

Aren't we all....:(

no it's all good tho - i am just being daft

here was his email reply:

Its all a long time agao, we're all different people. Shes married, she
has a child (thankfully it doesn't have tattoo's but theres time yet!)
I'm pretty much married I have a child, a house, you and I'm happier
than I've ever been, I'm not about to chuck everything for a quick roll
in the sack with some sloppy bint.

You have no need to worry, you're my number one bunny!

Good for you chuck ..... Unless you ask these questions sometimes you never know and it would can eat away at you and make you more suspicious and anxious.
All is good - he sounds like he really luuurves ya xxxx :D

So why does he feel the need to be in contact with his ex's?

The worst thing of all is that he has deliberatly hidden it from you, not telling you that he was in touch with his ex, the one who as you put it could have stop you from being together. I think you need to sit down with him and talk through it all again.

Hope you manage to get all of this sorted out.

I definatly DO NOT think you are being unresonable!

I think you need to consider the difference between 'not told' and 'deliberately hidden'. They are not the same thing.

The worst thing of all is that he has deliberatly hidden it from you, not telling you that he was in touch with his ex, the one who as you put it could have stop you from being together. I think you need to sit down with him and talk through it all again.

He's may have kept it from her because he is concerned (maybe wrongly) that she will have a jealous reaction and he can't be bothered with the hassle. The green eyed monster is the worst of emotions and shouldn't be fed by going along with someones jealousy and possesiveness if indeed that is what it is.

I think it is a shame that when you share so much with someone in a relationship but it breaks down you are often expected to cut them off completely forever. Staying friends is a good thing.

I'm not about to chuck everything for a quick roll
in the sack with some sloppy bint.

Classic - I hope she reads this Forum

So are you in touch with ex's ??

I have been in the past, not at the moment, but only because I fell out with them.

Ah

I see

Sometimes this doesn't work though - I have a few ex's as friends but most I wouldn't give the time of day too - sad but true

I think it is a shame that when you share so much with someone in a relationship but it breaks down you are often expected to cut them off completely forever. Staying friends is a good thing.

I dont think you are expected to cut them off but one rule for one and all that!
In this case its ok for him but not for her, that is what would wind me up most I think!

Classic - I hope she reads this Forum
don't think she does, but it is all sorted now, and my other half seems to have come off a lot worse than i intended as technically he hasn't done anything wrong and i didn't want to bad mouth him i only wanted to know if i was a tad sensitive,
never mind - but he does come on here so don't give him a hard time, tho no doubt when he gets in from work he'll be on here to defend himself!!!!!::cool:

I think it is a shame that when you share so much with someone in a relationship but it breaks down you are often expected to cut them off completely forever. Staying friends is a good thing.

Yes but more often than not niether party can get on with their life unless they do completely cut themselves off from the other person.

Trust me, I know.

Yes but more often than not niether party can get on with their life unless they do completely cut themselves off from the other person.

Trust me, I know.


I agree Bolero

Friends with ex's can have serious emotional consequences :hihi:

I dont know, something here doesn't sound right at all. You dont normally just want to know how your ex's are doing. Not with out reason. I eman yes if you found out they were seriously ill then maybe that would be a reason to get intouch with them, but even then if would have to be done in your knowledge. Contacting an ex behind your back, it all seems strange to me!

don't think she does, but it is all sorted now, and my other half seems to have come off a lot worse than i intended as technically he hasn't done anything wrong and i didn't want to bad mouth him i only wanted to know if i was a tad sensitive,
never mind - but he does come on here so don't give him a hard time, tho no doubt when he gets in from work he'll be on here to defend himself!!!!!::cool:

Sorry Mr dramadiva if your totally innocent! :D :D :D

Is it possible to just be friends with an ex?

I personally dont think it is, there are messy emotions that can come back as minesadouble has said there can be serious emotional consequenses

I dont know, something here doesn't sound right at all. You dont normally just want to know how your ex's are doing. Not with out reason. I eman yes if you found out they were seriously ill then maybe that would be a reason to get intouch with them, but even then if would have to be done in your knowledge. Contacting an ex behind your back, it all seems strange to me!

he was just curious i guess, i do think on exes sometimes and wonder how they are doing but don't have a chance to find out, he did and curiosity got the better of him

Ok well sorry if I have said anything that has upset with yourself, or your partner. They were my personal thoughts and feelings on what you had said. I dont think you were being over sensitive. But its always best to talk to your partner if there is anything, anything at all, bothering you.

Communication is the key to any relationship!

Is it possible to just be friends with an ex?

I personally dont think it is, there are messy emotions that can come back as minesadouble has said there can be serious emotional consequenses

I wouldn't say I am good friends with an ex... but we are in contact. We had a realyl good connection and it didn't end on bad terms... we just met at the wrong time and it didn't work out.

I figure you need all the true friends you can get in this world, so to shun someone because something didn't work out seems silly.

However if things don't end so amicably then I have found it nigh on impossible to stay in contact - one of you is always wanting more. But as time goes by I guess those feelings subside and you could just be friends once you've moved on. I have always lost touch with people, and tbh have no real desire to be friends with them now!

Ok I guess that is a reasonable excuse. Curiosity can always get the better of you. But curiosity can also get you into a lot of trouble as well. Would have been better if he had talked to you about it, but thats just my opinion.

I think he wanted you to know to make you jealous, to stir up a bit of excitement, if so he is immature, he is sending out signals all the time,- to buck his life up, probably at this time envying the single people, you don't need this, life can be stressful enough, you want support and loyalty in your life and of course love

I suppose it depends on the terms that you end things with your ex. My previous relationships didn't end that well, hense i haven't seen or heard from any of my ex's since we parted company!

I think he wanted you to know to make you jealous, to stir up a bit of excitement, if so he is immature, he is sending out signals all the time,- to buck his life up, probably at this time envying the single people, you don't need this, life can be stressful enough, you want support and loyalty in your life and of course love

If this is what he was trying to do!

A relationship is nothing without support, loyalty and love.

I think he wanted you to know to make you jealous, to stir up a bit of excitement, if so he is immature, he is sending out signals all the time,- to buck his life up, probably at this time envying the single people, you don't need this, life can be stressful enough, you want support and loyalty in your life and of course love

You manage to read an awful lot into a few text messages.

You manage to read an awful lot into a few text messages.

Thats exactly what I was thinking! :D

You manage to read an awful lot into a few text messages.That's the problem when people don't trust each other and are always checking them out. They get the wrong message which is usually a negative one.

That's the problem when people don't trust each other and are always checking them out. They get the wrong message which is usually a negative one.

Some people have genuine reasons not to trust thier other halves tho ....

I on the other hand trust you 100% Darbees :D

I am just wondering if cressida knows Mr dramadiva because she seems to be able to tell that he is sending signals to his girlfriend!

Some people have genuine reasons not to trust thier other halves tho ....

I on the other hand trust you 100% Darbees :D
Magic.......;)

no it's all good tho - i am just being daft

here was his email reply:

Its all a long time agao, we're all different people. Shes married, she
has a child (thankfully it doesn't have tattoo's but theres time yet!)
I'm pretty much married I have a child, a house, you and I'm happier
than I've ever been, I'm not about to chuck everything for a quick roll
in the sack with some sloppy bint.

You have no need to worry, you're my number one bunny!

I'm not being funny, but I am the only one who thinks it's a tad out of order to share their partner's private email on an internet forum? I'd be more than a bit upset if my other half did this to me.

Especially if the whole thread was about trust issues.

CM x

I'm not being funny, but I am the only one who thinks it's a tad out of order to share their partner's private email on an internet forum? I'd be more than a bit upset if my other half did this to me.

Especially if the whole thread was about trust issues.

CM xShe said that he will be coming on here later so one would presume he isn't bothered. Not the way I'd work, mind.

She said that he will be coming on here later so one would presume he isn't bothered. Not the way I'd work, mind.

Fair enough then - didn't see that bit! Personally, I'd be much MUCH more upset about the public sharing of a private email than about my other half sending a text to his ex.

Horses for courses...

CM x

Personally, I'd be much MUCH more upset about the public sharing of a private email than about my other half sending a text to his ex.


Nail on the head.

oh didn't i mention the little word "if" - i should be shot at dawn (actually i have been told i am psychic, but i don't want to be)

(actually i have been told i am psychic, but i don't want to be)

I had a funny feeling you were going to say that.

Not You Two!!!

Who Two ?
Eh ?
What ?

Who Two ?
Eh ?
What ?

Glad I'm not the only one who was confused by that...!

I'm Jeremy Kyle, we'll take a break, see you in 3!

"You're a liar and a cheat madam! You've got him wrapped around your little finger and you know it! I know I might seem old and I keep going on about it, but....CONTRACEPTION! Now who has to pay for your kid... the great British tax payer! You two have to sort things out for the sake of your child, true or false?"

:D

I don't think you're being overly sensitive, I think that honesty is very important and the question I'd be asking would be "why does he want to keep in touch with x?" If they were friends as well it would be easier, have you asked your partner about it?

So are you going to explain that you saw the messages?

And men, out there do you tell your girlfriends who you are in touch with on your mobiles?

Bolero we both knew what i was going to say then- when i typed in TWO - it was without thinking, meant to type too, so you see what i mean - Two of us knew the same thing - oh forget it

Two bricks and testicles time

Ok, when me and my fella first met (almost 5 years ago) he'd been having a bad time and was no angel and was seeing a 'few' other women, it all came out, it all got sorted and we still ended up together (we don't go over this anymore as it's done and dusted and we have come so far since then).
However
i knew that a friend of one of his 'old flames' was back in town as i'd seen her about, i mentioned this to him in passing.
I have since discovered hat he has not only been texting this friend (all innocent - and this doesn't bother me at all as they used to work together and were friends anyway) but he actually asked for his old flames number and has been texting her (again all innocent and i know that nothing is going on as this has only just happened within the last 2 days)

I'm not chuffed about this at all as this woman nearly stopped us from being together, but even though it's all innocent i still can't help but feel upset, especially as my fella never mentioned it, and he doesn't like me in touch with any of my exes.
Am i being over sensitive???

I keep in touch with an x boyfriend ( but only cos we knew each other from school and met up years later) I have male mates etc but I do however think that your boyfriend is being a bit cagey - you did mention that he never mentioned it and does not like you keeping in touch with your xs. sound a bit dodgey to me!! so no i dont think you are being over sensitive.

And men, out there do you tell your girlfriends who you are in touch with on your mobiles?

No, should I?!?

Oh yes !

Just incase of the sneaky rumage thro...:D (maybe)

I did that once (looking through fella's phone in the kitchen he was in the room) until my 3 yr old said (shouted) MUMMY That's DADDY's Phone - What ARE you DOING with DADDY's phone !!!!

I was rumbled :(

Oh yes !

Just incase of the sneaky rumage thro...:D (maybe)

Nay need, my other half knows who I talk to on my phone :? She's nothing to worry about, I can't afford one woman let alone two :help:

well, aren't i in everyones bad books?!

mr dramadiva here to just clear up a few points. please don't be offended by this, i'm highly amused by the whole thing.I'm not chuffed about this at all as this woman nearly stopped us from being together, but even though it's all innocent i still can't help but feel upset, especially as my fella never mentioned it, and he doesn't like me in touch with any of my exes.
Am i being over sensitive???this isn't strictly true. i have no issue with her exes except one who wants her back and has called her the past and told her to dump me and go back to him.Not at all ....It begs the question WHY he feels the need to be in touch with an ex ??? :mad:i don't feel the need to be in touch with her. i bumped into her in town the other day and it was nice to see her. shes married, happy, a mother. why shouldn't i speak to her? shes not the devil incarnate, shes someone from my pasteven if there is nothing going on between him and his exso automatically there must be something going on?! thats a bit suspicious of you!If it is all innocent as you say, then why exactly didnt he mention it:confused:whats to mention? must i issue a daily report on everyone i interact with?!I think it's perfectly reasonable to be in touch with ex's, you don't ditch your friends just because you're in a relationship, and most ex's should still be your friends.

I'd see it as a bigger problem that he minds you staying in touch with your ex's. At the very least now he can no longer complain about that, since he's doing it himself.thank you, although for the record i don't mind her being in contact with her exes. nor do i ever say anything about the fact she has the number of the man she says if she were to cheat on me it would be with him. i'm not a jealous person!it's not like our relationship is in trouble tho, we have just bought a house, have a kid and are on course for a fab xmas, we are both in line for nice pay rises, all in all life generally couldn't be peachier!!
i'm feeling more and more daft - think i'll shut up now!that might be wise!;) :D I think the fact he left his phone at home (accident or not) means he doesnt feel the need to hide it from you!
You need to start being suspicious when he doesnt leave his phone anywhere, has it on him at all times, wont let you get anywhere near it and has it set on vibrate or silent!precisely!The worst thing of all is that he has deliberatly hidden it from youi've not deliberately hidden anything, i got her number yesterday, i've not had time to tell herI think you need to consider the difference between 'not told' and 'deliberately hidden'. They are not the same thing.exactly, its interesting that the men know where i'm coming from and the women are quick to condemn!don't think she does, but it is all sorted now, and my other half seems to have come off a lot worse than i intended as technically he hasn't done anything wrong and i didn't want to bad mouth him i only wanted to know if i was a tad sensitive,
never mind - but he does come on here so don't give him a hard time, tho no doubt when he gets in from work he'll be on here to defend himself!!!!!::cool:indeed i will!I dont know, something here doesn't sound right at all. You dont normally just want to know how your ex's are doing. Not with out reason. I eman yes if you found out they were seriously ill then maybe that would be a reason to get intouch with them, but even then if would have to be done in your knowledge. Contacting an ex behind your back, it all seems strange to me!so according to you two people who shared some time together can't get back in contact to discuss how their lives have progressed in the 3 years since they saw each other last? how sad for you to have such a lack of faith and trust in peopleSorry Mr dramadiva if your totally innocent! :D :D :Dtoo late! no xmas card for you this year!;) :P But its always best to talk to your partner if there is anything, anything at all, bothering you.

Communication is the key to any relationship!how right you are. she asked me and i told her the truth. i've nothing to hideI think he wanted you to know to make you jealous, to stir up a bit of excitement, if so he is immature, he is sending out signals all the time,- to buck his life up, probably at this time envying the single people, you don't need this, life can be stressful enough, you want support and loyalty in your life and of course lovethats extremely perceptive of you! if i wanted to make her jealous i'd steal the last chocolate in the house, i'm not into playing games with peoples emotions it often has very nasty side effectsI'm not being funny, but I am the only one who thinks it's a tad out of order to share their partner's private email on an internet forum? I'd be more than a bit upset if my other half did this to me.

Especially if the whole thread was about trust issues.
i don't mind, i'm quite touched she cares so much!

all in all this has been a bit of a storm in a teacup. i got her number because i'd not seen her for a while and i wanted to catch up with an old friend. if it hadn't been an ex would you have all been so quick to condemn? its quite sad that people are quick not to trust their partners!

anyway, its all sorted now everyones happy. as for the rest of you happy christmas!

Just a small question - and no offence intended - but why do you guys feel the need or want to share the intimate details of your relationship on a local internet forum? Just wondered...

no i just wondred if i was out of oredr - never meant to get so personal, however tis all done now so we can leave it there if u like.

no i just wondred if i was out of oredr - never meant to get so personal, however tis all done now so we can leave it there if u like.

Super trouper. Glad all is well that ends well.

CM x