Story: 'untitled' (It's about chess & coppers)

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I thought i would try somthing a bit different.

This story has a lot of potential, but then, I always like a good chess story.

The following are points that I thought could be improved.

It was unrealistic that the police did not attempt to trace the owner of the internet site immediately.

The criminal was taken too seriously, too soon. It might have been better to disclose that he "had form", was known to the police and had blown up half of Rome or Paris already.

The narrator assumed the role of the chess player despite admitting that he is not very good at the game; the police had enough time and would have undoubtedly consulted a grandmaster to install in the hot seat if necessary.

The story would have benefited from a discussion by behavioural psychologist (“Cracker”) to examine the motives of the criminal.

The sentence : “Forbs had seen and done it all, his social life was believed to be somewhat chequered” was a bit corny when you consider they then go on to talk about a chess board.

Suggestions for a title

The Knights bridge gambit.

The Pawn*

The Semtex Fianchetto.*

* Anybody willing to bet Jabberwocky gets the wrong end of the stick with these two titles?

Thanks for raising those points Mantaspook,appreciated .That's why i tend to write for children.

A mans got to know his limitations , and i got in to deep but the thing is i know where it's going and as you say it would make a good novel

perhaps i need a twosome .Thanks mikomi

I’m intrigued, Can’t wait for part two.

As for the name, what about “Fouls mate in four” or whatever number applies.

For some reason it wont let me view the story

I'll try again later.

I enjoyed this because the story lead you on until the end.Look forward to part two.

Finally catching up with stories, good one, enjoyed it!

Hi

I-enjoyed-this-too.

Agree-with-some-of-Mantaspooks-comments-about-the-criminal-being-taken-seriously-etc.

Looking-forward-to-part-2!

Chloe