Advice on Twins Needed !!!!!!!!!

Hello.

I have twin (un-identical) girls now aged 3 (4 in Feb) and at the moment they are going through a 'Scrapping Stage' One constantly winds the other one up and vica versa does anyone else have twins ? I need advice on how to stop them OR do I let them fight it out ....We have the naughty step but when I sit them both on it they continue to 'scrap'

Please note - my twins are not beating each other it 's the pulling pushing shoving and screaming at each other ....Then when I tell one off the other one tells me off argghghghghghgh HELP !!!!

Thanx x:thumbsup:

Mine (also non-identical girls) are a lot younger than yours so I can't help but - in the inevitable knowing other twin parents I can relay what another Mum does if it might help?

She has boy/girl twins and also uses the naughty step but one child has the top step and the other has the bottom step and she has been known to use one on the bottom of the stairs and one in the kitchen.

Then she deals with each seperately without the view or knowledge of the other.

Hope that is of some use.

I could probably use some advice myself - one of my girls is turning into a stroppy madam and the other is a peaceful delight. Stroppy madam has tantrums, growls, screams, throws herself on the floor and cries if she can't have her own way - she's only 1!!

Any advice?

I used to see very similar behaviour with my step-children (now aged 11, boy-girl twins, who unfortunately I have lost contact with due to divorcing their dad).

They actually used to come to blows, sometimes with anything that was to hand as a weapon (anything from a recorder to a toy car would do). The thing that at the time I could never understand was that when they were separated from this physical violence, they would both be angry with me for separating them, rather than the other for hurting them.

I now understand that this was their own way of sorting things out, and that by separating them I was stopping them from reaching their own solution, and so maybe if it was all repeated I'd leave intervention until a little later in the process (after removing the more dangerous weapons of course).

Once they were older, removing them from each other's earshot and view so you could speak to them and hear them both properly was definitely key to bargaining a solution. I used to spend 5 minutes with each of them without trying to come to a solution, then present them with my 'findings' together so we could talk it out.

It also helped to have house rules that were really non-blaming and easy to apply. One of ours was 'no whining'. We'd identified whining as the start of many of the battles (one got annoyed and whined, which wound the other up- it was a flash point both ways round). At the first sound of a whine, I'd state the 'if you're getting upset come and talk to me, don't just whine about it' rule and then make space so they could talk individually and take the solution from there.

So my advice is that there are probably things that you can do to identify whether this is a stage where they need to find their own ways out of the issue, or whether you can help them develop the tools for that by talking to them individually. There's no right answer to this since all children (even genetically identical ones) are individual, but I really do believe that while there's merit to treating them as separate children for the purposes of learning the skills to resolve issues, there's also merit in standing by and letting them solve some things in their own way.

Thanks Guy's and all taken on board .....

I have sometimes tried to intervene and explain that it's not nice to fight with your sister blah blah and that they should share things .....

However, the times I have let them sort it out themselves they usually do come to the conclusion that scrapping gets them nowhere and come to a resolve in the end (it's just the odd occasions where it could get nasty if i didn't step in at some point)

I think with them being twins I also as a mum felt they should share - but like all siblings/kids there's a time when they don't want to and it comes to blow's.

They are dressed differently all the time and when wearing the same clothes I tend to chose different colours. They are definately independant in their own right - Ones a real girly girly ''fluffy and pink'' and the other is a little more ladette'ish .......so far from the same indeed .

I will post on the update ....

Thanks again for your help

Zebra - you have all this to come ( tee hee ) Kids eh ???

I'm not a twin, but had a step sister very close to my age, when I was quite young.

I remember one parent took sides in an argument, or tried to find out the blame, which always resulted in bitterness and resentment. The other separated us to give us time to calm down, never took sides but meted out equal punishments - it takes two to argue.

Can't guarantee which one made us behave better, but I remember preferring the second option. Then at least there was no room for anyone to feel picked on and we both knew if we started trouble we would both get it.

Don't know if that helps...but best of luck!

I've got 7 year old twin girls. They're mostly fairly well behaved (apart from the incessant whining ), but when they were younger they DID do alot of scraping. I went for the "unless they look likely to kill each other.... leave them to it" approach. It seemed to work.

Now they tend to be less physical more verbal: they can be pretty snide to each other but at least they're practising their verbal reasoning skills.

Tie their hands behind their back and all your problems will be sorted lol.

women tut tut starting at an early age!! wait til they fight over boyfriend hehe..

good luck

When my 2 were puppies, I used to crate them - can you try that ????

Seriously I wish I could help it sounds like really hard work & I hope someone can help !