Hi there, I really enjoying writing especially fiction, however I can never think beyond the first chapter so I wondered if you would all enjoy adding to this story that I have started. It would be real fun to see how everyone intreprets the story's beginning and how they carry it on.

dont feel obliged to take part - it was just a suggestion of mine that I thought you all might like:)

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The lake was hollow. A hollow pit of earth and stones. No water existed within it. No puddles, just dead bones and carcasses from the lively waters that it once was. Its banks were crumbling as every last drop of water vapour was evaporated during the immense heat, now it lay there desolate in the ice cold.
Pine trees surrounded the lake. They were all dead. It was like staring at a Christmas tree graveyard – black needles and lifeless souls. Except Christmas was long gone and the thought that crossed everyone’s minds was, ‘would it ever return.’ The small young saplings didn’t stand a chance, but the mighty tall trees, one would have thought they’d of fought to live. Live through this terrible snap, but no. Even the tallest and largest of the trees had its whole life sucked out of it during the heat. Now they stood upright and lifeless. Their only use now – firewood. From a whole life time of watching the land they’d succumbed to its terrors. When people looked up at them all they could see were embers and a burning glow.
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You weave an introduction to a bleak future for the planet, and humanity too, little-face.

This introductory piece certainly grips the reader from the start, an essential part of story-writing and story-telling as I understand it.

You have set the scene. Maybe the element of a few humans struggling to live in this desperate wasteland, with its extremes of seasonal weather will expand it into quite a good story.

I hope other Members will assist you in developing this with you. :)

ooo thankyou :hihi: I love writing and I tend to be more descriptive in what I produce, I really love poetry aswell, I find that writing a good poem after a stressful day relieves emotions as you can scribe away:)

ooo thankyou :hihi: I love writing and I tend to be more descriptive in what I produce, I really love poetry aswell, I find that writing a good poem after a stressful day relieves emotions as you can scribe away:)
Very descriptive,little-face,lets have more.:thumbsup:

Loved the detail of the story and be good to see it unfold to more! I must admit I did start to interpret it completely different and it made me think of bleak times of war/concentration camps.....I know I think I totally went off track:confused:

Thats great though - it shows hows minds work in a thousand ways :hihi: thanks for those who enjoyed reading my work! I might submit some of my poems soon :)

Hey, sorry little-face, I started to add something and then realised it could potentially take me ages. So I stopped. But I had a picture of the dried-up lake being in a valley, the dead pine-trees surrounding it still glowing from the heat of the previous day. Now, at midnight, a young girl looks down on the circle of fire. She's been crying, but wipes the last of the tears away and turns her back on the scene, working her way up towards the top of the hill and whatever lies beyond. She needs to take a drink, so she has a sip of water from her brown leather flask, her only possession. She's been banished from her cave-dwelling tribe and sent out here to die, and as is the tradition, she was allowed one item to take with her. Most people, given this choice, chose a musical instrument of some kind, or a book, or some trinket, something to remind themselves of their past life or to stave off the loneliness. But she had taken the flask of water, which was typical of her outlook. She was determined to stay alive if possible, even though no human could hope to survive the heat of the day, the heat which at its worst had actually boiled the water in the lake.

She walks on, looking for shelter before the sun rises.

Hey, sorry little-face, I started to add something and then realised it could potentially take me ages. So I stopped. But I had a picture of the dried-up lake being in a valley, the dead pine-trees surrounding it still glowing from the heat of the previous day. Now, at midnight, a young girl looks down on the circle of fire. She's been crying, but wipes the last of the tears away and turns her back on the scene, working her way up towards the top of the hill and whatever lies beyond. She needs to take a drink, so she has a sip of water from her brown leather flask, her only possession. She's been banished from her cave-dwelling tribe and sent out here to die, and as is the tradition, she was allowed one item to take with her. Most people, given this choice, chose a musical instrument of some kind, or a book, or some trinket, something to remind themselves of their past life or to stave off the loneliness. But she had taken the flask of water, which was typical of her outlook. She was determined to stay alive if possible, even though no human could hope to survive the heat of the day, the heat which at its worst had actually boiled the water in the lake.

She walks on, looking for shelter before the sun rises.

:thumbsup: Gypsy its great!! i mean its totally different to how I thought it could proceed but I really like these twists and turns hehe - it takes it to a whole different level!

:thumbsup: Gypsy its great!! i mean its totally different to how I thought it could proceed but I really like these twists and turns hehe - it takes it to a whole different level!

little-face, when Gypsy Hack offers advice and pointers, we all sit up and take notice. He/she really is a tremendous help to this Group, and very much appreciated for the expertise he/she brings to the Writing Group. :thumbsup:

:thumbsup: Gypsy its great!! i mean its totally different to how I thought it could proceed but I really like these twists and turns hehe - it takes it to a whole different level!

Well, your description threw quite a few questions into the air. You could make the extremes of temperature either seasonal or from day into night, for example, or even as a result of something like a solar flare. Or something mechanical, like maybe in the far future they developed an artificial energy source to replace the sun but something went wrong. Hopefully you will share what your own ideas for this are :) or even expand it into a story on your own. Writing little descriptive pieces like that, and then trying to answer questions about them, are useful for developing ideas for stories, I find.

little-face, when Gypsy Hack offers advice and pointers, we all sit up and take notice. He/she really is a tremendous help to this Group, and very much appreciated for the expertise he/she brings to the Writing Group. :thumbsup:

You're making me blush :D

Thank you, though. I try to be useful. :)

Hi I've added a bit to it ,hope it fits in with it .

Scribe's addition. (http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1162068826.doc)

If anyone wants to add a spin off on to this think ( Black Widow Spider )

[QUOTE=little-face]Hi there, I really enjoying writing especially fiction, however I can never think beyond the first chapter [QUOTE]

I think your problem may lay in how you visualise your story as a whole, in your minds eye so-to-speak.
After all you don’t have to start at the beginning (once upon a time).
Myself, I may start at the epilogue, then the climax, indeed there may be two or three high points, a story within a story, then link the points together, spending time, so as not to lose the readers interest, then fitting in characters descriptions also slither in a few innuendos which come to play later in the story, or indeed never come to a conclusion and are left for the reader to conclude and finally when you have it all together, go over it all again and elaborate on the finer description, that is the part I like you can really express your self, and you do seem to have a knack for that Little-Face.
I do like the bit Scribe has added, you two should get together

It's probably one of the difficulties in doing something like this, that two contrasting styles can make it tricky for a story to gel. I think that's what has happened with your continuation. Whilst little-face has decided to lay down a scene in great detail, you have chosen to move the story on at a great pace, indeed it reads like you're in a hurry. The two clash, because I was left feeling that many of little-faces initial avenues (or unanswered questions, to use my previous train of thought) weren't explored or developed.

Also, I would take time to show the character's personalities and attitudes a bit more. Main example: you tell us that the male character sees women as little more than slaves. That does offer potential for an interesting relationship developing between him and the now grown-up woman, but it's generally better to show the reader his attitudes. Maybe there is a woman on the expedition with him, and he orders her around or demeans her in some way, or you could introduce him earlier, acting in a mysoginistic manner in the caves.

Aside from these points, the potential for a good story is definitely there. I would just take a step back, try not to rush the words onto the page so much. The story will be better for it.

It's probably one of the difficulties in doing something like this, that two contrasting styles can make it tricky for a story to gel. I think that's what has happened with your continuation. Whilst little-face has decided to lay down a scene in great detail, you have chosen to move the story on at a great pace, indeed it reads like you're in a hurry. The two clash, because I was left feeling that many of little-faces initial avenues (or unanswered questions, to use my previous train of thought) weren't explored or developed.

Also, I would take time to show the character's personalities and attitudes a bit more. Main example: you tell us that the male character sees women as little more than slaves. That does offer potential for an interesting relationship developing between him and the now grown-up woman, but it's generally better to show the reader his attitudes. Maybe there is a woman on the expedition with him, and he orders her around or demeans her in some way, or you could introduce him earlier, acting in a mysoginistic manner in the caves.:thumbsup:

Aside from these points, the potential for a good story is definitely there. I would just take a step back, try not to rush the words onto the page so much. The story will be better for it.

Yes your probably right. I don't want to do any more with it ,i was just sticking my oar in .But it's there for others to dabble with