Planning a family - the right time, careers, what a conundrum!

This might not be in the right category, but I reckon people who use this part of Sheff forum might have a good idea of what I mean.

We'd love to start a family this time next year-ish. However, I'm in the final year of my PhD now, and it looks like there'll be a couple of offers for a post-doc within my department for afterwards. I just feel like my priorities have all changed and I can't wait to be a mum, or my husband a dad. We're not in any position financially for me to not work and to be honest, the post-doc will be my first proper wage after 8 years of being a student and living off tuppence. It'd be great for us to use that extra income to knock a few debts off and try save. There is also the issue of signing an up to 3-year contract but secretly knowing it's going to be part maternity leave.

I just feel confused. Should I say to the prospective job offers that they will have to accept that I will need some maternity leave, or just act all suprised when I (hopefully) fall pregnant? I'm 30 next year, so they must realise!

What a conundrum!

I wouldnt say in any interview situation that you are hoping to start a family - you are very unlikely to get the job! They are not allowed to ask you such a question why should you disclose it:D What I do say though is be aware that you are only entilted to paid maternity leave if you have been working for he company for 10 months (I think). Those 10 months worth of salary (or so before maternity leave) will be brilliant for helping you get your finances straighter just look at it that way. Also the post doc experience will be good for your future job prospects. Good luck!

Agreed. Also, don't hang about waiting for 'the right time'. Just do it! If you hang about waiting for the right time, you will discover in a few years time that there wasn't one.

I totally agree with all the above, I was the same age as you are now when I had twins and I don't regret the timing but to wait too long would have been harder on me physically.

There was a statistical report which suggests that the earlier in life you have children - the less of your overall lifetime income you lose. Worth considering! Kids do cost money but it doesn't have to be that much, second hand baby gear can be brilliant (again I speak from experience) just make sure your cot and mattress are new for safetys sake. So, you might still be able to attack your debts whilst pregnant if you shop carefully.

And finally, it's also worth considering that it might not happen immediately anyway, I'd say go for the job, don't tell them you are planning a family and leave it to fate.

There's no such thing as the right time- you'll never earn the 'right' amount of money and have the house perfect until you have a reason to do so (like having a need for a nursery to decorate etc).

Don't put yourself in the same position as me. I always knew that I wanted a football team, but I thought there would be plenty of time to have a family so after Uni I started out on building the career and all that sort of thing.

Fast forward to me aged 26, with no children. I was diagnosed with cancer, the treatment for which caused endometriosis so severe that the only useful treatment was a total hysterectomy. Result- a whole load of 'what if's and a life of childlessness.

This isn't meant to be a wallow- it's meant to be a spur into action.

if the postdoc would be at sheffield, the standard criteria for full maternity benefit (either 18 weeks full pay + 8 statutory, or some other longer term option) is that you have to have been working for the university continuously for 12 months before your expected week of confinement.

you don't have to mention the family plans wehn you try to get a job, and i'd advise against it - most people wouldn't care, but some can be really unpleasant about such things. Besides, if you work as a post doc, your funding is almost certainly external - bbsrc, wellcome etc. funding bodies usually have a policy of covering the cost of maternity leave, and extending the contract accordingly (the wellcome trust certainly do - they are currently doing so for me).

don't stress about planning too much - obviously you have to to a certain degree, but if you wait until you think you can afford it.... chances are you'll be too old to have babies! have them when you're ready physically and mentally, you'll manage financially as long as you're not on the breadline. a warning though - we put aside £3000 while i was pregnant to cover baby stuff. OK, we didn't do anything cheap (£400 nursing chair, for example!), but the baby is now 3 months old and the money is long gone! the only things you really need is somewhere safe for the baby to sleep, a car seat (if you have a car), a pushchair/sling, and some clothes, nappies and sheets. oh, and bottles etc...

http://www.shef.ac.uk/hr/info/policy/maternity.html

dont' know if this link works outside the university network, but yo unever know.

Yes- that link works.

Thanks so much for all your replies, and Medusa, your story really helps me put things into perspective more. Lately I've realised too how much this affects my parents - my Dad has been called back to hospital following questionable blood results as a result of a cancer remission check up. Things are never simple!

The links are really useful. I wonder whether they will use my 3 years of PhD research in the calculation of maternity leave? It may be student status, but I am also funded though the uni. I guess I'll have to ask when the time comes.

Also, someone suggested using the thesis write up time to be either expecting or as maternity time. Not sure on the wisdom of this, but perhaps it'll make more sense if I book to see one of the careers advisors.

Thanks so much for all your replies, and Medusa, your story really helps me put things into perspective more. Lately I've realised too how much this affects my parents - my Dad has been called back to hospital following questionable blood results as a result of a cancer remission check up. Things are never simple!

 

The links are really useful. I wonder whether they will use my 3 years of PhD research in the calculation of maternity leave? It may be student status, but I am also funded though the uni. I guess I'll have to ask when the time comes.

 

Also, someone suggested using the thesis write up time to be either expecting or as maternity time. Not sure on the wisdom of this, but perhaps it'll make more sense if I book to see one of the careers advisors.

No, student time doesn't count towards fulfilling the criteria to get maternity leave as you're not employed by the university. Whoever suggested using writing up time to look after a baby has neither written up a thesis nor looked after a baby - the two things simply cannot coexist. you could certainly write up whilst pregnant though, if you can stay awake for long enough.

I'll PM you the name of a good careers advisor.

a warning though - we put aside £3000 while i was pregnant to cover baby stuff. OK, we didn't do anything cheap (£400 nursing chair, for example!), but the baby is now 3 months old and the money is long gone! the only things you really need is somewhere safe for the baby to sleep, a car seat (if you have a car), a pushchair/sling, and some clothes, nappies and sheets. oh, and bottles etc...

Just to add a different perspective to this, whilst expecting twins we bought and sorted out our first house and didn't have £3,000 available. We bought moses baskets and stands second hand (and steam cleaned them to death to prevent MRSA risks), were given fantastic second hand prams, bought a 2nd hand bath, travel cot, bouncy seat, feeding cushion specially for twins and were given vast amounts of other 2nd hand kit. The ony new items, other than clothes, were their cot beds, mattresses, bedding, high chairs and changing unit and most of them were gifts. We probably spent just under £800 before birth. Then bought a wardrobe, toybox, nursing chair chest of drawers and similar things before we put them in their own room.

Freecycle has been a huge boon for things we need and we've put a lot back on there to help others. Sometimes it's such a waste of money, newborn clothes fit for such a short time and then 0-3 months and 3-6 months is shorter than you perceive when standing in the the baby clothes areas of Mothercare and Adams etc.

If you can stand to go second hand it doesn't have to cost the earth.

Just to add a different perspective to this, whilst expecting twins we bought and sorted out our first house and didn't have £3,000 available. We bought moses baskets and stands second hand (and steam cleaned them to death to prevent MRSA risks), were given fantastic second hand prams, bought a 2nd hand bath, travel cot, bouncy seat, feeding cushion specially for twins and were given vast amounts of other 2nd hand kit. The ony new items, other than clothes, were their cot beds, mattresses, bedding, high chairs and changing unit and most of them were gifts. We probably spent just under £800 before birth. Then bought a wardrobe, toybox, nursing chair chest of drawers and similar things before we put them in their own room.

Freecycle has been a huge boon for things we need and we've put a lot back on there to help others. Sometimes it's such a waste of money, newborn clothes fit for such a short time and then 0-3 months and 3-6 months is shorter than you perceive when standing in the the baby clothes areas of Mothercare and Adams etc.

If you can stand to go second hand it doesn't have to cost the earth.

so true - it doesn't have to cost the earth; most new things can be found reasonably cheap on ebay/internet sites. we just decided to go overboard for the first and probably last time in our lives. also, you can sell things on afterwards (thank you for the bumbo, zebra!) so hopefullly we'll get some of that money back eventually.

come halloween, the baby will look truly adorable in the pumpkin costume we have stashed away for her - that was £12 we certainly could have kept.

sheffield freecycle will certainly be on the receiving end of a lot of our stuff once we've finished procreating.