I hope to marry my partner in 2008, But rescently certain members of his family ( two people ) have been making me feel like an out cast and although i have tried to look at their behaviour as childish and cruel after a family do i felt so worn down by them that i told my partner i was going to think long and hard about what i was marrying into, harsh i know but i was angry. These family member's will not come between us his mom and all the rest of his large family get on with me really well so now the dust has settled i won't let others spoil things for us.

i feel a little old fasioned, i always thought that when we married i'd be part of his family and he'd be part of mine!

Have you had any run ins with your partners family?

My partners family are fine, its my family that are rather awkward and its all down to religion,:suspect:

I have had problems with my partners family. With them though, its a case of what they have and what I don't. Me and my partner have been together three years, and whilst we've been together all his family memebers have gotten married, had babies etc. We haven't done either of these things, not that I don't want to, he doesn't. So I feel a bit pushed out - whenever I'm alone with any of the women in his family all they talk about is babies, and they ignore me because I don't have a baby.. I know its such a petty thing for me to get upset over, but I'm sure someone on here knows what I mean.

I also feel like an outsider... I would have thought that because we've been together for as long as we have, his family would have accepted me by now. But they haven't. :(

You get it in all families. Mine leave our lass out. ****** me off.

Way too many to recall!!

I remember the stress caused by both sets of parents when we were planning our wedding last year, but you just have to concentrate on the fact that you love your partner and you want to marry him.
Yes it's nice to have happy families on both sides, but don't risk your relationship if this doesn't happen to be the case.

If there is actually a case of his relatives 'bullying' you then maybe your partner can raise this on your behalf? If he cares about you and your relationship then he should stand up for you!

And don't invite them to the wedding either!! :hihi:

My partners family are fine, its my family that are rather awkward and its all down to religion,:suspect:

I sympathise. I know a married couple who bicker all the time. She’s Jewish, he’s a staunch Catholic. Every time they argue, and whenever they get the chance, he blows her candles out and she blows his out! Not a very good basis for marriage.
Currently they’re arguing about whether their new-born child will be brought up in the Catholic faith or the Jewish faith, and if I was a betting man I’d say that within the next few months their marriage is due to fail.

I once had a boyfriend whose mum would get involved if we ever argued.

He went to Egypt on holiday with them and sent me a text by accident saying how he thought this girl's friend was so fit and didn't want to go home and leave her. He then made out an egyptian man had borrowed his phone, which obviously I didnt believe for a second and told him to get lost. He then kept calling me all through the night crying and saying how he was going to kill himself. I ignored him, cos I knew he wouldn't do anything and didnt want to talk to him again. And finally drifted off to sleep and then his bloody mother rang me saying how upset he was, and I ought to feel ashamed of myself etc.

We got back together when he came home (stupid me!) and I never liked his mum after that!

Yeah it is a very difficult thing, fortunately me and my partner were good friends before getting together so he knew the situation, the hard thing i find is that i have met my boyfriends family and they are fine with me etc, but my family are obviously not very welcoming to my partner, and have never even spoken to him because I am classed as 'cut-off' from them as i decided to leave a religion, i know this is about families so i dont want to go too much into the religious aspects.

My in-laws (when the time comes) are perfect! Always nice to me, take us out for meals and always treat me well. I wouldn't swap em even if I could!

(hopes they read this)

hi you know me and you know my situation with my partners family.
I also know your situation,your marrying your partner not the family.
I think of it this way i will be the bigger person and say hello to my partners mum and dad.
But i don't have to be best mates,we never really visit them they only come down when they wanna have our eldest child and wanna leave out our other son,they stand on the front pick eldest up and leave.
I can shut my door and carry on with my family life,I dont have to tolerate being treat like muck.
Just be polite when you see them but that don't mean you have to go visit them or be best mates or invite them over.
End of the day your family is you ,your partner and kids.
Nothing else or no one else matters dont let them ruin things charlie

'hi you know me and you know my situation with my partners family.
I also know your situation,your marrying your partner not the family.
I think of it this way i will be the bigger person and say hello to my partners mum and dad.
But i don't have to be best mates,we never really visit them they only come down when they wanna have our eldest child and wanna leave out our other son,they stand on the front pick eldest up and leave.
I can shut my door and carry on with my family life,I dont have to tolerate being treat like muck.
Just be polite when you see them but that don't mean you have to go visit them or be best mates or invite them over.
End of the day your family is you ,your partner and kids.
Nothing else or no one else matters dont let them ruin things charlie'

Thats a great point Charlie, you have to remember its the two of you in a relationship/commitment, however obstacles you come across together, will be tough but in the end will make u stronger, buts thats coz life throws things at us.

oh my god my hubbys families are proper scrounging nesbitts

when i first got with my hubby i thought best to get on with them so not to upset my hubby but now no no no.....

they have robbed me,stole off me slagged me off and i dont give a ****

last march i had a heart attack which obviously upset my hubby while i was been taken to hospital one of the nesbitts rang me house asking for 2.00 for a packet of fags!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

zoboz so long as you and your man are happy then ignore what they have to say they are not important its just u and him

good luck!

keep together & sod everyone else.

3 weeks before we got married my mother in law decided to get involved!!! Mainly by asking my hubby if he was sure he was doing the right thing!!! My relationship with her went down hill from then really!!! She even tried to give me marriage guidance councilling on a recent visit and the last time I went round practically ignored me!! Luckily i love my hubby very much and couldn't really give a t**s what she thinks of me and at least I know where I stand with her now instead of pussy footing round her cos I married her son!!

I agree that as long as you and your fella are happy and love each other then they are not important in your life!!

My in-laws are great... they live 160 miles away and don't drive! :D

I have run ins with my mother-in-law to be constantly! She's always on the phone asking where i am, what im doing etc etc and she gets rite on my tits!

When we have rows he goes running to her and she phones me up, do you know how upset he is?? Im like, has it got anything to do with you! x

'hi you know me and you know my situation with my partners family.
I also know your situation,your marrying your partner not the family.
I think of it this way i will be the bigger person and say hello to my partners mum and dad.
But i don't have to be best mates,we never really visit them they only come down when they wanna have our eldest child and wanna leave out our other son,they stand on the front pick eldest up and leave.
I can shut my door and carry on with my family life,I dont have to tolerate being treat like muck.
Just be polite when you see them but that don't mean you have to go visit them or be best mates or invite them over.
End of the day your family is you ,your partner and kids.
Nothing else or no one else matters dont let them ruin things charlie'

by the way babe times have changed and so have families im afraid ,family doesn't mean what it used to.
The waltons are fiction and life goes on.
Just concentrate on the family you have and enjoy it.

Thats a great point Charlie, you have to remember its the two of you in a relationship/commitment, however obstacles you come across together, will be tough but in the end will make u stronger, buts thats coz life throws things at us.


well thankyou faye, i know what im on about iv put up with it for years.
I just don't see the point in letting it get to me anymore.
We are getting married next yr and zoboz is my brides maid.
His mum has said nothing about wedding or had no involvment.
She pushes our youngest out and never asks to see him,but she bothers with our eldest our son my partner had in a previouse relationship.
He lives with us and she will come take him out,but end of the day im the one laughing she is missing out not me.
I get to enjoy both my kids,and it will be her that suffers in the end cos our youngest will soon be old enough to have his own say.
His mum and dad don't call here and if they do they wait on the front they never come in.
We don't really visit them,we exchange polite words when we do happen to cross paths.(chat about kids)
But i don't tell them nothing about me or what we are up to.
I dont ever invite them down and as far as im concerned i don't have to.
Im firm with them ,im polite for my partners sake but i do what i am so they know im not gonna put up with them being how they are.
It suites me besides i wouldn't enjoy us all being up each others asses 24/7.
It would probably cause more rows.
And i have nothing what so ever to do with the rest of his family,its just nice.
My side of the family love my other half and the kids are treat the same.
And we are the same with them,we see them now and then but not a lot really.
But like me, mum says we got our own familys and own lifes.
Life is full of problems,i believe your given these problems as a couple cos relationships would be boring other wise.
Hope your feeling better babe charlie

p.s.Just a note about the part where you said that when you get married his family becomes yours and yours becomes his.
Times have changed ,the word familys don't mean what it used to,the waltons was a tv programme.
And although i wish we all lived life getting married and being one family,it don't happen.
They should really change the meaning of it in the dictionary.
You have your family,thats your other half,and the kids.
Just concentrate on them,and stick two fingers up to the rest.

I sympathise. I know a married couple who bicker all the time. She’s Jewish, he’s a staunch Catholic. Every time they argue, and whenever they get the chance, he blows her candles out and she blows his out! Not a very good basis for marriage.
Currently they’re arguing about whether their new-born child will be brought up in the Catholic faith or the Jewish faith, and if I was a betting man I’d say that within the next few months their marriage is due to fail.
Blimey. Not that I'm an advocate of bringing children up in a religion at all (being brought up Catholic myself and rejecting it because nobody wanted me to question anything) but wouldn't you think that something as fundamental as this should be thought about long before actually getting married?! This is why traditionally people were only allowed to marry those of the same religion. It's more hassle than it's worth. And if Mummy and Daddy disagree on what's true, then how is the child ever going to believe a word of it?

Blimey. Not that I'm an advocate of bringing children up in a religion at all (being brought up Catholic myself and rejecting it because nobody wanted me to question anything) but wouldn't you think that something as fundamental as this should be thought about long before actually getting married?! This is why traditionally people were only allowed to marry those of the same religion. It's more hassle than it's worth. And if Mummy and Daddy disagree on what's true, then how is the child ever going to believe a word of it?

I agree with this, especially with one person in this relationship being a Jew. I think traditionally in Judaism all children are supposed to follow their mothers religion, therefore if the mother is a Jew... But I don't know.

Thank you all so much for helping me see i'm not the only one. I'm amazed to hear women getting the stick from other women (mom in laws, sisters etc ) on your partners side of the family, which is also true for me only more distant though as in cousins.

Maybe a territorial thing ???? :hihi: Thank you

I'm very lucky, I get on well with "his"family and always have done, his brother and sister see me as their sister and his parents see me as a daughter